【段落写作练习】Argument 97 Shakespeare in the Park
本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2014-12-13 13:24 编辑本帖来自"14年秋季GRE提纲+全文互改小组"，欢迎关注！你还可以查看更多小组、创建小组97) The following appeared in an e-mail sent by the marketing director of the Classical Shakespeare Theatre of Bardville.
Over the past ten years, there has been a 20 percent decline in the size of the average audience at Classical Shakespeare Theatre productions. In spite of increased advertising, we are attracting fewer and fewer people to our shows, causing our profits to decrease significantly. We must take action to attract new audience members. The best way to do so is by instituting a 'Shakespeare in the Park' program this summer. Two years ago the nearby Avon Repertory Company started a 'Free Plays in the Park' program, and its profits have increased 10 percent since then. If we start a 'Shakespeare in the Park' program, we can predict that our profits will increase, too.
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.
An outline by tesolchina
three questions to be addressed with some specific points
1. Is the decline in audience size the main reason why the profit has decreased?
- maybe the ticket price was too low
- maybe the advertising is too expensive
- maybe the actors and actresses or directors are overpaid
2. Did the "Free Plays" program really cause the increase in profits of AR company
-maybe the company has hired some more attractive/popular cast
- maybe the company has marketed their plays more successfully
- maybe the plays in the program were particularly popular (but has nothing to do with the program
3. Can Shakespeare Theatre really replicate the AR's success
- maybe plays by Shakespeare are no longer popular
- maybe the plays are not suitable for a stage in a park (acoustics not good enough)
- maybe the target audience are not interested in watching a play in the park (different from the audience of AR)
请根据以上提纲写出开头段 #argument-intro-paragraph-exercises
请回帖写开头段 同时指出楼上的明显语法错误和不清楚的表达 加上 #argument-intro-paragraph-writing
请根据以上提纲写出1-3个中间段段 #argument-middle-paragraph-exercises
请回帖写中间段 同时指出楼上的明显语法错误和不清楚的表达 加上 #argument-middle-paragraph-writing
本帖最后由 黛丝丝丝丝 于 2014-12-12 17:36 编辑
限时写的，所以比较仓促。
1.观众减少的原因
2.广告是否无效
3.隔壁公司的例子是否可以效仿（这段写得太仓促，后来想还可以问10%的金额是多少，如果这家公司本来营业额很低那么也不说明program成功）
4.其他可行的建议
The marketing director of the Classical Shakespeare Theatre of Bardville wrote an e-mail suggesting that the theatre needs to start a 'Shakespeare in the Park' program to improve its profits. Before executing this recommendation, the director needs to answer several aspects of question relating to the main reason of declining audience amount, effectiveness of their pervious marketing strategies including advertisement and the example he/she cites from a nearby company's success.
To begin with, the director has to offer information to respond to doubts on the reason of descending audience size in Classical Shakespeare Theatre of Bardville. There are several potential causes lead to the decline of attraction: tickets price, the setting in the theatre, contents of their production as well as the appearance of new competing technology. If the decline can be link to outdated setting or low-quality programs or even some bad reputation of Classical Shakespeare Theatre due to audience complaints, then starting a new program may not help the theatre.
Moreover, people in charge of the theatre may ask: are these advertising promoted before of no use or not has not been operated in proper way? More data is needed to show the advertising department or third-party agency has tried their best to promote the theatre targeting the potential audience. If there is any space to improve the effect of advertising, then the theatre may not feel necessary to introduce a new program since relating cost may make its profit less likely to ascend.
The director who using the recent success of nearby company which has started a 'Free Plays in the Park' program has to provide more details for several questions. Is Avon Repertory a similar company with Classical Shakespeare considering its target audience, its service charge along with its other realistic factors? Is this new program the main reason for its increasing profits? Since the program is named free play, it might be an advertising program rather than a profitable one to attract more people for higher reputation. Is the success able to be copied in Classical Shakespeare now considering the taste of public audience changes all the time? Only by answering these questions could we evaluate the recommendation more properly.
The last but not the least, the director needs to answer the reason why starting a new program is the best solution to profits descending since there might be other possible actions. Lifting ticket price, improving quality of the extant programs or inviting some celebrities to join the theatre might worth of trying.
1. Is the decline in audience size the main reason why the profit has decreased?
- maybe the ticket price was too low
- maybe the advertising is too expensive
- maybe the actors and actresses or directors are overpaid
练习
参考答案已涂白，请自己写了以后再看
The first question we need to investigate is whether the significant decrease in profit is mainly a result of the reduction in audience size. There could be a number of other factors that may affect the profits of the comapny. For example, maybe the pricing strategy is not optimal and the prices were set at a level that is too low to make any profits. Or the company has spent too much money on advertising, thereby eating away the profits. Another possible reason for low profits is that the employees (actors, actressess and the director) may be overpaid. If it turns out that these are the main reason why the company is not profitable, the company should then focus its efforts to address these issues instead of trying to attract new audience.
动作分析
1. 先提出问题
2. 指出这个问题可能的答案
3. 举例其中一种可能
4. 继续举例
5. 继续举例
6. 指出如果是这些可能的话论证就不成立
2. Did the "Free Plays" program really cause the increase in profits of AR company
-maybe the company has hired some more attractive/popular cast
- maybe the company has marketed their plays more successfully
- maybe the plays in the program were particularly popular (but has nothing to do with the program
参考答案涂白
Before making any decision to follow the example of AR, we need to ask if the "free Plays in the park" program really helped AR to increase profits. While introducing the new program, the company may have taken other measures to boost its profits. For example, it may have hired some new actors/actresses that help attract more audience. Or it may have marketed its plays more effectively with an inexpensive advertising agent. And maybe the company has featured some really popular plays that has nothing to do with the park. If these are the real reasons why the profit has increased, then simply introducing a similar program in the park would not achieve similar results.
动作分析
3. Can Shakespeare Theatre really replicate the AR's success
- maybe plays by Shakespeare are no longer popular
- maybe the plays are not suitable for a stage in a park (acoustics not good enough)
- maybe the target audience are not interested in watching a play in the park (different from the audience of AR)
参考答案涂白
Even if the program has indeed increased the profits of AR, we still need to ask whether the Shakepeare Theatre can replicate its success. We need to keep in mind that AR can offer a much wider variety of plays than the plays by Shakespeare. If the program in the park was successful due to the variety of the plays and the plays by Shakespeare are no longer attractive, it would be difficult for the ST company to achieve similar success. In addition, we need to know if the Shakespearean plays are suitable for the stage in a park. Maybe the plays need certain aspects of the setting that make it inapproproriate to perform in a park. Finally, we need to investigate the tastes and preferences of the target audience of ST company. If they do not like the idea of watching a play in a park, this move will not be very helpful.
本帖最后由 黛丝丝丝丝 于 2014-12-13 00:04 编辑
建议写完然后对照Simon的范文段落再看这贴
因为此楼严重剧透，慎入。。。
感谢Simon老师实时辅导，根据提纲，我们同时写了三个段落，以下是对比和分析：
Paragraph 1.Is the decline in audience size the main reason why the profit has decreased?
- maybe the ticket price was too low
- maybe the advertising is too expensive
- maybe the actors and actresses or directors are overpaid
Daisy：
To begin with, more information is needed to respond to the question that whether decline in audience is the main reason of decreased profits. We should take both the incomes and expense into consideration. On the one side, was tickets of Classical Shakespeare sold in past ten years of too low prices leading to an incoming that cannot cover the operating fee? On the other side, did the budget used wisely? Fee of advertising might account for too large proportion of the total, or salaries for actors and actresses were unaffordable comparing to the incomes. If there was any inappropriate financial operation, profits would decline as well despite of the fluctuates on audience size.
Simon:
The first question we need to investigate is whether the significant decrease in profit is mainly a result of the reduction in audience size. There could be a number of other factors that may affect the profits of the company. For example, maybe the pricing strategy is not optimal and the prices were set at a level that is too low to make any profits. Or the company has spent too much money on advertising, thereby eating away the profits. Another possible reason for low profits is that the employees (actors, actresses and the director) may be overpaid. If it turns out that these are the main reason why the company is not profitable, the company should then focus its efforts to address these issues instead of trying to attract new audience.
同样的提纲下，两个段落主要差距在语言运用的自然程度，以及整个段落的起承转合。
针对question类的题目要求，除了用answer question这一较为僵硬的表达外，还可以用address或者deal with。
在这段中Simon用了The first question we need to investigate, 值得学习。
另外整个段落结构是，TS句指出问题，下一句说有多重可能/原因，再举三例，最后再总结如果三例中任何一例成立，则原结论不成立。注意TS与例子之间那句的衔接（题外话：今天到“外面的世界”看了一下，不管是原任职评分老师还是拿了6分的学生，一律都说文章长度对分数来说很重要啊。。。），第二句的承接，和最后一句的总结，都是非常重要的。
2. Did the "Free Plays" program really cause the increase in profits of AR company
-maybe the company has hired some more attractive/popular cast
- maybe the company has marketed their plays more successfully
- maybe the plays in the program were particularly popular (but has nothing to do with the program
Daisy: The second question we need to investigate is whether the increasing of profits in AR company is primarily due to starting ‘Free Plays’ program. There could be several other factors that may enhance the profits. For example, AR might hire groups of sophisticated cast to attract audience. Or after executing marketing survey and interview on prospective audience, they had found the pinpoint of their target. It is also possible that one particular play held in that program was successfully popular while other plays sold few tickets, thus the program is less likely to be evaluated as a good example.
Simon:Before making any decision to follow the example of AR, we need to ask if the "free Plays in the park" program really helped AR to increase profits. While introducing the new program, the company may have taken other measures to boost its profits. For example, it may have hired some new actors/actresses that help attract more audience. Or it may have marketed its plays more effectively with an inexpensive advertising agent. And maybe the company has featured some really popular plays that has nothing to do with the park. If these are the real reasons why the profit has increased, then simply introducing a similar program in the park would not achieve similar results.
依旧注意起承转合。
3. Can Shakespeare Theatre really replicate the AR's success
- maybe plays by Shakespeare are no longer popular
- maybe the plays are not suitable for a stage in a park (acoustics not good enough)
- maybe the target audience are not interested in watching a play in the park (different from the audience of AR)
Daisy: Before making any decision on replicating the AR’s success, we need to ask if this emulation will work out for CS theatre. If CS hastily introduce this SP Park program, results may vary due to time flows and nature of public catholic taste. For example, plays by Shakespeare may defined outdated by the public attracting few people to join in. Or Shakespeare’ works are too serious to perform on a stage in park. The target audience of CS, differing with those of AR, might not interested in appreciating plays in the park. Therefore further consideration is required to evaluate how much we can learn from AR.
Simon:Even if the program has indeed increased the profits of AR, we still need to ask whether the Shakespeare Theatre can replicate its success. We need to keep in mind that AR can offer a much wider variety of plays than the plays by Shakespeare. If the program in the park was successful due to the variety of the plays and the plays by Shakespeare are no longer attractive, it would be difficult for the ST company to achieve similar success. In addition, we need to know if the Shakespearean plays are suitable for the stage in a park. Maybe the plays need certain aspects of the setting that make it inappropriate to perform in a park. Finally, we need to investigate the tastes and preferences of the target audience of ST company. If they do not like the idea of watching a play in a park, this move will not be very helpful.
今天的感受是对提纲的作用更加明晰了，如果时间允许，写提纲时应将分论点也列出来，这样对指导全文写作才有实际意义。
如果考场上时间不够，那么在脑海中规划时，也应考虑到每一段的确切内容，而不是“喔我就分ABC三个点来写”这样模糊的计划。
有了明确的结构之后，在写文章时，务必注意起承转合来响应文章的要求。基本结构是TS-过渡句-具体可能性/例子-总结。
这样的练习感觉还是挺有收获的。今天新想法是：根据比较成熟的提纲先练习段落写法，练习若干后再自己尝试拟提纲，这样对提纲需要如何拟才会有把握。这个想法供参考，自己是没时间练习啦。
本帖最后由 maoerdwn 于 2014-12-13 21:30 编辑
1. Is the decline in audience size the main reason why the profit has decreased?
- maybe the ticket price was too low
- maybe the advertising is too expensive
- maybe the actors and actresses or directors are overpaid
Alice: The first question needs to be addressed is whether the decline in audience size is the main reason why the profit has decreased. There could be many other factors affecting the profit. Maybe the ticket price was too low to make profits. Or the company has spend too much on advertising. It’ also possible that the actors and actresses or directors are overpaid. If any of these is the main reason for the decline in profit, the company need to attach more importance to these issues rather than focus on attracting more audience.
Dr.Wang:The first question we need to investigate is whether the significant decrease in profit is mainly a result of the reduction in audience size. There could be a number of other factors that may affect the profits of the company. For example, maybe the pricing strategy is not optimal and the prices were set at a level that is too low to make any profits. Or the company has spent too much money on advertising, thereby eating away the profits. Another possible reason for low profits is that the employees (actors, actresses and the director) may be overpaid. If it turns out that these are the main reason why the company is not profitable, the company should then focus its efforts to address these issues instead of trying to attract new audience.
学习 another possible reason fo.. is that 来连接第三个可能性。叙述可能的时候要多描述一下，我写的太curt了. 学习的表达：profitable focus one's efforts to optimal set at a level eat away the profits
2. Did the "Free Plays" program really cause the increase in profits of AR company
-maybe the company has hired some more attractive/popular cast
- maybe the company has marketed their plays more successfully
- maybe the plays in the program were particularly popular (but has nothing to do with the program）
Alice: Furthermore, we need to ask whether the “Free Plays” program really cause the increase in profits of AR company. There could be many other reasons for their success. Maybe the company has hired some more attractive/popular cast. Or they have marketed their plays more successfully, like carrying out optimal price strategies or organizing some attractive activities which are very welcomed. Another possible reason for the increased prodits is that the plays in the program were particularly popular but has nothing to do with the program. If it turns out that these are the main reason why the AR company has achieved a increase in profits, the “Free Plays” program may not be so valuable to be imitated.
Dr.Wang:Before making any decision to follow the example of AR, we need to ask if the "free Plays in the park" program really helped AR to increase profits. While introducing the new program, the company may have taken other measures to boost its profits. For example, it may have hired some new actors/actresses that help attract more audience. Or it may have marketed its plays more effectively with an inexpensive advertising agent. And maybe the company has featured some really popular plays that has nothing to do with the park. If these are the real reasons why the profit has increased, then simply introducing a similar program in the park would not achieve similar results.
根据第一段学到的用到第二段里。老师的表达看着真是赏心悦目呀~ 这段学到 介绍其他可能的第二句话中的表达，总是many other factors/reasons 太干瘪了。 While introducing the new program, the company may have taken other measures to boost its profits. 学到了audience是不可数名词。。汗 feature some plays 没用过这组动词搭配，学习一下。 achieve results. 说话还是要灵活，看到老师写到的英文提纲我就不会造新句子了。。第三段再灵活些！
3. Can Shakespeare Theatre really replicate the AR's success
- maybe plays by Shakespeare are no longer popular
- maybe the plays are not suitable for a stage in a park (acoustics not good enough)
- maybe the target audience are not interested in watching a play in the park (different from the audience of AR)
Alice: The last problem we need to investigate is if Shakespeare Theatre can replicate the AR’s success. Shakespeare Theatre could have some specific characteristics, which may make the identical program achieve disparate results. For example, maybe plays by Shakespeare are no longer popular than before, making many people hesitate to watch them even if it’s for free. Or their plays are not so suitable for a stage in park like those of RA’s. For instance, plays by Shakespeare may have strict requirement in acoustic, which can not be met by the music boxes in park. What’s more, maybe their target audience are very different from RA’s and don’t like watching plays in park. If any of these possibilities holds true, it’s unwise for Shakespeare Theatre to copy this program.
Simon:Even if the program has indeed increased the profits of AR, we still need to ask whether the Shakespeare Theatre can replicate its success. We need to keep in mind thatAR can offer a much wider variety of plays than the plays by Shakespeare. If the program in the park was successful due to the variety of the plays and the plays by Shakespeare are no longer attractive, it would be difficult for the ST company to achieve similar success. In addition, we need to know if the Shakespearean plays are suitable for the stage in a park. Maybe the plays need certain aspects of the setting that make it inappropriate to perform in a park. Finally, we need to investigate the tastes and preferences of the target audience of ST company. If they do not like the idea of watching a play in a park, this move will not be very helpful.
对，提问这个问题是有前提的，就是第二段说的问题答案是yes. 注意段落间的衔接。 具体可能性可以再多阐述阐述。 学习表达： a wider variety of achieve success setting(自己作文里用的是facility) certain aspects(自己用的specific) the tasts and preferences of the targte audience
总的感想：对一段的叙述中的动作有了比较系统的理解，argument中每段都可以是这样一个思路。但是需要灵活运用，如果用条条框框限制住自己，表达开始变得干瘪就不好了。习惯这一种写作思路可以节省一些时间，目前写不完还是个大问题呀！
本帖最后由 chrishong119 于 2014-12-17 23:00 编辑
赞一个，Simon老师就是犀利啊~~~
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