新的修改
fannsaMany people have learned a foreign language in their own country .others have learned a foreign language in the country in which it is spoken.
With the globalization trade trend, people are busy studying foreign languages these days. Some people study a foreign language in their own country while some choose to do the study in a foreign country. It is hard to say which one is better, each of them has its own advantages and defects.
(Language is power--- with this basic concept of language, modern residents perceive it indispensable to learn a foreign language to make international communication more convenient. Among all these language learners, two classed can be divided into: those who learn it in their own country and those who learn it in its spoken country. From a personal than a general perspective, I would argue that both have their own pros and cons.
这是我重新写的开头段。请作者注意我的开头第一句话。在我看来，开头一定要简洁并切中要害。还有，我个人不太喜欢中立的写法。因为偏向一边的写法更容易。请作者自己体会。)
Study in the home country is very convenient and money saving. If you study domestic ,you might just sign in a course in the language school and then go to the class 4 times a week .Since you are familiar with the environment ,you do not have to spend a lot of time dealing with the different life style. Besides ,you don’t have to pay for the fly and renting money if you choose the domestic school. However, the drawbacks are that you can not study the language thoroughly when you stay in your own country where people around you never speak the language that you are studying. It is not possible that you can practice the oral after school. This will definitely make your study lack of efficiency.
(这是我重写的主体段，依据你的理由来写的。希望作者能当作参考。
The advantages of studying in home countries are evident: convenient and money-saving. If one determines to do so, what s/he needs to do is no more than signing in a course in some language school and taking classes 4 times a week, without paying extra money as well as energy to handle other issues such as hotels, cultural adaptation, if one would like to study abroad. Nevertheless, since s/he is learning a language which do not be used in the surroundings, chances are remote for an individual to practice the foreign language skill in daily lives, making the daily study less effective.)
On the contrary, study abroad is money consuming .You have to spend maybe ten or twenty folds of money for the tuition compare to the money you have to spend in your home country. Besides ,you have to pay for the rent and the food and other necessity in daily life .Nevertheless, I still prefer to study abroad. Studying abroad is an unique ,exciting, valuable and precious experience. You can not only learn the foreign language but you can also make lots of friends in a different country. Study the foreign language in a foreign country accelerates your progress since people around you are native speakers ,you do the practice unconsciously every minutes you spend there. If you have to spend 2 years learning a foreign language in your own country, you can just make it within half a year in the foreign country. 超人大哥 很感谢你上次对我作文的点评！！！我这两天看了下 许轶的满分作文 重新写了一篇习作 希望能再次得到你的指点 不甚感激！！！:loveliness:
作文题库第一题
New academic year again, a large number of freshmen influx into my university with their ponderous luggage. When watching their exciting and curious expression on their faces, a question came to my mind: Why people attend college? What particular thing they seek for? After deliberating it deeply, I conclude three main aspects of reasons：getting credential for a decent job, acquiring more knowledge and striving to be a well-being person.
First of all, in nowadays China, the desire for finding an excellent job after graduation is the primal cause for young people to study on the campus. There is no denying the fact that China has the largest population in the world. The more free labors in the job market, the fiercer the competition is. If you have not been to the job market, you can not imagine how crowd there, even the simple works with low pay attracts dozens of people. Maybe the only method of obtaining a fine position with satisfactory income is to acquire the knowledge few persons know or master the skills hardly can people perform. Such knowledge and skills are all provided in the college or university. After one get his or her diploma in a special subject, such as medicine and engine, he or she can easily beat other applicants who did not receive professional training before.
Second, another critical reason why people attend college is to broaden their horizon, explore more about the world. Take me for example, if I can not get a chance to pursue the major of medicine, I might not be aware of something in my entire life: What measures can be taken to prevent one from serious epidemics, how some mixtures of food can turn out to be poison, not to mention rescue patients' lives at emergency. All the professional education I got was passed down by my tutors or books in university’s library.
In addition, people not only pursue academic lives on campus, but also prospect for opportunities to develop good personality as preparation for future job. We cope with difficult problems or conflicts between our roommates and me then we could deal easily with the resemble situation in work place; the experience of communicating with our professor can lead us to better association with our future boss.
All in all, thanks to knowledge and practice one obtain in college, he or she is preparing for a better future. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television, newspapers, magazines, and other media pay too much attention to the personal lives of famous people such as public figures and celebrities. Use specific reasons and details to explain your opinion.
Recently, there comes along with a debate on a live TV program called INTERVIEW in CCTV-9 channel regarding the mass media influences toward personal life of famous people. Some people argue that Television, newspapers, magazines, and other media have affected the public figures' personal life, while others insists that it is those famous people that make the compelling news that is more or less something worth to publish to the public. Despite assorted effusions to the contrary, from my perspective, however, the mass media is to some extent catering for the taste or interest the public have the inclination to keep an eye on public figures.
Admittedly, being exposure to the mass media frequently, celebrities and public figures will have to more or less conceal their personal lives from the public, which apparently affect their daily lives. A Chinese singer Na Ying, who recently confronted a dilemma that if she should continue her career or give birth to her new child and escape from the public eyes. In order to keep reporters away, she announced that she would take a break for a little while until she felt comfortable to pursue her career once again. This example is suffice to show that being a celebrity, he or she has to deal with the trade off - continuing glorious career while sacrificing the personal lives or going back to ordinary life as the public do.
Any forms of media overtly publish news of celebrities will undeniably deprived them of private affairs, however, it is part of the components that combine together into celebrities' lives, both the career and their personal lives. On the one hand, it is driven by the public that hold curiosity about everything including personal lives about celebrities. Once one admires a public figure, say David Beckham, he or she could probably be attracted by his fantastic skills he demonstrates on the soccer games. What is more appealing? Probably most people would say his beautiful partner, Victoria Beckham, who is also a famous person in music industry. How their marriage goes, how they spend their leisure time, and how they grow their kids? The mass media provides the accessibility for the public to be a fan of their idols. On the other hand, celebrities have been used to be constantly exposure to the public eyes and they take the advantage of the mass media to do marketing of themselves. One recent survey shows that one celebrity who shows up more than 5 times a month would have get more attention from the public than one who shows up less than 2 times. Thus, the more frequently a public figure is appear in any forms of media, the more famous he or she will be.
Generally speaking, whenever you open your TV or surf the news on the internet, the mass media is always filled with news of public figures. Nevertheless, it is hard to blame the mass media that has paid too much attention on those celebrities. What the mass media could do is to take a deep look on the value of every piece of news that could eventually publish to the public.
:loveliness:
回复 #150 破海沧澜 的帖子
thanx a lot !!:)kind superman!
but i just a little puzzled,"所有的缩写要全写吧？！" what do you mean about this ??
回复 #154 lucy0207 的帖子
比如 I'm 要写成 I am, 就是这个意思。回复 #150 破海沧澜 的帖子
superman ,sorry to disturb you again, i just wrote my oral material, maybe it is a little chinglish, may you help me check it ?? thanx again !!Well, um, the actress I admire the most would absolutely be Sophie Marceau, she is a great French actress. In fact, I am a big fan of her. She is very beautiful, frankly, I think her eyes are a little like Chinese, full of magic, you can see something special from her eyes. Of course, I like her not just because of her good appearance, her acting is excellent too. In the movie << brave heart >> she acts as the France princess, she is so elegant that whenever I think of princess, she should be like Sophie Marceau.
Well, the highest building in our city is the clock tower in our university. It is 101 meters high, very tall. It was designed by the Peking University, so it stands for the friendship between our two universities. The tower is the best place to get a bird’s view of our city. When it is sunny, it is really relaxed and happy to have the distant views of the Fenghuang Mount and Zhulin Temple. It is also very beautiful in the evening, seems like a mysterious castle. In fact, it is a well known beauty spot in our city.
回复 #155 破海沧澜 的帖子
ok , i get it , thanx ! 提个建议小超人应该在一楼注明修改作文的TOPIC和楼层数
eg. topic：xxxxxxxx
第5楼 小超人肯定很忙的啦～ 能帮我们改作文就很好了～～～ 真是好人，赞一个~~~~ hi, kind superman, could you give me some advice about my composition?
Some people prefer to eat at food stands or restaurants. Other people prefer to prepare and eat food at home. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
There is a famous snack street locating around my home, in which supplying various of snacks, saying, clay oven rolls, oily bean surd, hot pot, and braised food, I can smell those pleasant scent even away 50meter; however, i still eager to go home to taste my mother’s dishes when i across this street in hungry, not only because our home cooking is more delicious, but also because the home cooking is cheaper and healthier.
Firstly, it is no deny that eating a dinner at a restaurant is much expensive than at home, since if we prepare a dinner at home, except for preparing enough material for cooking, we do not need to undertake management overhead, cost of table, chairs and utensils, and payment for cooker and waiter, on the contrast, the chief of restaurant will have to afford all of those expense, which definitely is spawn from the customers. Hence, I can save a lot of money to invest the thing I desire more by choosing eating at home.
Another benefit I received from eating at home is health, because I have no certain about if the material cookers in the food stands used is as fresh, sanitary as my family used or not, if the oil they used is edible for us or not; furthermore, sometimes I complain that vegetable has been boiled too long, or they put too much oil in some dish, apparently those ways of cooking is not very healthy for us.
The last but not least, cooking at home can also serve us entertainment. We can image how joyful it was when we discovery or invent a new recipe, how interesting the moment was when we share the cooking secrets with our friends and lovers, and how harmonious it was when we prepare a party with our family members together, that is the reason why I always insist my birthday should be held at home, rather at hotel.
Although I admit it is less time-consuming, more taste choice when we eating at food stands or restaurants, the advantages I have presented above still more convincing, therefore, I prefer to eating at home. 我顶
新的修改
panni0119不好意思麻烦了
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
It is better to be a member of a group than to be the leader of a group.
Everyone have （has） the experience of taking part in some group, maybe everyone have the puzzle for whether should strive to become a leader. I am inclined to become a leader of a group. As a leader, we can understand the importance of the duty, we can have chance to come true our dream (make our dreams come true), the most important (the most important thing is= most importantly), it will improve ourselves on many aspects.(语法错误较多，注意语法训练！！！)（Working in a group is common to the modern residents, especially white-collar workers who usually work in groups. Currently, there is a widespread controversy concerning whether it is better to a member than to be the leader of a group. A fair portion of people argues that to be the leader is the better choice and I strongly advocate this statement, considering the benefits it might bring to me in terms of development of responsibility awareness as well as chances for realizing my dreams. ）
Firstly, becoming a leader can teach us to be responsible. There is no doubt that the leader have to (ought to=should, 而have to 有不情愿的意思) make the decision for the whole group, therefore, the leader should be responsible for the consequence. For example, the leader of a company make a plan for the future of the whole company, if the plan is correct, the leader will get financial profit and honer, on the other hand, if the plan is unsuccessful, the company can not avoid the loss of money, even be bankrupt, the decision-maker should be also punished for his plan. Therefore we can understand the concept of duty better, it is very useful for our future.
Secondly, as a leader, we can come true our dream and ideality. There is no doult that noly leaders have the right to decide, other's duty is follow whether this decision is right or wrong. I think, for most people, they will feel terrible if their logical advice can not be accepted.
Thirdly, playing the role of leader can improve our (one’s, 注意，不要轻易换人称！) ability. As a competent leader, he or she need to do the best in this group, especially for special （用some替换） groups, the leader should have plenty of special knowledge and experience. For being convinced （用trusted替换， convince一般没有这样的用法， convince sb. of sth. 是它的一般用法） by group members, the leaders have to （ought to= should） try their best to advance them. Not only the knowledge should be plentiful, but the ability of harmonizing is also essential (Not only should the person be knowledgeable, but s/he also should possess the ability to enhance group cohesion). As a leader of a group, it is far from enough to improve themselves (末尾加一个solely), they should make everyone of the group progress (it is also their duty to train every member of the group. 句式要富于变化，这一点在我的帖子里有论述，可以去看一下。). A competent leader should harmonize the relationship between the members, find out everyone's advantage and disadvantage, bring everyone's energy into play. Football capture is a good example of leader （用leadership替换。）, during the match, the capture has the most skilled technology to lead the whole team to attack and defend; in the resting room the capture need to control others' emotion, when the score is behind, the capture should encourage his members not to give up, when the score is advanced, the capture should awake members not to underestimate the enemy.
In a word, being a leader of a group has more advantages than a member. Being a leader can make ue understand the concept of responsibility better, do something that we like without the limitation of others. The last but not the least, motivate ourselves to do better. (结尾不错。)
（你的这篇文章的主要问题在于你的语言功底，你需要进一步提高你的语言表达能力一获得更高的分数，这篇文章的分数应该在3.5-4.0的位置。你的优势在于：1. 已经有很清晰的文章结构，考官很清楚你想表达的是什么。2. 能用实际例子支撑你的观点，起到了深化论点的作用。你的不足在于： 1. 语言不是非常地道，并且语言也不富于变化。关于这一点，我在我的帖子里有详尽的说明，或许对你有帮助。2. 观点还需进一步well-developed. 这一点你也可以在我的帖子里面找到。那个帖子在精华区里面，你一眼就可以认出来。）
回复 #163 破海沧澜 的帖子
谢谢。点评一针见血（语言功底的问题），28号就考了，有什么建议关于作文第一次限时间，请狠狠的批
Topic183 Films can tell us a lot about the country where they were made. What have you learned about a country from watching its movies? Use specific examples and details to support your response"Do you like to watch movies?" I agure that most people are inclined to say "yes", because movies are one of the most interesting entertainment for us. However, in my opinion, movies are not only a kind of entertainment, but movies are also a window from which we can understand one country. Including the culture, history, science and technology.
Firstly, movies can reflect the history of one country. We can understand the history of one country by books, however this method is a little boring, there are only words and pictures. Movies are a good pattern for us to get approach to one country's history. The editors and directors have made many films for every period of their country, certainly, before they create the movies, they should collect a lot of informations and read plenty of historic books. The movies are the prime of these informations, through the movies, we can easily have the knowledges of the country's history.In addtion, we can understand the history more deeply on the opinion of the native people.
Secondly, movies can show different cultures and characters of different countries. Every country has his own culture, and the movies are the window to show them. For instance, many people should watch the film <Forrest Gump>, the main actor of this film show the characters of the United States--"optimistic" and "never give up". Of cource, we can feel the romance of French though their films, the preciseness of the German.
Thirdly, by watching the movies, we can understand the development of the science and technology of every country. As everyone knows that, the film is a arena to exhibit the new technology and methods, the creators and editors are likely to inject the lastest technology into their movies. For example, several decades ago, we could hardly find any special effect in the films, in contrast, we can not find any film without special effect of sound and spectacle. In a word, the films display the science and technology'level of one country.
From the evidences above, the films show the history, culture and development of one country, not only a kind of entertainment for people. We should get much more knowledges from the films.
自知语言功力太差，马上考试只能在结构上下功夫了。