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标题: 大疯的作文贴 [打印本页]

作者: dadafan 时间: 2010-8-31 22:09:38 标题: 大疯的作文贴

作文好痛苦的说
对我来讲
中文作文都没话讲的

多谢大家批改
鸡蛋西红柿随便砸

作者: dadafan 时间: 2010-8-31 22:13:58

前面的作业也写了几次的
但，由于速度太慢，一直没赶上交作业
这次因为周末，多了一天调整
开始交作业吧

水平有点菜
呵呵

8.31作业
09.05.30NA

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Younger school children (ages five to ten) should be required to study art and music in addition to math, science, history and language.

作者: lucia85524 时间: 2010-9-1 16:20:51

2# dadafan

lucia85524 修改稿

因为用了word 的修订功能，直接贴上来估计效果就没有了，所以还是上附件吧。

作者: dadafan 时间: 2010-9-2 20:46:41

3# lucia85524
多谢啦

作者: dadafan 时间: 2010-9-2 21:11:46

9.2 独立作文
09.06.12NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students should not take part-time jobs while they are studying in universities.)

作者: lanzhi_gjy 时间: 2010-9-2 21:49:39

改好了，请查收

作者: dadafan 时间: 2010-9-2 22:40:31

6# lanzhi_gjy

我确实写过argument
厉害，一眼就看出来了，呵呵

你给我的批改，真的很到位
谢谢

作者: chenyyalex 时间: 2010-9-3 16:46:50

提示: 作者被禁止或删除内容自动屏蔽

作者: dadafan 时间: 2010-9-4 11:02:31

9.4 独立作文

09.08.01NA

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? If you do not make sure other people (especially influential people or your employers) know about your strengths and accomplishments, you will never get successful in life.

作者: zhouchlcy 时间: 2010-9-5 08:29:28

恕不能发附件，直接改了哈
09.08.01NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? If you do not make sure other people (especially influential people or your employers) know about your strengths and accomplishments, you will never get successful in life.

Nowadays, some people hold the opinion that people could not get successful in life if other people do not know about their capabilities. But others may have a negative attitude. This question is a much-disputed one which can impact almost everybody in their lives, and people may prefer one to another although some may have no mind about it at all. As far as I am concerned, in some respects both of these tow positions have considerable merits, but there are other important aspects in which should be weighed, and it is necessary to take a glance at the argument of both sides before we take the assertion.(太长了，而且有些生硬)

Generally speaking it is quite easy for ordinary people to support that statement because of the most important feature of successful men --- competence. They would point out that capability is the only reason which is linked with success, just like a proverb says, "You cannot keep a good man down." To be frank, it is true that only competence the people have, then they could get success.

But at the meantime, although this statement has its powerful talking point, the effect of making sure other people know about your abilities also cannot be underestimated; in other words, if we notice the invisible befitis of if, we will understand it more deeply. Here I would explain a few of the most important reasons.

The main reason is that success needs chance. Besides the competence, people also need opportunities to represent themselves, to put what they know and what they can into practice. While the influential people and our employer is the one who can give us the opportunity. And only when they know about our capabilities and admire us, then they would accommodate us about chance, and we can probably get success. In a word, people without chance just like performers lack stage, the seeds outside the soil.

Furthermore, another reason why I hold the opposed attitude to this statement is that the influential people could help us to get success. Making sure the authorities and our employers appreciate us, they will believe that we will make more benefits for them, therefore, they probably might help us and offer us conveniences.

To sum up, from what has been disccussed above, we can come to the conclusion that although the main feature of successful people is qualification, but we also need that other people appreciate us, then they will provide opportunities for us. Therefore, I strong disagree with the statement of the topic.

文章段落分的太细了，显得论述的不够详细、透彻。首尾两段有些生硬，建议把模板去掉一下，换上自己的发挥。

作者: nishuowoshei 时间: 2010-9-5 11:02:17

改好了~望回批~

作者: dadafan 时间: 2010-9-7 22:22:36

9月7日独立作文
2009.8.7 NA
是否同意 parents help determined the future of their children or children allow to make their own choices."

作者: superchaos 时间: 2010-9-8 13:27:02

作文给你改好啦……

作者: 执着的丸子 时间: 2010-9-8 16:01:30

改好啦

作者: dadafan 时间: 2010-9-11 23:15:01

9.11独立作文
09.9.19 NA

Government should more support art museum and music performance than recreational facilities, such as swimming pool or play ground.

作者: Icybaby77 时间: 2010-9-13 19:31:49

加油哦。批好啦

作者: dadafan 时间: 2010-9-15 02:17:45

9.14独立作文
09.9 25NA do you agree or disagree: having jobs with low paying salary and being high secure is better than jobs with high salary but being easy to lost.,

作者: dadafan 时间: 2011-7-12 18:46:30

本帖最后由 dadafan 于 2011-7-12 22:40 编辑

7.12

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
at home using computers or telephones is better than working in the office 10,5,22

TPO2
[attach]167740[/attach]

作者: 应小呆 时间: 2011-7-12 21:45:04

欢迎你来改我的作文~

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1280678&pid=1775350653&page=4&extra=

It is（is it？） true as the speaker claims that working at home with using(去掉？) computers or telephones is better than working in the office? Perhaps some people would agree with that opinion, but others might have a negative attitude, and probably I will always be one of them. In my point view, this question is a much disputed one which almost all people would face, hence it is necessary to have a glance at both sides of the argument before we taking any assertion.（GMAT的模板句诶，一点都不改吗？）

Generally speaking, it is quite easy for ordinary people to choose working at home by using computers and telephones for the obvious merit of this method --- without interruption. They would point out（？不太明白什么意思） that working alone . They they could calm down and pay the whole attention to tasks. To be frank, it is true that people will focus on the job when they have a serene circumstance, that is why so many poets, composers and writers always working（work？） at nighttime.

However, in the meantime, although（看起来有些芜杂） working along（？） at home has such a significant goodness（？可以这样用吗？）, the fineness of working in the office also cannot be underestimated; in other words, if we notice the benefits of working in the group, we will understand this question more deeply. Here I will explain a few of most important reasons.

One principal argument people who would choose working in the office has（something?） to do with convenience. They might argue that since working in the group, people could seek help from others and deal with the problem immediately. According to an authoritative research produced by a broad of experts, working in the group would have more efficiency than working alone in most cases. In addition, if there is any controversy, it is better to handle it face-to-face rather than on the telephone or by e-mail.(你这些理由让我想起TPO前五套里面有个综合协作还有个口语神马的是说这个working together的呢，O(∩_∩)O~)

Furthermore, another equivalent compelling statement the opposers to working along at home is about working atmosphere. Indeed, any person, with proper intelligence, would confess that working in a positively operative circumstance, people will feel much more energetic. And then, they would devote themselves into the job totally.

To sum up, from what was discussed above, we could finally draw the conclusion that （加个，不然leaving writers和working in the office 好像有点违和）leaving writers, although working along at home would have a calm condition, working in the office would be a more reasonable choice for people.

大疯君是不是用的模板什么的有点多呢？感觉文章怪怪的，好像小姑娘穿高跟鞋，前后不搭。
不过很多结构很不错！值得学习~
我能拿个小本儿记下来吗？
please~~~

作者: dadafan 时间: 2011-7-12 23:35:36

大疯君是不是用的模板什么的有点多呢？感觉文章怪怪的，好像小姑娘穿高跟鞋，前后不搭。
应小呆发表于 2011-7-12 21:45

哈哈，小呆的形容还真有意思
这是我的主要缺点之一，要好好改啊
多谢修改

还有，下午我出门急，发现integrated writing没有上传成功
又补传了一下

作者: dadafan 时间: 2011-7-13 22:06:11

7.13作业

2010年3月6日
Which is better, challenging plans about one's future or practical plans about one's future?

Integrated Writing TPO3

作者: dadafan 时间: 2011-7-14 16:07:35

7.14

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
"The best way to improve the quality of education is to imcrease teachers' salaries."09,4,3
这题和刚写过还没改的一道题比较类似，就没重新写。
2010年11月13日---Do you agree or disagree with the following statement ：
To improve the quality of education, universities should spend more money on professors' salaries.

Integrated writing TPO4

作者: zw9191 时间: 2011-7-14 20:31:34

我没法发附件，7月13日的改好了
http://clip2net.com/clip/m43814/1310646553-28691-36kb.doc

作者: dadafan 时间: 2011-7-14 22:23:26

我没法发附件，7月13日的改好了
http://clip2net.com/clip/m43814/1310646553-28691-36kb.doc
zw9191 发表于 2011-7-14 20:31

多谢指正，同学

作者: sallyremy 时间: 2011-7-14 23:31:05

18# dadafan

帮你改好了
记得帮我改呀，谢谢~

作者: 应小呆 时间: 2011-7-15 09:27:13

欢迎你来改我的作文~
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1280678-5-1.html

Should universities raise professors' salaries to improve the quality of education, as the speaker claims? Some people might hold an opposing position to this statement（他们与哪个观点相反？）, but I will agree with that in a sense. In my opinion, this question is a much disputed one which all the universities might confront, and we should take an over-round consideration before taking any assertion.（你把范围缩小了？但我觉得即使要缩小，最好强调一下大学教育具有代表性，不然就有偏题的感觉）

Generally speaking , it is quite easy for ordinary people（ordinary people这个限定有点窄，又说明强调为什么要这样限定） to disagree with rising professors' salaries to improve the quality of universities' education because of the obvious reason --- there are other lots of directly approaches to achieve this purpose. They would point out that the professors are not the only effective element which can impact the quality of education, and schools could make the quality of education better more directly by spending money to update teaching facilities, purchase books, improve lab and experimental instruments such as material thing. To be frank, increasing professors' salaries is not the only method for universities to choose, even not a straightforward one.

However, in the meantime, although there are other more directly approaches to increase the quality of education, we should not unfairly give rising professors' salaries a secondary priority. As far as I am concerned, this method also should not be underestimated; in other words, if we notice the greatly invisible benefits of it, we will understand this question more deeply. Here I would explain a few of the most important reason.

One principal argument of the supporters for rising professors' salaries has （加个something？一开始我没读懂这句话是什么意思....）to do with the teachers themselves. Any people, with proper intelligence, would confess that the professors also have to earn money for living, for sustaining their family, since they are similar as（to） other mortals（这词..虽然知道它有凡人的意思，但我第一感觉还是不共戴天的...顿时就被震惊了==）. Without worrying about the material well-being life（这个表达，有点奇怪...）, the professors could devote themselves into education more zealously. That is why so many schools, which want to improve their quality of education, always increase the faculty's salaries at the first step.

Furthermore, another compelling statement the proponents would argue is that people all have the conscience, and so do teachers. （有良知=知恩图报这一步最好还是强调一下，有M姓大神在批改柠檬糖作文的时候说过，提出一个论点，最好让它逻辑连贯滴水不漏，否则证明力就会大打折扣）In fact, with earning more salary, it is hard to imagine that professors would not devote greater enthusiasm into education.

To sum up, from what was discussed above, we could finally draw the conclusion that although there are other approaches to make the quality of universities' education better, increasing professors' salaries would be a more reasonable and efficient choice.

作者: cherrycarrie 时间: 2011-7-15 11:38:39

The lecturer completely disagree(s) with the idea presented in the reading material that dinosaurs were endotherms, and she produces（这个动词可以这么用么？我一般用offer/apply/provide） evidence to prove her view.

Above all, the reading material assumes that dinosaur should be endotherm since their fosisils (fossils) have been found at polar regions, and the animals that are not endotherms could not sustain that cold temperature. However, the speakers argues that at ancient ages the polar regions are much warmer than today, and even when the temperature became cold sometimes, the dinosaurs could migrate to warmer areas or hibernated (强听力啊，我没听懂- -). (during the months when polar regions were cold)

Subsequently, the professor goes on to refute （学习啦。反驳我一直不知道怎么说） the statement in the reading that dinosaurs had legs right underneath their bodies and that trait is the signal of endotherm because that structure makes sure that endotherms could make some kind of physical activities, such as （like）running. On the other hand, the speaker indicates that the function of underneath legs is to sustain dinosaurs' heavy body rather than running.

Finally, contrary to the assumption in the reading that the bones of dinosaurs did have structures like haversian canals, and that is another identity of endotherm. The lecturer in the listening material argufies that dinosaurs also have another kind of structure, which is the signature of non-endotherm, that could make dinosaurs grow much slowly. （既然有了contrary to,就把第一二句并成长句子吧，有逻辑的连贯性）Futuremore, the professor also points out that have both of these two kind of structures make dinosaurs could grow in a commutative speed, and that phenomenour （phenomenon） is the signature of non-endotherms.

我觉得楼主应该加大听力部分的比例，阅读的内容尽可能概括的少一点。
连词的使用有的时候有些怪，比如第三段的on the other hand 觉得很突然。
另：楼主有些词语或词组的使用感觉很不错~subsequently, refute, contrary to.学习啦。

欢迎来批我的作文~~~
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1240367-2-1.html

作者: cherrycarrie 时间: 2011-7-15 11:50:12

Should universities raise professors' salaries to improve the quality of education, as the speaker (speaker？微怪) claims? Some people might hold an opposing (opposite) position to this statement, but I will agree with that in a sense.(纠结啊。。。) In my opinion, this question is a much disputed one which all the universities might confront, and we should take an over-round consideration before taking any assertion.
我觉得第一段的观点好纠结，最后一句话也没有说明到底你的态度怎么样。没有thesis statement。建议能简单概括你总的观点，开门见山。

Generally speaking, it is quite easy for ordinary people to disagree with rising professors' salaries to improve the quality of universities' education because of the obvious reason --- there are other lots of directly approaches to achieve this purpose. They would point out that the professors are not the only effective element which can impact the quality of education, and schools could make the quality of education better more directly by spending money to update teaching facilities, purchase books, improve lab and experimental instruments such as material thing. To be frank, increasing professors' salaries is not the only method for universities to choose, even not a straightforward one.
你先让步了= =？第一次见到，没有经验。。。

欢迎来批我的作文~
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1240367-2-1.html

However, in the meantime, although there are other more directly approaches to increase the quality of education, we should not unfairly give rising professors' salaries a secondary priority. As far as I am concerned, this method also should not be underestimated; in other words, if we notice the greatly invisible benefits of it, we will understand this question more deeply. Here I would explain a few of the most important reason.

One principal argument of the supporters for rising professors' salaries has to do with the teachers themselves. Any people, with proper intelligence, would confess that the professors also have to earn money for living, for sustaining their family, since they are similar as other mortals. Without worrying about the material well-being life, the professors could devote themselves into education more zealously. That is why so many schools, which want to improve their quality of education, always increase the faculty's salaries at the first step.

Furthermore, another compelling statement the proponents would argue is that people all have the conscience, and so do teachers. In fact, with earning more salary, it is hard to imagine that professors would not devote greater enthusiasm into education.
这段很没有说服力诶。。。

To sum up, from what was discussed above, we could finally draw the conclusion that although there are other approaches to make the quality of universities' education better, increasing professors' salaries would be a more reasonable and efficient choice.

总的来说，行文不错，用词也不错。但是结构比较雷。用了最长的两段去做让步和过渡，但是支持你观点的确很少，也没有很清楚的论证，也没有相关的例子什么的，不太有说服力。

作者: dadafan 时间: 2011-7-15 21:41:42

7.15作业

2010年1月30日---Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
The government should support scientific research that does not have any practical use.

Integrated Writing TPO5

作者: fyxloveu 时间: 2011-7-15 22:14:09

提示: 作者被禁止或删除内容自动屏蔽

作者: Cancerlk 时间: 2011-7-15 23:12:59

已改
童鞋帮我改改作文吧~

TPO4
In 20 years, there will be fewer cars in use than there are today.

Is it justifiable to assert that in twenty years, much less cars will be in use than today? To some people, the answer is "Exactly". Yet, in my view, I can not totally agree with this claim, since there are still some possibilities that the traditional cars would be improved to the extent that can be continually used in the future.

It is true that, in the future there would probably be new types of vehicles that replace nowadays cars. After all, there are many drawbacks of traditional cars. For example, the fuel they need, namely, the fossil energy, would possibly be exhausted sooner or later, especially if modern people keep on regard these energy as their major power. What is worse, the greenhouse gases resulted from the fossil fuels would do harm to our environment as well. Fortunately, however, owing to technological as well as scientific development, new ways of transportation with new sort of energy, like special planes with solar energy, as I imagine, may be introduced and embraced by human beings. Therefore, the popularity of today's cars might be declined.

However, as people are progressive creatures, they would not likely ignore that fact- many people have realized that the crisis of conventional energy will definitely occur, if they can not find other alternative energy. What is more important is that with the new discovered energy, manufactures would not allow their product, their cars, to be easily replaced by their potential competitors, the new types of vehicles. In another word, these companies, compelled by the possible enemies of their business, would have no choice but to make their cars improved with new type of energy. For example, at present in China, there are increasing trend in car industry, that a new type of car with magnetic power, or solar energy, as the “fuel” of the car's engine, has been introduced through the nation. These new cars are becoming increasingly popular, as they not only meet the customers' demand that they want an alternative power for their cars, but also satisfy their mental need that the car is the symbol of vehicle, which means that to these customers, cars are the No.1 choice as their transportation tool.

Besides, although it is indeed disappointing that one day the fossil energy would be probably used up, these cars companies may not abandon their traditional products easily. They still have other choices. For instance, they could just improve the efficiency of their cars' use of fuels. In this way, traditional cars are still accessible for many customers. Thus, traditional cars would possibly not disappear in such a shifting speed of twenty years.

In sum, I admit that in some day cars would be replaced by other more advanced vehicles. But I believe that as a major transportation tool for hundreds of years, it will still serve people for more than 20 years.

作者: cherrycarrie 时间: 2011-7-16 11:57:39

The lecturer completely refutes all of these three assumptions that what the Chaco Canyon was used for, no matter for dwelling, storing or ceremonial ritual.
很好的耶~学习~

First, the reading material indicates that the Chaco Canyon was used for residing since it had a similar structure as famous "apartment buildings" at Taos, New Mexico. However, the speaker argues that in the large "apartment places" there were few fir(e) places, which were the significant feature of dwelling place.

Subsequently, the professor goes on to refutes the statement in the third paragraph (part of passage) (可以直接说第几段？) that the Chaco Canyon was used for storing food, probably maize. On the other hand, the speaker indicates that it lack of any relic of containers for storing, in that case, these places would not be used to maintain crops.

Finally, contrary to the assumption in the passage that the Chaco Canyon was used for ceremonial reason since there were a lot of broken pots, which are always used for ceremonial ritual. The speaker in the lecture introduces us evidence that, in these houses, archeologists also have found some other building materials, such as sand, stone or other something,(or other something就不用了吧。。。) all of those cannot be used for ceremonial ritual. Furturemore, the professor points out that the broken pots probably used for storing meal or some(t)hing.（这里最好说明教授认为broken pots只是垃圾。）

文章很不错，语句流畅，有点小的拼写错误。阅读和听力的比例也可以。
很好~学习啦~

作者: fyxloveu 时间: 2011-7-16 16:34:23

提示: 作者被禁止或删除内容自动屏蔽

作者: dadafan 时间: 2011-7-18 18:07:11

7.16+7.18
独立+综合
2010年2月13日---Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
In a cooperation of team, the people who cannot accept criticize couldn’t be successful. Use specific reasons and examples to support your idea。

作者: 应小呆 时间: 2011-7-19 09:34:56

O(∩_∩)O谢谢你改了我的作文~

题目：ISSUE31 - 10年2月13日---Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
In a cooperation of team, the people who cannot accept criticize couldn’t be successful. Use specific reasons and examples to support your idea。
字数：372
用时：0:39:20

日期：2011-7-14

Does the membership（member） who cannot accept criticize in a cooperation team will（两个系动词了，去掉其中一个？） not get success, as the speaker claims? Perhaps some people might agree with this opinion, but others would have a negative attitude,
and I will probably always be one of them（which one?）. As far as I am concerned, this question is a much disputed one, we should not take any assertion before we taking（take） a glance at the both sides of the argument.

Gnerally speaking, it is quite easy for ordinary people to support that people could not be successful if they cannot accept criticize for the reason that all people have self respect(不太理解这句话是什么意思==“因为大家都有自尊心，所以普通人支持不能接受批评的人不会成功”感觉逻辑关系上缺了一环，“自尊心强的人不易接受批评，同时他们也不易成功”置换一下概念). They would argue that if people are frustrated by other's criticize, they will loss the confidence and motivation to move on. To be frank, it is true that people cannot achieve any feat if there is no intention to incite them to keep moving.

However, in the meantime, although the criticize has a such remarkable negative effect to（on） people, striking down their self-confidence, but the positive influence also cannot be underestimated; in other words, the negative effect is overstated（缺点和优点不是归一山不容二虎的关系，他们可以都强，比如有很多治疗癌症的药物有很强烈的效果但也有很严重的副作用~）, and if we notice the invisible benefits of criticize, we would understand the question more deeply.（这里的态度和句首态度不太一样吖，句首是观望，到这里就变成倒向一方了，然后被倒向的这一方究竟有什么好处还没有被说明。在没有完全讨论的基础上倒向一方只能证明作者从一开始就是支持后面这个的，那么开头那句话就没有意义了吖，理由虽然写了很多，但却是看到这句话的一瞬间想到的，很明显的倾向感） Here I will explain a few of （感觉有点怪，of是表示许多中的某些还是误笔呢？）most importan reasons.

One principal argument the people who opposes the theory that no success will be gotten if people could not accept criticize might cite has to do with the revising program. They would argue that with the criticize, the members could find team's defects or shortcomes of their project, then they could revise it in the later operation. （还是觉得逻辑上少了一环）Any people, with proper intelligence, would confees that without recognizing the weak points, no one could achieve success at the end.

Furthermore, another equivalent compelling reason for opponents to disagree with the author's assertion is that criticize would encourage people to pay more attention and effort into work. Indeed, facing with other's criticize, people will feel ashamed, and then they would try hard to do better to prevent frustration.这个理由很不错呀~能扩展一下就好了~

To sum up, from what was discussed above, we could finally draw the conclusion that although criticize might have a negative effect to（on） people, the person who cannot accept criticize also could achieve success as well.

我觉得你的文章结构都很复杂吖，其实如果到后期字数能上去，对每个部分都有详尽而富有逻辑的阐述，肯定会有好成绩的~
不像我脑袋里只有两个理由，不够再让步一下......
无地自容ing

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