【Daily Writing作文特训小组】小呆的作文贴，求监督求指导~

应小呆UID：3109940

7月16日
综合写作


The lecturer takes the view that the writer of the passage seriously ignores how far communal online encyclopedias have gone. Furthermore, the shortcomings analyzed in the passage are not so serious. She has the following reasons to strengthen her opinion.

Firstly, a single human’s or a group of human’s ability is limited, so that many errors may not be found through decades of time. It is especially true fro those comprehensive books, no matter these books are online or in traditional, printed encyclopedias. What’s more, errors in communal online encyclopedia will be corrected as soon as they are found, which is impossible for printed encyclopedias. So, although contributors to communal online encyclopedias lack academic credentials, this withdraw can be limited by immediate correction.

Secondly, although the information in the encyclopedias may be fabricated, deleted, and corrupted. The format will remain stable. That means the crucial part of the information is absolutely right.

What’s more the writer ignores one of the most obvious merit of communal online encyclopedias. They can present the interest of the mass. This point is one limitation of traditional, printed encyclopedias, which can not reflect people’s interest.

In a nut shell, although the withdraws stated in the passage do exist, they are not so serious. Further more, the writer ignores one of communal online encyclopedias’
most obvious merit.

qqweer2007UID：2686919

61# 应小呆
独立作文看过了。很流畅，改也没什么改的，所以就不贴了。有几点小意见：
1. 我还是觉得分论点论证的时候，每段的开头用一句话概括下论点内容比较好。当然是看个人的喜好，可能逐层深入的讨论也挺好，不过有句概括的话看起来比较省事，也清楚。
2. 第二段的论点是不接受批评就会被团队孤立，写的挺好，例子也恰当。
    然后第三段论证的应该是接受批评能够发现自身错误，然后能够改进自己。感觉例子用的有点偏差，大段的例子在论证“一个人的问题会导致团队失败”。
3. LZ用的大多是自己的亲身经历，感觉会比较有亲和力，但是会稍微影响说服力吧。而且论证的手法可以多样一点，例证，对比，因果，自己瞎掰的一些survey，experiment等等。

总的来说写的很不错
以上纯属个人意见，LZ视情况采纳。

冰雪蜂鸟UID：2754485

Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement: In a cooperation of team, the people who cannot accept criticizecouldn’t be successful. Use specific reasons and examples to support youridea.10,2,13

If there is no woodpecker to take worms outof a tree, the tree will die. People's life has something like a tree(这句话有歧义的，你是说peoplelike tree, people's life like tree or sth like tree? 可以直接说people just like trees). If he(用one 或者he or she) cannot acceptcriticize, he won't be successful. My opinion can be strengthened by thefollowing discussion.

For one thing, nobody likes people whoignore his advice. Support from others is very important in cooperation ofteam. If one is disliked by his colleagues, he will get little support fromthem. As I have said above, he will lose the ability to be successful in ateam. For instance, when I was 10 years old, I was distributed to a 10-personteam to explore the weeds around our school and each write a report to theBiology teacher. One girl of our team was so aggressive that she would jeeranyone who criticizes her way of collect weeds. So we decided to leave her alone.On last day, we all completed our reports with abundant data and examplesshared from each other.  But the poor girl had only a short reportwith 12 sentences on it. I don't have to say that she was criticized by theteacher in the end. So if one cannot accept criticize from others, he will notget support from them.
例子很吸引人，但是阅读过程中总感觉不踏实，因为在开篇没有点出本段主题。你只是说了advice, support好，但是为什么好没有，直到最后也只是浅尝辄止。文章内容不够深入吧。虽然托福不要求太多的思想，但是也要小深一点的。比如咱们组另外一个人写的，可以促进组内交流，表现更好。这些话在你的例子里体现出来了，如果用一句话作为主题，或者总结就更好了！

For another, everyone will make mistakes.If you correct it in time, that will be fine. Whereas you leave them along, theaccumulation will be serious. How to find your mistakes? For most of us, weneed criticize from others, as we cannot find the hole on the back of ourpants. So criticize can help us do better job. It is especially true in acooperation of team, as a black sheep in a team will destroy all of the work,no matter whether the black sheep is unintentional or not. For instance, lastweek one of my teammates called Lin Tong was ill, so she had to finish her partof our teamwork at hospital. As we cannot connected (connect with) her easily,nobody can help her to find her mistakes. In the deadline, she asked her sisterto send us her part of report and we just merge it with ours without revise.Yesterday, I saw our score on the internet. It is so low, beyond my worstwishes. I went to ask our professor, Dr Zheng, for reasons. When I came back, I was feel (删去was)so bad about the fact that we didn't revise her part.
文章例子论点都很好，还是主题的问题。前三句比较凌乱，找不到主旨。何不如写出一句：Correction from other people can help us find the hole onthe back of pants, and thus making team perform better. 然后说accumulation… especially true in team…. 只是我个人更倾向于这样的结构啊~

Some people may think that not all criticsshould be accept in a cooperation of team, as others may not know about whatyou are doing and may give wrong advice. They use a good company broken by abad team leader as an example. But I have to say that, in a cooperation ofteam, we can firstly accept critics and then judge it depend on ourselves, orask more experienced partners. 这次让步写的很好哦，最后还有but来反驳，又给出了solution，很好的！

So in a nutshell, in a cooperation of team,the people who cannot accept criticize couldn't be successful.

dadafanUID：2659273

7.16
小呆

lemonsweet3UID：2848875

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: In a cooperation of team, the people who cannot accept criticize couldn’t be successful. Use specific reasons and examples to support your idea.


If there is no woodpecker to take worms out of a tree, the tree will die. People's life has something like a tree. （特别好！我看到gter里好多人都特别擅长运用谚语啊典故啊什么的，觉得你们脑子里都好有料啊..这个是你限时作文30分钟里就想到的吗？）If he cannot accept criticize, he won't be successful. My opinion can be strengthened by the following discussion.


For one thing, nobody likes people who ignore his advice. Support from others is very important in cooperation of team. If one is disliked by his colleagues, he will get little support from them. As I have said above, he will lose the ability to be successful in a team. For instance, when I was 10 years old, I was distributed to a 10-person team to explore the weeds around our school and each write a report to the Biology teacher. One girl of our team was so aggressive that she would jeer anyone who criticizes her way of collect weeds. So we decided to leave her alone. On last day, we all completed our reports with abundant data and examples shared from each other.  But the poor girl had only a short report with 12 sentences on it. I don't have to say that（是不是直接Undoubtedly更地道..?） she was criticized by the teacher in the end. So if one cannot accept criticize from others, he will not get support from them.(再加一句and he won’t succeed比较点题)


For another, everyone will make mistakes. If you correct it in time, that will be fine. Whereas you leave them along, the accumulation will be serious. How to find your mistakes? For most of us, we need criticize from others, as we can not find the hole on the back of our pants.（特别好的举例!!） So criticize can help us do better job. It is especially true in a cooperation of team, as a black sheep in a team will destroy all of the work, no matter whether the black sheep is unintentional or not. For instance, last week one of my teammates called Lin Tong was ill, so she had to finish her part of our teamwork at hospital. As we cannot connected her easily, nobody can help her to find her mistakes. （我觉得这个例子有点跑题 因为题目说的是those who do not accept others’ criticism 然而这个女生不是成心不接受别人的批评，而是因为病了没人和她沟通和她联系）In the deadline, she asked her sister to send us her part of report and we just merge it with ours without revise. Yesterday, I saw our score on the internet. It is so low, beyond my worst wishes. I went to ask our professor, Dr Zheng, for reasons. When I came back, I was feel so bad about the fact that we didn't revise her part.



Some people may think that not all critics should be accept in a cooperation of team, as others may not know about what you are doing and may give wrong advice. They use a good company broken by a bad team leader as an example. But I have to say that, in a cooperatio of team, we can firstly accept critics and then judge it depend on ourselves, or ask more experienced parnters.（让步段特别好）



So in a nutshell, in a cooperation of team, the people who cannot accept criticize couldn't be successful.


最后一个问题：小呆啊！你的这些裤子后面的洞自己看不见、啄木鸟的小例子是都是30分钟限时作文时随便一想就正好想到的吗？还是积累的呢..?how？我觉得我在运用典故、画龙点睛的小例子上就特别不行，需要向你学习！！

lemonsweet3UID：2848875

我前两天出去了 总也上不了网 没参加作文小组..
你如果有时间的话也看看我的吧 谢谢啦 没时间的话就算了it's ok!
你也723考吧？一起加油咯~~

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/thread-1280367-3-1.html

应小呆UID：3109940

7月18日综合



Despite the reasons stated in the passage, the lecturer takes the view that wood companies in the United States will adopted new, ecologically, friendly practices in order to receive ecocertification. He has the following reasons to support his opinions.
                                 
Firstly, American consumers distinguish different kinds of advertising. They will pay more attention to the result of independent certification agency. As an independent certification agency, the international organization issuing certification to wood companies that meet high ecological standards is widely favored in America, and enjoy a strong trust among America consumers. So ecocertification label will have a strong effect on the choice of consumers.

What’s more, small difference, such as difference less than 5% of the price will not effect American consumers’ choice. Price is truly an important element for consumers to decide on which product they will choose. But its influence depends on its amount. If the difference in price is less than, for example 5% of the price, then other factors will influence consumers’ choice, such as to protect the environment.

Thirdly, American wood companies will meet competition abroad. When American wood companies are slow in some aspects of their product to cater consumers, then foreign company will take the chance to rob the American wood companies of their order.

In a nutshell, the lecturer holds the view that companies in American will also adopt new ecologically, friendly practices in order to receive ecocertification from the discussion above.

sallyremyUID：3120928

小呆的7月18日独立我帮她贴过来了

Do you agree with the following statement? If you need to discuss upsetting or controversial problems with others, using e-mail/text messaging is better than using telephone/voice-messaging.
Joy and Tim used to be lovers, but now Tim wants to break up with her, as he can not tolerate her bad temper. What is the best way for Tim to achieve his aim? Or we can make the question more clearly by narrowing the span. Which way is better, using email\text messaging or using telephone \voice-messaging? The answer is definitely the latter one. As I have said above, Joy has a bad temper. If you tell her by telephone, she may throw the poor phone into pieces the moment her hears about your words.  Undoubtedly, not all people have a bad temper. But everybody will have the same feelings when they are faced with the same thing. So in my opinion, if you need to discuss upsetting or controversial problems with others, using e-mail\text messaging is better than using telephone\ voice-messaging. I have the following reasons to support myself.
Firstly, you cannot escape from the emotion contained in voice. Something is so upsetting that we will also feel sad when we hear the depressed voice from the other end of the telephone.  Undoubtedly, you can use a voice-message to transfer your information, but all of us will feel there is someone in the other end of the telephone unintentionally when we leave the message by telephone. If you use e-mail\text messaging, you will have the sense that you are only type in words.  On the other hand, it is obvious that when we are talk about controversial problems, we will be more aggressive than usual. This aggressive emotion is embodied in our voice and delivered to the one side of the discussion. Voice may be deformed in the delivery and sounds more aggressive. Then the two side of the telephone call may have a quarrel. If you use e-mail\text messaging, there will be no change in the meaning when the message is transfered. So that is why I think email\text messaging is a better way as it can avoid the emotions in the voice.
What's more, information that can be contained in a telephone/voice-messaging is limited and less precise. For example, you cannot contain pictures in a telephone call, can you? Moreover, information transfered by voice may be less precise than that transfered by e-mail\text messaging. For example, if you are talking about a controversial math problems in telephone, a mistaking of a number will makes the whole discussion into nonsense. So that is another reason why I think using e-mail/text messaging is better.
In a nut shell, I hold the view that if you need to discuss upsetting or controversial problems with others, using e-mail/text messaging is better than using telephone/voice-messaging.

dadafanUID：2659273

小呆
7.23

cherrycarrieUID：2943359

已修改啦~
欢迎来批我的作文~
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/thread-1240367-4-1.html

应小呆UID：3109940

7月19日
独立
回应Sophia 同学的建议，写了两篇（因为在看到你的建议前，我已经写了一篇了，舍不得丢，想一并拿来被捉捉虫子~）
均是30min

carol0607UID：3022610

~~