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标题: hyliu1-08 作文 [打印本页]
作者: hyliu1-08 时间: 2011-4-29 20:19:03 标题: hyliu1-08 作文
TPO2综合部分
In the listening material, first, it states that people can take the advantage of having a team to accomplish a project. For example, a team will comprise a wide range of knowledge and skills, and then it can accelerate the speed of people who attack a project. Sometimes a lot of valuable decisions are created by groups rather than one people can undertake. Furthermore, each member will have the right of speaking; I mean that everyone can contribute methods which are good for the project of their work on to the team. And members can take the advantage of this ways.
But in the listening material, the professor gives an example to illustrate some contrary opinions. First, when a project was sent to the team, it appears a phenomenon that anyone who belongs to the team didn’t do something for the project, it seems that it wasn’t anyone’s job, and that seems worse. Second, people who take part in a team may be influenced by other people of authority. In that way, general people may afraid and daren’t tell something what they want to say.
Most of all, the professor decipher that team’s work may be good for accomplishing a project, but sometimes it would be couldn’t work well.
独立写作
Young people should try different job before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term？
In my opinion, it is good for young people to try different job before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term.
Firstly, if young people who try as many as possible job which seems fit them will let them learn something that they couldn’t study it in school. And they will accumulate experience about the society, this knowledge for most of us maybe never touch. If young people take many different jobs before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term they will adapt the job which they choose more quickly.
Secondly, It will let the young people clearly know that which jobs they want to get if young people take many different job. Young people will take the advantage of these experiences because they will not regret like others who regret they have choose a job which they didn’t like as a result of they haven’t done any job before they decide to choose.
Finally, young people who try doing work before they are determined to choose a job, he will more likely accomplish their work efficiently and perfectly. It is not only to be an interesting thing for young people, but also a rewarding thing for their company.
Admittedly, it will take some time from their abustle life if young people who try as many as possible job. But if they try to do it they will be benefit from it. And to my mind, young people should try as many as possible job before they decide which job they will do in the long term, they will prepare more for their life.
作者: qianhuang 时间: 2011-5-1 15:34:04
4月30日 独立 修改
作者: hyliu1-08 时间: 2011-5-2 09:50:35
TPO1 综合
In the reading passage, we can learn that many employees want to work a four-day week in the United States, even though cut down their incomes. They think that it is not only can benefit for the employees but also can benefit for the company which accepts this means. For example, they believe that if the company takes this opinion, so they will fell more rested and alert when they can do their job. It will let them make fewer mistakes than before. And after the company accepts this opinion, it will have more funds to employ more employees to do the fix quantity works, and it is going to let the company produces more values. And this ways will help the country declines the rate of unemployment.
But in the listening passage, the professor states some reverse aspects of this opinion as following. If the company takes this opinion it will have to hire new workers who may not be acquainted with their works, and then the company has to train them. It will spend much money and time on these apprentices and will have to buy complementary things like the computer or the chair etc. And when those workers who were afford four-day week come back to work, they may be unfamiliar with their works. Most of all, the opinion will make the company involves into many unlike troubles.
独立写作
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?"
Do you agree or disagree? A job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation time.
To my mind, I prefer to agree that a job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with high salary but less vacation time.
First, if I get a job with more vacation time, I will have spare time to do other work which I like. I can produce more values for the world. And it can make us avoid always paying attention to our lengthy work. So after a good vocation, I will have more energies and interests to accomplish my job.
Second, if I have more vacation time I will have much time to take care of my family. Because most of us have to work after us graduated, when we study we have little time to stay with our family, but when we graduated from university then we have no time to take care our parents and take them to play, because of less vacation time.
Most of all, if I have more vocation time I will take care of my family and my job all. It is not only can make my life healthier, but also can let me more efficient and benefit for the company which I work for.
Admittedly, we will gain more boon if we take the job with a high salary but less vocation. But we could think deeply about why we work so hard when we sleep. Work for the money, absolutely not. We work because it will make our life better and it was a part of our life, instead of a cumbersome thing in our life. We will be involved in to a cavity of no bottom if we receipt a job with less vocation time. In my opinion, I don’t think life likes that is better. So if we could have more vacation time on the base of now we have, it would be better for our life.
作者: hyliu1-08 时间: 2011-5-3 12:24:13
2011年5月2日 周一：
独立：
IIf child want to do well in school, parents should limit the hours of watching TV programs or movies . x- f" l5 t3 q, z4 J
就是问：孩子要想在学校里表现好，家长是不是应该限制他们看电视的时间。
10-03-12NA
In my mind, I absolutely agree the idea what the title have been said. With the develop of electronic device, more and more little children pay lesser attention on their school work, instead of spending much time in watching TV programs or movies. So it is pretty self-explanatory, the children will take a bad performance at school. As parents, if they want their children get a good performance, they should limit the hours that children spend in watching TV programs or movies.
If the children spend a lot of time in watching TV or movies, they will pay less energy in study. Of course, they will get worse performance than those children who put most of the focus on learning. For instance, many children in our side are interested in the plots of TV or movies, result of boring the study of school.
Furthermore, children who enjoy watching TV or movies often sit and stare into the screen for a long time. It is a harmful to their health. For example, nowadays, more and more children have bad eyesight, that will influence the quantity of learning, in addition to take the inconvenience to their learning about life.
Last but not least, children are might always thinking about what they have been seen on the TV, this will lead to children absent-minded when they were in class. As a result of this, children would attain the half-baked knowledge.
Admittedly, it can let the children relax when they watching TV programs like the cartoon, but their parents should control the hours. We can let the children benefit from such devices, rather than become the slaves of those devices. Then the children will be happy accept it and get a good performance in their school.
作者: hyliu1-08 时间: 2011-5-3 13:18:48
2011年5月3日 独立加综合
TPO1 综合
In the reading passage, we can learn that many employees want to work a four-day week in the United States, even though cut down their incomes. They think that it is not only can benefit for the employees but also can benefit for the company which accepts this means. For example, they believe that if the company takes this opinion, so they will fell more rested and alert when they can do their job. It will let them make fewer mistakes than before. And after the company accepts this opinion, it will have more funds to employ more employees to do the fix quantity works, and it is going to let the company produces more values. And this ways will help the country declines the rate of unemployment.
But in the listening passage, the professor states some reverse aspects of this opinion as following. If the company takes this opinion it will have to hire new workers who may not be acquainted with their works, and then the company has to train them. It will spend much money and time on these apprentices and will have to buy complementary things like the computer or the chair etc. And when those workers who were afford four-day week come back to work, they may be unfamiliar with their works. Most of all, the opinion will make the company involves into many unlike troubles.
独立写作
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?"
Do you agree or disagree? A job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation time.
To my mind, I prefer to agree that a job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with high salary but less vacation time.
First, if I get a job with more vacation time, I will have spare time to do other work which I like. I can produce more values for the world. And it can make us avoid always paying attention to our lengthy work. So after a good vocation, I will have more energies and interests to accomplish my job.
Second, if I have more vacation time I will have much time to take care of my family. Because most of us have to work after us graduated, when we study we have little time to stay with our family, but when we graduated from university then we have no time to take care our parents and take them to play, because of less vacation time.
Most of all, if I have more vocation time I will take care of my family and my job all. It is not only can make my life healthier, but also can let me more efficient and benefit for the company which I work for.
Admittedly, we will gain more boon if we take the job with a high salary but less vocation. But we could think deeply about why we work so hard when we sleep. Work for the money, absolutely not. We work because it will make our life better and it was a part of our life, instead of a cumbersome thing in our life. We will be involved in to a cavity of no bottom if we receipt a job with less vocation time. In my opinion, I don’t think life likes that is better. So if we could have more vacation time on the base of now we have, it would be better for our life.
|
作者: qianhuang 时间: 2011-5-3 15:39:08
5月2日 独立 修改
作者: yecochi 时间: 2011-5-3 22:28:42
IIfchild want to do well in school, parents should limit the hours of watching TVprograms or movies . x- f" l5 t3 q, z4 J
就是问：孩子要想在学校里表现好，家长是不是应该限制他们看电视的时间。
In my mind, I absolutely agree the idea what the title have been said. With thedevelop of electronic device, more and more little children pay lesser attention on their school work, instead of spending much time in watching TVprograms or movies. So it is pretty self-explanatory, the children will take abad performance at school. As parents, if they want their children get a goodperformance, they should limit the hours that children spend in watching TV programs or movies.
If the children spend a lot of time in watching TV or movies, they will pay less energy in study. Of course, they will get worse performance than those children who put most of the focus on learning. For instance, many children in our side are interested in the plots of TV or movies, result of boring the study of school. /, which results in their feeling bored with the study in school
Topic sentence: it is harmful to children’s health, when they sit and stare into the screen watching TV for a long time. (主題句放段落第一句較符合托福要求) Furthermore, children who enjoy watching TV or movies often sit and stare into the screen for a long time. It is a harmful to their health. For example, nowadays, more and more children have bad eyesight,that will influence the quantity of learning, in addition to take thein convenience to their learning about life.
Last but not least, children are might always thinking about what they have been seen on the TV, this will lead to children absent-minded when they were in class. As a result of this, children would attain the half-baked knowledge.
二、四段論點很相似
Admittedly,it can let the children relax when they watching TV programs like the cartoon,but their parents should control the hours. We can let the children benefit from such devices, rather than become the slaves of those devices. Then the children will be happy accept it and get a good performance in their school.
附約略的托福寫作模板，供您參考
Introduction--
(repeat the topic& Advantages/ drawbacks for A, B)
(stance)As my inclination,...I think… (topic), 原因1,2,3 (supporting ideas)
Body--
1. Topic sentence—supporting ideas.
Description/ explanation. >> examples
2, 3 as above
Conclusion--
Repeat stance, and summarize your support ingideas.
作者: hyliu1-08 时间: 2011-5-4 22:14:13
占座5月4日 独立+写作
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1260192-1-1.html
作者: hyliu1-08 时间: 2011-5-5 13:25:12
2011年5月4日 周三：独立：
独立：
同意否，团队合作中，不能接受批评的人不会成功的。
独立
In my mind, I absolutely agree with this topic, which if a person in teamwork is not willing to accept others’ critical ideas, he or she will not success in doing anything. Because the other’s critical speeches can help him or her know whether what he or she have done is right, and perfect your work. If he or she carry on doing your job and do not accept the critical ideas, but that maybe gives him or her work a favor. Even though, sometimes these proposals may sound isn’t funny.
In a team, if someone suggests you something, the one is a truly good friend of you. He or she gives critical advices to you because he or she wants to boost you to do your work well. For instance, we all have been chastised by our teachers, because our teachers would like to promote our ability. Some humans play a role of teacher who around us, when we step into the society and enter the work force. They always give us critical suggestions for guiding us to finish our duty well.
In addition, some people will step on a narrow or a wrong way if he or she always doesn’t accept others’ critical recommendations. For example, one time, a classmate of mine was focus on calculating a math’ question, but he deviate the right means. I criticized that he used a wrong way to do this, he was bigoted very and didn’t accept my advices, and go on using his ways to calculate the question. And finally, he got a low score.
So, as I was said, people who is not willing to listen other’s critical suggestion in a team, he will not finish anything well. However, if we are good at accepting and choosing others’ critical ideas, we will benefit from it. There is a famous human have been said that” If you want to go fast, so go alone. If you want to go far, then walk together.”
作者: hyliu1-08 时间: 2011-5-5 13:27:09
2011年5月4日 周三：独立：
独立：
同意否，团队合作中，不能接受批评的人不会成功的。
独立
In my mind, I absolutely agree with this topic, which if a person in teamwork is not willing to accept others’ critical ideas, he or she will not success in doing anything. Because the other’s critical speeches can help him or her know whether what he or she have done is right, and perfect your work. If he or she carry on doing your job and do not accept the critical ideas, but that maybe gives him or her work a favor. Even though, sometimes these proposals may sound isn’t funny.
In a team, if someone suggests you something, the one is a truly good friend of you. He or she gives critical advices to you because he or she wants to boost you to do your work well. For instance, we all have been chastised by our teachers, because our teachers would like to promote our ability. Some humans play a role of teacher who around us, when we step into the society and enter the work force. They always give us critical suggestions for guiding us to finish our duty well.
In addition, some people will step on a narrow or a wrong way if he or she always doesn’t accept others’ critical recommendations. For example, one time, a classmate of mine was focus on calculating a math’ question, but he deviate the right means. I criticized that he used a wrong way to do this, he was bigoted very and didn’t accept my advices, and go on using his ways to calculate the question. And finally, he got a low score.
So, as I was said, people who is not willing to listen other’s critical suggestion in a team, he will not finish anything well. However, if we are good at accepting and choosing others’ critical ideas, we will benefit from it. There is a famous human have been said that” If you want to go fast, so go alone. If you want to go far, then walk together.”
作者: EMP_CHENG 时间: 2011-5-5 15:27:58
5月4日
独立
在网盘里，
http://u.115.com/file/e61g4pgf
作者: xiangtuo 时间: 2011-5-6 11:15:26
本帖最后由 xiangtuo 于 2011-5-6 11:21 编辑
同意否，团队合作中，不能接受批评的人不会成功的。
In my mind, I absolutely agree with this topic. Which(从句在哪里呢？直接删掉好了~) if a person in teamwork is not willing to accept others’ critical ideas(你是想表达批评吗？criticism), he or she will not success(动词应为succeed) in doing anything(有点绝对了). （A person who in teamwork is not willing to accept others’ criticism, will not succeed at last.） Because the other’s critical speeches（words 更好些） can help him or her（you一般作文中很少用he or her的） know whether what he or she (you)have done is right, and perfect your work. If he or she（you） carry on(是想表达坚持的意思吗？我觉得insist更能表现的出） doing your job(有点鸡肋的感觉，直接删掉 )and do not accept the critical ideas（criticism）, but（因果关系在哪里呢？） that maybe gives him or her work a favor（条件状语的主语是you）.（这句话整体逻辑是有问题的 是主要想表达什么意思呢？） （If yo u insist and do not accept the criticism, you might go further to your success, as other’s word may do you a favor）.Even though（应该是表递进的关系吧？Moreover更恰当）, sometimes these proposals may sound（听起来？） isn’t funny(关funny什么事？~).（Moreover, sometimes these proposals may not be useless .）
In a team, if someone suggests（没有这种用法） you something, the one is a truly good friend of you. (In a team, the person who gives you ideas ,is a truly good friend of you.用从句层次更清晰)He or she（这种情况下 用he就可以了） gives critical advices to you because he or she wants to boost you to do your work well. For instance, we all have been chastised by our teachers, because our teachers would like to promote our ability（促进能力？搭配有点怪，stimulate或者spur 后加us会好些）. Some humans（这是人类啊。。。people） play a role of a teacher who around us, when we step into the society and enter the work force. (who的小从句放在people之后)They always give us critical suggestions（critical一词多义，既是关键的 也是评论的，放在这里容易引起歧义 直接删掉） for guiding us to finish our duty（有些唐突，因为你的上下文都没有提到过关于责任啊 义务啊 职责啊之类到底）well.
In addition, some（后面已经有定语了 用the更好） people （或者man也可以）will step on a narrow or a wrong way if he or she always doesn’t accept others’（other’s更恰当，因为你不是要表现很多其他人的建议，前面也有一个忘记改了） critical （同上）recommendations. For example, one time, a classmate of mine was focus on calculating a Math’ （去掉’）question, but he deviate the right means. I criticized that he used a wrong way to do this（啰嗦，后面直接跟him就可以）, he was bigoted very（放bigoted之前） and didn’t accept my advices, and go on using his ways（go on one’s way, using 多余） to calculate the question（太中文了 solve the question 就好很多，前面也有一个 一样）. And finally, he got a low score.
So, as I was said, people who is not willing to listen（太中文了 take） other’s critical suggestion in a team, he will not finish anything well. However, if we are good at accepting and choosing others’ critical ideas（同上）, we will benefit from it. There is a famous human（同上） have been said that” If you want to go fast, so go alone. If you want to go far, then walk together.”
主要问题：
1、 文章框架问题。太简单 像这种题目，要分情况讨论，分 学习、生活、工作分别讨论。
2、 逻辑有些混乱，文章要有条理。
3、 从句应用有待提高。
4、 写英语作文不要依赖电子词典以及在线翻译，避免太中文的说法。
作者: tidus_xuan 时间: 2011-5-7 02:53:37
In my opinion, it is good for young people to trydifferent jobs before theydecide which job or career they will do in the long term.
（第一段不错，言简意赅，观点明确）
Firstly, if young people who try as manyas possible job which seems fit them will let them learn something that theycouldn’t study it in school. （你的意思应该是多工作会学到很多课堂里学不到的东西，但是你的句子太长而且意思表达错了。第一，主语应该是young people，谓语是will learn，不是will let themlearn。 第二，as many as possible不能用来修饰job，只能说try as many jobsas possible。第三，定语从句套得太多，而且全是一种方式。我建议这样修改Trying as many jobs suitable as possible, young people will learn manythings unable to learn at school.）And they will accumulate experience about the society,this knowledge for most of us maybe never touch. （这句话也有几个问题。第一，这是两个句子你要用从句的形式将其联系起来，所以你缺少连词；第二，2句的主谓语没有弄清。可以考虑这么改：Also, they will accumulate social experiences which most of us never touch或者Also, they will accumulate socialexperiences, never touched by most of us）If young people take many different jobs before theydecide which job or career they will do in the long term they will adapt thejob which they choose more quickly.0 C: `' h) o8 （这句问题跟上两句类似，定语从句太多了，考虑改成Before decidingwhich job or career to do in the long term, young people should take manydifferent jobs so as to be adapted to the job more quickly.）T+ ^8 |%
x* V6 k
Secondly, It will let the young peopleclearly know that which jobs they want to get if young people take manydifferent job. Young people will take the advantage of these experiencesbecause they will not regret like others who regret they have choose a jobwhich they didn’t like as a result of they haven’t done any job before theydecide to choose.
Finally, young people who try doing workbefore they are determined to choose a job, he will more likely accomplishtheir work efficiently and perfectly. It is not only to be an interesting thingfor young people, but also a rewarding thing for their company. 4 M, I1 f# ]*
i
Admittedly, it will take some time fromtheir abustle life if young people who try as many as possible job. But if theytry to do it they will be benefit from it. And to my mind, young people shouldtry as many as possible job before they decide which job they will do in thelong term, they will prepare more for their life.
我看了整篇文章，后面几段没改，因为发现有几个问题始终出现
1. 你的句子大都写得很长，但是其中有很多逻辑主谓关系都搞错了，我的建议是先把它们都分开，一句一句写。然后试着先把两句句子连起来，可以用从句或其他方法。比如你第二段的最后一句，我想你的意思可能是年轻人可以利用学到的经验来选择职业，这样就不会后悔选了不喜欢的职业。所以你可以直接简单的表达young people can take advantage of experience,so they won’t regret choosing a job they don’t like。句子长不长不是关键，关键是你的意思别人要明白
2. 词汇有点少，比如文章中as manyas possible 出现了好几次。我建议可以找一些词汇书背一背，或者写完之后对重复出现的词试着用别的词替换下。
3. 助动词用得太多了，比如will,is等。一个简单的办法是用情态动词，但最好是你可以尝试用别的意思来表达你的句子。
4. 文中出现了很多代词，比如it, they等等，其实代词能省则省，多了反而意思模糊。比如最后一段第二句，很短一句句子出现了两个they, 两个it，你如果没有说清楚，别人不会知道你的they和it都是在说什么的，所以慎用。最后还是鼓励一下吧，多练习和改进应该可以提高很多的
作者: hyliu1-08 时间: 2011-5-7 04:38:56
5月6日独立
作者: hyliu1-08 时间: 2011-5-7 04:46:18
5月6日综合
作者: xiangtuo 时间: 2011-5-7 11:51:27
本帖最后由 xiangtuo 于 2011-5-7 11:53 编辑
独立：
What have you learned about a country from its movies?
Seeing（比较惯用的是watching） movies is one of my favorite leisure activities. In my mind I could indicate the customs and society’s（social) problems of a country from its movies, （去掉）even though I haven’t been there before. Something like what behaviors we mustn’t do in that country and what activities of the country’s people usually do in their daily life, or society’s phenomenon appeared in that country.
Watching movies of other countries can let us obtain the knowledge of various habits of other countries. For instance, when I was watching a movie made of English, I found that when English are talking with each other, they would like to keep distance with the other people. Through this detail I realized that English prefer to（往往有一个比较的对象 would like to 或would love to会更恰当写 ）leave a private space to others. So if I step into the English（进入一个地方，Britain）, I will comply with the same way to talk with other people, which would not bring me inconvenience.
In addition, from a movie of other countries, I could acquaint myself with the custom of a country. For example, I have been(去掉 你是被看电影吗？)seen（同上）a Indian movie,（前一句完整，后一句又没有关系，用句号断开） in that movie there is a plot shows that it is disrespectful,（去掉） if you convey stuff use your left hand , （去掉）when you participate a party. And that admonished me do not make the same mistakes if I step into the Indian（同上）and take part in party. And knowledge like this I accepted it before I go abroad.
Finally, watching one movie may allow me to understand deeply about the society’s phenomenon of a country. I have seen a movie called “three idiots”; it is worth watching and on the topic of my list. On that movie, I realize that most students in Indian are pressed by much strength（武力胁迫的意思吗？）. So I conclude that students live in there mostly without freedom（缺少谓语）. If giving a choice to select a country to go abroad, I wouldn’t like to choose Indian（前面都说是country了，怎么还是Indian呢？）.
Admittedly, through a movie couldn’t allow us to get the all （颠倒一下）news of the country. But we can learn something about the country that we haven’t touched before. We can take benefits from it and prepare to decide which country we prefer to choose.
这篇和昨天的比简直是天壤之别！进步神速啊！
不过还是有些问题
老美看作文比较注重逻辑啊 层级啊什么的，这点还是有上升的空间。你的第一段是总领全文吗？总领全文的话就不要出现细节以及举例什么的。如果是总领全文的话，文章有两个层次？custom和social problem.但是你说第一段也写了habbit 挺好的。把habbit加上吧！
还有，每一段的开头，都会有类似层次的first secondly之类的词语，要是你觉得这些俗，也可以换写同义的。
作者: qianhuang 时间: 2011-5-7 15:14:40
5月6日 综合 修改
作者: qfaith 时间: 2011-5-7 20:54:29
5.6 综合
作者: tidus_xuan 时间: 2011-5-7 23:47:17
你让我看的是哪篇？你帖子里好多篇呢
要不直接像改我作文那样发给我也行，我改好了发在你的作文贴里
顺便请教一下，怎么在帖子里发word文档？
作者: tidus_xuan 时间: 2011-5-8 08:18:16
本帖最后由 tidus_xuan 于 2011-5-8 08:30 编辑
独立：
What have you learnedabout a country from its movies?
Seeing movies is oneof my favorite leisure activities. In my mind I could indicate the customs andsociety’s problems of a country from its movies, even though I haven’t beenthere before. （语法上完全正确，但意思上有点小问题。你其实应该是从电影中能看出国家的某些传统或是社会问题，I indicate的意思跟I think差不多，用在这里不是太合适。其实真正indicate国家的文化或传统的是电影里出现的那些画面或者镜头，而不是“I”，而且你还用了in my mind，那会给外国人一种什么感觉呢？貌似你有超能力，你可以在没有去过那个国家的情况下，直接在脑子里就能知道那个国家是什么样的。所以可以这么该：One of my favoriteleisure activities is watching movies, from which I could identify the uniquecustoms and social problems of a country I have never been before.）Somethinglike what behaviors we mustn’t do in that country and what activities of thecountry’s people usually do in their daily life, or society’s phenomenonappeared in that country.（这句话的并列用得不错，但是太罗嗦，你可以考虑一些更书面化的表达方法。比如我们在这个国家不能做的行为，是不是可以译成forbiddenbehavior, 国家人民每天都做的事情，就是daily routines，社会现象太中文化了，你可以说characteristicphenomena, 还有一个小的方面，就是你写了mustn’t do，在作文里要写must not do）
Watching movies ofother countries can let us obtain the knowledge of various habits of othercountries. （在书面用语上，尽量避免let, make, 偶尔用一下无妨，多用文章会显得不formal，不native，当你一定想用使我怎么怎么样，想想enable。所以这句话其实倒过来更好，说We obtain…inwatching foreign movies.）For instance, when I was watching a moviemade of English, I found that when English are talking with each other, theywould like to keep distance with the other people. （movie madeof English？英国人制作的电影？英国电影就用Britain movie。另外时态太混乱了，一般来说整篇文章的时态都要一致，要么过去，要么现在，不能乱，除非一些特殊情况，比如现在时的文章里回忆过去的事情等。还有keep adistance from other people是正确用法。the other people和otherpeople是不同的，要注意区分）Through this detail I realized that English prefer to leavea private space to others. So if I step into the English, I will comply withthe same way to talk with other people, which would not bring me inconvenience.（本身意思上我明白了，但是有些句子太Chinese了，比如英国人喜欢和别人谈话的时候给别人一点私人空间，其实翻成英语就是谈话的时候要尽量避免太隐私的话题。 给我带来不方便也是中文的说法，英语中的意思应该是trouble me或者bringmisunderstanding最后一句可以改一下，so if I step into Britain, I should complywith traditional rules when talking to people, which would otherwise arousemuch trouble.）
In addition, from amovie of other countries, I could acquaint myself with the custom of a country.For example, I have been seen a Indian movie, in that movie there is a plotshows that it is disrespectful, if you convey stuff use your left hand , whenyou participate a party. （这句话还是一个老毛病，太长，意思不清，语法错误。我帮你改一下，你自己可以稍微琢磨一下句子该如何表达Forexample, from an Indian movie, I have learned that it is disrespectful toconvey stuff with left hand in a party. ）And that admonished me do not make thesame mistakes if I step into the Indian and take part in party. And knowledgelike this I accepted it before I go abroad.（最后两句，admonish这个词用得不错，连我都不知道，还去查了一下字典，惭愧啊。说正题，前一句语法错了，后一句写得意思不清。还有既然前面用了step into，后面就换一个词，这么改Thisexample admonishes me so that I will not make a mistake when travelling toIndia for a party. 最后那句你是想说你应该在出国前就了解这个国家的文化吧，还要考虑跟你这一段的主题相联系，考虑这么改Therefore, acquiringa cultural convention of a country from movies is necessary before goingabroad.）
Finally, watching onemovie may allow me to understand deeply about the society’s phenomenon of acountry. （society’s phenomenon不正确，要么说social phenomenon, 要么换个词，因为你第一段里已经出现过这个词了，可以用living nature,current situation, social reality ）I have seen a movie called “three idiots”（不要加引号，电影名字每个单词的首字母要大写）; it isworth watching and on the topic of my list（on the topic of my list？我没看懂）. On thatmovie, I realize that most students in Indian are pressed by much strength. （电影里用in。press bymuch strength是说明学生压力大吗？这个strength 又是什么呢？是本国的文化传统造成的？还是工作就业的压力？亦或老师父母的要求？要说明白。）So Iconclude that students live in there mostly without freedom. If giving a choiceto select a country to go abroad, I wouldn’t like to choose Indian.（用given,would not, India，去掉abroad）
Admittedly, through amovie couldn’t allow us to get the all news of the country. （Admittedly看了好多人的文章都很喜欢用这个词，词本身没问题，但建议你对某个词很熟的话，就不要多用了，否则起不到锻炼的效果。另外句子也需要修改。主语是a movie。 through是多余的，get在书面语里少用，直接把to get the改成for。The country改成a country，你没有特指哪个国家。）But we can learn something about thecountry that we haven’t touched before. We can take benefits from it andprepare to decide which country we prefer to choose. （最后一句你自己修改，两句合一句，我给你一点提示，翻译成中文：当我准备去一个陌生的国家时，从电影中学到的生活习惯、文化传统和社会现状会使我受益无穷。基本句型为I will significantlybenefit from…）
1. 文章的理由还是比较充分的，从电影中能学到生活习惯，文化传统，以及了解社会现状。
2. 注意英语的文章有一个很重要的方面是一致性，基础的是时态和称谓，要么全部现在时，要么全部过去时。还有你的称谓也用的不一致，一开始I, 后面变we, 中间还出现过you, 把所有的统一，不然老外看不懂。
3. 多考虑替换的词，比如country太多了，考虑一下nation, place,location, 向往的国家可以用dreamland，选择用select, opt,alternate等等，再不行换个意思看看能不能起到一样的效果，总之让脑子多转转。
4. 避免过于口语的词，比如get, make, let, to do。平时注意多积累外国人文章的一些句子表达。避免不必要的代词，尤其it，在用it时，仔细考虑下你的it指代的是什么？是否能用从句把it 去掉？站在读者的角度考虑一下it。
5. 助动词和not在书面交流中不要放一起，全部分开，不要出现haven’t,can’t, shouldn’t 等等。
作者: hyliu1-08 时间: 2011-5-26 07:22:48
5 月 25 日 独立
作者: zjxdxokzzy 时间: 2011-5-26 17:10:21
5.25独立修改
作者: hyliu1-08 时间: 2011-5-28 00:57:01
5月27日 独立
作者: 白猫猫 时间: 2011-5-29 21:09:22
本帖最后由 白猫猫 于 2011-5-29 21:10 编辑
5月27独立，因为周末出去休息了，现在才改完，楼主抱歉
Do you agree that statement: the most important aspect of a job is money a person earn?
While studying at university, every student faces the problem of deciding what to do after graduation. Some students have the point that money is the most critical factor when he or she chooses a job. While others decide to comply with their own aspiration, they hope do a job which is suitable and reasonable.（这两个观点感觉不是对立的啊，suitable and reasonable 的工作可能对于一些人来说就是钱多的工作呢？ ） In my opinion, I definitely stand the side of people who belong the way(不知道这个说法地道不地道呀) that is liked by them. There are many documents （为什么说有很多“文件”支持我的观点呢？没见过document 这个用法啊）for my points; main causes go as follows.
First, we should understand that money is not the all of a（a 去掉） life. Even though, we can use it buy something that we need to maintain our life, we can think deeply further; why we live in the（the 去掉） this world, not only because the purpose of eating, but also there are so many pretty things in this world, such as staying with family, playing with best friends and enjoying a good holiday.(感觉，这句话有点怪怪的，要是我，我会写成这样，not just to eat, but for so many pretty things in this world, such as staying with family, playing with best friends and enjoying a good holiday.) If one is always sticking by (focusing on) making more money, he or she will loses amounts of meaningful points(things). Because he or she should spend more times(time) on his or her work than others do, even during public holiday.
Second, I admit that money is an aspect of job, and without it we cannot afford our fee, such as rent, cloth even food. However, I believe that this factor should estate（？） on the basis of interest. If one regard his or her work as a favorite play, he must have and（a） good impression on his area. And then, he or she is gaining perfect life not the number of money.
Finally, money means a lot, but not all. We should control it rather than being the salary of it. We should discern that (the)money a person earn is a(not the most important) factor of a job. When we choose the job which is suitable and interesting to us, money will appear in our life with a style of accessory.
有一些词汇感觉有些问题，标为红色了，有的根据自己的想法改了，有的不知道楼主的想法，没有改，希望楼主可以自己看一下。感觉楼主的文章，逻辑上好像不是特别的清晰，理由分三段，按照我的理解大概是
1，
钱不是万能的，还有很多其他有意义的事情，需要花时间。（当然我觉得这段中，努力挣钱就会多花时间工作的逻辑，还是有点问题哦）
2，
应该按照自己的兴趣去选择事业，而不是仅仅为了钱。
3，
如果找到自己适合的工作，钱会自然而然的来。
首先这三个理由，我觉得理由还是挺好的，但是楼主都没有好好充分的去发展每个理由。而且每一段中有有一些不太相关的话。比如最后一段中，其实前两句都没什么太大的意义.
比如第二段，按照自己的兴趣去选择事业，可以分为更小的两个理由。1，找到有兴趣的工作，你工作的时候就会很开心，这样一天中大部分的时间你都很开心。2.找到有兴趣的工作，你会更加努力的工作，晋升会更快。
我觉得楼主可以写成：
1，
钱是比较重要的，但是钱不是最主要因素。
2，
最主要的因素是******，然后理由1，理由2 展开。
以上都是个人的看法，水平不高，楼主选择性的看吧，一起加油~
作者: hyliu1-08 时间: 2011-6-1 08:08:18
5月31日 独立
作者: zahngxin 时间: 2011-6-1 10:33:07
修改的文章已经上传你的QQ情查收！
作者: qianhuang 时间: 2011-6-1 15:05:35
6月1日 独立 修改
作者: hyliu1-08 时间: 2011-6-2 07:38:24
6月1 日 综合
作者: zjxdxokzzy 时间: 2011-6-2 22:32:36
6.1综合批改。 建议楼主多练听力啊，lecture的观点写的都不对。
作者: hyliu1-08 时间: 2011-6-5 22:09:04
6月5日 独立
作者: hyliu1-08 时间: 2011-6-6 11:33:25
6月6日独立
作者: 乐之好好考托福 时间: 2011-6-6 23:34:32
6.6的独立已经给楼主发到QQ邮箱上了，注意查收~。】
6.5的明天放学后晚点帮楼主修改哦~
作者: hyliu1-08 时间: 2011-6-8 00:47:45
6月7日 综合
作者: hyliu1-08 时间: 2011-6-8 01:17:22
6月7日 独立
作者: hyliu1-08 时间: 2011-6-10 10:07:56
6月9日 独立
作者: zahngxin 时间: 2011-6-10 22:10:36
35# hyliu1-08
作者: hyliu1-08 时间: 2011-6-10 22:16:46
6月10日 TPO19 综合
作者: hyliu1-08 时间: 2011-6-12 01:38:04
6月11日 独立
作者: zhengxiao0312 时间: 2011-6-15 13:04:43
sorry 下不下你的作文
作者: zhengxiao0312 时间: 2011-6-16 13:34:19
嗯？？ 你的作文呢？15号的
作者: mpromanus 时间: 2011-6-16 16:49:13
35# hyliu1-08
In order to be well-informed, a person gets information from many different news sources.
In the information age (There are no other ‘information ages’, so there is really no ‘this’ or ‘that’ information age. Now that’s quite obviously an influence from the Chinese expression 在这个信息时代..), we can get information from a considerable number of new sources (The question says ‘news sources’. ‘New’ is very different from ‘news’. Please make sure you’re writing the correct word.), such as through the Internet, the television and the telephone (This use of ‘the’ means an abstract idea of ‘television’ or ‘telephone’, that doesn’t mean any particular physical TV set or telephone but in essence represents all TVs or telephones.). And our life almost could not (If you say ‘almost could not’ – particularly with the ‘not’, do note – it essentially means it still ‘could’. A very borderline ‘could’ that is almost ‘could not’, but still not a ‘could not’. But what you actually want to express here, I suspect, is ‘could not’.) function well without these equipments. All this is to say that our life could not leave news (Direct translation of 我们的生活不能离开新闻..this should be ‘we cannot do without news in our lives’. Plus, what does the importance of news have to do with being well-informed..? This doesn’t mean you can’t talk about the importance of news. You need to be talking about the importance of news with a good relevance to the entire question. What you did here, and what many Chinese students tend to do, is to stuff the essay with statements that are only relevant to one single keyword in the entire question. This kind of seemingly important but effectively irrelevant background information is mostly useless if you can’t make it relevant to the entire question.). And with the passage of time, more and more new sources of information can be utilized by us. From my perspective, I absolutely agree with the view that various information can make a man well-informed. Such reasons (Why ‘such reasons’? If you say ‘such reasons’, it means you were talking about some ‘reasons’ before this..but you were not.) go as follow.
Firstly, we cannot be sure which news are correct (‘Correct’ means conforming to KNOWN truth, or conventional standards – for example, you’d say your son’s answer to a maths question is ‘correct’, or that his behavior is ‘correct’, or that his understanding of gravity is ‘correct’. For news – where the truth is sometimes, if not often, unknown – you’d more often describe it as ‘true’ or ‘accurate’, but less often ‘correct’.) in our daily life, because there is an enormous amounts of information from various media organizations; they all hold their own ideas about one thing (What ‘thing’ is ‘one thing’? Be specific.), so their views only can reflect one aspect of an incident. If we want to discern whether one scene (Why ‘scene’? You are talking about ‘news’..not all news are transmitted with graphics and/or videos, so not all news have ‘scenes’..) whether is true or not, we'd better to take several sources of news to contrast (You mean ‘compare’?), then conclude with a reasonable consequence. For example, there are some people who believe that the news we get from our TVs in China is always right, but the fact is information from our television in our country has been modified by some people (If you talk about purposeful manipulation of information such as censoring, then know that every country in the world does it, more or less. It’s only a matter of extent, degree and sophistication. You’d probably meet more people in the US who think that Fox News is always right..). So, if we want to achieve the true aspect of one scene (I can’t guess what you are trying to express, not even in Chinese..), we should take messages from different organizations.
Second, there is a saying that "one person could not see all phenomena.", and I believe in this sentence too. We could not get enough information from only one source of news, because there are always some details the medial organization has not mentioned, but occasionally the details are of importance to this piece of information. May be that organization was restrained by the government or some principles. But, as a citizens we have the right to realize the truth of one thing (Again, what ‘thing’ is this ‘one thing’? You could at least used ‘something’..but even that is rather meaningless. When you start to use very vague words like ‘thing’ in the essay, it’s a clear sign that you don’t really know what you are talking about..). (And, then, how is this different from the last paragraph where you talk about truth in news, modifications, blah? Seems to be talking about a very similar scenario – news from a single agency may not be the truth, or the entire truth.)So, in order to achieve this aim, we should take information from various news sources.
Finally, while living in this competitive world, every person faces the problem of choosing one source or several sources as his or her informational channel (Oh..but why would this be a *problem*? If you are happy with one source, choose one; if not, choose several, or not at all. What is problematic about that?). In my mind, I am appreciate more the latter one more, given reasons I have outlined. There is much useful news in this competitive world, however succeeding in such a competitive world is seldom achieved by one if he or she receives information only via one way (‘via one way’ doesn’t necessarily mean ‘from one source’. Google News is a way to read headlines of all major news websites..so does that count as one source, or several sources? Plus, the question is not about being successful in the competitive world whatsoever. It’s about being well-informed.).
总结：
你的遣词造句都很受中文的影响，所以请多读真正的英语文章积累表达。。
另外就是，看不出两个分论点之间有神马区别（好吧实际上我都不确定你的分论点是什么。。），最后一段总结直接跑题
– well-informed和当今世界是竞争激烈的世界同学们要想成功就必须全面发展之类之类的大套话有个神马关系呢。。
作者: hyliu1-08 时间: 2011-6-16 22:57:25
6月16日 综合
作者: hyliu1-08 时间: 2011-6-17 02:02:03
6月17日 独立
作者: yuchenz 时间: 2011-6-17 16:53:15
In the lecture, the professor states several opposite ideasabout the question（你后面跟的是一个陈述句，而不是一个question，我觉得如果你非要用question的话，还是改成the question whether the female in the picture is Jan or not会好些） that the female in the pictuer(picture)
is Jane Austen claimed in the readingpassage. Altough, the reading passage shows(provide) some evidence to its statement.
Firstly, the professor points that it is a hard work todefine this portrait is drown for Ansten（这个句子的主语在哪里？to define sth. 然后后面this portrait is drown for Ansten是一个句子）, because there is long time from theAnsten family member show this pictuer to Ansten's death（because it has been a long time since the Ansten family）. However the readingpassage claims that Ansten's family gave permission to utilize(give permission to sb.但是这里的utilize是个动词) the portrait asan illustration in an edition to clarify the picture is true.
Secondly, the professor also says a contrary opinion to thestatement which the passage claims that this image is like author sketch ofAnusten, The professor points that the one who drawn this picture also can（can also要到过来用） useother members of Austen family
as amodel. So, the reading passage claims that the major of this picture has manypersonal features are like Austen,（你是不是贴错版本了，好像没写完）
Finally, the professor points that Ozlas Humphrey, a painterof Austen family, would have no chance to draw for *****. because he just wantto make money.
不好意思最后一个反面观点没听清。(你怎么就不多听几次呢？这个原文也可以找得到的呀。)
作者: yuchenz 时间: 2011-6-17 21:54:37
43# hyliu1-08 Different people have different views on whether one move(moving) to a fresh city is a wise choice or not. Some persons believe that moving to anew city means losing contact with their old friends, while others hold theideas that turning to a new city indicates new opportunities and new friends.From my point of view, I appreciate more(用prefer吧) the latter point, because if I decideto move to a new town, I can not only do what I plan to do such as finding（用getting或者seeking吧） opportunities and achieving new challenges, but also make new friends from（in） newareas. All this is not to say I will sever the connection between my old friends. Such reasons go as follows.
Firstly, we cannot only realize that one coin simply (merely only) has one side,because there are many aspects of oneincident should been taken into our consideration. For instance, if we only resort the point of losing the contactwith old friends to define a remove is bad, I think this idea is too arbitrary.There are a considerable number of advantages waiting for us in a new city,even though we may sometimes feel lonely without friends support, but just dueto this circumstance, we can mature（become mature） step by step and become more and more independent and confident.(这个句子太长了！！) Obviously,there are also lots of obstacles waiting for us, but in my mind, these barriersonly can be staircase on our forward road.
Secondly, there is no doubt that when we step into a newplace we will meet many fresh faces. Withthe passage of time, these fresh faces mostly become our acquaintances. Forexample, there is one citizen remove into a new town because of work. May bewhen he move into this town he nearly is not familiar with anyone（he is hardly familiar with anyone or he is almost familiar nobody，很重要的是副词要放在is的后面）, however hehave to buy something that is essential for his life, then he will connect withthe owner of the store,（这些地方完全可以分成几个句子） after several times, he may make friends with theowner. And the citizen also can make many new friends via working, afterseveral months, he will have a new friend circle. Another I want to say is thatthe citizen also (moreover) can keepin touch with his old friends. All this is to say that the citizen can havemore friends than before after he moves into（to） a new area.
Admittedly, we will feel lonely when we move to a newplace at first. But only that feeling can let us become independent andconfident, and help us make the decision to make new friends. Add（add是动词，至少应该用adding） to our oldfriends we will benefit from this experience because we will get morefriendship.
Hope Help.
作者: hyliu1-08 时间: 2011-6-18 23:50:47
6月18日 独立 谢谢 国宝姐姐
作者: mpromanus 时间: 2011-6-19 18:16:09
43# hyliu1-08
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is often not a good thing to move to a new city or a new country because of the loss of old friends?
Different people have different views on whether one moving to a fresh city is a wise choice or not. Some persons believe that this means losing contact with their old friends, while others hold the ideas that turning to a new city indicates new opportunities and new friends. From my point of view, I appreciate more of the latter point, because if I decide to move to a new town, I can not only do what I plan to do such as finding opportunities and achieving new challenges (You don’t really ‘achieve’ a challenge. You can achieve goals and such or meet challenges.), but also make new friends from new areas. All this is not to say I will sever the connection between my old friends. Such reasons go as follows. (I think I’ve already pointed out in your previous essay that ‘such reasons’ means you were talking about reasons right before this sentence. You were not, so you can’t use ‘such reasons’ here. A simple ‘the reasons for my arguments are as follows’ will be more appropriate.)
Firstly, we cannot only realize that one coinsimply(merely only) has one side, (If you say ‘we cannot only realize xxx’, you’re effective saying you are not aware of xxx at all. This is obviously a translation from Chinese, and it makes little sense in English. What you are trying to say is simply ‘Every coin has two sides.’ But this, I’m sorry to say, is an idiomatic expression created more or less by the Chinese for the Chinese. Though in English there is ‘every coin has its flip side’ or ‘on the flip side of the coin’, there is never really ‘every coin has two sides’. Here you are trying too hard to rephrase the idiomatic expression.) because there are many aspects of oneincident should been taken into our consideration. (The relationship here is that you should take many aspects of an incident into consideration ‘because’ ‘every coin has two sides’, not the other way round.) For instance, if we onlyresortto the point of losing the contact with old friends to define a remove as bad, I think this idea is too arbitrary. There are a considerable number of advantages waiting for us in a new city, even though we may sometimes feel lonely without friends’ support. However just due to thiscircumstance, (I think you meant to say something like ‘only through this challenge we can mature, blah’.) we can mature step by step and become more and more independent and confident. Obviously, there are also lots of obstacles waiting for us, but in my mind, these barriers only can only be the staircase on our way forward road. (This does not make much sense to English speakers because their symbolism about ‘staircase’ is not the same as yours. Again, you’re very much trying to translate from Chinese.)
Secondly, there is no doubt that when we step into a new place we will meet many fresh faces. With the passage of time, many of these fresh faces mostly become our acquaintances. For example, there is one citizen who removes (Why do you keep using ‘remove’ as ‘move’? They are not the same.) into a new town because of work. Maybe when he moves into this town he nearly is not familiar with anyone, however he has to buy something that is essential for his life, then he will connect with the owner of the store. After several times, he may make friends with the owner. And the citizen also can also make many new friends via working. After several months, he will have a new friend circle of friends. Another thing I want to say is that the citizen also (moreover) (If you must use ‘moreover’, it needs to be in the beginning – it’s used to connect sentences. It doesn’t mean ‘also’. ‘Moreever, this citizen can also keep in tough with..’.) can keep in touch with his old friends. (You say this as if it is assumed to be a fact. The question is actually asking you whether this is a fact or not – the question’s logic is like this: I assume moving will cause one to lose his old friends. Since loss of friends is not good, and if my assumption is true, then I can say moving is not good. Your job is to argue that this logic is wrong, not to make an opposite assumption about if a person can keep in touch with his old friends.) All this is to say that the citizen can have more friends than before after he moves into a new area.
Admittedly, we will feel lonely when we move to a new place at first. But only that feeling can make us become independent and confident, and help us make the decision to make new friends. Add to our old friends we will benefit from this experience because we will get more friendship.
总结：
你的论述问题倒不是很大，但是语言方面实在过于中式。。很多地方都能找到和中文一一对应的表达。就像我上次说过的，你要多看英文原文，否则考官轻则觉得你的表达很奇怪，重则就是看不明白你在说什么直接跳过。。就算你没有时间，也可以抽点空稍微总结一下自己经常爱用的一些表达，至少确保你经常写的东西没什么问题。。
作者: hyliu1-08 时间: 2011-6-20 01:08:05
6月19日 独立
作者: mpromanus 时间: 2011-6-20 22:21:25
46# hyliu1-08
Some people say that computers have made life easier and more convenient. Other people say that computers have made life more complex and more stressful. What is your opinion?
Different people have different views on whether computers bring more convenience or more stress to our lives. There is no doubt that a computer is an important part of our lives. It affects our lives every time (Every time of doing what? I think you are trying to express the idea that computers are affecting you ‘all the time’..) and everywhere. We use computers to achieve knowledge (You don’t ‘achieve’ but ‘gain’ or ‘acquire’ knowledge.), to obtain news and to contact with others (If you must use ‘with’, then it’s ‘make contact with others’.). So, from my point of view, the advantages and the conveniences computers supply us outweight its disadvantages and complexities, for the reasons as follows (‘as follows’ is a fixed expression.).
Firstly, owing to the increasing developments of the internet, it is easier for us to gain knowledge through computers than though books. (This applies to any device that can connect to the internet. In fact, personal computers are now often considered too bulky and complex to use, compared with mobile devices like smartphones, which can be hooked up to the internet in an instant..so it’s the computers or the internet that’s giving you the convenience? This is a perspective for you to think about.) For example, I selected large amounts of valuable materials via my computer from a learning website when I prepared for this IBT exam, rather than through books or taking some training classes. I think there are enormous amounts of knowledge in the world of the Internet world, while some certain books contain a finite amount of knowledge (If you say ‘some books contain finite knowledge’, you effective mean ‘some other books may contain infinite knowledge’. ‘Some’ means a limiting set and implies there are ‘others’. You don’t need to use ‘some’ if you’re using a plural noun to talk about a generic state, e.g. I take piano lessons. If you say ‘I take some piano lessons’, you’re either trying to be modest and imply that the number of lessons and the level are limited, or you’re implying that you take some other lessons besides piano lessons.). In fact, I got lots of valuable knowledge and methods (‘methods’ of what? This is too far away from ‘IBT’ for your reader to remember you were talking about exam preparation.), which taught me how to prepare for my exam, such as how to use the time during exam cleverly, how to develop the ability of listening and how to practice the writing skills, and all these prove my choice is wise (Doesn’t sound like you can’t get any of these in a book..in fact a proper Official Guide will contain all this information.). When I finished the work of choosing learning materials, I was surprised and found that I only spent two hours. But if I chose the way of buying books, I think I would face many problems, such as which books I should buy and from which bookstore I should get my books. (Are you saying you know which material to use and from which website you should download, automatically, when you are using computers? Are you saying once you’re online, everything you find is useful and proper, and you don’t need to select from that ‘lots of’ stuff at all? Think about it: if you’d likely encounter the same materials and problems in choosing materials online or offline, does ‘using the computers’ still make a difference? Your argument is simply too made-up to be effective, and you obviously haven’t thought thoroughly about what exactly is making ‘using computers’ more effective than getting books. Plus, you don’t really know how to use the semi-colon..) Facing such problems I should involve in many others’ views, and I think it was one week after when I got materials what I want (I don’t really get this. Didn’t you say you got your materials through the internet, not from buying books?).
Secondly, using computers will let us connect to each other more easily than before. For instance, nowadays, there are many companies using computers to organize a distance meetings. It does not only reduces the time people waste on travelling, but also avoids the boring matters which are that people have to change their plans due to have a face to face together meeting (All this in one word: scheduling. And you’re basically writing non-standard English in this whole paragraph: no grammar in the long sentences, direct translations of all sorts. I understand you may be tired from writing, and you’re probably not concentrating as much, but please try not to lose your grip of the essay. If you can’t write proper long sentences anymore, write shorter ones that are easier to get right.). So we can depend on computers, the products of the third industrial revolution, to solve such problems. (Computers alone don’t do this. Again, it’s the connected network that makes all this possible. Computers are simply nodes in the global network. You’re focusing too much on connectivity, which is not limited to computers.)
In Summary, a computer is of importance, not only for work, but also for our daily life. I could not imagine how the world will be without it. Since the time it has been designed, it has played a crucial role. And with the development of science, it became an important part of our lives, making our lives faster and more convenient. (Well, this didn’t really summarize any of your points above..It looks more like an introduction than a conclusion.)
总结：
基本上从secondly开始就是在乱写。。好吧我知道限时神马的鸭梨很大，但是你也不能就这样虎头蛇尾啊。。请注意平衡你的体力和集中力。如果到后面脑子累了就不要再勉强自己写长句。。
作者: mpromanus 时间: 2011-6-27 00:15:19
48# hyliu1-08
Why go to university
There is no doubt that attending university is a wise choice for students who will make a decision of whether to going on studying or to entering the workforce (‘to do’ forms cannot be simply replaced by ‘do-ing’ forms. Please consult a good dictionary or use Google if you are not sure about usage.). I always believe that knowledge is the key to everything that we want to improve, and this argument even supports every part of our life (This argument supports every part of our life? How? Why? You need to validate this statement.). But from where can we gain knowledge efficiently and effectively? I think there is no place much more appropriate than universities in this world. Via studying at universities, we can benefit a considerable number of advantages (You don’t ‘benefit’ advantages. You either ‘gain’ advantages or ‘benefit from’ something.), such as a charming learning setting (This is mostly surely a direct translation, because I’d normally say ‘conducive learning environment’..), excellent teachers and advanced equipment. (Your question is ‘why go to university’, but what you’re answering here is ‘why going to university to study is good’. Not the same at all.)
Studying at universities means we can more easily put our hearts into knowledge and skills than at society (What does it mean to be ‘at society’?). A famous writer has said that that the most beautiful place in this world is the university; it is just like a river of knowledge. I understand this sentence in this way. Universities being an enormous amount of knowledge repertory (I think you mean ‘a repertory of an enormous amount of knowledge’..), it can supply us with information about what we want to learn. Universities are always established very pleasant (??). And students have the chance to pay their all attention in their majors (There are part-time students at all levels in tertiary education, including part-time undergraduates. How can you assume that all students who attend universities must be full-time students?). This is not only because all students study together, but there are not so large amounts of distraction at school as there are at other places.
In addition, excellent teachers in universities can help us solve problems, and this benefit we can seldom achieve in other settings. They will boost our confidence when we finish a perfect task, and that will highly improve our comprehension (of what?). By studying with classmates, we can accumulate the experience of teamwork. In that process, one’s team spirit can at the same be accumulated. (1. I do not really understand this sentence. 2. You talked about teachers and classmates, which are two points instead of one..)
Finally, there are enormous numbers of arguments supporting my view that going to university is reasonable, some important ones I have outlined. In summary, only if we store sufficient knowledge, we can do things well what we wish to do. And attending university is the wisest way to attain this goal.
总结：
其实看你的结论段，你最后只论述到了一个论点– only if we store sufficient knowledge we can..and [that’s why we attend university: it is the wisest way to attain this goal]. 问题问的是为什么要上大学，而不是上大学读书有什么好处。。每个问题都是不一样的，请注意审题，避免所有的题目都写成优缺点列表型。。
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