hyliu1-08 作文

hyliu1-08UID: 3063421

TPO2综合部分
In the listening material, first, it states that people can take the advantage of having a team to accomplish a project. For example, a team will comprise a wide range of knowledge and skills, and then it can accelerate the speed of people who attack a project. Sometimes a lot of valuable decisions are created by groups rather than one people can undertake. Furthermore, each member will have the right of speaking; I mean that everyone can contribute methods which are good for the project of their work on to the team. And members can take the advantage of this ways.
But in the listening material, the professor gives an example to illustrate some contrary opinions. First, when a project was sent to the team, it appears a phenomenon that anyone who belongs to the team didn’t do something for the project, it seems that it wasn’t anyone’s job, and that seems worse. Second, people who take part in a team may be influenced by other people of authority. In that way, general people may afraid and daren’t tell something what they want to say.
Most of all, the professor decipher that team’s work may be good for accomplishing a project, but sometimes it would be couldn’t work well.
独立写作
Young people should try different job before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term？
In my opinion, it is good for young people to try different job before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term.
Firstly, if young people who try as many as possible job which seems fit them will let them learn something that they couldn’t study it in school. And they will accumulate experience about the society, this knowledge for most of us maybe never touch. If young people take many different jobs before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term they will adapt the job which they choose more quickly.
Secondly, It will let the young people clearly know that which jobs they want to get if young people take many different job. Young people will take the advantage of these experiences because they will not regret like others who regret they have choose a job which they didn’t like as a result of they haven’t done any job before they decide to choose.
Finally, young people who try doing work before they are determined to choose a job, he will more likely accomplish their work efficiently and perfectly. It is not only to be an interesting thing for young people, but also a rewarding thing for their company.
Admittedly, it will take some time from their abustle life if young people who try as many as possible job. But if they try to do it they will be benefit from it. And to my mind, young people should try as many as possible job before they decide which job they will do in the long term, they will prepare more for their life.

qianhuangUID: 2766587

4月30日 独立 修改

hyliu1-08UID: 3063421

TPO1 综合
In the reading passage, we can learn that many employees want to work a four-day week in the United States, even though cut down their incomes. They think that it is not only can benefit for the employees but also can benefit for the company which accepts this means. For example, they believe that if the company takes this opinion, so they will fell more rested and alert when they can do their job. It will let them make fewer mistakes than before. And after the company accepts this opinion, it will have more funds to employ more employees to do the fix quantity works, and it is going to let the company produces more values. And this ways will help the country declines the rate of unemployment.

But in the listening passage, the professor states some reverse aspects of this opinion as following. If the company takes this opinion it will have to hire new workers who may not be acquainted with their works, and then the company has to train them. It will spend much money and time on these apprentices and will have to buy complementary things like the computer or the chair etc. And when those workers who were afford four-day week come back to work, they may be unfamiliar with their works. Most of all, the opinion will make the company involves into many unlike troubles.


独立写作
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?"
Do you agree or disagree? A job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation time.
To my mind, I prefer to agree that a job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with high salary but less vacation time.
First, if I get a job with more vacation time, I will have spare time to do other work which I like. I can produce more values for the world. And it can make us avoid always paying attention to our lengthy work. So after a good vocation, I will have more energies and interests to accomplish my job.
Second, if I have more vacation time I will have much time to take care of my family. Because most of us have to work after us graduated, when we study we have little time to stay with our family, but when we graduated from university then we have no time to take care our parents and take them to play, because of less vacation time.
Most of all, if I have more vocation time I will take care of my family and my job all. It is not only can make my life healthier, but also can let me more efficient and benefit for the company which I work for.
Admittedly, we will gain more boon if we take the job with a high salary but less vocation. But we could think deeply about why we work so hard when we sleep. Work for the money, absolutely not. We work because it will make our life better and it was a part of our life, instead of a cumbersome thing in our life. We will be involved in to a cavity of no bottom if we receipt a job with less vocation time. In my opinion, I don’t think life likes that is better. So if we could have more vacation time on the base of now we have, it would be better for our life.

hyliu1-08UID: 3063421

2011年5月2日 周一：
独立：
IIf child want to do well in school, parents should limit the hours of watching TV programs or movies . x- f" l5 t3 q, z4 J
就是问：孩子要想在学校里表现好，家长是不是应该限制他们看电视的时间。
10-03-12NA
In my mind, I absolutely agree the idea what the title have been said. With the develop of electronic device, more and more little children pay lesser attention on their school work, instead of spending much time in watching TV programs or movies. So it is pretty self-explanatory, the children will take a bad performance at school. As parents, if they want their children get a good performance, they should limit the hours that children spend in watching TV programs or movies.

If the children spend a lot of time in watching TV or movies, they will pay less energy in study. Of course, they will get worse performance than those children who put most of the focus on learning. For instance, many children in our side are interested in the plots of TV or movies, result of boring the study of school.

Furthermore, children who enjoy watching TV or movies often sit and stare into the screen for a long time. It is a harmful to their health. For example, nowadays, more and more children have bad eyesight, that will influence the quantity of learning, in addition to take the inconvenience to their learning about life.

Last but not least, children are might always thinking about what they have been seen on the TV, this will lead to children absent-minded when they were in class. As a result of this, children would attain the half-baked knowledge.

Admittedly, it can let the children relax when they watching TV programs like the cartoon, but their parents should control the hours. We can let the children benefit from such devices, rather than become the slaves of those devices. Then the children will be happy accept it and get a good performance in their school.

hyliu1-08UID: 3063421

2011年5月3日   独立加综合 TPO1 综合 In the reading passage, we can learn that many employees want to work a four-day week in the United States, even though cut down their incomes. They think that it is not only can benefit for the employees but also can benefit for the company which accepts this means. For example, they believe that if the company takes this opinion, so they will fell more rested and alert when they can do their job. It will let them make fewer mistakes than before. And after the company accepts this opinion, it will have more funds to employ more employees to do the fix quantity works, and it is going to let the company produces more values. And this ways will help the country declines the rate of unemployment. But in the listening passage, the professor states some reverse aspects of this opinion as following. If the company takes this opinion it will have to hire new workers who may not be acquainted with their works, and then the company has to train them. It will spend much money and time on these apprentices and will have to buy complementary things like the computer or the chair etc. And when those workers who were afford four-day week come back to work, they may be unfamiliar with their works. Most of all, the opinion will make the company involves into many unlike troubles. 独立写作 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?" Do you agree or disagree? A job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation time. To my mind, I prefer to agree that a job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with high salary but less vacation time. First, if I get a job with more vacation time, I will have spare time to do other work which I like. I can produce more values for the world. And it can make us avoid always paying attention to our lengthy work. So after a good vocation, I will have more energies and interests to accomplish my job. Second, if I have more vacation time I will have much time to take care of my family. Because most of us have to work after us graduated, when we study we have little time to stay with our family, but when we graduated from university then we have no time to take care our parents and take them to play, because of less vacation time. Most of all, if I have more vocation time I will take care of my family and my job all. It is not only can make my life healthier, but also can let me more efficient and benefit for the company which I work for. Admittedly, we will gain more boon if we take the job with a high salary but less vocation. But we could think deeply about why we work so hard when we sleep. Work for the money, absolutely not. We work because it will make our life better and it was a part of our life, instead of a cumbersome thing in our life. We will be involved in to a cavity of no bottom if we receipt a job with less vocation time. In my opinion, I don’t think life likes that is better. So if we could have more vacation time on the base of now we have, it would be better for our life.

qianhuangUID: 2766587

5月2日 独立 修改

yecochiUID: 2693601

IIfchild want to do well in school, parents should limit the hours of watching TVprograms or movies . x- f" l5 t3 q, z4 J
就是问：孩子要想在学校里表现好，家长是不是应该限制他们看电视的时间。

In my mind, I absolutely agree the idea what the title have been said. With thedevelop of electronic device, more and more little children pay lesser attention on their school work, instead of spending much time in watching TVprograms or movies. So it is pretty self-explanatory, the children will take abad performance at school. As parents, if they want their children get a goodperformance, they should limit the hours that children spend in watching TV programs or movies.
If the children spend a lot of time in watching TV or movies, they will pay less energy in study. Of course, they will get worse performance than those children who put most of the focus on learning. For instance, many children in our side are interested in the plots of TV or movies, result of boring the study of school. /, which results in their feeling bored with the study in school
Topic sentence: it is harmful to children’s health, when they sit and stare into the screen watching TV for a long time. (主題句放段落第一句較符合托福要求) Furthermore, children who enjoy watching TV or movies often sit and stare into the screen for a long time. It is a harmful to their health. For example, nowadays, more and more children have bad eyesight,that will influence the quantity of learning, in addition to take thein convenience to their learning about life.
Last but not least, children are might always thinking about what they have been seen on the TV, this will lead to children absent-minded when they were in class. As a result of this, children would attain the half-baked knowledge.
二、四段論點很相似
Admittedly,it can let the children relax when they watching TV programs like the cartoon,but their parents should control the hours. We can let the children benefit from such devices, rather than become the slaves of those devices. Then the children will be happy accept it and get a good performance in their school.


附約略的托福寫作模板，供您參考

Introduction--
(repeat the topic& Advantages/ drawbacks for A, B)
(stance)As my inclination,...I think… (topic), 原因1,2,3 (supporting ideas)
Body--
1. Topic sentence—supporting ideas.
Description/ explanation. >> examples
2, 3 as above
Conclusion--
Repeat stance, and summarize your support ingideas.

hyliu1-08UID: 3063421

占座5月4日 独立+写作
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1260192-1-1.html

hyliu1-08UID: 3063421

2011年5月4日 周三：独立：
独立：
同意否，团队合作中，不能接受批评的人不会成功的。
独立
In my mind, I absolutely agree with this topic, which if a person in teamwork is not willing to accept others’ critical ideas, he or she will not success in doing anything. Because the other’s critical speeches can help him or her know whether what he or she have done is right, and perfect your work. If he or she carry on doing your job and do not accept the critical ideas, but that maybe gives him or her work a favor. Even though, sometimes these proposals may sound isn’t funny.
In a team, if someone suggests you something, the one is a truly good friend of you. He or she gives critical advices to you because he or she wants to boost you to do your work well. For instance, we all have been chastised by our teachers, because our teachers would like to promote our ability. Some humans play a role of teacher who around us, when we step into the society and enter the work force. They always give us critical suggestions for guiding us to finish our duty well.
In addition, some people will step on a narrow or a wrong way if he or she always doesn’t accept others’ critical recommendations. For example, one time, a classmate of mine was focus on calculating a math’ question, but he deviate the right means. I criticized that he used a wrong way to do this, he was bigoted very and didn’t accept my advices, and go on using his ways to calculate the question. And finally, he got a low score.
So, as I was said, people who is not willing to listen other’s critical suggestion in a team, he will not finish anything well. However, if we are good at accepting and choosing others’ critical ideas, we will benefit from it. There is a famous human have been said that” If you want to go fast, so go alone. If you want to go far, then walk together.”

hyliu1-08UID: 3063421

2011年5月4日 周三：独立：
独立：
同意否，团队合作中，不能接受批评的人不会成功的。
独立
In my mind, I absolutely agree with this topic, which if a person in teamwork is not willing to accept others’ critical ideas, he or she will not success in doing anything. Because the other’s critical speeches can help him or her know whether what he or she have done is right, and perfect your work. If he or she carry on doing your job and do not accept the critical ideas, but that maybe gives him or her work a favor. Even though, sometimes these proposals may sound isn’t funny.
In a team, if someone suggests you something, the one is a truly good friend of you. He or she gives critical advices to you because he or she wants to boost you to do your work well. For instance, we all have been chastised by our teachers, because our teachers would like to promote our ability. Some humans play a role of teacher who around us, when we step into the society and enter the work force. They always give us critical suggestions for guiding us to finish our duty well.
In addition, some people will step on a narrow or a wrong way if he or she always doesn’t accept others’ critical recommendations. For example, one time, a classmate of mine was focus on calculating a math’ question, but he deviate the right means. I criticized that he used a wrong way to do this, he was bigoted very and didn’t accept my advices, and go on using his ways to calculate the question. And finally, he got a low score.
So, as I was said, people who is not willing to listen other’s critical suggestion in a team, he will not finish anything well. However, if we are good at accepting and choosing others’ critical ideas, we will benefit from it. There is a famous human have been said that” If you want to go fast, so go alone. If you want to go far, then walk together.”

EMP_CHENGUID: 2762848

5月4日
独立

在网盘里，
http://u.115.com/file/e61g4pgf

xiangtuoUID: 3047550

同意否，团队合作中，不能接受批评的人不会成功的。
In my mind, I absolutely agree with this topic. Which(从句在哪里呢？直接删掉好了~) if a person in teamwork is not willing to accept others’ critical ideas(你是想表达批评吗？criticism), he or she will not success(动词应为succeed) in doing anything(有点绝对了). （A person who in teamwork is not willing to accept others’ criticism, will not succeed at last.） Because the other’s critical speeches（words 更好些） can help him or her（you一般作文中很少用he or her的） know whether what he or she (you)have done is right, and perfect your work. If he or she（you） carry on(是想表达坚持的意思吗？我觉得insist更能表现的出） doing  your job(有点鸡肋的感觉，直接删掉 )and do not accept the critical ideas（criticism）, but（因果关系在哪里呢？） that maybe gives him or her work a favor（条件状语的主语是you）.（这句话整体逻辑是有问题的 是主要想表达什么意思呢？） （If yo u insist and do not accept the criticism, you might go further to your success, as other’s word may do you a favor）.Even though（应该是表递进的关系吧？Moreover更恰当）, sometimes these proposals may sound（听起来？） isn’t funny(关funny什么事？~).（Moreover, sometimes  these proposals may not be useless .）

In a team, if someone suggests（没有这种用法） you something, the one is a truly good friend of you. (In a team, the person who gives you ideas ,is a truly good friend of you.用从句层次更清晰)He or she（这种情况下 用he就可以了） gives critical advices to you because he or she wants to boost you to do your work well. For instance, we all have been chastised by our teachers, because our teachers would like to promote our ability（促进能力？搭配有点怪，stimulate或者spur 后加us会好些）. Some humans（这是人类啊。。。people） play a role of a teacher who around us, when we step into the society and enter the work force. (who的小从句放在people之后)They always give us critical suggestions（critical一词多义，既是关键的 也是评论的，放在这里容易引起歧义 直接删掉） for guiding us to finish our duty（有些唐突，因为你的上下文都没有提到过关于责任啊 义务啊 职责啊之类到底）well.
In addition, some（后面已经有定语了 用the更好） people （或者man也可以）will step on a narrow or a wrong way if he or she always doesn’t accept others’（other’s更恰当，因为你不是要表现很多其他人的建议，前面也有一个忘记改了） critical （同上）recommendations. For example, one time, a classmate of mine was focus on calculating a Math’ （去掉’）question, but he deviate the right means. I criticized that he used a wrong way to do this（啰嗦，后面直接跟him就可以）, he was bigoted very（放bigoted之前） and didn’t accept my advices, and go on using his ways（go on one’s way, using 多余） to calculate the question（太中文了 solve the question 就好很多，前面也有一个 一样）. And finally, he got a low score.
So, as I was said, people who is not willing to listen（太中文了 take） other’s critical suggestion in a team, he will not finish anything well. However, if we are good at accepting and choosing others’ critical ideas（同上）, we will benefit from it. There is a famous human（同上） have been said that” If you want to go fast, so go alone. If you want to go far, then walk together.”
主要问题：
1、        文章框架问题。太简单 像这种题目，要分情况讨论，分 学习、生活、工作分别讨论。
2、        逻辑有些混乱，文章要有条理。
3、        从句应用有待提高。
4、        写英语作文不要依赖电子词典以及在线翻译，避免太中文的说法。

tidus_xuanUID: 172013

In my opinion, it is good for young people to trydifferent jobs before theydecide which job or career they will do in the long term.
（第一段不错，言简意赅，观点明确）

Firstly, if young people who try as manyas possible job which seems fit them will let them learn something that theycouldn’t study it in school. （你的意思应该是多工作会学到很多课堂里学不到的东西，但是你的句子太长而且意思表达错了。第一，主语应该是young people，谓语是will learn，不是will let themlearn。 第二，as many as possible不能用来修饰job，只能说try as many jobsas possible。第三，定语从句套得太多，而且全是一种方式。我建议这样修改Trying as many jobs suitable as possible, young people will learn manythings unable to learn at school.）And they will accumulate experience about the society,this knowledge for most of us maybe never touch. （这句话也有几个问题。第一，这是两个句子你要用从句的形式将其联系起来，所以你缺少连词；第二，2句的主谓语没有弄清。可以考虑这么改：Also, they will accumulate social experiences which most of us never touch或者Also, they will accumulate socialexperiences, never touched by most of us）If young people take many different jobs before theydecide which job or career they will do in the long term they will adapt thejob which they choose more quickly.0 C: `' h) o8 （这句问题跟上两句类似，定语从句太多了，考虑改成Before decidingwhich job or career to do in the long term, young people should take manydifferent jobs so as to be adapted to the job more quickly.）T+ ^8 |%
x* V6 k
Secondly, It will let the young peopleclearly know that which jobs they want to get if young people take manydifferent job. Young people will take the advantage of these experiencesbecause they will not regret like others who regret they have choose a jobwhich they didn’t like as a result of they haven’t done any job before theydecide to choose.

Finally, young people who try doing workbefore they are determined to choose a job, he will more likely accomplishtheir work efficiently and perfectly. It is not only to be an interesting thingfor young people, but also a rewarding thing for their company. 4 M, I1 f# ]*

i
Admittedly, it will take some time fromtheir abustle life if young people who try as many as possible job. But if theytry to do it they will be benefit from it. And to my mind, young people shouldtry as many as possible job before they decide which job they will do in thelong term, they will prepare more for their life.

我看了整篇文章，后面几段没改，因为发现有几个问题始终出现
1. 你的句子大都写得很长，但是其中有很多逻辑主谓关系都搞错了，我的建议是先把它们都分开，一句一句写。然后试着先把两句句子连起来，可以用从句或其他方法。比如你第二段的最后一句，我想你的意思可能是年轻人可以利用学到的经验来选择职业，这样就不会后悔选了不喜欢的职业。所以你可以直接简单的表达young people can take advantage of experience,so they won’t regret choosing a job they don’t like。句子长不长不是关键，关键是你的意思别人要明白

2. 词汇有点少，比如文章中as manyas possible 出现了好几次。我建议可以找一些词汇书背一背，或者写完之后对重复出现的词试着用别的词替换下。

3. 助动词用得太多了，比如will,is等。一个简单的办法是用情态动词，但最好是你可以尝试用别的意思来表达你的句子。
4. 文中出现了很多代词，比如it, they等等，其实代词能省则省，多了反而意思模糊。比如最后一段第二句，很短一句句子出现了两个they, 两个it，你如果没有说清楚，别人不会知道你的they和it都是在说什么的，所以慎用。最后还是鼓励一下吧，多练习和改进应该可以提高很多的

hyliu1-08UID: 3063421

5月6日独立

hyliu1-08UID: 3063421

5月6日综合