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标题: 我的作文贴 [打印本页]

作者: theflyfish 时间: 2011-7-6 12:54:10 标题: 我的作文贴

7月6日独立

作者: 应小呆 时间: 2011-7-7 17:25:33

看过了~觉得楼主文章写得很不错~值得学习~，比我写的好多了~~~~(>_<)~~~~
问题没怎么发现，最多就是结构有点死板，感觉有点像高中30分钟流水线作文的感觉。

作者: 应小呆 时间: 2011-7-7 17:26:12

欢迎你来改我的作文~
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... p;page=2&extra=

作者: 栗孒 时间: 2011-7-7 19:43:29

改好啦~举例子好专业。羡慕，羡慕~
在结构上提了一些小意见，不知道对不对，大家可以一起讨论，仅供参考吧～O(^ ^)O

作者: theflyfish 时间: 2011-7-7 20:49:55

4# 栗孒
不知道该回在哪，先放在这里吧。。。
改的好认真，非常感谢。
关于结构的问题，据新东方的老师说，正正反,正正正以及让步转折是最标准的托福八股文的结构吧，像上面同学说的就是流水线作业，想都不用想，直接套就行了。

作者: sallyremy 时间: 2011-7-7 21:50:51

1# theflyfish

是我自7.4看到现在感觉写的最好的一篇文章了~有很多小问题，都改好了，有问题可以一起探讨
希望以后多多交流~~:handshake

作者: 栗孒 时间: 2011-7-7 23:17:03

5# theflyfish
恩~。我之前自己写的时候一直觉得正正反的话，结尾的时候反的语气太强会觉得和首段的论点有出入。。所以，一般采用让步来写，自己觉得语气缓和一点。。
我托福没读过班~以前上的雅思的和gmat的。。所以，对托福考官的偏好还不甚了解。。。

作者: a888855 时间: 2011-7-8 06:28:54

提示: 作者被禁止或删除内容自动屏蔽

作者: theflyfish 时间: 2011-7-8 10:16:42

4# 栗孒 我个人也比较喜欢反正正这种让步转折的写法，因为这样更合乎逻辑，文章也更有条理。不过正正反也有好处。一是避免使论点显得太绝对，避免因为一味的支持或反对而使文章出现瑕疵。另一个纯粹是应试的原因。如果考试的时候太紧张，写不完，那最后一段的转折可以不写，也能很好的支持论点。要是先让步，要是写不完，那文章的结构就不太完整了。这只是我的一点想法而已，其实也不知道对不对。

作者: theflyfish 时间: 2011-7-8 10:18:05

6# sallyremy 谢谢修改啊。我现在还在刷考位，估计还能写好长时间。一起加油啊。

作者: theflyfish 时间: 2011-7-11 18:56:42

本帖最后由 theflyfish 于 2011-7-12 00:42 编辑

2010年1月22日北美机经练习

Doyou agree or disagree with the following statement:

People who gooutside are more successful and happier than people who stay in villages.

作者: 幕阳素素 时间: 2011-7-11 22:33:23

我看了一下你的文章，我给你贴出来还是怎么弄？我第一次弄不知道。

作者: 幕阳素素 时间: 2011-7-11 22:46:00

It is hard to conclude whether people will be more successful and happier（我觉得这句话跟题目表达的不一个意思） because of different environments of different countries. However, when specifying the situation of my homeland China, an old and beautiful country now both flourishing and suffering of(我觉得suffer一般跟不好的词吧) the rapid growth of economy and transition of（of 改成from） traditional social institutions to modern forms. I agree that people who go outside will be more successful than their peers who stay in villages, nevertheless it is still difficult to claim these people will be more happier as well(as well 表示相同时用，此处用不恰当).

I will explain why people （加上go outside）will be more successful first（Firstly,放在句首比较好）. In my perspectives, to be successful means a person can achieve his potentials to a great extent, even if he might not be fortunate or hold a high status in society. According to this definition, people who go outside have two advantages to attain success. First, compared to(改为with) people living in villages, those who live in towns and cities are easier to access to high qualified education, a crucial element to abet people to recognize their potentials and enhance their ability to get their potentials. Universities locate exclusively in cities, especially in metropolises, and thus people who are ambitious to achieve their goals or want to seize a better position in force market have to go to cities to learn professional knowledge and to widen their visions and deepen their comprehension about the world. Additionally, cities are freer and can provide chances to various people with disparate backgrounds, interests and skills who are searching（改为striving for吧） their destiny. Those who engage in less productive or traditionally forbidden occupations, such as actors and athletes, can be very popular in cities. On the contrast, it is almost impossible for a person to become a famous actor or athlete, if he chooses to stay in village during his whole life.

To the question that who will be happier, I think there is no certain answer. The chief reason is that I believe（我觉得做认为讲believe不太合适） happiness is a kind of feelings and it has very few connections with objective circumstances, except for some extreme situations such as famine, ill health, or having barely any freedom. For instance, a person who relies on alms and enjoy his idleness every day, can be very happy; on the other hand, a millionaire or either billionaire might feel extreme frustrated and choose suicide finally. Thus it is not possible to judge whether a person is happy or not merely according to the position he lives. （举得例子挺不错，值得我学习）

第一次改，不好请见谅，链接是我写的，麻烦了[url][/url]https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1283345-1-1.html

作者: theflyfish 时间: 2011-7-12 00:39:25

7月11日独立，同主题写作

不小心超时了。文章比较长，改的同学辛苦了。

作者: theflyfish 时间: 2011-7-12 12:27:33

本帖最后由 theflyfish 于 2011-7-12 12:38 编辑

7月12日独立

有一个人名写错了。是stephen king，不是Steven King

作者: bonism 时间: 2011-7-12 12:46:46

感觉你写的风格很像GRE作文啊!

作者: theflyfish 时间: 2011-7-12 12:50:45

16# bonism GRE作文比这要求高多了

作者: 应小呆 时间: 2011-7-12 19:37:41

欢迎来改我的作文~
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1280678&pid=1775350653&page=4&extra=

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement
Working at home using computers or telephones is better than working in the office 10,5,22

It is undeniable that modern technology has provided contemporary people much convenience and made them to live and work in a more comfortable circumstance compared to last generations（为什么用复数呢？）. Some people even predict ‘the vanish of offices’, since people can simply use computers and telephones to deal with their work at home and they do not need to go to office any more. However, in my perspective（from my perspective）, this argument is merely partly right and people will choose to stay at home or go to office in terms of their occupations.

It is true that people engaging in some occupations, especially those concerned with sales and purchases, can perfectly finish their jobs at home. And they can benefit greatly because they can save time from commuting to offices and they can avoid unnecessary troubles in the daily connection with their coworkers and supervisors. The boom of electronic business can illustrate this point clearly. Another example is that many Korean priests deliver sermons and communicate with Christians totally through internet. This does not prevent Christian spread widely in Korean(不太明白上下句之间的逻辑关系，楼主能解释一下吗？顺便能说一下Korean priest这个例子的来源吗？). Writers and artists are also examples that should be allowed to choose their working places liberally, although based on different reasons. Their wild and sentimental spirits refuse to be settled and their inspiration might be undermined（这个词用的真好~） if they are forced to go to office daily. Actually, some successful writers are famous for their quirky tempers（学习了~）. For example, Steven King, a prominent novelist, possesses his own castle and spends most time there. He claims that the castle is the fountainhead of his novels. In this situation, the best thing to do is to allow them to stay wherever they want to.

However, there are also some jobs that require people to go to office every day. Some jobs require workers to deal with emergencies or sudden accidents, so workers have to gather together in a certain place with certain equipments or gears and only in this way, they can react as fast as they can. Firemen might be an example of this type of occupations. No one can predict precisely when and where will a fire starts, except that he is the arsonist. As a result, firemen have to go to their offices and prepare for every possible fire with his fellow guys.

Some jobs need workers to connect directly with their clients, and people who engage in these occupations also need to go to offices. Doctor is an example that belongs to this category. It is true that doctors can manipulate some machines by computers to help them do some specific surgeries. However, if a doctor tells his patient that he will operate the surgery by computer at home, it is not hard to imagine how the patient will react. Restaurant waiters, construction workers（这两个例子很好哇） have to go to their workplaces for the same reason.

最后要是有个总结段，我觉得会更完整些~

作者: theflyfish 时间: 2011-7-12 20:11:11

18# 应小呆

1 写错了，应该是earlier generations
2 in my perspective 和from my perspective 都行。google都能查到
3 我在韩国呆了3年了，有时没事就去教堂看看。这个例子是说现在有的牧师都不去教堂布道了，就在家里布道，然后录下来放到网上去。用这个例子来证明不去office工作也不影响工作效率，还节省时间。
4 总结段我也不知道。以前听李笑来的课，他说有没有总结段影响不大。我也没太想明白。

作者: sallyremy 时间: 2011-7-13 00:14:55

14# theflyfish

改好了
很不错的文章哦~所以改起来很顺的
记得帮我改呀:handshake

作者: 应小呆 时间: 2011-7-13 12:14:29

19# theflyfish

韩国好玩不？

作者: theflyfish 时间: 2011-7-13 12:37:30

21# 应小呆
唉，要多无聊，有多无聊。

作者: lemonsweet3 时间: 2011-7-13 15:31:53

7月12日
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement
Working at home using computers or telephones is better than working in the office 10,5,22

It is undeniable that modern technology has provided contemporary people much convenience and made them to live and work in a more comfortable circumstance compared to last generations. Some people even predict ‘the vanish of offices’, since people can simply use computers and telephones to deal with their work at home and they do not need to go to office any more. However, in my perspective, this argument is merely partly right and people will choose to stay at home or go to office in terms of their occupations.

It is true that people engaging in some occupations, especially those concerned with sales and purchases（范围限定的特别好严谨、具体、吸引人）, can perfectly finish their jobs at home. And they can benefit greatly because they can save time from commuting to offices and they can avoid unnecessary troubles in the daily connection with their coworkers and supervisors. The boom of electronic business can illustrate this point clearly. Another example is that many Korean priests deliver sermons and communicate with Christians totally through internet. This does not prevent Christian spread widely in Korean. Writers and artists are also examples that should be allowed to choose their working places liberally, although based on different reasons. Their wild and sentimental spirits refuse to be settled and their inspiration might be undermined if they are forced to go to office daily. Actually, some successful writers are famous for their quirky tempers. For example, Steven King, a prominent novelist, possesses his own castle and spends most time there. He claims that the castle is the fountainhead of his novels. In this situation, the best thing to do is to allow them to stay wherever they want to.(我觉得你学识好丰富啊，知道很多事情和很好的例子；有个小建议，后面从画家作家开始有一点点轻微偏题，忽略了题目里的一个要素“using computers or telephones” 我觉得是不是多提一句作家在家用电脑写作会更保险一点？起码提到了题目里的computer)

However, there are also some jobs that require people to go to office every day. Some jobs require workers to deal with emergencies or sudden accidents, so workers have to gather together in a certain place with certain equipments or gears and only in this way, they can react as fast as they can. Firemen might be an example of this type of occupations. No one can predict precisely when and where will a fire starts, except that he is the arsonist. As a result, firemen have to go to their offices and prepare for every possible fire with his fellow guys. （同样没有提到computer or telephone）

Some jobs need workers to connect directly with their clients, and people who engage in these occupations also need to go to offices. Doctor is an example that belongs to this category. It is true that doctors can manipulate some machines by computers to help them do some specific surgeries. However, if a doctor tells his patient that he will operate the surgery by computer at home, it is not hard to imagine how the patient will react(是不是用respond或者feel可能好点？react有点中国式英语好像外国人很少这么说，应该是它多用于化学反应的反应). Restaurant waiters, construction workers have to go to their workplaces for the same reason.没有结尾？

1.我写这道题目时，也在纠结到底要不要管题里面的“using computers or telephones” ，因为我写的理由里也大多没有重点涉及到电话电脑；但是后来怕考官觉得我偏题、没审情题目要求，所以还是特意强调了一下电话电脑。我也建议您也再多提一下。

2.我以前一直不敢写这种分类讨论式的，总怕写不好，最后观点混乱；但是我觉得您处理的特别好！

3.我觉得您脑子里的“料”特别丰富，整篇文章读起来感觉一气呵成、十分饱满充实。比如韩国神父的例子、城堡的例子；
而且您的例子感觉是很信手拈来特别轻松，比如这篇作文里随处可见一个个小例子：销售行业、电子产品行业、医生用电脑做手术、服务员建筑工人需要亲临工作现场…..
我觉得我在这方面就不足，我写作文也不善于大段地论述，我比较喜欢举例子；但是有时看到一道题经常会想不到合适的好的例子、甚至根本想不出例子！
你在这方面是怎么做到的呢？有什么建议和经验吗…?谢谢！

作者: lemonsweet3 时间: 2011-7-13 15:33:25

欢迎你来改我的作文~~~！！同一个题目：）

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1280367-2-3.html

作者: theflyfish 时间: 2011-7-13 19:49:40

本帖最后由 theflyfish 于 2011-7-13 21:32 编辑

7月13日独立

没思路啊。后两段纯凑字数。学习学习大家怎么写的。

第一句引文不正确，更正为It is the best of time, it is the worst of time.

作者: qqweer2007 时间: 2011-7-14 09:38:07

25# theflyfish
写的很不错，比我好多了，学习了不少~

Which is better, challenging plans about one's future or practical plans about one's future?

It's the best of time, it's the worst of time. The sentence Dickens wrote in his novel A Tale of Two Cities can best describe contemporary world we live in. We enjoy more liberty because we have more choices and chances to achieve our potentials. However, we also feel lost and confused for the uncertainty of life. Thus we need plans to guide us toward future. The question now is what kind of plans we need, challenging ones or practical ones? From my perspective, practical plans about future can benefit people more because they are more feasible and flexible and thus can help people to achieve their goals more swiftly and smoothly.(写的真好。学习了)

Psychologists have studied why people hardly fulfill their plans and the result is that most people tend to overestimate their capabilities and underestimate the difficulty they will confront in the process. After several times of failures to complete plans, many people become frustrated and go to another extreme that they seriously doubt their ability and believe they are doing an impossible job and give up their plans finally. To resolve this problem, psychologists put forward an easy solution which is to make plans more realistic. The best way is to separate plans as several clear steps and every step has definite and achievable goals. Besides, plans should be adjustable to adapt to the change of one’s ability. Since people can finish their plans at first, they will build up confidence gradually and they are more likely to continue for a long time. Once what they do according to plans become to built-in habits, their goals are achieved successfully. （我觉得这段应该再给个开头说明论点，比如
Practical plans can help people estimate themselves appropriately and thus achieve their goals smoothly. 不然感觉一上来就在论证，论证的观点却要看完这段才明白。）

Another advantage of practical plans is that they are more flexible and people can adjust their goals in the process of exercising their plans. One problem people face when they make plans is that they are not very clear about what they really want and what they really interest in. You can recognize the very fact simply by seeing how many people loathe their major after four years’
experience in college even they claimed how they loved it before they enter college. As a result, compared to an unrealistic challenging plan, a pragmatic changeable plan is more beneficial. （这段感觉论证有点小偏差，例子应该论证practical plans 在某些情况下可以灵活调整。而这个例子在论证有很多人不知道自己想要什么。感觉逻辑上有点问题。Anyway，写的比我好多了。学习了不少）

In sum, people should make practical plans about future because they can benefit more.（其实可以把上面的论点简单罗列下，这样一句话总结会不会显得太弱。）

作者: qqweer2007 时间: 2011-7-14 09:41:20

我的作文贴，求拍啊~~
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... age=1#pid1775352810

作者: theflyfish 时间: 2011-7-14 09:53:59

26# qqweer2007

谢谢帮我修改啊。第三段逻辑上问题确实挺大的。本来写两段就结束了。但字数太少，只好又凑了点。。。

作者: theflyfish 时间: 2011-7-14 10:14:39

7月14日独立

作者: carol0607 时间: 2011-7-14 12:19:55

We live in the best of time, we live in the worst of time. The sentence Dickenson wrote in his novel Two Cities can best describe contemporary world we live in. We enjoy more liberty because we have more choices and chances to achieve our potentials. However, we also feel lost and confused for the uncertainty of life. Thus we need plans to guide us toward future. The question now is what kind of plans we need, challenging ones or practical ones? From my perspective, practical plans about future can do more benefits to people (more) 去掉 because they are more feasible and flexible （and thus ）so that it can help people to achieve their goals swiftly and smoothly.

Psychologists have studied why people hardly fulfill their plans and the result is that most people tend to overestimate their capabilities and underestimate the difficulty which they will confront in the process. After several times of failures to complete plans, many people become frustrated and go to another extreme that they seriously doubt their ability and believe they are doing an impossible job and give up their plans finally.（Finally，they would give up their plans 感觉把最后一个and隔离出来说会更好些，不然太累赘了） To resolve this problem, psychologists put forward an easy solution which is to make plans more realistic. The best way is to separate plans as several clear steps and （every）each step has definite and achievable goals. Besides, plans should be adjust（able to）in order to adapt to the change of one’s ability. Since people can finish their plans at first, they will build up confidence gradually and they are more likely to continue for a long time. Once what they do according to plans become to built-in habits, their goals（are achieved）will achieve successfully.

Another advantage of practical plans is that they are more flexible and people can adjust their goals in the process of exercising their plans. One problem people face when they make plans is that they （are） do not very clear about what they really want and what they really interest in. You can recognize the very fact simply by seeing how many people loathe their major after four years’ experience in college even they claimed how they loved it before they enter college. As a result, compared to an unrealistic challenging plan, a pragmatic changeable plan is more beneficial.

In sum, people should make practical plans about future because they can benefit more.

我水平有限只能改基本对结构没有什么太大的贡献掩面…… 如果有些改了是我自己会错意了就见谅哈

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1284071-1-1.html

我的作文帖欢迎批改希望能共同努力进步！

作者: cherrycarrie 时间: 2011-7-14 12:28:32

We live in the best of time, we live in the worst of time. The sentence Dickenson wrote in his novel Two Cities can best describe contemporary world we live in. We enjoy more liberty because we have more choices and chances to achieve our potentials. However, we also feel lost and confused for the uncertainty of life.个人认为有一大段都是不必要的。。。最好开门见山吧。。。或者可以说，因为practical plans可以很有效率的达到目标，时间才不至于浪费。。。Thus we need plans to guide us toward future. The question now is what kind of plans we need, challenging ones or practical ones? From my perspective, practical plans about future can benefit people more because they are more feasible and flexible and thus can help people to achieve their goals more swiftly and smoothly.

Psychologists have studied why people hardly fulfill their plans and the result is that most people tend to overestimate their capabilities and underestimate the difficulty they will confront in the process. After several times of failures to complete plans, many people become frustrated and go to another extreme that they seriously doubt their ability and believe they are doing an impossible job and give up their plans finally. 厄，好多“and” To resolve this problem, psychologists put forward an easy solution which is to make plans more realistic. The best way is to separate plans as several clear steps and every step has definite and achievable goals. 这段真强，虽然我们三个写的都是一样的观点，为啥我觉得我这么幼稚= =
词汇也用的好。。（可以的话求解用词提高的方法。。。）Besides, plans should be adjustable to adapt to the change of one’s ability. Since people can finish their plans at first, they will build up confidence gradually and they are more likely to continue for a long time. Once what they do according to plans become to built-in habits, their goals are achieved successfully.

Another advantage of practical plans is that they are more flexible and people can adjust their goals in the process of exercising their plans. One problem people face when they make plans is that they are not very clear about what they really want and what they really interest in. You can recognize the very fact simply by seeing how many people loathe their major after four years’ experience in college even they claimed how they loved it before they enter college. 这是= =？As a result, compared to an unrealistic challenging plan, a pragmatic changeable plan is more beneficial.

In sum, people should make practical plans about future because they can benefit more.
后面逻辑不清，我觉得第二段你说了两个观点。可以吧besides那句移到下面来，结构更加清楚。例子少，说理多。

啊，写的用词和语句看起来很厉害诶~

作者: theflyfish 时间: 2011-7-14 12:47:14

31# cherrycarrie
谢谢帮我修改啊。这篇确实是没思路。我看了几篇赞成practical plan的，也还是没想到更好的写法。
而且我发觉我和你对challenging plan的理解不同。你的理解好像是计划安排的比较紧，内容比较多，比一个人能正常完成的量要多。我理解成了plan最终要达成的目标比较challenging了。感觉你的理解能准确一些。

作者: 应小呆 时间: 2011-7-15 07:59:43

欢迎你来改我的作文~
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1280678-5-1.html

Which is better, challenging plans about one's future or practical plans about one's future?

We live in the best of time, we live in the worst of time. The sentence Dickenson wrote in his novel Two Cities can best describe contemporary world we live in. We enjoy more liberty because we have more choices and chances to achieve our potentials. However, we also feel lost and confused for the uncertainty of life. Thus we need plans to guide us toward future. The question now is what kind of plans we need, challenging ones or practical ones? From my perspective, practical plans about future can benefit people more because they are more feasible and flexible and thus can help people to achieve their goals more swiftly and smoothly.

Psychologists have studied why people hardly fulfill their plans and the result is that most people tend to overestimate their capabilities and underestimate the difficulty they will confront in the process. After several times of failures to complete plans, many people become frustrated and go to another extreme that they seriously doubt their ability and believe they are doing an impossible job and give up their plans finally. To resolve this problem, psychologists put forward an easy solution which is to make plans more realistic. The best way is to separate plans as several clear steps and every step has definite and achievable goals. Besides, plans should be adjustable to adapt to the change of one’s ability. Since people can finish their plans at first, they will build up confidence gradually and they are more likely to continue for a long time. Once what they do according to plans become to built-in habits, their goals are achieved successfully.

Another advantage of practical plans is that they are more flexible and people can adjust their goals in the process of exercising their plans. One problem people face when they make plans is that they are not very clear about what they really want and what they really interest in. You can recognize the very fact simply by seeing how many people loathe their major after four years’ experience in college even they claimed how they loved it before they enter college. As a result, compared to an unrealistic challenging plan, a pragmatic changeable plan is more beneficial. （我觉得flexible举得那个例子不是特别合适，因为就算选了一个practical的专业，在四年里也没办法自由地变化吖？）

In sum, people should make practical plans about future because they can benefit more.

我觉得写得很好吖，就是后面那个例子举得不太好，但开头很不错，很有层层递进的严密范儿~

作者: 应小呆 时间: 2011-7-15 08:48:54

欢迎你来改我的作文~

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1280678-5-1.html

The best way to improve the quality of education is to increase teachers' salaries.

I agree that the best way to improve the quality of education is to increase teachers’ salaries.

First, increasing teachers’ salary can make sure teachers to focus on school education. One problem of school education（我觉得这个问题不是学校教育的问题，而是学校教育面临的问题） is that teachers’ pay is often under the average level of labors‘, and therefore they have to do some part-time jobs to support their families. The heavy burdens of family might distract teachers and force them to earn extra money. As a result, they cannot spend much time to prepare courses and to assist their students to solve problems. It might lead to severe results and stunt the development of children.

Additionally, more salary means teacher’s position is more competitive and more intelligent and qualified people can be attracted to devote themselves in educational fields. One reason that leads to the exacerbation of the quality of education is that smart arduous people tend to choose high-salary jobs instead of being teachers（whose pay is so low不然的话，being teachers作为一个动作跟high-salary jobs是没有关系的吖）. One example of America can illustrate this point. Around 1910s to 1920s, because of the prejudice to women, American female cannot find jobs other than teaching children and adolescents. This period is treated as the most successful time of elementary education.
With the rise of feminism, women have more options, and high-intelligent and qualified women are inclined to work in banks or companies. And since then, American elementary education gradually declined. If the salary increases, more qualified people might choose to be a teacher, which will ameliorate（学习了~） the quality of education.

Finally（这个理由和前面的理由是递进关系，用finally让我觉得前后是并列关系）, because of the competition which can be predicted, teachers will have to spend more time to enhance their teaching abilities and enrich their knowledge to keep their positions. Because of the incentive, namely money, more people will attend this field, and former teachers have to study hard to make sure that they will not lose jobs in the competition. More teachers might choose to attend training classes to enhance their teaching skills and read more books about education. They will attain experience from observing of others’ classes as well. （最后加一句话点明这会提高教育质量就更好了）

In sum, it will be beneficial to the whole education system if teachers’ salary increases.

作者: fyxloveu 时间: 2011-7-15 10:55:21

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作者: theflyfish 时间: 2011-7-15 13:42:36

35# fyxloveu

非常感谢。看过修改之后，猛然发现语法不过关啊

作者: qqweer2007 时间: 2011-7-15 20:38:43

很流畅啊。。我是挑不出什么毛病啦，学习了不少。

作者: theflyfish 时间: 2011-7-18 19:37:56

7月18日独立

作者: theflyfish 时间: 2011-7-18 21:53:02

7月18日综合

作者: 幕阳素素 时间: 2011-7-19 14:05:17

本帖最后由幕阳素素于 2011-7-19 14:06 编辑

It is true that humans makemistakes, some of which will definitely barricade their way toward success.However, from my perspective, this obvious phenomenon cannot be extended to anabsolute assertion that people who refuse to accept criticism would not besuccessful.

The first reason actually （是不是应该加base 或depend之类的）on the same assumption I mentioned above that people make mistakes allthe time and thus people who criticize some others might be wrong and those whoare criticized might be right. Sometimes, the most difficult thing, in anorganization, is not to accept others’ view but to insist one’s own opinion, especially theopposite voice comes from some influential people. The risk is that the personwho refuse to respond to other’s criticism might be treated as arrogant or even be isolated by othercooperators. However, if his opinion turns out to be correct, he may berespected for his wisdom and since he prevent potential loss of his team, hehas a much better chance to get promoted. Thus compared to accepting other teamworker’s view undistinguishedly( indistinguishably), it is better to reconsider the whole point thoroughly and deeply again.

Another possibility is that, undercertain circumstances, people who put forward criticism hold obviouslymalevolence, either because they are on a competing position or just becausethey want to acquit responsibility after a failure. In this situation,acknowledging and accepting criticism might be not the cleverest thing to do,because if they do so, they might have to delay their pace toward success oreven lose their careers. Thus, instead of accepting criticism, a wiser way might be to fight back.

In sum, under most circumstances,accepting criticism might be a virtue and people should listen to criticismwhich while ameliorate their work. However, accepting criticismundiscriminatingly is kind of weakness and ineptitude. To attain success,people should know when should（should改为to，不太确定） refuse and fight back to criticismeither.
写的太好了，我改不了了。

作者: theflyfish 时间: 2011-7-19 17:33:25

本帖最后由 theflyfish 于 2011-7-20 15:43 编辑

tpo8综合写作

作者: qqweer2007 时间: 2011-7-19 22:33:02

38# theflyfish
改好了

作者: theflyfish 时间: 2011-7-20 12:49:35

7月20日独立

作者: theflyfish 时间: 2011-7-20 18:17:28

7月20日综合

作者: cherrycarrie 时间: 2011-7-20 19:03:15

不好意思，修改的晚了。

作者: theflyfish 时间: 2011-7-20 21:28:49

45# cherrycarrie

非常感谢修改啊。
重复用词问题，主要是没什么积累，一时之间想不到什么替换词。要开始被单词了。
时态是和memoir相关的，我用的过去时。文章作者和lecturer提到的用现在时。我再想想。

作者: theflyfish 时间: 2011-7-21 13:37:06

7月21日综合

作者: pengdegao 时间: 2011-7-21 15:01:10

43# theflyfish
我不能上传附件，群里留言了，你来找我要吧。

作者: theflyfish 时间: 2011-7-21 16:22:50

7月21日独立

作者: cherrycarrie 时间: 2011-7-21 21:25:38

7.20独立修改。
不好意思晚了这么多
综合的话可能还要再一会儿= =因为我还没做，，，，，，
好吧我尽快。。。真是不好意思

作者: cherrycarrie 时间: 2011-7-21 21:29:35

这是pengdegao修改的。
她好像没有添加附件的功能，所以代传一下~~~

作者: cherrycarrie 时间: 2011-7-21 22:21:39

7.20 综合修改。
真是晚了，对不起。。。

作者: wendy316 时间: 2011-7-22 00:18:32

快马加鞭的帮你改完了，嘎嘎。今天要早起，睡去了。

作者: theflyfish 时间: 2011-7-22 08:38:48

感谢楼上的各位。等会慢慢看

作者: jenniferso 时间: 2011-7-22 11:01:17

7.21已改好。不能上传附件，群里给你。

作者: jenniferso 时间: 2011-7-22 15:40:19

It is undeniable that most classic and well-accepted movies are inspirable and can teach people something about real life. However, except for this kind of movie, other types of movies also have values because they meet people’s various requirements.

The reason why people come into cinema (the reason of going into cinema is vary from people by people)is diverse from people to people, and(这个and多余，thus已经是连词了) thus different kinds of films are required to adapt all kinds of tastes, some of which（them） are even quirky. For instance, comedy might be treated as ridiculous and superficial by some pundits, but it is indisputable fact that comedy can make people laugh and cheer up depressed people. Every person needs relax occasionally. If their purpose is(单复数) just to relieve from(删除)（releasing stress） and (decreasing tiredness), they can watch Stephen Chow’s movies to devote themselves to the delightful environment for a moment. For those who desire to gain courage to overcome difficulties in front of their lives, comedies, such as One Piece or Naruto are still a good choice.（单复数一致）

Another type of film, science fiction, is also beneficial and can entertain audiences. Science fiction movies reflect sparks of human beings’ intelligence and widens（单复数一致） people’s horizon of imagination. James Cameron, one of the most successful directors of Hollywood, is a good example to illustrate this point. Cameron was a big fun of science fiction movies since he was young. He was always interested in those quirky, fantastic stories about outer space and dreamed to have an opportunity to seek the worlds filled with strange creatures. 举一些他的科幻作品来说明他的想象力。The romantic film Titanic actually comes from his dream of diving and searching the relic of this prominent gigantic ship. （泰坦尼克是真人真事，卡梅伦有其他非常多的好科幻作品可以引用更合适）

In sum, it is hard to decide what kind of movie is worth watching, because people have different requires when they watch movies. A good movie is not necessary to teach us something about real life. （这句话想表达的意思是？？）As long as we can get what we want from a movie, it can be categorized as a good movie.

作者: theflyfish 时间: 2011-7-22 17:40:45

56# jenniferso
非常感谢帮我改作文有几个地方稍微回应一下
1 thus是副词。
2 some of which是非限定性从句的用法，好像可以。不太确定
3 their purpose。google了一下，这种用法挺多的。他们的目的，指单一目的可以用单数吧。下面的a good choice同
4 relieve from 好像用错了。relieve stress
5 泰坦尼克的例子的本意是science fiction movie stirs him to search some strange thing.
6 最后一句没什么歧义吧。

作者: theflyfish 时间: 2011-7-22 17:46:58

7月22日独立

作者: 幕阳素素 时间: 2011-7-22 23:18:54

我确实改了，只是发现的毛病少嘿嘿

作者: 冰雪蜂鸟 时间: 2011-7-23 00:07:18

你不要那么谦虚好吧>< 你写的很好了，我打分24分！
没有上25的原因是，字数有一点少。逻辑有一点点单一。语言流畅但没有很惊艳。
继续加油~~

作者: theflyfish 时间: 2011-7-23 21:16:01

本帖最后由 theflyfish 于 2011-7-24 09:45 编辑

7月23日独立

作者: 冰雪蜂鸟 时间: 2011-7-23 21:55:27

字数更少了><

作者: theflyfish 时间: 2011-7-23 23:01:25

62# 冰雪蜂鸟
呵呵。越到周末，越松懈啊。

作者: jackchen823 时间: 2011-7-23 23:46:38

看了你的作文强烈建议分段啊！！！

作者: 超级猴子 时间: 2011-7-24 10:13:31

7.23

作者: theflyfish 时间: 2011-7-25 20:37:06

7月25日独立

作者: 冰雪蜂鸟 时间: 2011-7-25 20:38:55

我的在这里62楼：
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1279272-7-1.html

作者: theflyfish 时间: 2011-7-25 21:06:55

68# 冰雪蜂鸟

谢谢修改。建议很中肯。只是有一点，我始终不认为toefl的文章必须有结尾。。。。虽然我发现几乎所有人都觉得没有结尾的文章不完整。

作者: after90sundae 时间: 2011-7-25 23:43:01

Do you agree with the following statement? If child want to do well in school. parents should limit the hours of watching TV programs or movies.
How to make sure children to do well in school? It is always a spiny problem (spiny用的很好)for parents. From my view, the easiest way is to constrain or even forbid children to watch TV, since it can assure children to spend more time doing their homework and make their to focus on study.

The chief advantage of limiting TV hours of children is that they will spend more time finishing their homework and practicing what they learn at school, and therefore they can do better than those who spend less time in study. A widespread misunderstanding about study is that intelligence is the determinant factor of academic performance. However, it is not the intelligence, but diligence which hugely affects children’s test scores. This fact has been revealed by a group of American psychologists. According to them, children who perform best in class often spend three or four extra hours doing homework, whereas other children usually choose to watch TV during this time. As a result, if parents can reduce the time children spend in front of television and elongate the time they spend studying, children will do better at school.

Another reason to restrict the hours of watching TV is that children lack self-control and they are prone to turn their attentions from study to those interesting things casted on TV. Actually, it seems to be less contentious that television has some negative effects on the society, especially on children. Observers blame TV to plummeting levels of everyday socializing. Children spend more time watching TV shows and less time participating activities or discussing their classes. Owing to the pervasive exist of TV commercials, children present much more interests on materials and brands and they seem to be less concentrated on study compared with earlier generations. This trend is true, at least in America. In terms of a nationwide investigation, conducted since 1960s, 74% of contemporary American teens and tweens endorse “being very well-off financially” is the most important value. Back to 1967, the percent is 44%. In contrast, the value which shows the most compelling decline in endorsement is “developing a meaningful philosophy life.” Sociologists attribute the transition to TV. Consequently, to enhance children’s performance at school, parents should not allow their children to spend much time watching TV.
蓝色字体，我其实不太喜欢。。。听新东方的时候，说写写具体数字没关系，但是我一直没用过

个人角度不是太喜欢你的理由，好像不让看电视就是为了学习好，可能是因为刚考完g，思维停留在“好人是不坏的”这个阶段，所以我还是认为，要想有力的说明，限制看电视是对的，就得说明，不限制看电视是错的。或者说我还是觉得你的证明方向不太妥当。

作者: 超级猴子 时间: 2011-7-26 11:12:31

好了

作者: theflyfish 时间: 2011-7-27 17:28:22

7月27日独立

作者: 应小呆 时间: 2011-7-27 18:01:03

我回来了~改好了~

作者: theflyfish 时间: 2011-7-27 20:55:10

73# 应小呆
回来了。终于考完了，羡慕。。。

作者: chair020928 时间: 2011-7-27 21:54:07

对不起lz，0725作文直到现在才修改好，害得被群给踢了。
偶是在职考，前几天一直加班，没时间，请见谅~

作者: theflyfish 时间: 2011-7-28 09:58:39

谢谢帮我改作文。

PS: forbid sb+to do

作者: after90sundae 时间: 2011-7-28 12:08:00

我改好了哇~，想在q上传你，我等级不够，不能加附件

作者: after90sundae 时间: 2011-7-28 21:04:35

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? For successful development of a country, should a government focus its budget more on very young children education rather than on universities?

Considering of the situation of my motherland, Equatorial Guinea, a poor country with a strict limitation of natural resources and population, I agree that government should focus its budget more on universities, since it is the best way to stimulate its economic growth and enhance people’s living standards.（具体情况具体分析，楼主好聪明，我还在想这个命题要怎么写才具体而不绝对。）

Because of the restriction, it is not realistic for my country to export either natural resources or cheap productions, which are the most common strategies adopted by （这里加个other会不会顺一点）developing countries. However, it does not mean there is no chance for my country to become affluent. The only way to offset the deficiency is to develop high tech industry, which has become the new impetus to economy. Unlike traditional industry, the only thing high tech industry needs is human resources, intelligent people with professional knowledge. To foster specialists, government should concentrate on university education because university is the best place to impart new knowledge to students and to cultivate high qualified citizens. With the financial support of government, universities can employ eminent scholars from all over the world and they can provide scholarships to attract students who are clever enough, ambitious enough but do not have enough money （but not rich enough也许更能跟前面的两个enough对应起来）to pay the tuition. After 4 years’ training, these high qualified university graduates will become the forerunners of high tech industry and the pillar of the society. They will lead the development of my country. Actually, this method has been proven to be feasible in Bangalore, India.

However, some people may argue that government should also focus more on young children education because they believe children are the hope of the future, and government should pay attention to children. Besides, focusing on young children education can maximize the benefits of the whole society, since if the government invests on high education, it can only be beneficial to those who enter the college. I admit that this point of view is reasonable to some extent. Nevertheless these people neglect that our country is poor and it does not have enough money to support both youth and university education. Education of young children is a long process, whereas the effect of university education can be observed very soon. Considering that my people is suffering from some serious social problems, such as famine and diseases, there is no doubt that supporting high education is a wiser decision. In addition, if high tech industry develops smoothly in my country, it will stir the economy of the entire nation, which is just what happened in Bangalore, India. As a result, the whole society will be beneficial.(beneficial可以当受益的讲吗？楼主是想表达受益的意思不？我觉得用benefited或者will benefit比较好呢)

In sum, government of my country should focus on university education.

作者: Jenius 时间: 2011-7-28 21:43:47

[attach]168622[/attach]

作者: theflyfish 时间: 2011-7-29 21:01:50

7月29日独立

作者: fyxloveu 时间: 2011-7-30 13:20:32

提示: 作者被禁止或删除内容自动屏蔽

作者: fyxloveu 时间: 2011-7-30 13:21:11

提示: 作者被禁止或删除内容自动屏蔽

作者: theflyfish 时间: 2011-7-30 20:56:55

7月30日独立
这篇以前写过，所以写的是7月26日的题目
3/20/2010 有些人觉得他们可以靠自己或者家人的帮助，解决important problems. 因此，仁慈不需要政府的帮助。

作者: 冰雪蜂鸟 时间: 2011-7-30 22:31:37

加油

作者: 师走99 时间: 2011-7-31 00:01:18

7.29独立
有些晚了，不好意思啊~

作者: Luna6408 时间: 2011-7-31 11:10:26

本帖最后由 Luna6408 于 2011-7-31 11:34 编辑

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: People can solve important problems by themselves or with the help from their family members so there's no need for the government to help them.

It is true that people can deal with most problems without help of government. However, when encountering some huge difficulties, especially in front of enormous disaster, individuals are so weak and powerless and [that?] they have to rely on government.

First, government should help people when they are involved in conflicts with others. The advantage of a good government is that it is just and it has authority to punish criminals. When a person conflicts with others, there are at least two methods to solve it. Of course he can turn to his family and call for help from his relatives. However, it is not effective in most situations, since the opposite side can do the same. As a result both sides will be trapped in endless disputes, which will eventually evolve into bleeding fights. Thus the wiser way is to find an impartial arbitrator to decide which side is right, which side is wrong and to impose appropriate punishment to the latter. In modern society, government is the arbitrator. It solves people’s daily problems in terms of its credibility and maintains the order of the society.

Additionally, the power of individuals are limited, they cannot cope with huge disaster. A diligent person can earn money sufficient [enough money?] to support his family. If he is also prudent, he might be affluent. Nevertheless [,] a serious disease, such as cancer, can ruin the whole life and the whole family as well. Commercial insurance may help, to some extent, but it cannot cover all the bills. The catastrophe may not only cost the patient’s entire savings, but also make him deep in debt. Besides, if the person loses his capability of earning money forever, his family is very difficult to tender him in the future and [这里是不是改成 Not to mention insurance companies, they好点？]insurance companies even don’t care because they have no responsibility for his rest life. In this situation, the only way to survive is to seek assistance from government, either through national health care plan, or to apply for lowest income insurance established by the state.

In sum, people should learn to solve trivial daily troubles. When these troubles are out of their reach, they have no other options, but to depend on government’s help.
[写得简洁清楚，有条理，我看了好多遍真的发现不了什么，…^o^#如果我改得不对，记得告诉我]

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