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标题: 【daily writing】作文特训主题xu8431习作 [打印本页]

作者: xu8431 时间: 2011-8-15 21:42:11 标题: 【daily writing】作文特训主题xu8431习作

本帖最后由 xu8431 于 2011-8-17 08:19 编辑

8月15日独立

8月15日 20100918NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: The effective leader tries to make others feel they have been part of a decision.

In this competitive society,the team work has become more important gradually. The leader is the soul of a team, some of them claim that everyone in the same team should all make contribution to making decisions, while the opposite opinion is still held by some others. However , I consider that a leader won’t be proved predominant and efficient without letting everyone who participates in making decisions realize that they are all a part of it.

It’s a good way for conductors to be proved efficient that they lead a team to make splendid progress on a project. And obviously ensuring teammates being responsible for the course of making resolution and the final result. For instance, there was an art troupe that was going to attend a competition in my school. But the leader was only an eight-grade-girl and didn't know what to perform. So she devided girls into 4 groups and let them to come up with 4 differnet ideas and make a final decision according to their performance. And then the members all agreed on a show and soon began to rehearse. The girls all knew that they are the decisive part of that result so they prepared for the shows very carefully. At last, they reached a great success and the leader of the art troupe who made wise decisions was considered as a effecitve student with great art of guidance. So it is no doubt that making teammates realize the importance of themselves of a decision can help to make the result easier to be received, which can prove the ability of the leader clearly.

And sometimes if the leaders act in an arbitrary fashion, don't even consider about the
thoughts of other people who also pariticipate in making decision, their result which is decided finally can’ t be widely received and carried out. And the leaders’ ability would be doubt and they would also get a shaking status meanwhile. Let’s suppose a situation that a leader claims that he is the decisive point in the decision,maybe he sometimes takes in others’ suggestion but seldom put himself with others equally. So his men don't even consider that they are a member of the team which is meant to make an important decision and find out it seems that it’s none of their business. Then nobody would put his heart into it and make contribution to this whole team.if that happens, who will think the leader is a predominant and effective one? I claim the answer would be absolutely no.

In sum,letting members feel they were playing an important role in the course of making a decision can make it easier to carry out policies. A successful leader should be not only wise but also knowing how to make full use of the artistry of leadership which can make him or her more effective.

作者: xu8431 时间: 2011-8-15 22:01:42

多说几句升级发附件~~~

作者: season08 时间: 2011-8-16 01:39:57

2# xu8431

hey我是今天给你改独立的
加油！

作者: xu8431 时间: 2011-8-16 08:51:00

谢谢啊

作者: xu8431 时间: 2011-8-16 09:00:01

改的很认真，水平也高。:lol

作者: xu8431 时间: 2011-8-16 20:36:10

8月16日独立

[attach]170049[/attach]

作者: callmec 时间: 2011-8-16 22:47:12

加油
！

作者: alohasally 时间: 2011-8-17 17:34:39

8-16的独立已修改[attach]170116[/attach]

作者: xu8431 时间: 2011-8-17 20:50:19

8月17日独立

[attach]170164[/attach]

作者: 愤怒公爵 时间: 2011-8-17 21:53:45

8月15日的
不好意思改晚了

作者: xu8431 时间: 2011-8-17 23:14:29

10# 愤怒公爵

我很弱啊,花了我90分钟啊.但我特认真,谢谢你啊.

作者: leiyuan 时间: 2011-8-18 01:06:38

昨天有点事没来的及改。。。今天上午应该可以然后中午给你传吧见谅了

作者: leiyuan 时间: 2011-8-18 11:14:36

8月16日20101017NA Do you agree or disagree, it is better to relax by watching amovie or reading a book than by doing physical exercise.

In this competitive society,people get much pressure from all directions and more easily become tired sometimes(are more easily tired some imes). The ideas on how to relax vary from person to person. Some would claim that watching movies and reading books are both good ways, while some others may suggest the way that doing sports has more benefits and I consider that doing exercise does help us reduce pressure as the below reasons show.

First of all, taking some physical activities is wholesome to our health while watching films and reading books can’t(与前面对应) . People can take in fresh air and breathe out the waste in their bodies by doing aerobics such as weightlifting and yoga. However,a person who is relaxing by watching a film or reading a novel,no matter where he or she sit,is kind of static somewhere and doesn't move very much. Most of doctors agree on that doing proper exercise can not only help handle stress but also leads to a healthier heart. While（while是介词这里用but 或者 however或者 by contrast好些） people can’t get good blood circulation when reading with a mostly still pose which incumbers them reducing pressure. Therefore, doing physical exercise could benefit our health in order to relax ourselves better.

Second, exercise is proper and convenient for children and adults ,poor or rich,male or famale, to relax themselves because of it’s sundry and very easy to be done. （of后面接从句有问题）You need to buy a ticket, stand the horrible net speed or spend several hours downloading a movie if you want to see one. Nobody would consider that as a way to help relax or decompress. While if you would like to do some physical acitivities,you can start almost everywhere that you want without any stupid tickets or special equipment. For instance, if it’s a sunny day,you could go out for a walk or playing ballgames with golden sunshine,which would release your stress in a moment,spread on your body. And also you could stay at home do some yoga if it’s raining outside. So when you are doing exercise to reduce pressure, you can be in happiness and relaxation without any worry.

Last but not least, sometimes people can’t get absolute relaxation by movie or book. Take my friend Betty as an example, she is a excellent student with wise thoughts. And she told me she wanted to decompress before the final exam so she decided to watch a horror film called Hotel
that night. But unfortunately, after seeing that she got very nervous and worried about everything around her in the bedroom and even couldn't sleep well the whole night. As a result, she got bad marks in this final exam. It’s pretty a shame and we should all realize that some movies and books are the carriers of emotional stuff sometimes with various stories which could prevent us from reducing pressure and getting relaxed. However,doing exercise is actually a good way to relax ourselves because there is almost no side effect.

Stress is a huge byproduct of our busy daily life and it takes a tremendous toll on our health. We should take the proper measures to deal with that. And in my opinion, doing exercise , whether outdoor or indoor,is really the best and most helpful way to get fantastic relaxation. As the saying goes , “keep moving and you will gain every sweet fruit in the garden.”

写的不错用了很多高级词语
小的地方有些语法和单词错误

作者: xu8431 时间: 2011-8-18 20:53:35

本帖最后由 xu8431 于 2011-8-18 23:25 编辑

818 独立
[attach]170279[/attach]

作者: xu8431 时间: 2011-8-18 21:46:17

额 while 有四种词性好吧 - -

作者: 冰雪蜂鸟 时间: 2011-8-18 22:54:36

加油

作者: wq1102 时间: 2011-8-19 11:37:11

本帖最后由 wq1102 于 2011-8-19 11:42 编辑

8月18日 20100813NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? More and more people spend too much money on their pet (dogs, cats and others), although there are better uses for these money. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

There are a growing number of people keeping pets nowadays. Most of them spend so much money on their pets that while some people claim it’s not worth doing that and they could make fuller use of theose money. As far as Ii concerned, sometimes pets do deserve the money we spend on them.

A key reason is that those doggies and kitties may bring us a great amount of joy and relaxation. Animals can communicate with each other in their particular way. They also communicate with human beings, for they are quick to sensesensitive to anger and sorrow. With the communication, we could get out of the bad moods soon. For example, once my friend Betty failed a math exam soand she was very upset about that on our way home. Suddenly she saw a little kitty walking toward her and smelling her shoes. Her heart got smooth and gentle immediately and took out (这里的主语对应的是her heart) a piece of chocolate to feed it. When she raised her head, Ii saw a big smile on her face clearly.

In addition, pets also make good contribution to family education and daily life (这里的family education and daily life指的都是the aged people，和后面的内容不一致了) of the aged people. Pets are of particular importance to children in this Plastic Age(这个词没听过，翻译成“塑胶年代”？) when most of us live in large cities. Watching the everyday activities of a pet helps a child to understand nature and cope with problems (这段展开不够充分哦 ).

As for the aged, in this developing society developing with a high speed, young people ought to work very hard to support their family. As a result, they get less time to accompany their old parents and grandparents. It’s reported that the number of aged people who catch dementia is increasing by 30,000 a year. And some scientists all agree that living with pets can lower the rate of catching that kind of disease. My cousin’s grandma who is， a 66-year-old lady， keeps 2 dogs. Before she does so, she used to play Mahjong in her spare time, which requires players sit around a table for a long time, in her spare time. She often had a backache because of that. (这里缺少过渡，比如说她的背痛好了) Now she has spent much money on keeping dogs, but she always tells people with loud laughter, ”totally worth!”

Most importantly, in the modern society, the money that spending on pets is kind of necessary. Because people now spend more money on the pets’ cleaning and vaccine which help them to live a better life, get along better with humans and even contribute to the whole society. What’s more, it cost some people thousands of dollars to train a guide dog. It leads the blind people a better living standard which you can’t consider as a waste of money.

Pets can not only offer freedom to disable people, but also help human beings develop both mental and physical health. There is no doubt that we are supposed to focus on other things, but what can be more important than our health and freedom?

楼主写了好多呀，例子很多，用词也比较丰富，偶尔一两句指代不明确，我也有这毛病，共同进步呀~

作者: wq1102 时间: 2011-8-19 11:38:16

级别太低，上传不了附件，文中红色为删除的内容，蓝色是我修改的部分，楼主可以参考下。

作者: wq1102 时间: 2011-8-19 11:41:20

关于这个题目有点疑问想跟楼主探讨下，因为我们的观点都是支持花钱养宠物的，写完我突然发现这个题目有两个点，一个是money，一个是pets，我感觉我们对于money的论证都不是很充分，将keeping pets的好处比较多，不知道这样算不算跑题，从昨晚提交就一直忐忑中啊`

作者: little_caty 时间: 2011-8-19 12:27:56

改好了，加油~

作者: xu8431 时间: 2011-8-19 12:29:04

谢谢两位修改，辛苦啦

作者: 草莓刨冰 时间: 2011-8-19 12:39:35

[attach]170305[/attach]
Sorry I'm late

作者: zuragh 时间: 2011-8-19 15:13:56

晚了啊真不好意思~8.17 独立已修改 [attach]170308[/attach]

作者: xu8431 时间: 2011-8-19 17:21:38

本帖最后由 xu8431 于 2011-8-19 17:24 编辑

谢谢大家辛苦了

作者: xu8431 时间: 2011-8-19 17:25:39

17# wq1102

They also communicate with human beings, for they are quick to sense anger and sorrow.这句话是我从托福作文书上背下来的写完还检查过所以应该没有错啦
Plastic Age 这个词也是从托福作文书上看到的，如果你以后要用请放心...我不收你钱 ><
My cousin’s grandma who is a 66-year-old lady keeps 2 dogs.
这句如果要改成含插入语的话，个人认为前一个逗号应该加在who前面
Most importantly, in the modern society, the money that spend on pets is kind of necessary.
我承认这句有点问题。但是你把spend改成spending，好像不太妥当。按老师的说法，money是被动spend，那就应该去掉that，改成spent

关于你的文我是发觉有对money论证不够的问题所幸你结尾段有很明确地点题所以还是很不错的
但是我写的时候有考虑到这个问题所以在论证部分的第三段特意写了花在宠物身上的钱是物有所值的（大多数是用于清洁与疫苗以及训练），让宠物和人更好地和谐相处，并为人类谋福利

恩恩非常感谢童鞋抽出时间改我的文大家一起努力吧~~~

作者: xu8431 时间: 2011-8-19 17:42:27

23# zuragh

intuitively 除了直觉地还有直观地的意思吧

florescent 是作为引申义繁荣昌盛的来使用的不知道可不可以...

reading newspapers and magazines in order to get the information about a foreign country is not the best choice
这句话包括下面一段重点放在best上表示还有其他更好的办法...引起歧义了啊...

作者: xu8431 时间: 2011-8-19 17:45:33

22# 草莓刨冰

谢谢啦笔记本刚刚买来 word不会自动揪出拼写错误我又打得比较急辛苦你了啊 ><

作者: xu8431 时间: 2011-8-19 21:49:28

8月19日独立

[attach]170335[/attach]

作者: wq1102 时间: 2011-8-20 16:19:56

25# xu8431
楼主的意见我看了，
关于插入逗号的位置是我的疏忽，是在who is前面的
spend处的意见我同意，好久没学英语了，这个当时真没有注意
希望楼主继续把文章中的问题提出来讨论

作者: wq1102 时间: 2011-8-20 16:42:07

写得很好~ 赞啊·

作者: season08 时间: 2011-8-20 21:11:23

28# xu8431

加油！

作者: xu8431 时间: 2011-8-23 20:55:28

[attach]170553[/attach]

823独立用了一些插入语希望批改的童鞋们给点意见 ~\(≧▽≦)/~

作者: lsmmaomao 时间: 2011-8-24 00:31:44

改好了，很多个人意见，希望能讨论！

作者: chair020928 时间: 2011-8-24 19:03:03

改好了，同时谢谢你给我的修改

作者: xu8431 时间: 2011-8-24 21:17:32

824 独立

[attach]170657[/attach]

作者: zhangbao0607 时间: 2011-8-25 16:35:08

改好了，发给你~

作者: yuqivickey 时间: 2011-8-25 18:00:09

改好了

作者: yuqivickey 时间: 2011-8-25 18:04:15

改好啦

作者: xu8431 时间: 2011-8-25 21:07:19

825 独立

[attach]170711[/attach]

作者: xu8431 时间: 2011-8-25 23:24:47

36# zhangbao0607

谢谢啊，有空会回改的

作者: xu8431 时间: 2011-8-26 23:54:24

[attach]170764[/attach]826 独立

作者: 宁夏zoe 时间: 2011-8-27 08:09:48

改好了。

作者: 樾悦 时间: 2011-8-27 16:09:10

8.25 有点点迟~ 不好意思~

作者: xu8431 时间: 2011-8-27 19:55:04

827 独立

[attach]170794[/attach]

作者: xu8431 时间: 2011-8-29 22:16:26

笑了就只有我傻乎乎地帮同组两个人改他们好像都不知道有互改这回事

作者: xu8431 时间: 2011-8-29 22:18:22

829 独立

[attach]170952[/attach]

作者: xu8431 时间: 2011-8-29 22:26:42

真棒！

作者: xu8431 时间: 2011-8-29 22:27:42

上QQ了吗

作者: chair020928 时间: 2011-8-30 13:20:00

8月27的作文，改好了，同时也谢谢你给我的修改哦

作者: chair020928 时间: 2011-8-30 13:20:41

迟了，不好意思

作者: xu8431 时间: 2011-8-30 21:07:52

830 独立

[attach]171005[/attach]

作者: 冰雪蜂鸟 时间: 2011-8-31 12:19:31

加油哦~

作者: xu8431 时间: 2011-8-31 21:19:38

831 独立

作者: xu8431 时间: 2011-8-31 21:27:01

51# sizukaada

had better do sth 是固定搭配最好做某事

however除了转折好像还有无论如何的意思

作者: foreverendless 时间: 2011-8-31 22:13:50

8.30

作者: 超级猴子 时间: 2011-9-4 10:43:15

我来回改了，上次来你帖子看你还没把作文贴上的，所以没改。

作者: xu8431 时间: 2011-10-5 20:50:50

10 05 独立

[attach]171870[/attach]

作者: yuanruicong 时间: 2011-10-6 16:14:36

本帖最后由 yuanruicong 于 2011-10-6 16:17 编辑

改好啦~ 欢迎给小美回改~

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1308466-2-1.html

作者: 糖果cathy 时间: 2011-10-6 19:21:07

改好了哦~

作者: xu8431 时间: 2011-10-6 20:52:38

10 06 独立

[attach]171891[/attach]

作者: yuanruicong 时间: 2011-10-7 16:15:33

灰常感谢~我的确是从句用的乱糟的。。。

作者: 糖果cathy 时间: 2011-10-7 20:32:45

帮你改好了哦~
貌似我们两次分在一组了呢可是你怎么一次都木有帮我改呀

作者: shenzhao081 时间: 2013-10-26 16:50:49

11年的你已经这么努力了，那个时候我大三，被你的贴感染了，我现在读研究生了，出国交流了几次感觉还是国外的环境比较好，所以决定要出国了，已经花了两个月基本把阅读和听力攻克了，现在在攻写作，看见你分享的一些练习贴，瞬间吓尿了。。。。。我都读到研究生了水平还不如一个高中小女生。。。。没脸见人了。。。。我还有两个月的时间，一定要攻克写作！！！

欢迎光临寄托家园留学论坛 (https://bbs.gter.net/)