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标题: Daily Wringting by 蹲着的猫 [打印本页]
作者: wqr619 时间: 2012-1-31 22:11:51 标题: Daily Wringting by 蹲着的猫
本帖最后由 wqr619 于 2012-2-27 09:25 编辑
修改总结(从陶太郎那里学来的，发现真是个好办法)
2月11日
陶太郎修改：
1. for both 而不是 both for
2.competitive 而不是 competenced
3.while 只能连接两个分句！！！
2月16日
阿达修改：
1.“I depend my statement on” 改成“my statement depend on”
2."food of low quality" 改成“low quality food”
3.But作为句子开头过于口语话，改成别的副词
2月17日
阿达修改：
1.statistics 用 released； survey用conduct
2.which从句不要连用
3.truth最好不要用，不然过于夸张
2月20日
阿达修改：
1.本来想表达non of one's busisness，但感觉这样讲有点口语化，就用了irrelevant这个词。。可是这个词是不切题的意思。。似乎也不对。。想改成unrelated不知可否？
2.结尾过于绝对化。。把题目都说大了
本来是年轻人有影响力，变成了有影响力的只有年轻人
By的修改：
1.take something into account
2.what's more应该用what is more
2月21日
阿达修改：
1.题目：虽然科技的发展是无止境的，但是人类的生活质量最重要的进步已经发生了。
我的论述局限在物质生活，可以扩展到精神人文关怀方面。
2月22日
阿达修改：
选择例子的问题：就此楼主写的时候也很纠结。。限定的时间里面想不出什么好的例子了。。就十分狗血地用了个小孩买面条的例子。。。T.T
2月23日
阿达修改：
1.being entangled in heavy workload 好词~~~学到了~~~
2.用might代替may
3.more accessible
4.有关论点：赶脚还是阿达的“具体问题具体分析”的论点比较好~~~
蜗牛修改：
1.注意转折词however的用法
2.论证可以用对比
2月27日（修改2月5日的作文）
阿达修改：
1.注意转折词的用法
2.电影包含现实主义元素用“movie embodied with...”
3.take sth for example太口语化
4.captivate
作者: idealibt 时间: 2012-2-1 01:39:10
是1/31日的作文么？ 1/31的题目如下~
pls check
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? College or University should offer students more preparation before they start working.
作者: wqr619 时间: 2012-2-1 13:09:53 标题: 2月1日
本帖最后由 wqr619 于 2012-2-1 17:00 编辑
2月1日Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People who cannot accept criticism will not succeed in a team.
Critisim plays a crucial role in people’s progress. Nobody is born perfect and can make sure to avoid making mistakes. When it comes to team work or cooperation, accecpting cirtisims from others becomes even more important than self-work. Because exchanging ideas and perspectives is the essence of cooperation and team spirit. People can not improve themseves to succeed without accepting criticism.
Rejecting others critisisms and advice will simply turn a man into an arrogant and self-centered character. Once a group work depends entirely on a leader’s idea, the whole team work is meaningless and lacks dynamic power. The change of the great politician in China - Chairman Mao can illustrate this point. Mao used to be a great and talented military and politician leader and succeeded to build the new China after the civil war. His success owes moslty to his leader charisma as well as his willingness to accept different opnions. However, his leading method changed from democratic into autocratic after he became an idol of almost every Chinese citizen. He rejected the suggestions from other leaders ,such as Deng, to develop China’s economy, while depended mostly on his own will to lauch the Cultural Revolution. Even in the area of politics, where one man’s will can influence 1.3 billion people, teamwork spirit still plays an important part. Avoiding criticism can only leads to failure.
One can improve himself greatly by accepting others’ opinions and even criticism. Even at such a information time, no one can assure to master the knowledge from all fields. When a team aims at building a factory ajacent to a city, social science student probably concerns more about cultural and societal effect, while an engineer cares about the cost of the building. A environmentalists may critisize the architect of his neglect of factory pollution. It is the criticism from different aspect that makes a project perfect and thorough.
Team work pattern requires abundant ideas and perspectives which will naturally generate criticisms. To admit mistakes and accept difference is the first step to succeed. In no circumstances can one refuse others’ ideas and neglect opinions from other fields. Arrogance and self-centeredness lead to nothing but failure.
大求拍砖
作者: sodapeng 时间: 2012-2-1 22:29:57
不然咱俩换着先改吧=- =
作者: kikyou_lr 时间: 2012-2-2 10:52:48
[attach]174391[/attach]
我是来响应楼主号召——狂拍的
见附件
作者: wqr619 时间: 2012-2-2 11:49:03
改得好精彩啊~~~泪奔~~~大谢~~~~ 5# kikyou_lr
作者: wqr619 时间: 2012-2-2 14:28:37
2月2日 110304NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important problems affecting our society today could be solved within our lifetime. #
There’s no guarantee that the most significant societal problem can be solved within out lifetime. Usually, this kind of problem concerns the common characteristic of people in the society, which may take centuries to be eradicated. We may improve our society before death. However, as long as human hasn’t evolve into a perfectly self-less creature, this crucial problem will always exist.
It is universally admitted that people are born greedy and self-centered. Most societal problems derive from this human nature and can not be settled permanently. The economical recession, the high unemployment rate and the severe political and military conflict are all threatening problems in need of solution. Government can surely decrease the unemployment rate by adding more job positions, and assuage the financial crisis with large amount of investment. Also, the United Union can protest against the war. But can we eradicate all these problems forever? The financial crisis will burst one after another as history told us. This is caused by the rule of financial market and mostly people’s unlimited greed for wealth. There will always be gold diggers in the market ,who can sophisticatedly build stock bubbles so as to make a fortune. And when it comes to military fight, the rule is similar. Countries won’t stop care about its own profit, so politicians and military forces won’t cease fire once the countries profit is threatened. Is it even possible for countries like America and Russian to destroy their own nuclear weapon? The answer is definitely no. So a struggle for the right to possess nuclear power will continue even after we die.
Nevertheless, the basic characteristic of human can not stop us from being optimistic. It is known for all that society is getting better. Centuries ago, when slavery was legal, the African American led a miserable life and had to bear all the bullies and injustice. Now the off-springs of those old slaves can even become the president of the country. History illustrates us a lot of obvious improvement of society
In conclusion, people have to face the fact that societal problems will always exists, which will harm and threaten our living for good. But never should any one of us lose faith to improve the situation. All our effort for a better society should be recognized and encouraged.
作者: 骆嫣婷 时间: 2012-2-2 16:23:48
本帖最后由 骆嫣婷 于 2012-2-2 16:27 编辑
[attach]174396[/attach][attach]174396[/attach]2月1日 改好了~
改慢了，希望楼主不要介意
作者: 猛龙过江 时间: 2012-2-2 16:47:02
昨天加班，回复晚了，望见谅，请参考！
作者: wqr619 时间: 2012-2-2 17:43:53
猛龙兄修改地太专业了。。学到了不少~大谢~ 9# 猛龙过江
作者: wqr619 时间: 2012-2-2 17:49:44
唉。。确实赶脚我写的文章结构不太好~~谢谢~~ 8# 骆嫣婷
作者: nicholase 时间: 2012-2-2 20:11:09
There’s no guarantee that the most significant societal（这个词牛！） problem can be solved within out（our） lifetime. Usually, this kind of problem concerns the common characteristic of people in the society, which may takes centuries to be eradicated（这个词牛！）. We may improve our society before death. However, as long as human hasn’t evolve into a perfectly self-less creature, this crucial
（这个词牛！） problem will always exist.
" ^+ O- N7 P6 A* r% SIt is universally admitted that people are born greedy and self-centered. Most societal problems derive（这个词牛！） from this human nature and can not be settled permanently. The economical recession, the high unemployment rate and the severe political and military conflict are all problems in need of solution. Government can surely decrease the unemployment rate by adding more job positions, and assuage the financial crisis with large amount of investment. Also, the United Union can protest against the war. But can we eradicate all these problems forever? The financial crisis will burst one after another as history told us. This is caused by the rule of financial market and mostly people’s unlimited greed for wealth. There will always be gold diggers in the market ,who can sophisticatedly build stock bubbles so as to make a fortune. And when it comes to military fight, the rule is similar. Countries won’t stop care about its own profit, so politicians and military forces won’t cease fire once the countries profit is threatened. Is it even possible for countries like America and Russian to destroy their own nuclear weapon? The answer is definitely no. (这句话牛) So a struggle for the right to possess nuclear power will continue even after we die.& n. m. z9 m+ w
Nevertheless, the basic characteristic of human can not stop us from being optimistic. It is known for all that society is getting better. Centuries ago, when slavery was legal, the African American led a miserable life and had to bear all the bullies and injustice. Now the off-springs of those old slaves can even become the president of the country. History illustrates us a lot of obvious improvement of society & K: U6 [& a1 K8 v; V3 p' [
2 _3 G% N+ p& f$ y& j1 NIn conclusion, people have to face the fact that societal problems will always exists, which will harm and threaten our living for good. But never should any one of us lose faith to improve the situation. All our efforts for a better society should be recognized and encouraged.
改这篇文章。。。压力巨大。。。。与其说改不如说是学习，因为我已经不知道该怎么帮你改了，受益匪浅！！
逻辑异常顺畅！ 楼主考过GRE吧？！！！膜拜！！以后天天来看你写的文章！！！
楼主有时间的话帮我改一下我的结尾吧？ 我一直都不知道该怎么结尾。
你写文章的结尾段时，遵照神马原则吗？？给一些建议吧，谢谢了！！
作者: lovely_hippo123 时间: 2012-2-2 20:17:48
2月2日 110304NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important problems affecting our society today could be solved within our lifetime. #2 r/ Z( h+ |3 R, u5 Z6
There’s no guarantee that the most significant societal problem can be solved within out lifetime. Usually, this kind of problem concerns the common characteristic of people in the society, which may take centuries to be eradicated. We may improve our society before death. However, as long as human hasn’t evolve into a perfectly self-less creature, this crucial problem will always exist.
7 d2 B3 K& ^6 y+ |9 b, B$ {: lIt is universally admitted that people are born greedy and self-centered. Most societal problems derive from this human nature and can not-不可分开写 be settled permanently.
1The economical recession, the high unemployment rate and the severe political and-两个and去一个
military conflict are all threatening problems in need of solution.2
Government can surely decrease the unemployment rate by adding more job positions, and assuage the financial crisis with large amount of investment.3 Also, the United Union can protest against the war. 4But can we eradicate all these problems forever? –一下子写出来这么多问题，很厉害，可是这样太多了。。。其实完全可以有重点的讲一个啊。你说呢？你完全可以先把经济的说完1The financial crisis will burst one after another as history told us. This is caused by the rule of financial market and mostly people’s unlimited greed for wealth. There will always be gold diggers in the market, who can sophisticatedly build stock bubbles so as to make a fortune.然后再说战争2
And when it comes to military fight, the rule is similar. Countries won’t stop care about its own profit, so politicians and military forces won’t cease fire once the countries profit is threatened. Is it even possible for countries like America and Russian to destroy their own nuclear weapon? The answer is definitely no. So a struggle for the right to possess nuclear power will continue even after we die把经济和战争分开写，跪求.
Nevertheless, the basic characteristic of human can not stop us from being optimistic. It is known for all that society is getting better. Centuries ago, when slavery was legal, the African American led a miserable life and had to bear all the bullies and injustice. Now the off-springs of those old slaves can even become the president of the country. History illustrates us a lot of obvious improvement of society # B0 m' X) P8 P$ T. g
% X" |9 U u1 R% d5 l2 Z% C
In conclusion, people have to face the fact that societal problems will always exists, which will harm and threaten our living for good. But never should any one of us lose faith to improve the situation. All our effort for a better society should be recognized and encouraged.9 F
楼主，在段落之间最好空一行吧。。你的排版看起来好累的感觉呢。。。中间两段是主要观点，为什么文字分布悬殊那么大呢？ 楼主觉的呢？我建议楼主去看一下今天nichiolase同学写的这篇独立写作吧。。。感觉挺好的，排版，以及行文。。。觉得第二段太多内容，有点抽象的感觉。如果你能把它分好，变成了五段，那就完美了哈哈。。
我觉得楼主两种观点都写挺好的，G都这么写的吧。。因为这样比较好发挥嘿嘿。
一起加油。。。
作者: wqr619 时间: 2012-2-2 20:27:06
我在限定的时间内确实不会考虑那么多结构的问题~~多谢指出哈哈~~加油加油~~ 13# lovely_hippo123
作者: wqr619 时间: 2012-2-3 13:30:11
2月3日 110815NA One of your classmates needs help with some schoolwork. Which solution would you recommend your classmate should do: to ask you for hlpe or to find a professinal tutor for help. Include reasons and details to in your response. 题目真奇怪。。像口语题。。真难过要憋出那么多道理出来。。' d1 _% j+ v' ^* q5 a
I think my classmate should go straight to the tutor instead of me. As for academic problems, the tutor with abundant professional knowledge can be of great help and benefit for one’s study. My classmate can discuss the schoolwork with me first and turn to professional help later. Communication with tutor is highly recommended.
Students who consult their tutor can not only get help with schoolwork, but also obtain some thorough advice about the course study. Peers from class who share the same academical level just lack enough experience to offer beneficial suggestions. For instance, when facing a puzzle about some academic tasks, your classmates may probably recommend you to look up to some reference books with direct answers or solutions. While a tutor may encourage and even lead you to find a solution yourself. Which is a better study method? The answer is self-evident. Tutor’s help will foster independent study habit, which will benefit one’s academical abilities to a great extent. In this case, if I was the one to offer help, I simply wouldn’t want to waste time
to encourage my classmate to work on his/her own. It must be time-consuming, and my peer most likely won’t follow my unprofessional suggestion. But I believe a paid tutor would be patient and ,most importantly, qualified enough to guide my classmate.
Another problem related to help from classmates is the possibilities of plagiarism. It’s not uncommon in today’s universities that a students would copy homework of a relatively good grades classmates. Therefore, it is quite possible that when a classmate turn to a better grades student for help, he/she may not resist the temptation to copy the nearly correct answer. And as for the ‘better’ student, he/she would most likely accept that requirement , rather than bother to offer guidance. This situation is surely not encouraging.
In conclusion, as a relatively ‘better’ student, I would naturally prefer my class mate to consult a tutor, for both his/her interests and my own.
作者: 厄先生 时间: 2012-2-3 14:56:00
15# wqr619
你作文是怎么弄的啊 求指导。。。
作者: wqr619 时间: 2012-2-3 18:13:54
作文没别的。。就是要多写啊。。。写完了再不要脸地贴上来让大家拍砖。。。 16# 厄先生
作者: wqr619 时间: 2012-2-4 14:51:38
telephone or text？？ who tm knows.....继续求拍。。。。
作者: nimaoerzxy 时间: 2012-2-4 15:32:17
18# wqr619 https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1331113-1-1.html
帮忙互改下吧亲！
作者: lovely_hippo123 时间: 2012-2-4 15:54:50
不客气啦哈。。。。
2月3日 110815NA One of your classmates needs help with some schoolwork. Which solution would you recommend your classmate should do: to ask you for help or to find a professional tutor for help. Include reasons and details to in your response. 题目真奇怪。。像口语题。。真难过要憋出那么多道理出来。。' d1 _% j+ v' ^* q5 a/ X9 S5 V+ t7 m3 |/ y7 b. I
9 v/ |1 ~6 J$ m. RI think my classmate should go straight to the tutor instead of me—直接找教授. As for academic problems, the tutor with abundant professional knowledge can be of great help and benefit for one’s study. My classmate can discuss the schoolwork with me first and turn to professional help later--先找我，再找教授。. Communication with tutor is highly recommended—直接找教授.
我的妈呀，这第一段说的到底是直接找教授，还是先找我啊。。。
; C" g9 b& m) a, x+ `, n' p
5 h3 Q; B, Y+ s1 [: TStudents who consult their tutor can not only get help with schoolwork, but also obtain some thorough advice about the course study. Peers—这个好
from class who share可以加level？用at？ the same academical level just lack enough experience to offer beneficial suggestions. For instance, when facing-用suffering可以不？ a puzzle-斟酌一下有点怪，这个要其他大师帮忙看下，puzzle可以指作业么？呼呼 about some academic tasks, your classmates may probably recommend you to look up to-换一个吧，不大对呢，这是是尊敬的意思。。。 some reference books with direct answers or solutions. While a tutor may encourage and even lead you to find a solution yourself. Which is a better study method? The answer is self-evident. Tutor’s help will foster independent study habit, which will benefit one’s academical abilities to a great extent. In this case, if I was the one to offer help, I simply wouldn’t want to waste time - t- T9 e- y4 ^5 B4 d* p. D8 qto encourage my classmate to work on his/her own. It must be time-consuming, and my peer most likely won’t follow my unprofessional suggestion. But I believe a paid tutor would be patient and, most importantly, qualified enough to guide my classmate.
0 W9 C& z1 k+ {( l2 b1 O( x
% S7 f+ K& H0 iAnother problem？怎么就another了呢？上一段就提到找同学帮忙，同学只会叫你去看书，这里就用一整段说找学生帮忙的毛病。其实这段内容可以也简单带过的，个人觉得你主要是要写找教授好吧，那这段就应该也说教授好，然后学生不好的地方一句带过就好。。你呢 related to help from classmates is the possibilities of plagiarism. It’s not uncommon in today’s universities that a->some students would copy homework of a relatively good grades classmates. Therefore, it is quite possible that when a classmate turn to-好东西啊 a better grades student for help, he/she may not resist the temptation to copy the nearly correct answer. And as for the ‘better’ student, he/she would most likely accept that requirement , rather than bother to offer guidance. This situation is surely not encouraging./ E6 d) i! C! n+ [1 M0 i7 ^5 ?
+ A+ O' L1 `. u, A
In conclusion, as a relatively ‘better’ student, I would naturally prefer my class mate to consult a tutor, for both his/her interests and my own—这个可以再详细一点。。。
我能力有限。但是我不客气了。呵呵。。一起努力啊。观点分布有点乱。。。写作之前，先构思好。。应该会好很多。你说呢？加油.。l# B t
作者: MELODYSKIING 时间: 2012-2-4 17:25:07
已改！木有很仔细地改……sorryLZ作文很好吖..........膜拜！
作者: wqr619 时间: 2012-2-4 17:53:47
慧眼拍砖。。。赞一个。。。 20# lovely_hippo123
作者: sodapeng 时间: 2012-2-4 18:51:14
I think my classmate should go straight to the tutor instead of me. As for academic problems, the tutor with abundant professional knowledge can be of great help and benefit for one’s study. My classmate can discuss the schoolwork with me first and turn to professional help later. Communication with tutor is highly recommended. （觉得这段里不应该加先找我discuss再找tutor，这样有点显得观点不明确，个人意见啦）
Students who consult their tutor can not only get help with schoolwork, but also obtain some thorough advice about the course study. Peers from class who share the same academical level just lack enough experience to offer beneficial suggestions. For instance, when facing a puzzle about some academic tasks, your classmates may probably recommend you to look up to some reference books with direct answers or solutions. While a tutor may encourage and even lead you to find a solution yourself. Which is a better study method? The answer is self-evident. Tutor’s help will foster independent study habit, which（感觉把to great extent 放在这里这里当插入语会比较好） will benefit one’s academical abilities to a great extent. In this case, if I was the one to offer help, I simply wouldn’t want to waste time to encourage my classmate to work on his/her own. It must be time-consuming, and my peer most likely won’t follow my unprofessional suggestion. But I believe a paid tutor would be patient and, most importantly, qualified enough to guide my classmate.
$ J' j h" m0 C+ n
Another problem related to help from classmates is the possibilities of plagiarism. It’s not uncommon in today’s universities that a students (students) would copy homework of a relatively good grades classmates. Therefore, it is quite possible that when a classmate turn（turns） to a better grades student for help, he/she may not resist the temptation to copy the nearly correct answer. And as for the ‘better’ student, he/she would most likely accept that requirement , rather than bother to offer guidance. (感觉这句去掉bother to 读着比较顺)This situation is surely not encouraging. (不推荐用 he/she 来表示，因为国外很少这样表示， 推荐用people individual citizen 神马的。。 )
In conclusion, as a relatively ‘better’ student, I would naturally prefer my class mate to consult a tutor, for both his/her interests and my own.
总体来说楼主文字很不错的，里面有很多句子很好，学习之~~就是有点感觉构思和逻辑不是很清晰，正方观点论证有点不太充分。一起加油哈~~
作者: Lusota 时间: 2012-2-4 19:14:49
2012/2/3
I think my classmate should go straight to the tutor instead of me. As for academic problems, turning to
the tutor with abundant professional knowledge can be of great help and [url=]benefit[/url][D1] for one’s study. My classmate can discuss the schoolwork with me first and turn to professional help later. Communication with tutor is highly recommended.
# f
Students who consult their tutor can not only get help with schoolwork, but also obtain some thorough advice about the course study. Peers from class who share the same [url=]academical[/url][D2] level just lack enough experience to offer beneficial suggestions. For instance, when facing a puzzle about some academic tasks, your classmates may probably recommend you to look up to some reference books with direct answers or solutions. While a tutor may encourage and even lead you to find a solution yourself. Which is a better study method? The answer is self-evident. Tutor’s help will foster independent study habit, which will benefit one’s [url=]academical[/url][D3] abilities to a great extent. （In this case, if I was the one to offer help, I simply wouldn’t want to waste time to encourage my classmate to work on his/her own. It must be time-consuming, and my peer most likely won’t follow my unprofessional suggestion. ）觉得此处稍微有点远了，毕竟是同学来找你询问，你就应该是主动方，给他建议，同学接收不接受就是另一回事儿了，你觉得？But I believe a paid tutor would be patient and, most importantly, qualified enough to guide my classmate.
( Another problem related to [url=]help[/url][D4] from classmates is the possibilities of plagiarism. It’s not uncommon in today’s universities that [url=]a[/url][D5] students would copy homework [url=]of[/url][D6] a relatively good grades classmates. Therefore, it is quite possible that when a classmate t[url=]u[/url][D7] rn to a better grades student for help, he/she may not resist the temptation to copy the nearly correct answer. And as for the ‘better’ student, he/she would most likely accept that requirement, rather than bother to offer guidance. This situation is surely not encouraging.( T) g w J
8 n) v/ ?0 ^, R: S6 o- [
In conclusion, as a relatively ‘better’ student, I would naturally prefer my class mate to consult a tutor, for both his/her interests and my own.（最后一段总结是不是应该再适当加一句理由？）
建议把第二段中询问classmates的缺点和tutor的优点分开，因为你这一段是综合二者用比较的手法来衬托出tutor的好，但是下一段确实一直在写问classmates的缺点，为了结构清晰，加上你的论点是支持tutor，建议把tutor优点分开写两段，补充一些例子，再把classmates的缺点综合为一段。你觉得呢？？！！
其中的一句设问句挺不错，值得学习。。
例子比较详实，值得借鉴，但是尽量去掉一些稍远一些的例子就更好了。
另外，问一下，这种建议类的题型必写成一种观点，不能中立吗？我觉得可以按问题的不同情况选择性地choose 不同的人，是不是在开头就强调出这种观点也可以呢？？
[D1]be of great help and benefit 意指对…有很大帮助和益处，直接说tutor对study有很大益处好像不是很恰当吧。。前面加上turning后句子就有了动作的意思，表示这种做法有如下的效果。
[D2]应用academic
[D3]academic
[D4]用helping，此处的to是介词，后面是用动名词的吧。。。
[D5]删除a， 笔误
[D6]最好用from， 毕竟classmates是活物。且，删掉a
[D7]turns
作者: nimaoerzxy 时间: 2012-2-5 00:33:04
When confronting upsetting or controversial problems with others, I would rather call them directly instead of wasting time writing text. The reason is obvious. By contacting via telephone, one can express his/her true feelings thoroughly. While e-mail and text massage would most likely convey fake emotions. （下文说了phone有convenient的有点 这里应该提一下）
True feelings can only be expressed by voice rather than words. When writing a text, one can fake his/her emotions easily, because the time permits. However, when people are talking, the speed of exchanging information triumph over the writing pace greatly. Thus, people simply have no time to convey fake emotion or even tell lies. That’s why politicians hold debate over controversial issues, instead of writing criticisms in the newspaper. Generally, the public tend to believe what their potential leader says, instead of what he/she writes. Chances are that the texts, essay or even a love letter from your classmate are written by someone else, someone who master better writing skills, someone knows rhetoric well, someone expresses nothing but fake feelings.
However, it’s not easy to fake someone’ s voice. And it’s much more difficult to make up a perfect lie in such a short time via telephone. Moreover, voice contains more information than texts with the same number of words. For instance, when my boy friend texts me ‘good night’. I can hardly feel his emotion via the two simple words. But when he calls me to wish me good night, I can feel his care and love through his gentle voice. Telephone makes people close to each other, which can not be achieved by text.
Furthermore, a call is more time-saving than writing text, as I mentioned above. Writing a text to deal with upsetting problems consumes a lot of time and energy. You need to figure out a proper way of reasoning. While talking on the phone will spare the time and express people’s first thought without any extra modification. Phone call is a more convenient way of communication.
In conclusion, communication by phone is a much wiser choice than texts, considering its advantage of showing true feelings as well as saving time.
（楼主你写的很好！！！！！膜拜了。。。你看我基本上都没有改动。。不过个人觉得结尾多写点吧，，字数多点分数会高 ， 中间段的最后两段相对有点简略了， 语法错误个人觉得没有哦， 也许我水平太差了 都改不出什么）
作者: wqr619 时间: 2012-2-5 16:20:16
academic vs academical确实纠结了一下~~多谢指出哈~~~
我觉得完全可以中立啊~~言之成理即可~~~
这篇文章的论点不明确。之前也有托友指出，我写得时候倒是没发现~~还好还好。。谢谢啦~~
有关把第二段分开的建议个人表示很赞同。。不然会有种两端重复的感觉~~大谢
一起加油
24# Lusota
作者: wqr619 时间: 2012-2-5 21:35:06
3月4日 机经里的一篇作文。
题目是电影里的现实主义。。
作者: 坏绿的眼睛 时间: 2012-2-6 01:20:05
movies are worth watching unless they tell us something about realism
红色添加 紫色精彩 棕色困惑 灰色删除
蓝色是不涉及语法的、关于结构和语言的建议、修改
Valuable movies always contain realistic elements according to my analysis. As a popular modern art form, movies have the function to express the true feelings of the movie makers so as to touch the viewers. Overstatement on romantic fantasy will most likely mislead people of their real lives.
The source of the movie makers’ inspiration determines the movie’s major value 可以用这个词吗 我觉得用Theme 更好. Once a movie story comes out of real life experience, which is possibly shared by the general public. It is more likely that the movie will move用touch如何？ the viewers and arouse their similar emotions with the movie character. Take the movie- A good year for instance to an example 句子没说完哇, when the character Max finally came to realize that the true essence of life was love rather than money, I felt so 要换成was 才跟后面的动词被动式搭配呀 动词接动词是不行的嘛 moved and inspired by this movie. Because the story is very realistic. It express a common emotion of almost everyone, who struggles to earn money as much as possible even though he doesn’t know why he needs so much money. Thus,it is The real situation we are faced today, with fierce competition and high pursuit of material, decides our emotion expressed in the movie- that we really need to enjoy our lives如果想表达的是人生的话 要用Life. True feeling comes from real life. That’s why movie need to contain realism so as to touch the audience.
While a movie abandoning realism can sometimes be 应该是can be harmful or misleading,sometimes. For example, when I was a teenager, a very romantic movie will often caught my eye. 我不确定这个过去-将来的时态对不对 总觉得有点怪 In those movies, a very poor or even not so good-looking girl would one day meet 好用法哇 her prince charming, who happened to be perfect- handsome, wealthy and kind-hearted.额 我觉得既然都白马王子了 就不用happened to be了吧 who is 就行 This kind of movie is just so misleading that at one time 似乎不能说以至于我某一次觉得怎样吧？I was convinced that none of the boys I ever met is qualified to be my ‘prince’. The unrealistic story reflects nothing but fantasy. Chances are that after influenced by these movies, people will tend to hold negative onions 我知道楼主是想写opinions about their real lives 换成lifes 才是现实生活的意思哇 which has nothing like the fantasy.
To conclude, I insist that realism is the true value of movie. A good movie will open your eyes to see the beauty of your life rather than cover it with unrealistic fantasy.
楼主 论点不错 BODY很充实 语法错误很少很少 这一点比我强太多了哇 - - 和你分享一个小技巧就是一段用包括很多数据的实例比如调查 另外一段可以用身边的实例
然后 我觉得可能写的仓促了 所以层次不是很分明 每段开头没有连接词倒没神马 不过一个论证段内部 最好还是梳理得明确一些可能比较讨考官喜欢 就是“我的观点是。然后解释因为神马神马我这样认为。我有一个怎么样怎么样的例子。因此得出。。。所以我真的认为这样这样” 一点浅见！——坏绿眼睛
作者: wqr619 时间: 2012-2-6 15:18:32
唉。。。有一些低级错误自己已经改了。。。
作者: 猛龙过江 时间: 2012-2-7 01:46:06
嘿嘿，改好了，顺便请你帮我改下我的3号的那篇，谢谢，链接如下：
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1322800&page=3#pid1775684864
作者: Lusota 时间: 2012-2-7 09:41:14
[attach]174500[/attach]
2.6作文 快来给lusota拍砖吧~不要客气~嘿嘿
作者: 小群群 时间: 2012-2-7 16:59:47
楼主 你们每天写的题目是自己定的吗？
作者: wqr619 时间: 2012-2-7 18:02:49
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1285161&page=1&extra=#pid1775363428
32# 小群群
作者: wqr619 时间: 2012-2-7 18:03:37
肿么赶脚越写越烂了呢。。。桑心。。。
作者: kikyou_lr 时间: 2012-2-8 10:12:56
膜拜罚写墙的来了
我交完作文去上课，下课回来就北京时间凌晨了，所以不能在北京时间当晚改完，见谅
我的也等楼主拍砖哦
[attach]174518[/attach]
作者: Lusota 时间: 2012-2-8 16:45:45
well done!
[attach]174526[/attach]
2.7 作文批注 by lusota
作者: wqr619 时间: 2012-2-8 16:54:29
这题目偶真是深有体会。。。
作者: towardsBT 时间: 2012-2-8 23:34:04
sorry,这两天有点忙，才把6号的改完~~
作者: laozhanguotoefl 时间: 2012-2-9 15:12:16
本帖最后由 laozhanguotoefl 于 2012-2-9 15:14 编辑
People are sometimes unwilling to move to a new town or go abroad, due to the problem of losing their friends’ contact. However, according to my experience, geographical distance dose not necessarily lead to lost of friendship感觉改为“loss of friendship 友谊的损失更好”. On the contrary, it fosters your communication with your former friends. My statement depends on the following reasons:
Life out of individuals’ hometown can broaden their horizon and enhance their communication skills, which in the end results in a much closer contact with former friends. Firstly, people who immigrate to other place, often have the opportunity to experience some relatively uncommon events, in the eyes of their former friends. And it is undisputable that people tend to befriend with those who have unique experience to share. Therefore, the immigrants can tell their former friends about some unusual stories so as to make a interesting conversation, which will definitely benefit their friendship. Also, individuals often move out of their hometown to pursue their promising career or study, which makes their friends proud to contact with them so as to enhance social relationship. What’s more, people who move to a completely unfamiliar city , have to make friends with people in the neighbourhood. This process can gradually enhance their communication skills with both their new friends and the former ones. Therefore, when people come back home to reunite with their old friends, their friends will be surprised to find out how a new environment successfully turn them into more approachable, humourous and nice characters.
觉得应该只保留nice与前面的形容词并列 characters表示性格貌似应该用单数
这段分析比较细腻，有条理，很好
Worry is that people who move out of town will lose the opportunity to contact with their friends. However the fact is usually the opposite 觉得作形容词更好只保留opposite. Take my own experience for instance, when I went to another city to study, my friends often contacted me via telephone or internet. Because, they are afraid of losing touch with me due to the distance. While after I returned back, I found they were often reluctant to call me because they found it convenient to pay a visit. However, the visit is comparatively rare due to the bad traffic of city 感觉去掉比较好. In the end, the communication with my former friends declined after I moved back.时间结束后写得：Long distance actually makes friends cherish their friendship more.
In conclusion, friendship will not be easily impaired by distance. On the contrary, geographical distance fosters better friendship as well as closer contact with friends.这句好
不会上传，就直接贴了
作者: wqr619 时间: 2012-2-9 15:53:06
哇咔咔~~辛苦批改者~~~LZ拜谢~~~
作者: wqr619 时间: 2012-2-9 15:56:33
谢谢修改~~~~ 39# laozhanguotoefl
作者: 小群群 时间: 2012-2-9 18:15:56
People are sometimes unwilling to move to a new town or goabroad, due to the problem of losing
theirfriends’ contact.（个人觉得改成due to being anxious about lossing...会更好 可以表现不愿意搬离）
However, according to my experience, geographicaldistance dose not necessarily lead to lost of
friendship. On the contrary, it (+may 会不会更好)fosters your communication with your former
friends.My statement depends on the following reasons:
Life out of individuals’ hometown can broaden their horizonand enhance their communication skills,
which in the end results in a muchcloser contact with former friends. Firstly, people who immigrate
to other place, often have the opportunity toexperience some relatively uncommon events, in the
eyes of their formerfriends.（这个句子lz调下句序会不会更好，好像有点别扭） And it is undisputable that
people tend to befriendwith those who have unique experience to share.（这点不错啊 我就没有想到呢）
Therefore, the immigrants cantell their former friends about some unusual stories so as to make a
interesting conversation, which will definitely benefit their friendship. Also,individuals often move out
of their hometown to pursue their promising careeror study, which makes their friends proud to
contact with them so as to enhancesocial relationship. What’s more, people who move to a completely
unfamiliarcity ,have to make friends with people in the neighbourhood. This process cangradually
enhance their communication skills with both their new friends andthe former ones. Therefore, when
people comeback home to reunite with their old friends, their friends will be surprised tofind out how
a new environment successfully turn them into more approachable,humourous and nice characters.
（这点也很赞）
Worry is that people who move out of town will lose theopportunity to contact their friends. However
the fact is usually the（去掉） opposite.Take my own experience for instance, when 改成though I went
to another city to study, myfriends often contacted me constantly via telephone orinternet.(我从别处学
到的一点就是像often这种词，可以背好6个复杂些的词汇 以便不时的替换，觉得很受用啊)Because, they are afraid
of losing touch withme due to the distance. While after I returned back, I found they were often
reluctant to call me because they found it convenient to pay a visit.（用prefer可能会更好 以表感情更近了）
However,the visit is comparatively rare due to the bad traffic of city.（不懂为何有这句） In the end, the
communication with my former friends declinedafter I moved back.
（感觉这一段和上一段有差距）
时间结束后写得：Long distance actually makes friends cherishtheir friendship more.
In conclusion, friendship will not be easily impairedby distance. On the contrary, geographical distance
fosters better friendshipas well as closer contact with friends.
我作文还处于初期阶段，不知改的好不好，还请lz谅解~~
作者: wqr619 时间: 2012-2-10 15:43:49
辛苦辛勤的批改者，拍砖人啦~~~
作者: wqr619 时间: 2012-2-10 16:53:27
2月10日 综合写作。。。复习以来第一次写。。。见谅见谅
作者: shibin11 时间: 2012-2-10 17:46:26
~~ 语言 很好学习了。但是感觉不太抓题很多重要的地方都是一笔带过没有细节。。
作者: 小群群 时间: 2012-2-10 18:28:22
:)
作者: shibin11 时间: 2012-2-11 04:29:35
The lecture pointed out that team work is not the most efficient way to accomplish a project, which contradicts the reading passages' statement that group work is the best form of working.
Firstly, as the professor mentioned, team work will not benefit any single individual of the group. While the passage insists the opposite point that a group process is rewarding for every group member. The reason is that some group members get free ride from the teams' effort. While those who contribute to the project can not recieve their deserved recognition, unlike the passage says that they will shine and get confidence.
Also, the professor pointed out the inefficiency of group work, which disagrees with the reading. If a group is formed, then every decicion of the team should go through the discussion of every group member, in order to reach agreement. This is obviously time-consuming. Therefore, on the contrary to the statement in the passage, group work consumes more time and energy than independent task.
Finally, as for the creastivity of group work mentioned in the reading, the professor insist the otherwise that teamwork has nothing to do with creative thinking, which on the contrary elliminate individuals' ability of creation. The reason is understandable. Group members are often unwilling to offer creative ideas because usually the most influntial member of the group will discourage different opnions, which in the end leads to group's inability to creat anything meaningful.我听的这边跟LZ不太一样，我是听那个有影响力的人会因为觉得members提出的不好就直接drop掉不discuss，然后如果有人说direction不对，其余的人也会无视。 （不过我好像整篇都听乱了听错了- -）
To summarize, according to the professor, group work is not the best choice to accomplish a poject, considering its slow process, unfair recognition and lack of creativity. 结尾好~
作者: shibin11 时间: 2012-2-11 04:49:07
According to a prestigious educator最好能说个名字, Parents’ influence on their children accounts for 70 percent of all the infulential factors in children’s life. The crucial role parents play in the education of their off-spring determines在前面加个partly之类的词吧，不然有点太绝对 the independence and competence of the children after they grow up. Gone are the days when traditions require parents to control childrens’ life by doing everything for them. Modern education method concerns nothing but fostering childrens’ independence.
Independent thinking comes from ealy education of children,没看懂。。 which contribute to childrens’ futrue（future） life to a great extent. It is not uncommon that parents naturally tend to help children by replacing their roles both in their study and dailylife. This phenomenon, mostly considered to be parents’ natural expression of the parental love, indicates however an unscientific education method. Those kids lack some basic living skills and independent thinking even in their adulthood, after being spoiled and exploited of their right to choose their own life. Take one of my classmates for instance, she liked music a lot in her childhood while her parents insisted she going to science school.（while her parents insist her to go to science school？） Unfortunately, the choice her parents made for her turned out to be inappropriate due to her lack of interest in science study. What’s worse, later in her life, she found her enable to choose her career because she has already got used to her parents choice. Thoses overprotected kids will lose their independent thinking ability, which leads to a tragedy in their life.
As for parents, it is also beneficial if they transfer their role from manipulating their kid to encouraging their kid to stand on his or her own. This education method not only saves parents’ time of doing everything for kids, but also spares their worry about children’s enability to decide their own life. Happiness will be gained after their kids grow up with strong ability to handle their own life as well as helping their parents.觉得这段的主题句应该花大笔墨论证论证的。
To conclude, the best education depends entirly on parents’ encouragement, rather than their overprotection for children, which lead to manipulation.
还是觉得跟上一篇一样。。。该论证的反而一笔带过。。。
作者: wqr619 时间: 2012-2-11 16:24:35
谢谢批改~~~
作者: wqr619 时间: 2012-2-11 16:59:22
2月11日 综合
作者: sodapeng 时间: 2012-2-11 20:26:17
TPO2
The lecture pointed out that team work is not the most efficient way to accomplish a project, which contradicts the reading passages' statement that group work is the best form of working.
Firstly, as the professor mentioned, team work will not benefit any single individual of the group. While the passage insists the opposite point that a group process is rewarding for every group member. The reason is that some group members get free ride from the teams' effort. While those who contribute to the project can not recieve their deserved recognition, unlike the passage says that they will shine and get confidence. （我觉得楼主这段passage里的观点较多，OG上的指导主要以听力为主 这里写听力里说的 不工作反而收获团队荣誉 这样更充实一点）
Also, the professor pointed out the inefficiency of group work, which disagrees with the reading. If a group is formed, then every decicion of the team should go through the discussion of every group member, in order to reach agreement. This is obviously time-consuming. Therefore, on the contrary to the statement in the passage, group work consumes more time and energy than independent task.
Finally, as for the creastivity of group work mentioned in the reading, the professor insist the otherwise that teamwork has nothing to do with creative thinking, which on the contrary elliminate individuals' ability of creation. The reason is understandable. Group members are often unwilling to offer creative ideas because usually the most influntial member of the group will discourage different opnions, which in the end leads to group's inability to creat anything meaningful.（这段貌似和听力里不是很一样啊。。）
To summarize, according to the professor, group work is not the best choice to accomplish a poject, considering its slow process, unfair recognition and lack of creativity.（其实综合写作不要求结尾的 四段就好~）
额、、楼主字数是不多了点 要求150-225之间。。。综合的重点应该是lecture，passage 里的内容可以一笔带过。楼主多注意哈~~~加油。。。~
作者: idealibt 时间: 2012-2-12 01:44:22
你的***罚写墙***太可爱了，学习！！！！！！！
作者: sodapeng 时间: 2012-2-12 12:02:03
已改~求互拍~
作者: 美蓝 时间: 2012-2-12 14:36:36
综合部分已改好~~
作者: 陶太郎 时间: 2012-2-12 16:35:12
如有疑义，欢迎讨论！
作者: wqr619 时间: 2012-2-15 15:19:24
2月15日 机经作文
作者: wqr619 时间: 2012-2-15 19:45:02
2月15日 综合 TPO6
作者: wqr619 时间: 2012-2-16 13:43:08
2月16日 机经作文
作者: iBT20120304 时间: 2012-2-16 17:02:56
楼主的英文功底很不错，词汇和句式很丰富，语法也很赞。
以楼主的基础，再稍加练习，作文成绩肯定在28+。
楼主可能稍微得注意一下，降低单词拼写错误。
[attach]174815[/attach]
作者: wqr619 时间: 2012-2-17 14:12:59
2月17日~~~再接再厉~~
作者: 小群群 时间: 2012-2-17 14:17:55
55请教 怎么能写的这多啊~~~~~
作者: iBT20120304 时间: 2012-2-17 16:15:46
[attach]174861[/attach]
写得挺不错，赞一个！
作者: sovereigntyhan 时间: 2012-2-17 16:19:24
求加入
作者: loveinwc 时间: 2012-2-17 16:29:25
对不起楼主君我改晚了！！！！请您不要客气的回改我吧！！！~~~飞扑
二月十五 综合 TPO6
The lecturer insists that the benefit online encyclopedias bring outweighs greatly its (这里一直很困惑啊百科君是复数撒，那到底是its 还是用their呢？)disadvantages, which differs from the main idea of the reading passage.
Firstly, considering the error in the resource of online information, the professor states that traditional encyclopedia still can not avoid making mistakes. Moreover, it is easier for online books to correct mistakes than for（去掉貌似更流畅？） the printed versions which cost more. Therefore the advantage of the traditional encyclopedia is actually problematic and unreal, as the passage mentions.
Also, as for the potential problem of fabrication and corruption of the original and official information online, the professor argues that there are two ways to solve this problem. The first strategy is to announce official information in a special format, which can not be edited by other people. Another way is to hire professional editors to supervise all the changes in the internet, who can also delete some inappropriate content. Both method（复数？） has been put to use, making the problem not so threatening as the reading says.（咦咦咦？有这样说到两个问题吗？难道是我听错了？？？汗。。我以为是它说不对的就被监视者删掉，然后谁改了谁删了都知道。。。）
Last, the lecturer argues that it is unfair to let the minority to choose what information is important due to diversity of reading requirement. The traditional books offer a limited number of people to decide what is important for the entire public, which ignores the diversity of knowledge. Those traditional book editors can not reflect the interest of the majority. Consequently, the field included in the traditional version is quite limited comparing with that online, which contradicts the standpoint of the reading.
To conclude, the advantage of online material is significant, considering its broad knowledge source, solution to the hacker problem as well as its convenience to correct mistakes. Thus, the reading passage may have ignore（ed） some important facts
看完唯一感言，啥时候我能写那么流畅就好了！~~~~请接受一朵渣渣的崇拜！！
作者: 厄先生 时间: 2012-2-17 22:19:56
2月17号占位置
作者: 厄先生 时间: 2012-2-18 00:04:23
我是积分不够补能传东西吗？？
作者: wqr619 时间: 2012-2-18 12:26:49
本帖最后由 wqr619 于 2012-2-18 12:27 编辑
2月18日
作者: wqr619 时间: 2012-2-18 12:27:11
你的积分够了~ 66# 厄先生
作者: juliabc 时间: 2012-2-19 10:43:56
不好意思。。。。才传上来
作者: wqr619 时间: 2012-2-19 12:55:02
2月19日
作者: wqr619 时间: 2012-2-20 14:05:03
2月20日
作者: iBT20120304 时间: 2012-2-20 14:52:48
[attach]175029[/attach]
楼主的英文很赞！
作者: by900125 时间: 2012-2-20 18:54:17
2.20 已改
作者: iBT20120304 时间: 2012-2-22 11:12:19
[attach]175094[/attach]
楼主的文章写得越来越好了！赞！
作者: wqr619 时间: 2012-2-22 12:12:13
谢谢阿达。。你提的建议灰常好~~~
我只是在讲物质生活，其实可以涉足与人文方面，使得论证更完整。
74# iBT20120304
作者: wqr619 时间: 2012-2-22 22:17:21
2月22日
作者: iBT20120304 时间: 2012-2-23 17:27:16
[attach]175162[/attach]
楼主写得很好。加油！
作者: wqr619 时间: 2012-2-23 21:30:12
2月23日
作者: 奔跑蜗牛 时间: 2012-2-23 21:55:08
With today’s high pace of work and heavy life pressure, people are in great demand for the best way to relax themselves. It is true that popular public sports activities like Yoga and basketballs are a
fairly good choice
注意单复数for relaxation , which directly contribute to ones’ physical health. Nevertheless, mental treatment by reading books or movies plays a more important role in lowering down pressure for modern people. My statement depends on the following reasons.
Admittedly, people feel quite relaxed after all the excitement from sports. Nevertheless, physical activities only help people to forget their troubles temporarily by replacing mental disorders and burdens with physical stress. On the contrary, by reading meaningful books or watching encouraging movies, individuals can find a way to regain their hope for life and even adjust their tiring life rhythm. For instance, a busy and high-pressure employee in Wall Street may find him working with heavy burdens and worries, since he has a good chance to be fired once he have made even a tiny mistake. However,
当他看完一部什么电影以后，观念改变了 after he watched a great movie called-A Good Year, which described an excellent financial analyst’s decision about quitting his job to enjoy life, he may change his attitude towards life. Work, money and luxurious life without vacation are nothing compared with the true essence of happiness. A gym exercise may give him an exciting experience, but never can it teach him a lesson to completely relax himself. 可以用个比对，比如某某做运动的时候，放松了，后来想起来什么事情还是一样的等等
Besides, books and movies are easier access in one’s daily life. Not everyone has the suitable condition to do physical exercise. Most people in the big city live far away from schools with open area to play footballs. Also, gyms in the fancy shopping malls cost too much for the general public. As a result, common people simply have no easy access to sports after a busy day. It is quite uncommon for them to drive miles to the suburb to play balls, which possibly end up with a more tiring day. Consequently, it is more beneficial for modern people to stay at home and enjoy a quiet life while reading and watching movies, especially for those in the crowded cities.
In addtion, World Health Organization have proposed modern people care more about their mental health, which accounts for the most of the health problems. Reading good and educative books offer people a chance to balance themselves between heavy work and relaxing life,
which directly leads to a better mental state.
To conclude, movies and books is a better choice for relaxation, due to its contribution to human’s mental health and its easier access for common people.
作者: iBT20120304 时间: 2012-2-24 19:50:34
写得不错，加油！[attach]175202[/attach]
作者: 张璞 时间: 2012-2-25 16:31:32
2月23日
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1337828&extra=
抱歉，交作业晚了！麻烦楼主帮改改！你太牛了！我都不知道能改你的什么！
作者: 张璞 时间: 2012-2-25 16:32:58
2月23日
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1337828&extra=
抱歉，交作业晚了！麻烦楼主帮改改！你太牛了！我都不知道能改你的什么！
作者: 张璞 时间: 2012-2-26 17:12:34 标题: RE: 2月23日 revised by ~~张璞（pu子）
本帖最后由 张璞 于 2012-2-26 17:46 编辑
楼主，怎么穿word文档附件哪？我给你传了一下午，都是乱码了！唉！
作者: wqr619 时间: 2012-2-26 19:41:10
啊~~你的等级似乎不够传附件呢....没关系去稍微水几个帖子就好了~~~~
发我邮箱也可：wqr619@yahoo.com.cn
或者直接粘过来
83# 张璞
作者: iBT20120304 时间: 2012-2-26 20:04:48
[attach]175259[/attach]
楼主的文章质量，在这半个多月内有很多进步。
半个多月前的这篇文章没有现在写得通顺，用词造句都要逊色很多。
加油！
作者: 张璞 时间: 2012-2-27 13:28:30
2月22日
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1337828&extra=
请楼主帮忙批改哈！
作者: 张璞 时间: 2012-2-29 17:48:57 标题: RE: 2月23日 revised by 张璞（~pu子~）
终于传上来了！有些迟到！楼主勿怪啊！
作者: FlyingFie 时间: 2012-3-21 06:47:36
LZ 还在吗？有些写作上的问题，求赐教！！！ 谢了
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