【综合写作】nimaoerzxy 欢迎互相批改进步！

nimaoerzxyUID: 3180559

10.1   Do you agree or disagree with the following statement.docx (136.8 KB, 下载次数: 0)

2013-11-1 13:57:59 上传

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11.1   11.1.docx (128.46 KB, 下载次数: 2)

2013-11-1 13:58:28 上传

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nimaoerzxyUID: 3180559

第一次写独立   希望大家好好拍砖啊！写了一个半小时呢！！！哎。。。。。

wqr619UID: 3007621

楼主过目~~求回拍~~

nimaoerzxyUID: 3180559

3# wqr619   

你改的很好哦~~~受教了。。。平时我也没怎么好好注意语法问题。
那个face-to-face 后来我也囧了。。。额。。。


共同加油！

MELODYSKIINGUID: 2841950

已改~~~

iBT20120304UID: 3228839

     I believe that owning to the today’s increasing problems of communication and social intercourse both in people’s work and personal lives , a large number of communication facilities such as cell phone ,skype as well as numerous chatting tools like e-mail , text messaging and so forth have dramatically changed people’s lives . but which method should we choose to better contact with our families , friends or team members even when we need to discuss upsetting or controversial problems is a debatable issue . it would appear that e-mail or text messaging would be a more convenient one ,however , telephone or voice messaging can not only provide a face-to-face interaction for us to meliorate our upset friends but also much more vivid details which would be the key to success in one’s career . thus , I strongly agree to use telephone or voice messaging as our preference to communicate . " G4 R; W. P' Z! ~( ]

    The first reason I would like to elaborate upon is that mobile facilities like cell phones and voice messages can be better used for us to confide our own troubles to friends or families . also , we can more effectively listen to their woes and sadness . take my own experience for an example , once I was spending my winter journey in Suzhou , I received a phone call at midnight from my college’s roommate , “ I broke up with li “ she said in the voice with a little bit quiver . “ It really hurts me because I indeed cherish the love for him and we had been together happily for almost 4 years ” .these words also made me so sad since I can virtually heard her crying on the other side of the phone .” cheer up ! the only thing you can do is to be braved . I bet you will meet another good guy sooner or later !” I said . after a while , she calmed down and felt better . through the vivid voice transmitted by phones I can better pacify my friends’ sadness and troubles . I can hardly imagine that if she just sent me a text message at that time , whether would I take this matter seriously . maybe , I would just ignore the text and think that she was joking !
  v8 Q, p0 Y7 g2 c4 B! h
    Secondly , the message transmitted by telephones ,voice message or online video can be the key to success in one’s career . we live in a world where filled with increasing competitions and pressures , people are all making their upmost in their work to earn their livings . taking a glance at the business circle . a merchant’s main goal is to make his service or product better meet his consumer’s needs and thus achieving the most amount of profits . all of these demand he and his employees’ good cooperations and right decision-making process . telephone , voice message or online video can allow the merchant more efficiently disusses with his employees about some controversial issues directly relevant to the company and keep his pace with the latest information of market with more details at any time any where . what a fool decision- making process if they can only send text messages or emails to each other around their office table !

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    To conclude , I concede that text message or e-mail has an advantage of convenient , however, this statement doesn’t suggest that telephone and voice message are a comparatively small role. with the reasons such as face-to-face communication and vivid details what I mentioned above , these mobile facilities will definitely become a priority in people’s lives .




楼主的英文功夫真好，语法方面无可挑剔。
句子非常顺畅，词汇也很棒。
标绿的词，都用得很好很生动。赞一个。
楼主冲刺一下，肯定可以拿满分作文。


这篇文章的不足之处，我以为，可能是略有跑题，尤其是第三段。


针对这篇文章，我也写了一篇习作。如果楼主有时间，可否帮我看看呢？非常感谢！
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1331543-1-1.html


- o- }, {/ |% ^4 ^0 E我也
我也有

nimaoerzxyUID: 3180559

        101203NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should help children to do their work or encourage children to do their work independently.   
     I believe that accomplishing works from schools as well as daily lives efficiently is probably the most effective way or fundamental method for children to gain an overall development and become promising youngsters. but whether parents should help them or encourage themselves to do works independently is a debatable issue . it would appear that parents are children’s first teachers and helping them with their work is part of their duties. however,
children should not always relay on their parents because parents’
help also have several limits and working independently would allow them foster a capability of handling their own problems in the future .thus , I strongly agree that children should do their work independently .
    The first reason I would like to elaborate upon is that not all the parents are good teachers , in another word , not all the parents have the ability to cultivate their children and help them with their works in the right way . as normal individuals , some parents more or less have some bad habits , even though parents almost instinctively devote themselves to cultivating their offspring and helping their to do works , the outcome might turn out to be disappointment , for all children tend to unconsciously or subconsciously copy everything including bad ones from their parents . another deficiency of parents ‘ help is that not all parents are professional in all domains . we are living in an world in which knowledge is accumulated by multiplying and at the same time becomes more and more specialized . most of parts of children’s works or education are virtually beyond parents’ reaches .
      Secondly , ignoring the significance of children’s capability of independence is not a wise choice . parents would grow old eventually , plus various competitions are increasing drastically , no doubt cultivating the ability of working on their own would be the anchor for children to survive today’s fast-changing world . take my own experience for an example . when I was a little girl , I had an passion on ballet . once my primary school teacher told the class that the school would select some ballet dancers for an art show next semester and children who would like to participate in this show should apply to her . since I was coward to talk with my teacher personally , I asked my dad whether he can call the teacher to help me get this chance . to my surprise , my dad told me :” if you really want to dance in this show , you should apply to your teacher on your own , if you chicken out on this simple matter , by no means will you success in the future .” after that I talked to my teacher with courage and I achieved a great success in that show . now I am a professional ballet dancer . I could hardly imagine that if I was not decided to apply for the show independently at that time ,whether would I achieve such a feat today .
         In addition , I concede that seeking helps from parents has some advantages since parents are usually experienced ,they can afford some valuable suggestions in their expertise thus promote children’s studies and growths
. but this statement doesn’t suggest that children’s doing their works independently is a relatively small role .the
youngsters can accumulate their own knowledge and experience in their daily lives by coping with various situations and problems through their own efforts . what’s more , through this way , children can handle some similar difficulties in a more efficient and easier way .
         After ruminating over all these reasons what I mentioned above ,I come to the notion that it’s more advantage for students to do their own work independently .
   （时隔一个星期的另一篇， 其中第二段有些句子沿用了185里的素材，回忆写出， 莫要见怪。）

sodapengUID: 3242849

楼主莫谦虚啊。。。比我写的好多了~~~学习之。。。~~

nikiniki333UID: 2673802

已改～

nimaoerzxyUID: 3180559

3月13日            110815NA One of your classmates needs help with some schoolwork. Which solution would you recommend your classmate should do: to ask you for help or to find a professional tutor for help. Include reasons and details to in your response.*
                   I believe that everyone have encountered such a situation : one of your best friends have conflicted with some problems with his or her schoolwork , at that time you probably would come up with several solutions for him or her such as referring to teachers for a professional advice or just turning to you straightforwardly for help . but which solution is a wiser one , ask you for help or to find a professional tutor , is a debatable issue . it would appear that such professional tutors like teachers are more professional so they can be suitable to help cope with schoolwork , however , seeking help from peers such as our best friends can be a better choice for the progress of which could be executed in a more affectionate manner and we can extract their excellent ways or ideas to better deal with our schoolwork .thus , I would strongly suggest my friends to ask peers for help , like me .
          The first reason I would like to elaborate upon is that seeking help from our peers is sort of a more relaxed and affectionate progress while when we meet with our teachers or tutors personally , things which we usually come across is their deadpans or rigorous tones .take my own experience for an example . once I was encountered some tough problems with my physics schoolwork and I couldn’t fingered them out for almost a whole week , then I showed them to my physics teacher , to my disappointment , all I received from him is his poker face and grim voices , what’s more , he even shouted at me with criticisms like :” why are you so stupid ? were you really listening at that class ?!” no word could describe that situation more perfectly than tragic at that time . a few days later , I showed the same problems to my friend in his home , things were totally different. He just smiled and pointed out all my faults in my paper in a gentle way and said :” you are really a careless but hard-working guy , I bet your could do better next time if you take notice on that .”we discussed and talked in a more informal and relaxed way , I even figured out all my other problems while sitting on his sofa!
           Secondly , our peers could help us find an unique way to our problems with their own experience while professional tutors or teachers often provide us with the common solution , or say , a circuitous solution .when I was in university , I was in major of mathematics . one day one of my friends who was major in chemistry had several problems with his schoolwork offered by his professors . he turned to me for help because he had tried almost all the methods he could use in his major field . with my sophisticated skills and knowledge of mathematics , I saw all these formats and theories underlying in those chemical facts and guess what , I figured out all the problems in just 5 minutes !
            In addition , I concede that professional tutors can also help us with our school work for they have more experience and knowledge , however
it doesn’t suggested that seeking help from our peers is a relatively small role . some peers such as our classmates who were always regarded as the top students can give us as professional as solutions as our tutors .
           After rumination all these reasons what I mentioned above , when I have friends who encounter some problems with their schoolwork , I would definitely do my utmost to help them at the first time .

nimaoerzxyUID: 3180559

10.31

nimaoerzxyUID: 3180559

11.1

11.1.docx (128.46 KB, 下载次数: 0)

2013-11-1 13:55:15 上传

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cocolinkinUID: 2333716

楼主作文一般写多久？中间有没有查词汇？~词汇很深哦~dear plz find the attachment for 1031~

liuyc037UID: 3428284

11.01的作文改好了，在我帖子的2楼
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... xtra=#pid1777689302

话说lz的语言真的很赞~