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标题: 写作 by nikiniki333 [打印本页]
作者: nikiniki333 时间: 2012-2-8 07:08:08 标题: 写作 by nikiniki333
本帖最后由 nikiniki333 于 2012-2-14 03:19 编辑
2012年2.7开贴,3.9考试
为了我的成长,欢迎大家死劲儿拍砖
三十六忌
1.忌绝对话词语!!
2.忌思维发散!!
3.忌and堆积!!
4.忌通篇单一用一词!!
5.忌偷懒!!
6.忌
作者: nikiniki333 时间: 2012-2-8 07:10:54
本帖最后由 nikiniki333 于 2012-2-8 07:16 编辑
看不到传附件的选项,这次先这样吧
Whether it is a good thing for people to move to a new place because they will lose their friends? It is a controversial issue, and different people will hold different views. As far as I am concerned, we will not lose our friends after we move to a new place.On the contrary, we can obtain more new friends. I will list my reasons as follows.
To begin with, I have to admit that friends are the treasure in our live, and nobody can live without friends. When we come up with some difficulties in our life, friends can help us out. When we feel depressed, friends can always cheer us up. Additionally, when we are enjoying some wonderful thing, people who we want to share our happiness with are our friends. Friends, to be honest, occupy a great part of our life, and can not be lacked.
There is no denying the fact that making friends needs time and energy, but that is not to say that we move to a new town will result in lack
of friends. Communicating with the people in the new town or country, asking them for help, and helping them voluntarily can take many new friends to our life. We, however, should remember that only if we show people our genuine heart will others return us with sincerity. Just in this way, we can get many friends who can company us on our way. New friends can bring in new perspective which will broaden our horizon.
Finally, I have to point out that we should not forget our old friends when we make new friends, and moving away from friends does not mean we will lose them..We can e-mail or call our friends when we encounter something new, sharing our new experience, excitement and anxiety. Anyway, in my opinion, friendship will not change with time and location, and when we need them, our friends always be there waiting
to help us.If the friendship can not bear the test of time and distance, it will not be a real one.
To sum up, friends are very important in our life, and we can not live without them, but distance and time will not alienate friendship.
On the other hand, we can make many new friends after we move to a new town or a new country.
作者: shibin11 时间: 2012-2-9 02:40:01
2# nikiniki333
Whether it is a good thing for people to move to a new place because they will lose their friends? It is a controversial issue, and different people will hold different views. As far as I am concerned, we will not lose our friends after we move to a new place.On the contrary, we can obtain more new friends. I will list my reasons as follows.
2 e% @' a0 V6 B9 H
To begin with, I have to admit that friends are the treasure in our live, and nobody can live without friends. When we come up with some difficulties in our life, friends can help us out. When we feel depressed, friends can always cheer us up. Additionally, when we are enjoying some wonderful thing, people who we want to share our happiness with are our friends. Friends, to be honest, occupy a great part of our life, and can not be lacked. 个人觉得离题了,这个应该放在开头段作背景把。。。
P/ m- V- @8 Z: z( N* ~
There is no denying the fact that making friends needs time and energy, but that is not to say that we move to a new town will result in lack& N5 @# M ]: G- k' {% Q of friends. Communicating with the people in the new town or country, asking them for help, and helping them voluntarily can take many new friends to our life. We, however, should remember that only if we show people our genuine heart will others return us with sincerity. Just in this way, we can get many friends who can company us on(in) our way. New friends can bring in new perspective which will broaden our horizon.
5 q% x' Y5 j: H% ?' P- k4 H* {
Finally, I have to point out that we should not forget our old friends when we make new friends, and moving away from friends does not mean we will lose them..We can e-mail or call our friends when we encounter something new, sharing our new experience, excitement and anxiety. Anyway, in my opinion, friendship will not change with time and location, and when we need them, our friends always be there waiting! Q9 i5 y0 f# l9 a
to help us.If the friendship can not bear the test of time and distance, it will not be a real one.
To sum up, friends are very important in our life, and we can not live without them, but distance and time will not alienate friendship.On the other hand, we can make many new friends after we move to a new town or a new country.
感觉整篇是在侧重写什么是friends。。
说错的话请见谅。我个人逻辑思维有点乱乱的- -。。。
作者: nikiniki333 时间: 2012-2-9 04:41:10
2.9
College or University should offer students more preparation before they start working.
For the students, finding a decent job is their goal of study. For the college or university, preparing students to find a good job is their essential mission. Then, is more preparation offered by college or university better for students to start working? As far as I am concerned, the college or university can help students a lot by offering preparation, but more preparation is not necessary. I will list my reasons as follows.
To begin with, I admit that providing preparation can let students understand their plan and passion, and thus they can choose the job they like. The college and university can offer many kinds of job-related practice. For instance, job as accounting sounds great, while the students may find that it is really a boring one, or that they are not suitable for accounting. In this way, the students still have the chance to purchase their interest. As we all know, excellence comes from passion, while passion comes from interest. Only people find their interest can they achieve greatness.
Additionally, academic knowledge offered by the college and university help students tool themselves thoroughly. In the future, if they want to get promotion, expertise will be considered as mark, in which case employees who have obtained excellent specialities on campus will stand out and get success. From this point, the college and university should offer preparation.
Finally, I have to point out that preparation is undoubtedly needed, while more preparation is completely unpractical and unnecessary. Firstly, we can not measure the degree of preparation-what is more preparation, and how much is sufficient? On the other hand, different students have different ability of accepting the preparation, and thus requiring all students to learn millions of classes may not work as expectation. Secondly, schools should give students more opportunities to do what they like, such as poetries and music. Only focusing on study and preparation for future work might result in boredom, thereby losing the interest in study and reducing the efficiency.
To sum up, the students should learn expertise and other vital skills in college and university, while to say that the college should offer more preparation is problematic, because it is unnecessary to offer overly preparation for the school, and the students should have their freedom to enjoy what they like during the good college time which will become our precious memory for a whole life.
作者: nikiniki333 时间: 2012-2-9 04:50:15
本帖最后由 nikiniki333 于 2012-2-20 10:16 编辑
3# shibin11
对的哦,谢谢提醒,侧重点是看的搬家失去不失去friends,而不是搬家好不好了。
那个背景的,谨记。。。
作者: iBT20120304 时间: 2012-2-9 09:50:30
Whether it is a good thing for people to move to a new place because they will lose their friends? (这句话在逻辑上不太通。。。如果楼主硬要加上because那句,那么前面半句应该改为 Is it a bad thing for people to move..... because... 一般疑问句和是非疑问句,请楼主细细琢磨一下) It is a controversial issue, and different people will hold different views. As far as I am concerned, we will not lose our friends after we move to a new place.On the contrary, we can obtain more new friends. I will list my reasons as follows.
8 P5 I& d/ |, R1 Y0 a" l
To begin with, I have to admit that friends are the treasure in our live, and nobody can live without friends. When we come up with some difficulties in our life, friends can help us out. When we feel depressed, friends can always cheer us up. Additionally, when we are enjoying some wonderful thing, people who we want to share our happiness with are our friends. Friends, to be honest, occupy a great part of our life, and can not be lacked.
There is no denying the fact that making friends needs time and energy, but that is not to say that we move to a new town will result in lack
of friends. Communicating with the people in the new town or country, asking them for help, and helping them voluntarily can take many new friends to our life. We, however, should remember that only if we show people our genuine heart will others return us with sincerity. Just in this way, we can get many friends who can company us on our way. New friends can bring in new perspective which will broaden our horizon (前一段是完全离题,这一段也有些离题,只有后一段很切题).0 l( k- k$ d' _ ()
Finally, I have to point out that we should not forget our old friends when we make new friends, and moving away from friends does not mean we will lose them..We can e-mail or call our friends when we encounter something new, sharing our new experience, excitement and anxiety. Anyway, in my opinion, friendship will not change with time and location, and when we need them, our friends always be there waiting8 h$ Z$ e4 _" Y% o
to help us.If the friendship can not bear (sustain?) the test of time and distance, it will not be a real one.
' d3 y% u0 r; y' z+ C
To sum up, friends are very important in our life, and we can not live without them, but distance and time will not alienate friendship.
On the other hand, we can make many new friends after we move to a new town or a new country.
楼主的论证很详实,只是内容上略有离题。
另外,在词句方面,可能尚需积累。
在表达方式上,有些观点切忌过于affirmative,因看你卷子的人很可能和你有完全不同的价值观。过于武断,可能招致反感,对成绩不利。
作者: nikiniki333 时间: 2012-2-9 11:49:27
嗯,所有问题都被看出来了,平时作文练的太少,现在努力补呢,希望一个月后托福作文给点力~
你的文章读着很有内容,向你学习~
作者: nikiniki333 时间: 2012-2-10 02:57:14
2.10
Parents should help children to do their work or encourage children to do their work independently.
Parents are the guides of children and can influence children dramatically. When it comes to the issue of whether parents should help children with their work or encourage children to do independently, nevertheless, I prefer the former rather than the latter, basing on the importance of parents and the immature view of children. I will list my reasons as follows.
One of the primary factor is that facing with difficult task without help will lead children to lose interest in study. Some work is too hard for children to finish alone, such as mathematics and physics. At this moment, if the parents do not show any aid, some children are probably to spend hours on their work, while others may just give up. Under this situation, the parents have the obligation to help them solve problems, or if the work is too hard for the parents to figure out, parents should at least show their care and comfort their children. In the future, they will not easily surrender when encountering difficulties.
Additionally, a more essential factor why I advocate the argument of helping children to do work is that the children can avoid taking wrong turnings. Children possess immature cognition and have the propensity of making mistakes unconsciously. For instance, in Gongdong a few month ago,a 14-year-old girl arrested for drug offences just wanted to show her friends the loyalty. By the same toke, children tend to make wrong choice any time-choosing school and friends, or even solving mathematics problems. Consequently, instead of letting children alone, parents are supposed to help them with their work and know explicitly what their children are doing.
Finally, I have to admit that children have to leave parents sooner or later, and that parents have the obligation to cultivate self-sufficient and independent children, and thus the argument that encouraging children to do work independently sounds plausible. Nonetheless, teenagers are too young to address all the problems alone, and on the other hand, helping children do their work does not mean that they will lose the ability of working independently. That is to say, parents should encourage children to figure out the problem by themselves and oversee the process from beginning to the ends, in which case the children can avoid unnecessary waste of energy on unrealistic expectation.
From what have been discussed above, considering the difficulties of the task and the immature cognition of children, we may safely draw the conclusion that parents should help their children with their work.
作者: iBT20120304 时间: 2012-2-10 10:30:59
College or University should offer students more preparation before they start working. " q* C/ n- M) x2 P9 k! D
For the (若非特指某一类学生,这个the是可以省略的)students, finding a decent job is their goal of study (世界是多元的。并非所有人去上学的目的都是为了找一份体面的工作。你这句话稍有武断。可以考虑 for most students). For the college or university, preparing students to find a good job is their essential mission(大学的办学宗旨,首要任务,可能未必是帮助学生找到一份好工作哦。满足学生对科学的渴求,对真理的热爱,对艺术的鉴赏,对社会的回馈,等等,这些可能和中国年轻人和中国的大学沾不上边,但是大洋彼岸可能情形有些不一样。再次提醒,阅卷者的价值观可能和你有差异,因此表达方式不可过于武断。). Then, is more preparation offered by college or university better for students to start working? As far as I am concerned, the college or university can help students a lot by offering preparation, but more preparation is not necessary. I will list my reasons as follows./ R0 B( K' T3 q/ H8 o- \
To begin with, I admit that providing preparation can let students understand their plan and passion, and thus they can choose the job they like. The college and university can offer many kinds of job-related practice. For instance, job as accounting sounds great, while the students may find that it is really a boring one, or that they are not suitable for accounting. In this way, the students still have the chance to purchase their interest. As we all know, excellence comes from passion, while passion comes from interest. Only people (此处少了一个连接词,that 或者who都可以)find their interest can they achieve greatness.
Additionally, academic knowledge offered by the college and university help students tool themselves thoroughly. In the future, if they want to get promotion, expertise will be considered as mark, in which case employees who have obtained excellent specialities on campus will stand out and get success. From this point, the college and university should offer preparation.' m& [& i: [7 H v+ }4 b
Finally, I have to point out that preparation is undoubtedly needed, while more preparation is completely unpractical and unnecessary. Firstly, we can not measure the degree of preparation-what is more preparation, and how much is sufficient? On the other hand, different students have different ability of accepting the preparation, and thus requiring all students to learn millions of classes may not work as expectation. Secondly, schools should give students more opportunities to do what they like, such as poetries and music. Only focusing on study and preparation for future work might result in boredom, thereby losing the interest in study and reducing the efficiency.! t* X! c) x! B, I
To sum up, the students should learn expertise and other vital skills in college and university, while to say that the college should offer more preparation is problematic, because it is unnecessary to offer overly preparation for the school, and the students should have their freedom to enjoy what they like during the good college time which will become our precious memory for a whole life.(这个长句子读起来让人很累)
你的论证很不错,词汇也很丰富。
只是有一点,你文中的长句子很多,让人读起来有些费力。长句子固然能够秀出作者的英语水平,但是长句子最好不要滥用。一个好的长句子最好有一个清晰的逻辑结构,合理断句,清楚地表达一个紧密连接的意群。仅仅依靠很多个and,是不太可能达到这个效果的。我的习惯是,只有在有表达需要的时候,才使用长句子。一般情况下,短句子就够了。毕竟,把问题说清楚才是最重要的。
作者: nikiniki333 时间: 2012-2-10 11:27:54
嗯,提的好,不说我还不注意,and堆积,谢谢提醒~
毛病真的就得相互找,要不自己发现不了。。
关于那个武断的问题和文化差异的问题,我就是觉得这个反正是写自己的观点,你可以这样想,也可以这样说,
毕竟是自己的issue, 发表的是自己的观点,也无所谓对错,
评卷老师应该不会因为我的想法跟别人不对,或没考虑中西方差异而降分吧。。。
这个问题咱们再探讨。
作者: nikiniki333 时间: 2012-2-10 11:43:38
刚刚搜了下,好像是不能太武断哦,好吧,我再想想,
对你的提醒万分感谢~
大家一起加油~
作者: iBT20120304 时间: 2012-2-10 12:37:01
嗯,你多注意一下比较好。
类似的问题,我已经提过两次了,以后不会再提醒了。
作者: Lusota 时间: 2012-2-10 17:21:45
个人见解~
[attach]174583[/attach]
作者: loveinwc 时间: 2012-2-10 18:16:02
改完了~~~求回改~~~求大批特批~~~~
作者: nikiniki333 时间: 2012-2-11 01:58:29
谢谢Lusota,我会加油改正毛病哒,思维发散,害我好深哇~~~
作者: nikiniki333 时间: 2012-2-11 01:59:59
已改完,你的文章就是我一个月后要实现的梦想~~
作者: nikiniki333 时间: 2012-2-11 09:45:19 标题: 2.11
本帖最后由 nikiniki333 于 2012-2-11 09:48 编辑
2.11
The main role of the university professor is to educate students rather than to do research.
写了几篇文章后,咋文章却越写越慢了,一开始半小时及不到一篇,现在写一篇要磨蹭一小时。。。
谁能告诉我,为什么。。为什么。。。速度能提上去吗还。。。
作者: sodapeng 时间: 2012-2-11 19:48:57
已改~
作者: 紫梦于 时间: 2012-2-12 20:10:09
改好了
作者: towardsBT 时间: 2012-2-12 23:10:23
改好拉~楼主还没帮我改哟。
作者: nikiniki333 时间: 2012-2-13 08:56:19
2.13 独立
作者: idealibt 时间: 2012-2-13 17:53:56
自己估计了一下 今天我们因该是一个组 提前改了
[attach]174693[/attach]
作者: lovelesscat 时间: 2012-2-13 23:07:49
你的主动词汇量很强大呀 而且也形成了写作的套路
但是有些原因没有很好的展开 看起来没有逻辑
我的水平有限 不知道怎么改才好
小心奉上~
作者: nimaoerzxy 时间: 2012-2-13 23:20:39
2.10 Parents should help children to do their work or encourage children to do their work independently.
Parents are the guides of children and can influence children dramatically. When it comes to the issue of whether parents should help children with their work or encourage children to do independently, nevertheless, I prefer the former rather than the latter, basing on the importance of parents and the immature view of children. I will list my reasons as follows. One of the primary factor(s) is that facing with difficult task without help will lead children to lose interest in study. Some work is too hard for children to finish alone, such as mathematics and physics. At this moment, if the parents do not show any aid, some children are probably to spend(unnecessary 光花时间不太妥,一般的问题也要花时间,应该是一些不必要的时间) hours on their work, while others may just give up. Under this situation, the parents have the obligation to help them solve problems, or if the work is too hard for the parents to figure out, parents should at least show their care and comfort their children. In the future, they will not easily surrender when encountering difficulti
Additionally, a more essential factor why I advocate the argument of helping children to do work is that the children can avoid taking wrong turnings. Children possess immature cognition and have the propensity of making mistakes unconsciously. For instance, in Gongdong(province) a few month ago,a 14-year-old girl arrested for drug offences (drug offence? 这个我不太懂。但是我知道drug addiction或drug abuse )just wanted to show her friends the loyalty. By the same toke(token), children tend to make wrong choice any time-choosing school and friends, or even solving mathematics problems.(这里有个逻辑错误,选择朋友犯错应该比做错题严重,所以不应该用or even) Consequently, instead of letting children alone, parents are supposed to help them with their work and know explicitly what their children are doing.
Finally, I have to admit that children have to leave parents sooner or later, and that parents have the obligation to cultivate self-sufficient and independent children, and thus the argument that encouraging children to do work independently sounds plausible. Nonetheless, teenagers are too young to address all the problems alone, and on the other hand, helping children do their work does not mean that they will lose the ability of working independently. That is to say, parents should encourage children to figure out the problem by themselves and oversee the process from beginning to the ends, in which case the children can avoid unnecessary waste of energy on unrealistic expectation.
From what have been discussed above, considering the difficulties of the task and the immature cognition of children, we may safely draw the conclusion that parents should help their children with their work.
(整片文章都没有什么错误,而且条理清楚, 写的很好的说~~)
作者: kikyou_lr 时间: 2012-2-14 04:14:59
[attach]174718[/attach]
“三观”相近,:handshake
作者: ghvggj 时间: 2012-2-14 14:44:13
soccer cleats
作者: nikiniki333 时间: 2012-2-15 03:36:06
2.14 独立
作者: nikiniki333 时间: 2012-2-15 12:14:03
2.15 独立
作者: xiesisiminerva 时间: 2012-2-15 14:51:21
估计和你一组,就改了,改得不好见谅
作者: smilingshirly 时间: 2012-2-16 09:29:34
2月15日 100213NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People who cannot accept criticism will not succeed in a team.
Team members work in the same office, and can influence each other dramatically. Thus it is unavoidable to get some criticism from other co-workers. As far as I am concerned, accepting correct criticisms from colleagues is necessary for one to get success. I will list my reasons as follows.
In the first place, rejecting criticism will make one lose a great chance to get improvement. We tend to make some mistakes, such as surfing irrelevant sites (what do you mean by this?) during working hours, and coming late everyday. However, this performance will draw back the productivity of the whole team. At that moment, co-worker is likely to criticize our improper action. If we can revise (improper word I suppose. “avoid” may be better) these inappropriate behaviours, we, as well as our team, can work more efficiently, and be much closer to success.
In the second place, the harmonious relationship is more likely to be ruined if we do not accept co-workers' comments. We spend at least 8 hours with our co-workers, and it is inevitable that some performance will offend other co-workers. We may receive phone calls in the office and speak loudly, with the result that colleagues can not focus on work. Thus, the colleagues who are adversely affected will criticize us for this action. If we do not accept, fellowship might be destroyed. Without the harmonious atmosphere, people can not cooperate closely, and thus it is impossible to succeed.
Finally, I have to admit that some workers criticize us blindly or without realizing the truth, in this situation, we should explain to them friendly, gaining understanding from colleagues. Otherwise, we will lose not only our fellowship but also recognition from our leaders. That is because, in the eyes of our leaders, we are lazy, stubborn and can not cooperate with others. As a result, if there are chances of promotion, leaders ought to consider others rather than us. Consequently, the way to succeed becomes further and further (improper use of word. Wider and longer , I suppose).
From what I have discussed above, people, who can not accept criticism, will miss the chance of making progress, harm the relationship with colleagues, and lose the opportunity to obtain promotion, of course, the premise is that the criticism is correct. As a result, I can draw the conclusion safely that rejecting correct criticism will make a person fail in a team.
作者: smilingshirly 时间: 2012-2-16 09:32:58
mine~thx for revising~
作者: nikiniki333 时间: 2012-2-16 10:20:26
2.16[attach]174794[/attach]
作者: laozhanguotoefl 时间: 2012-2-16 13:24:52
已改完
作者: nikiniki333 时间: 2012-2-19 11:17:40
本帖最后由 nikiniki333 于 2012-2-19 11:27 编辑
2.20 综合 TPO11
作者: nikiniki333 时间: 2012-2-20 12:54:15
2.20独立
作者: xiesisiminerva 时间: 2012-2-20 23:29:00
谢谢你的批改。
作者: 猛龙过江 时间: 2012-2-21 20:00:03
附件~
作者: nikiniki333 时间: 2012-2-27 10:50:10
2.27 综合
TPO16
作者: Frankie0616 时间: 2012-2-28 17:34:41
我的听力不太好 总是很多东西 听不到。。。。已经改了
作者: nikiniki333 时间: 2012-2-29 00:00:01
对哦。。非常感谢~~
作者: nikiniki333 时间: 2012-2-29 04:03:12
TPO17
2.28 综合
作者: echo52888 时间: 2012-3-1 00:56:20
不好意思,改晚了!
The passage explains that the number of birds is reducing due to the decline of their habitats used by human and the wide usage of pesticide. The lecturer, on the other hand, mentions that the argument in the reading is groundless.
In the first place, the lecturer argues that urban development provides a better and larger environment that is suitable for some birds to live. As a result, the number of certain birds, such as pigeons, have shown an significant increase. The reading passage, however, holds the opinion that the bird's number presents an uniform decrease because of the increase of human populations ,which causes the destroying of the natural habitats of birds.
In the second place, the lecturer refutes that opinion in the reading that the growing population of human beings leads to the growing agriculture, which will damage bird habitats further and further. She asserts that with the invention of more productive crops, less and less land will be transformed to farmland, and thus bird habitats will not decrease any more in the future.
Finally, according to the reading, the increasingly use of pesticides, resulting from increasing agriculture, will cause the birds' death, since the birds are depending on poisoned insects or water for living. This claim is rejected by the lecturer. She explains that with the development of science, less toxic pesticides will be discovered, and besides, people will apply pest-resistant crops in agriculture, which have no harm to birds. Consequently, the issue about pesticide will be solved.
写得还可以!不过还要加油!
作者: nikiniki333 时间: 2012-3-2 03:40:36
TPO19 综合
The passage presents three criticisms about buzzers, who personally advertise products to people they know or meet. The speaker, a buzzer, explains that these criticisms are somewhat misleading.
In the first place, the speaker admits that they are paid by the company, whereas the reason why company hires them as buzzers is that they, as customer of the company first, buy the products and do get a excellent experience, as a result, what the buzzers say are all their real feeling and thinking. The passage, on the other hand, argues that a buzzer is likely to praise the product blindly just for payment.
In the second place, the speaker refutes the statement in the reading that consumers tend to trust a buzzer without any doubt because they do not know that the person is a buzzer. He asserts that consumers will ask a lot of questions about the products that the buzzer is promoting, such as the price, service or even how long the buzzer has been used.
Finally, according to the passage, buzzing will result in an adverse influence on social relationships. While the speaker rejects this opinion, reasoning that buzzing behavior might actually do good to the human relationship. He explains that the buzzer will tell the truth to the consumers, and thus make the consumers enjoy a good experience by using this products, which will deepen the trust between people. In this way, customer tend to become more trustful and more open to people.
作者: nikiniki333 时间: 2012-3-2 03:41:19
3.1 独立
作者: saturn2011 时间: 2012-3-2 23:26:02
44# nikiniki333
作者: 佐左927 时间: 2012-3-4 10:11:13
44# nikiniki333
迟到的修改稿,由于我现在级别不够还上传不了WORD文件,你在QQ群里叫我,我给你把文件传过去~
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