Argument242 第2篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！

onlyfishUID: 192741

Argument242  第2篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------题目------
The following appeared as an editorial in the student newspaper of Groveton College.
'To combat the recently reported dramatic rise in cheating among college and university students, these institutions should adopt honor codes similar to Groveton's, which calls for students to agree not to cheat in their academic endeavors and to notify a faculty member if they suspect that others have cheated. Groveton's honor code replaced an old-fashioned system in which students were closely monitored by teachers and an average of thirty cases of cheating per year were reported. The honor code has proven far more successful: in the first year it was in place, students reported twenty-one cases of cheating; five years later, this figure had dropped to fourteen. Moreover, in a recent survey conducted by the Groveton honor council, a majority of students said that they would be less likely to cheat with an honor code in place than without.'
------正文------
The editorial in the student newspaper of Groveton College comes to a conclusion that to stop the rise in cheating among college and university students, institutions can adopt the measure of honor code based on the decreasing of cheat after it was applied by Groveton’s. This argue may appear grounded, but the arguer ignore some factors.

First, whether the dropping of the figure of cheating is reliable. As the report says that the honor code replaced an old-fashioned system in which students were closely monitored by teachers, how to get the result that the figure of cheating has decreased? Does this figure collect by the students themselves? There are another situation that the figure itself is cheating, because without the monitor of teachers, even there are a greater number of cheating cases, there are less cases to be notified. The arguer failed to take it into account.

Secondly, there is lack of details of the survey conducted by the Groveton honor council to make it convinced. Since the survey is conducted by Groveton honor council, there may be exist some unfair factor. Because from the stance of the
Groveton honor council, it wants to show that the measure make different. Besides, the sample population of the survey is not provided. Whether it is randomly choosed? The arguers failed to inform us.

Finally, the measure that is helpful in Groveton College does not necessarily function the same in the other place. The arguer makes the conclusion on a hasty analogy regardless of the distinction among them. The reasons of cheating vary from one and another. Whether the measure will help depend on many factors such as the character of the students, the atmosphere of the campus and the process of the execution of the honor code. If the students do not care or they abuse the freedom when they are not under the monitoring of the teachers, the honor code will not help much.

In conclusion the arguer draw the conclusion with hasty generalization. The honor code itself and the thought of arguer is good, but the argue fails to provide the sufficient and convincing reason and whether it will function in other place counts on many other elements which need to be fully considered.

wildUID: 189262

The editorial in the student newspaper of Groveton College comes to a conclusion that to stop the rise in cheating among college and university students, institutions can adopt the measure of honor code based on the decreasing of cheat after it was applied by Groveton’s. This argue may appear grounded, but the arguer ignore(ignores) some factors.

First, whether the dropping of the figure of cheating is reliable. As the report says that the honor code replaced an old-fashioned system in which students were closely monitored by teachers, how to get the result that the figure of cheating has decreased? Does this figure collect by the students themselves? There are another situation that the figure itself is cheating, because without the monitor of teachers, even there are a greater number of cheating cases, there are less cases to be notified. The arguer failed to take it into account.

Secondly, there is lack of details of the survey conducted by the Groveton honor council to make it convinced. Since the survey is conducted by Groveton honor council, there may be(去掉) exist some unfair factor(factors). [Because from the stance of the Groveton honor council, it wants to show that the measure make different.](For example, because Groveton honor council is from its own stance of view, it may want to show that the measure makes different.) Besides, the sample population of the survey is not provided. [Whether it is randomly choosed(chosen)? The arguers failed to inform us. ](The arguer failed to inform us whether it is randomly chosen.)

Finally, the measure that is helpful in Groveton College does not necessarily function the same in [the other](another) place. The arguer makes the conclusion on a hasty analogy regardless of the distinction among them. The reasons of cheating vary from(between) one and another. Whether the measure will help depend on many factors such as the character of the students, the atmosphere of the campus and the process of the execution of the honor code. If the students do not care or they abuse the freedom when they are not under the monitoring of the teachers, the honor code will not help much.

In conclusion the arguer draw the conclusion with hasty generalization. The honor code itself and the thought of arguer is good, but the argue fails to provide the sufficient and convincing reason and whether it will function in other place counts on many other elements which need to be fully considered.

一些建议可供参考：
1.        每段的开头用first, secondly和finally不是很好的选择，我觉得可以试着用一些有变化且与本文特别贴切的衔接方法。
2.        可以考虑这种相互举报的办法，是否会带来其他的负面影响，比如同学关系。
3.        在语言上同义的词多一些变化会比较好。

onlyfishUID: 192741

谢谢诶