Argument40 第6篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！

eustaciaUID: 175283

Argument40  第6篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：30分2秒     488 words
从2005年0月26日8时19分到2005年0月26日8时30分
------题目------
The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Excello Food Markets.
'In 90 towns where Excello has food markets, natural-food stores specializing in organic food products—products containing no chemical preservatives and made with foods grown without pesticides—have opened nearby as competitors. Surveys of our own customers reveal a growing concern about foods grown using pesticides or preserved with chemicals. Recently our market in Sun City participated in a local food tasting fair, and 75 percent of the fair goers who visited the Excello booth requested free samples of organic fruit. Such evidence indicates that to increase our profits, we should begin to stock a full line of organic food products in all our markets.'
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The argument recommends that  Excello Food Markets should begin to stock a full line of organic food products based on some evidence such as its competitor's selling, a certain kind of survey and the kind of food 75 percent of fair goers choice in Sun City's local food tasting fair.  However, several flaws exist in the evidences and the arguer’s recommendation would amount to bring loose to Excello Food Markets.

First of all, we are not informed of the selling condition of Excello Food Markets' so-called competitors.  Dose the natural-food stores specializing in organic food products maintaining a good business or dose they suffer from high cost and being threaten of close off?  Absent evidence, the arguer cannot conclude that these natural-food stores specializing in organic food products must be competitors to Excello Food Markets.

Second, the arguer cited the result of a survey to support his conclusion. Yet, we are not informed the methodology of the survey, thus the results of it would be suspectable.  After all, are the responders to the survey mostly those who concern with healthy food more than ordinary people dose? In addition, admittedly, a growing concern about foods grown using pesticides or preserved with chemicals would determine the kind of food chosen by the customer. However, other reasons might affect the choice, too. And those reasons, such as the price, taste, quality and quantity should not be ignored as the arguer did.

Third, the exact reason why 75 percent of the fair goers who visited the Excello both requested free samples of organic fruit.  It might be as well that those fair goers just requested that kind of food because of the free offer.  Maybe that kind of organic fruit sells in so high a price that most of the fair goers cannot afford if out of the tasting fair.  Moreover, dose these fair goers requested other kind of food also? Perhaps they also request other ordinary food more than that kind of organic fruit. If any of these is the case, the arguer's conclusion would be unsubstantiated.

Finally, it is unjustifiable to conclude that the Excello should begin to stock a full line of organic food products in all the markets without providing any information concerning with the condition of market places, the supply pool, the requests of consumers and so forth. Lack of information as this is the case, it might be as well that there is no organic food available in the nearby place around the market or the cost of that kind of food is significantly high. If any of these is true, the recommendation would amount to be a bad one.

In sum, in order to convince me, the arguer would be better to provide more information concerning with the market place. Also, the arguer should provide more exact information about the consumer’s desire and willingness. More over, the methodology of the survey should be provided, too.

eustaciaUID: 175283

睡觉啦，顺便自顶一下

蓝清UID: 158106

The argument recommends that Excello Food Markets should begin to stock a full line of organic food products based on some evidence such as its competitor's selling, a certain kind of survey and the kind of food 75 percent of fair goers choice 保持并列，the kind of food chosen by 75 percent of the fair goersin Sun City's local food tasting fair. However, several flaws exist in the evidences and the arguer’s recommendation would amount to bring loose to Excello Food Markets.一般来讲argument 里的evidence 不太会有问题，出问题的应该这些evidece 是不是可以很好地用来论证里面的假设和进一步的结论

First of all, we are not informed of the selling condition of Excello Food Markets' so-called competitors. Dose the natural-food stores specializing in organic food products maintaining a good business or dose they suffer from high cost and being threaten of close offbeing threatened to close?是要表达这个意思吗? Absent evidence好像不太恰当, the arguer cannot conclude that these natural-food stores specializing in organic food products must be competitors to Excello Food Markets.

Second, the arguer cited 时态得保持一致吧the result of a survey to support his conclusion. Yet, we are not informed 句式最好能有所变化the methodology of the survey, thus the results of it would be suspectable. After all, are the responders to the survey mostly those who concern with healthy food more than ordinary people dose? In addition, admittedly, a growing concern about foods grown using pesticides or preserved with chemicals would determine the kind of food chosen by the customer. However, other reasons might affect the choice, too. And those reasons, such as the price, taste, quality and quantity should not be ignored as the arguer did.

Third, the exact reason why 75 percent of the fair goers who visited the Excello both requested free samples of organic fruit. It might be as well that those fair goers just requested that kind of food because of the free offer. Maybe that kind of organic fruit sells in in ?so high a price that most of the fair goers cannot cannot ?afford if out of the tasting fair. Moreover, dose these fair goers requested other kind of food also? Perhaps they also request other ordinary food more than that kind of organic fruit. If any of these is the case, the arguer's conclusion would be unsubstantiated.

Finally, it is unjustifiable to conclude that the Excello should begin to stock a full line of organic food products in all the markets without providing any information concerning with the condition of market places, the supply pool, the requests of consumers and so forth. Lack of information as this is the case, it might be as well that there is no organic food available in the nearby place around the market or the cost of that kind of food is significantly high. If any of these is true, the recommendation would amount to be a bad one.

In sum, in order to convince me, the arguer would be better to provide more information concerning with the market place. Also, the arguer should provide more exact information about the consumer’s desire and willingness. More over, the methodology of the survey should be provided, too.
攻击点找得比较全面，但是结构和语言方面有点欠缺，尤其应该注意时态的问题，以及句子的结构和连贯性。没能够全改完，只能提这个比较笼统的建议了。有时间还是多看看范文，真得会很有用的。大家一起加油哦.

eustaciaUID: 175283

谢谢楼上的，我argument的范文的确看得太少。