issue10 G-89-互助社-8.3日同主题写作

ryanqUID: 154025

Issue10  第4篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：45分3秒     460 words
从2005年7月3日11时49分到2005年7月3日12时45分
------题目------
Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive, because it is

The city as a modern window to the world can show many special characters of its nation. However, when it comes to a nation's cultural traditions, I contend that the amount of culture a city exhibits depends on the area of the city to that of the nation. For a nation with a long history and large area, its major city preserves relatively only a small part of the nation's cultural elements.

Admittedly, a nation's major cities can bring its foreign tourists many peculiarly fresh images. It is not difficult to find obvious differences between various nations' major cities in building's style, such as Beijing's Chinese quadrangle and Paris' Gothic Church. So it is with people's dressing. Especially during festivals when citizens are in their own folk dressing, so easy for one to distinguish. We can not deny the fact that major cities possess their nation's cultural elements more or less. After all, these cities were developed by local people. In addition, if the nation is like Singapore or Maldives, we can only search for its cultural traditions in the city. Though a little extreme is this example, it proves the necessity to finance the city in some situation.

However, as the area of a nation becomes larger and history the nation have becomes longer, the usefulness of counting modern major city to protect traditions turns less. Many cities in history once with splendid culture faded as years passed or were ruined by natural catastrophe or war leaving us priceless cultural heritage. For example in China, there is a place once an oasis at the crucial conjunction of silver road- Dunhuang Grottoes. The paintings as sculptures' value there are far beyond the cultural value. While it is not in any major city but on the edge of Gobi desert, should not we offer financial support to this area?

What's more, as the international economics' rapid growth, major cities of a nation plays a role of platform for the communication and cooperation. This internationalization has made these metropolitans' differences become less. Hardly can we distinguish a nation's peculiarity from the metropolitan any more. While in the countryside which is affected by the trend rather less, much folk custom, an important parts of a nation's cultural traditions, is preserved. In China, like the stove for making china, the workshop for kites and Chinese knots can only be found in the country. These places deserve more support for preserve and protection.

To sum up, different nations hold distinct traditional backgrounds of culture developing history. Therefore it should be judged independently by nations whether to offer financial support to the city. The right way is to make sure the cultural traditions to receive this support. For China, I tend to help the countryside more.

polymathUID: 179557

友情先支持顶一下！现在在改作文，稍候答复！望见谅！:)

accoladeUID: 2110746

Issue10  第4篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：45分3秒     460 words
从2005年7月3日11时49分到2005年7月3日12时45分
------题目------
Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive, because it is

Thea city as a modern window to the world can show many special characters of its nation. However, when it comes to a nation's cultural traditions, I contend that the amount of culture文化的数量？ a city exhibits depends on the area of the city toto可以表示对比但是这里还是觉得换个方式好些 that of the nation. For a nation with a long history and large area, its major city preserves relatively only a small part of the nation's cultural elementselements用的我喜欢.

Admittedly, a nation's major cities can bring itsits? foreign touriststourists加一下限定可能要好些，而且可以增加字数 many peculiarly fresh images. It is not difficult to find obvious differences between various nations' major cities in building's style, such as Beijing's Chinese quadrangle and Paris' Gothic Church. So it is with people's dressing. Especially during festivals when citizens are in their own folk dressing, so easy for one to distinguish这两句话写得拗口,  We can not deny the fact that major cities possess their nation's cultural elements more or less我觉得用或多或少对于论证不是蛮有利哦. After all, these cities were developed by local people. In addition, if the nation is like Singapore or Maldives, we can only search for its cultural traditions in the city. Though a little extreme is this example, it proves the necessity to finance the city in some situation.你的这个in addition好像是表示了另外一个意思，而且Singapore不是正是说明了metropolis的文化代表性吗，你所说的extreme是对第三段而言 这段写的结构完整，但是逻辑有点问题

However, as the area of a nation becomes larger and history the nation have becomes longer我觉得这里的become 用的非常不好，area of a nation还可以become？有待考究。, the usefulness of counting modern major city to protect traditions turns less. Many cities in history once with splendid culture faded as years passed or were ruined by natural catastrophe or war， leaving us priceless cultural heritage. For example in China, there is a place once an oasis at the crucial conjunction of silver road- Dunhuang Grottoes为什么不先就写Dunhuang Grottoes,然后再说明其重要性呢？感觉好别扭。这一点可以讨论一下. The paintings as sculptures' value there are far beyond the cultural value. While it is not in any major city but on the edge of Gobi desert, should not we offer financial support to this area?

What's more, as the international economics' rapid growth, major cities of a nation plays a role of platform for the communication and cooperation.这是ts？ This internationalization has made these metropolitans'metropolis differences become less. Hardly can we distinguish a nation's peculiarity from the metropolitan any more. While in the countryside which is affected by the trend rather less, much folk custom, an important parts of a nation's cultural traditions, is preserved. In China, like the stove for making china, the workshop for kites and Chinese knots can only be found in the country. These places deserve more support for preserve and protection.这段话没有ts，你分country和city两个方面来论述对题中的大城市保留了主要文化进行说明但是却没有总结开头也没有陈述

To sum up, different nations hold distinct traditional backgrounds of culture developing history. Therefore it should be judged independently by nations whether to offer financial support to the city. The right way is to make sure the cultural traditions to receive this support. For China, I tend to help the countryside more. [sum up的时候还举例？没见过，而且这好像也不是提建议。你说呢？

inclusion：改的比较多，这是加盟G89 以来的第一次改作文，很长时间没改过了。感觉你的这篇文章问题还是有些的，努力了仍然可以改正。当然我的这些改动如果你觉得有些问题的话还是可以回帖讨论的

ryanqUID: 154025

这篇写完了在word里贴一下没错字就放上来了，应该再斟酌一下:(

需要讨论以下的地方:

In addition, if the nation is like Singapore or Maldives, we can only search for its cultural traditions in the city. Though a little extreme is this example, it proves the necessity to finance the city in some situation.你的这个in addition好像是表示了另外一个意思，而且Singapore不是正是说明了metropolis的文化代表性吗，你所说的extreme是对第三段而言 这段写的结构完整，但是逻辑有点问题  

我这里是想说singapore地方小，只由一个城市组成。是前面论证城市有很多文化元素的补充，为下文转折作铺垫。感觉逻辑上没啥问题。请明示。

For example in China, there is a place once an oasis at the crucial conjunction of silver road- Dunhuang Grottoes为什么不先就写Dunhuang Grottoes,然后再说明其重要性呢？感觉好别扭。这一点可以讨论一下.

我觉得是个人习惯吧，恰好那时就想这么写，也许现在会像你说的那样写。

这段话没有ts，你分country和city两个方面来论述对题中的大城市保留了主要文化进行说明但是却没有总结开头也没有陈述.

这句话的确应该有ts和总结,主要是到后来时间有些不够了:lol。

非常感谢:handshake
共同进步:victory: