Issue59 寄托4人组 8-15

bridgewalkerUID: 208595

Issue59  第25篇 寄托4人组！
------摘要------
作者：BridgeWalker     共用时间：55分     460 words
从2005年8月15日12时8分到2005年8月15日12时45分
------题目------
Too much emphasis is placed on role models. Instead of copying others, people should learn to think and act independently and thus make the choices that are best for them.
------正文------
Should we learn to think and act independently instead of imitate models? The speaker believes so. However, as far as I am concerned, while independent thinking is important both to society and ourselves, put too much emphasis on it would be counterproductive. What's more, if choosing properly, we can learn a lot form these models.

To begin with, to think and act independently is necessary at both societal and individual levels. After all, independent thinking helps us make right judgment. At the societal level, it is the independent citizens that prevent their society from detrimental demagoguery. If not, the stability of the society will be threatened. At the individual level, independent thinking skill remind us the differences between ourselves and the models we are imitating, and finally lead us to reasonable choices which are based on our own capability, education, economy, and the like. In other word, thinking independently can keep us away from irrational and impractical decisions.

However, put much emphasis on independent thinking would result in to close-mindedness, bigotry and submission to impulsive instincts and devastating beliefs, which might offend others and even, destruct our whole society. Take Hitler, the German leader during the World War Two for instance. It is his independent thinking that finally shaped his earth-shaking belief of ruling the world. He was so independent that it makes him stick too much to his terrible faith, and which ultimately caused the unprecedented tragedy to the entire human race. This case illustrates that to be mentally too independent and making judgment with no regard to the potential harm to others and the well-being of our society would surely be destructive.

Moreover, if rightly chosen, models can serve as a positive force in our own lives. In the first place, imitating great people in history can help us cultivate our own personalities. For instance, from Lewis and Clark's expedition in the Northwest, we learn the importance of persistence in facing adversities; from Abe Lincoln's story of walking three miles to return six cents, we know the strength of honesty, and in the legend of Joan of Arc, we find the sublime of courage and loyalty to one's own country. In the second place, modeling successful people can give us guidance in our own business. For example, by adopting Ford's assembly line approach in manufacturing, other car makers have greatly enhanced their own productivity. In short, it is possible for us to improve ourselves and our businesses by imitating great models.

In sum, independent thinking skill might help us make right decisions. Nonetheless, if seeking intellectual independence too far, the result would be harmful. In addition, if choosing models cautiously, we can improve our personalities toward maturity on the one hand, and assist our businesses on the other hand.

哥哥家有二师兄UID: 2124390

Issue59  第25篇 寄托4人组！
------摘要------
作者：BridgeWalker     共用时间：55分     460 words
从2005年8月15日12时8分到2005年8月15日12时45分
------题目------
Too much emphasis is placed on role models. Instead of copying others, people should learn to think and act independently and thus make the choices that are best for them.
------正文------
Should we learn to think and act independently instead of imitate models? The speaker believes so. However, as far as I am concerned, while independent thinking is important both to society and ourselves/ individuals, put/ delete too much emphasis on it would be counterproductive. What's more/ 前边的观点和后者并不是递进的关系，而是对立的，用这个短语似乎不合适, if choosing properly, we can learn a lot form这个词你打错了好几次了 these models/ 这句话有点怪，你看反过来说效果如何：If models are well chosen and properly emulated, they actually can benefit us significantly

To begin with, to think and act independently is necessary at both societal and individual levels. After all, independent thinking helps us make right judgment/ it is always ourselves who make the final judgment and decision even though others could offer suggestions. At the societal level, it is the independent citizens that prevent their society from detrimental demagoguery为什么这么说，原因没有论证到. If not, the stability of the society will be threatened. At the individual level, independent thinking skill s remind us the differences between ourselves and the models we are imitating/这段的主题句和总结句都没有提到独立思考和学习模范的关系，这里突然把学习模范调出来有突兀之感, and finally lead us to reasonable choices which are based on our own capability, education, economy, and the like. In other word, thinking independently can keep us away from irrational and impractical decisions.

However, put/ too much emphasis on independent thinking would result in to close-mindedness, bigotry and submission to impulsive instincts and devastating beliefs, which might offend others and even, destruct our whole society. Take Hitler, the German leader during the World War Two for instance. It is his independent thinking that finally shaped his earth-shaking belief of ruling the worldHe was so independent that it makes him stick too much to his terrible faith, and which ultimately caused the unprecedented tragedy to the entire human race/ that finally led to his destruction and the unprecedented tragedy to the entire human race. This case illustrates that to be mentally too independent and making judgment with no regard to the potential harm to others and the well-being of our society would surely be destructive.

Moreover, if rightly chosen, models can serve as a positive force in our own lives. In the first place, imitating great people in history can help us cultivate our own personalities. For instance, from Lewis and Clark's expedition in the Northwest, we learn the importance of persistence in facing adversities; from Abe Lincoln's story of walking three miles to return six cents, we know the strength of honesty, and in the legend of Joan of Arc, we find the sublime of courage and loyalty to one's own country. In the second place, modeling successful people can give us guidance in our own business. For example, by adopting Ford's assembly line approach in manufacturing, other car makers have greatly enhanced their own productivity. In short, it is possible for us to improve ourselves and our businesses by imitating great models.这段论证的非常好！

In sum, independent thinking skill s might help us make right decisions. Nonetheless, if seeking intellectual independence too far, the result would be harmful. In addition, if choosing models cautiously, we can improve our personalities toward maturity on the one hand, and assist our businesses on the other hand.结尾很好，概括了全文
总评：总体来说本文结构清晰，条理分明，特别是B3 论证的很精彩。但是我个人认为，你这个文章可能有一个比较致命的地方，就是你b1,b2 和b3是没有连贯的，好像文章在讨论两个主题，如果能够在论证前两点时稍微和学习模范联系下，比较下能更好