argument73 同主题。

果小冻UID: 208370

ARGUMENT 73 –
The following appeared in a memo from a manager of a car dealership.

"Ten years ago, long-term car leasing became available in our country of Mohilia as an alternative to outright car ownership, and leasing has steadily risen in popularity. For each of the last five years, the number of people leasing new cars has surpassed the number buying new cars. The average age of cars driven in Mohilia is six years; hence, if new car leases again outnumber purchases this year, it is likely that the majority of drivers will be driving leased, not individually owned, cars. Therefore, we should change the focus of our business from selling cars to leasing them."
WORDS：581(修改后)         TIME：0:30:00          DATE：2006-2-10
提纲：
1，        租车市场不一定好。
2，        买新车的人不一定减少。
3，        租车市场即使好，投资也不一定会更加赚钱。

Assuming the rising popularity of leasing cars and people's attitudes towards driving leased and individually owned, the author suggests that the company should pay more investment to the business of leasing cars. However, lacking sufficient evidence, those assumptions render the suggestion invalid.

To begin with, the author assumes a striking future for the business of leasing cars without credible evidence. Even if the number of people leasing new cars really has surpassed that of people buying new cars in each of the past years, it does not follow that the same situation will last later on. Since it is entirely possible that so many cars have been leased out just because some people have frequently changed different cars. The author should provide information about the list of those people who have leased cars from this company in order to know whether the majority of people are willing to lease cars or not. Or perhaps, the conditions of tourism have been especially pleasure in these five years. And many cars leased by those tourists for convenience were the reason for the rising popularity of leasing cars. Then, if the tourism unfortunately become worse in the following years, the popularity of leasing cars will also dropping down. In short, any of the scenarios, if true, would cast serious doubts on the conclusion that the leasing cars will also be popular later on.

Furthermore, no evidence reveals that the number of people who buy new cars will be reduced. Since there is no rule to forbid the same person buying more than one cars, it is possible that those who already owning cars will still choose to buy new cars. With the development of technology, great changes have taken place in the car industry, and the cars have become better and better. People maybe pursue different cars of colors, forms, sizes, and so forth. Also, maybe those who have leased cars in the past five years will choose to buy new cars on their own. Since they have requirement for cars, they will probably buy cars for more convenience. The author should provide representative and detailed opinions of people whether they own cars or not. Before this, the author should not make any unwarranted assumptions.

Moreover, even if the market of leasing cars is better than that of buying new ones, the author should not conclude that the company should change the focus of business form selling cars to leasing them, since the profits cannot be insured. The author fails to consider the prices of buying or leasing cars, which are completely different. As we all know, buying cars needs quite a lot of money, while leasing them costs far less money. Also different kinds of cars ask for different amount of money, since the quality and the trademark are all dissimilar. It is entirely possible that those cars for leasing are not as good as those for selling in the matter of quality or trademarks. Additionally, before investing, the author should provide the information of market of leasing cars. Since perhaps there have already numerous companies, which offering such service, then, we will not certainly success in the competition, lacking experience.

In sum, before making suggestion for investing, the author should provide more information of markets of leasing and selling cars. To better bolster the argument, the author needs to conduct a scientific and detailed survey, which reveals people’s attitudes towards leasing and buying cars, as well as their latest plans for cars.

jingjingtousUID: 2164820

seat taken!呵呵

"Ten years ago, long-term car leasing became available in our country of Mohilia as an alternative to outright car ownership, and leasing has steadily risen in popularity. For each of the last five years, the number of people leasing new cars has surpassed the number buying new cars. The average age of cars driven in Mohilia is six years; hence, if new car leases again outnumber purchases this year, it is likely that the majority of drivers will be driving leased, not individually owned, cars. Therefore, we should change the focus of our business from selling cars to leasing them."
提纲：
1，        租车市场不一定好。
2，        买新车的人不一定减少。
3，        租车市场即使好，投资也不一定会更加赚钱。

Assuming the rising popularity of leasing cars and people's attitudes towards driving leased and individually owned, the author suggests that the company should pay more investment to the business of leasing cars. However, lacking sufficient evidence, those assumptions render the suggestion invalid.开头很棒，学习ing,攻击作者的假定popularity of leasing cars很好，但是people's attitude towards....两个都popular我看未必，建议改成：and people's inclination towards leasing cars 这样对文章的攻击比较有针对性

To begin with, the author assumes a striking futures什么striking features，应该要在你的首段的TS中说明吧？ for the business of leasing cars without credible evidence. Even if the number of people leasing new cars really has surpassed that of people buying new cars in each of the past years, it does not follow that the same situation will last later on. Since it is entirely possible that so many cars have been leased out just because some people have frequently changed different cars.这个alternative explanation我勉强不理解，people changed different cars这种变化显然可以认为是不断的换租不同的车 The author should provide information about the list of those people who have leased cars from this company这个我就完全不理解了从一个公司租车的人可以代表所有租车者吗？而且可荒谬的是租车本来就不是它的业务重点,你这样说等于是在帮作者 in order to know whether the majority of people are willing to lease cars or not. Or perhaps, the conditions of tourism have been especially pleasure in these five years. And many cars leased by those tourists for convenience were the reason for the rising popularity of leasing cars.这个alternative很棒，有新意 Then, if the tourism unfortunately become worse in the following years, the popularity of leasing cars will also dropping down. In short, any of the scenarios, if true, would cast serious doubts on the conclusion that the leasing cars will also be popular later on.觉得把过去推将来作为首要的驳斥点放在第一段不大适宜，其实，你是以过去不能推将来的角度驳斥the number of people leasing new cars has surpassed ......个人认为这个角度选取的不好，你完全可以换成错误因果的

Furthermore, no evidence reveals that the number of people who buy new cars will be reduced.即使不reduced我看也不影响吧？TS的重心还是应该放在租车的人多不能认为租的车数量也多 Since there is no rule to forbid the same person buying more than one cars, 前面这句多余it is possible that those who already owning cars will still choose to buy new cars. With the development of technology, great changes have taken place in the car industry, and the cars have become better and better.哇噢，我仿佛是在读issue也？好熟悉的开头！ People maybe pursue different cars of colors, forms, sizes, and so forth.这里总为一句其实就是一个人只能租一部车而另一个可以买十部，差距决定了被买的车多于被租的 Also, maybe those who have leased cars in the past five years will choose to buy new cars on their own.这句说到点子上了，可惜后面又来个画蛇添足 Since they have requirement for cars, they will probably buy cars for more convenience. The author should provide representative and detailed opinions of people whether they own cars or not.有和租是两回事 Before this, the author should not make any unwarranted assumptions.

Moreover, even if the market of leasing cars is better than that of buying new ones,A market is better than B market 确实是高度概括的TS,既然市场好，那当然要转行拉，完全在配合作者 the author should not conclude that the company should change the focus of business form selling cars to leasing them, since the profits提到profits了，我希望看到的字眼 cannot be insured. The author fails to consider the prices of buying or leasing cars, which are completely different. As we all know, buying cars needs quite a lot of money, while leasing them costs far less money.你可以试试租一部加长型豪华奔驰和买一部二手的Toyota Also different kinds of cars ask for different amount of money, since the quality and the trademark are all dissimilar. It is entirely possible that those cars for leasing are not as good as those for selling in the matter of quality or trademarks.既然如此，那还租新车干什么，直接买不就得了？ Additionally, before investing,好像没有说要投资吧？无中生有 the author should provide the information of market of leasing cars.这里更搞不懂了，你得TS就把the market of leasing car is better than selling car 说得清清楚楚了，而且你这段得论述都是基于这个假设的，不是吗? Since perhaps there have already numerous companies, which offering such service, then, we will not certainly success in the competition, lacking experience. 又是一个新意的alternative explanation,你果然比我想象的充满幻想还要充满幻想这段论证的不是很成功，归咎于你看似合理的假设，还有，你的with the development....还有different kinds of cars ask for different amount of money, since the quality and the trademark...确实让我对车的了解进一步加深

In sum, before making suggestion for investing, the author should provide more information of markets of leasing and selling cars. To better bolster the argument, the author needs to conduct a scientific and detailed survey, which reveals people’s attitudes towards leasing and buying cars, as well as their latest plans for cars.

第一个攻击点放在过去推将来有些胜之不武，第二个分析的还可以，但是就那个list我实在不敢恭维，第三个基于那个似是而非的假设把整段论证带入了一个帮助消费者分析买车好，还是租车好，买什么样的车好，租什么样的好，确实让我见识不少，甚至想写一篇论述如何买车的issue

小小，其实我说这么多也是想让你的文章写的更好，我不想只是纠正一下语法错误或是简单的改几个单词，可能某些话说的太过分了，不过我绝对没有讽刺你的意思，其实我的水平不高，只是喜欢开玩笑，如果有什么冒犯的地方恳请见凉

[ 本帖最后由 jingjingtous 于 2006-2-10 23:21 编辑 ]

leedgenUID: 160823

我也来瞅瞅

掺和掺和 :)

PsychocandyUID: 171159

ARGUMENT 73 –
The following appeared in a memo from a manager of a car dealership.

"Ten years ago, long-term car leasing became available in our country of Mohilia as an alternative to outright car ownership, and leasing has steadily risen in popularity. For each of the last five years, the number of people leasing new cars has surpassed the number buying new cars. The average age of cars driven in Mohilia is six years; hence, if new car leases again outnumber purchases this year, it is likely that the majority of drivers will be driving leased, not individually owned, cars. Therefore, we should change the focus of our business from selling cars to leasing them."
WORDS：581(修改后)         TIME：0:30:00          DATE：2006-2-10
提纲：
1，        租车市场不一定好。
2，        买新车的人不一定减少。
3，        租车市场即使好，投资也不一定会更加赚钱。

Assuming the rising popularity of leasing cars and people's attitudes towards driving leased and individually owned（这里要加cars）, the author suggests that the company should pay more investment to the business of leasing cars. However, lacking sufficient evidence, those assumptions render the suggestion invalid.

To begin with, the author assumes a striking future for the business of leasing cars without credible evidence. Even if the number of people leasing new cars really has surpassed that of people buying new cars in each of the past years, it does not follow that the same situation will last later on. Since it is entirely possible that so many cars have been leased out just because some people have frequently changed different cars. The author should provide information about the list of those people who have leased cars from this company in order to know whether the majority of people are willing to lease cars or not. Or perhaps, the conditions of tourism have been especially pleasure（pleasant） in these five years. And many cars leased by those tourists for convenience were the reason for the rising popularity of leasing cars. Then, if the tourism unfortunately become worse in the following years, the popularity of leasing cars will also dropping（will be dropping或者will drop） down. In short, any of the scenarios, if true, would cast serious doubts on the conclusion that the leasing cars will also be popular later on.

Furthermore, no evidence reveals that the number of people who buy new cars will be reduced. Since there is no rule to forbid the same person buying more than one cars, it is possible that those who already owning （are owning或者own）cars will still choose to buy new cars. With the development of technology, great changes have taken place in the car industry, and the cars have become better and better. People maybe pursue different cars of colors, forms, sizes, and so forth. （个人感觉这里有点牵强了，颜色，形状，大小什么的要追求不同的人还不会很多，即使再有钱，所以建议改成比如性能，安全性，省油什么的要好）Also, maybe those who have leased cars in the past five years will choose to buy new cars on their own. Since they have requirement for cars, they will probably buy cars for more convenience. The author should provide representative and detailed opinions of people whether they own cars or not. Before this, the author should not make any unwarranted assumptions.

Moreover, even if the market of leasing cars is better than that of buying new ones, the author should not conclude that the company should change the focus of business form selling cars to leasing them, since the profits cannot be insured. The author fails to consider the prices of buying or leasing cars, which are completely different. As we all know, buying cars needs quite a lot of money, while leasing them costs far less money. Also different kinds of cars ask for different amount of money, since the quality and the trademark are all dissimilar. It is entirely possible that those cars for leasing are not as good as those for selling in the matter of quality or trademarks. （以上这些因素都没有指出和        Profits的关系，只是提到了selling        和leasing的price是不同的，应当进一步说一句，即使人们更喜欢leasing，leasing也许仍然利润有限，buying也许仍然有很大利润）Additionally, before investing, the author should provide the information of market of leasing cars. Since perhaps there have already numerous companies, which offering such service, then, we will not certainly success （改成动词succeed）in the competition, lacking experience.

In sum, before making suggestion for investing, the author should provide more information of markets of leasing and selling cars. To better bolster the argument, the author needs to conduct a scientific and detailed survey, which reveals people’s attitudes towards leasing and buying cars, as well as their latest plans for cars.


记时都写的这么好,
赞!
语法基本没问题.
就是注意一下,如果用现在时动词ing,要有be.

I want my lifeUID: 202445

leedgenUID: 160823

Assuming the rising popularity of leasing cars and people's attitudes towards driving leased and individually owned, the author suggests that the company should pay more investment to the business of leasing cars. However, lacking sufficient evidence, [those assumptions render the suggestion invalid.这句是什么用法呀？请教小小 ]

To begin with, the author assumes a striking future for the business of leasing cars without credible evidence. Even if the number of people leasing new cars really has surpassed that of people buying new cars in each of the past years, it does not follow that the same situation will last later on. Since(since去掉) it is entirely possible that so many cars have been leased out just because some people have frequently changed different cars. The author should provide information about the list of those people who have leased cars from this company in order to know whether the majority of people are willing to lease cars or not. Or perhaps, the conditions of tourism have been especially pleasure in these five years. And many cars leased by those tourists for convenience were the reason for the rising popularity of leasing cars. Then, if the tourism unfortunately become worse in the following years, the popularity of leasing cars will also dropping down.这点写得很具体，旅游因素也考虑到了，真强 In short, any of the scenarios, if true, would [ cast serious doubts on学习新词组] the conclusion that the leasing cars will also be popular later on.

Furthermore, no evidence reveals that the number of people who buy new cars will be reduced. Since there is no rule to forbid the same person buying more than one cars, it is possible that those who already owning[have already owned] cars will still choose to buy new cars. With the development of technology, great changes have taken place in the car industry, and the cars have become better and better. People maybe pursue different cars of colors, forms, sizes, and so forth.[这里再要深入一步说这些因素促进了人们想买车，而不是租车] Also, maybe those who have leased cars in the past five years will choose to buy new cars on their own. Since they have requirement for cars, they will probably buy cars for more convenience. The author should provide representative and detailed opinions of people whether they [want to] own cars or not. Before this, the author should not make any unwarranted assumptions.

Moreover, even if the market of leasing cars is better than that of buying new ones, the author should not conclude that the company should change the focus of business form selling cars to leasing them, since the profits cannot be insured. The author fails to consider the prices of buying or leasing cars, which are completely different. As we all know, buying cars needs quite a lot of money, while leasing them costs far less money. Also different kinds of cars ask for different amount of money, since the quality and the trademark are all dissimilar. It is entirely possible that those cars for leasing are not as good as those for selling in the matter of quality or trademarks. Additionally, before investing, the author should provide the information of market of leasing cars. Since perhaps there have already numerous companies, which offering such service, then, we will not certainly success in the competition, lacking experience.

In sum, before making suggestion for investing, the author should provide more information of markets of leasing and selling cars. To better bolster the argument, the author needs to conduct a scientific and detailed survey, which reveals people’s attitudes towards leasing and buying cars, as well as their latest plans for cars.

鸡蛋里挑了点骨头，好不容易才找出点错:L

果小冻UID: 208370

[个人感觉这里有点牵强了，颜色，形状，大小什么的要追求不同的人还不会很多，即使再有钱，所以建议改成比如性能，安全性，省油什么的要好]
恩。的确我的这里说的不好。
performance, the safety, and the oil consumption of the cars
[以上这些因素都没有指出和        Profits的关系，只是提到了selling        和leasing的price是不同的，应当进一步说一句，即使人们更喜欢leasing，leasing也许仍然利润有限，buying也许仍然有很大利润]
整个段落的层次都不清楚。恩。应该分成两个部分，首先不一定能够掌握市场。其次，即使顺利打入市场也不一定会比以前赢利，因为卖车比租车利润高。

[ 本帖最后由 果小冻 于 2006-2-10 23:11 编辑 ]

I want my lifeUID: 202445

Assuming the rising popularity of leasing cars and people's attitudes towards driving leased and individually owned加上cars吧, the author suggests that the company should pay more investment to the business of leasing cars. However, lacking sufficient evidence, those assumptions render the suggestion invalid.

To begin with, the author assumes a striking future for the business of leasing cars without credible evidence. Even if the number of people leasing new cars really has surpassed that of people buying new cars in each of the past years, it does not follow that the same situation will last later on. Since it is entirely possible that so many cars have been leased out just because some people have frequently changed different cars. 嗯？这句。。。没看明白The author should provide information 嗯，what kind of information呢？about the list of those people who have leased cars from this company in order to know whether the majority of people are willing to lease cars or not. Or perhaps, the conditions of tourism have been especially pleasure in these five years. And many cars leased by those tourists for convenience were the reason for the rising popularity of leasing cars. Then, if the tourism unfortunately become worse in the following years, the popularity of leasing cars will also dropping down.tourism这个够具体！ In short, any of the scenarios, if true, would cast serious doubts on the conclusion that the leasing cars will also be popular later on.

Furthermore, no evidence reveals that the number of people who buy new cars will be reduced. Since there is no rule to forbid the same person buying more than one cars这个，诡异的说, it is possible that those who already owning cars will still choose to buy new cars. With the development of technology, great changes have taken place in the car industry, and the cars have become better and better. People maybe pursue different cars of colors, forms, sizes, and so forth. 呃。。。汽车收藏者？Also, maybe those who have leased cars in the past five years will choose to buy new cars on their own. Since they have requirement for cars, they will probably buy cars for more convenience. The author should provide representative and detailed opinions of people whether they own cars or not.这句话还可以再组织下 Before this, the author should not make any unwarranted assumptions.

Moreover, even if the market of leasing cars is better than that of buying new ones, the author should not conclude that the company should change the focus of business form selling cars to leasing them, since the profits cannot be insured. The author fails to consider the prices of buying or leasing cars, which are completely different. As we all know, buying cars needs quite a lot of money, while leasing them costs far less money这里不妨换一个叙述的角度，从卖主而不是买主的角度更好些. Also different kinds of cars ask for different amount of money, since the quality and the trademark are all dissimilar. It is entirely possible that those cars for leasing are not as good as those for selling in the matter of quality or trademarks. Additionally, before investing, the author should provide the information of market of leasing cars. Since perhaps there have already numerous companies, which offering such service, then, we will not certainly success in the competition, lacking experience.

In sum, before making suggestion for investing, the author should provide more information of markets of leasing and selling cars. To better bolster the argument, the author needs to conduct a scientific and detailed survey, which reveals people’s attitudes towards leasing and buying cars, as well as their latest plans for cars.

小小真的很不错啊！限时写得那么具体丰富！加油！

果小冻UID: 208370

[those assumptions render the suggestion invalid.这句是什么用法呀？请教小小 ]
这个。我想表达的意思是，这些假设让这个建议无效，不知可否？
[这里再要深入一步说这些因素促进了人们想买车，而不是租车]
恩。悠悠说的对。我没有深入下去。该打。。。

dinddind2003UID: 196353

哇，好多人改阿，人气真旺，不愧是狗年了

果小冻UID: 208370

[Since it is entirely possible that so many cars have been leased out just because some people have frequently changed different cars]
我想表达的是，人们不断的换车子租，不知可否？
[嗯，what kind of information呢？]
的确，这里太泛泛了。 information about people's names and the times they lease cars

PsychocandyUID: 171159

[those assumptions render the suggestion invalid.这句是什么用法呀？请教小小 ]

查了一下,
render这里的意思是cause sb/sth to be in a certain condition.
楼主这句是很好的.

PsychocandyUID: 171159

原帖由 果小冻 于 2006-2-10 22:19 发表
[个人感觉这里有点牵强了，颜色，形状，大小什么的要追求不同的人还不会很多，即使再有钱，所以建议改成比如性能，安全性，省油什么的要好]
恩。的确我的这里说的不好。
performance, the safety, and the oil loss of the cars

恩,油耗可以说oil/petrol consumption.

果小冻UID: 208370

恩。。解决了我一个头疼的问题呀。谢谢你。呵呵。我马上改。

jingjingtousUID: 2164820

呵呵，你的贴人气好旺喔，看来你确实是最受欢迎的！
这是我的 ： https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... e%3D1#pid1768082340
头晕早点睡吧，还有，不要叫我孩子，搞的跟我妈似的，大家都是成年人，对吧？
除非，你。。。承认。。。你练过天山同老的那个什么武功，哈哈，说笑了
我也早点休息

[ 本帖最后由 jingjingtous 于 2006-2-10 23:35 编辑 ]