Issue50 Smile小组第一次作业

yxjessieUID: 194526

Issue50  
In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculty should be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach

As far as I am concerned about this topic, except some pure academic areas such as philosophy and math, it is necessary to require the faculty to access practical work outside the academic world. In order to improve the colleges’ or universities’ instruction quality, we cannot use the identical attitudes toward different disciplines.

Generally speaking, the faculty should keep pace with the real cases that happened in the society. There are three distinct advantages as follows:

Since practical actions are always more persuasive and vivid than the contents, for example, formulas and theories in the textbooks, the teachers who know lots about the practical world usually are more popular because they can bring real cases to the classes which may attract the students' interest easily. If the students have headed of or experienced these cases before, it is much better for them understanding what the books tell them.

The faculty can also broaden their academic senses through the non-academic world which may possibly introduce new angles in analyzing the subjects or bring new questions which need to be solved. Take economics for example, almost every economic theory is from the real situation and data from the world. The practical work can also give evidence which can prove their findings or research results.

If the faculty works outside the academic world, they should probably know the development of the job environment. Since students usually needs instructions to know about the work placement of their major, they can benefit a lot from their teachers who may understand both their students’ capabilities and what kind of people the job markets need.

Although as what described below, the faculty in the majority areas should work in the practical world to gain experience, there are still some faculty in certain areas cannot or do not need to focus on the works outside their academics.

In fact, some pure disciplines such like philosophy and math do not have relative practical areas to work for. If there are some workplaces in indirectly relative areas, there is also no need to join these non-academics areas. What they researched is usually used to help other subjects or people to understand or research further, or we can say these pure subjects are the foundation of the academic world. Their contribution should be from pure academic research, but not so-called practical work.

For the faculty in the college or university, practical work should be utilized to help their academic performance. If they cannot make contributions or bring disadvantages to faculty's research, schools should not require them to work in practical world.

smiles11UID: 2232631

这么多段啊，

As far as I am concerned about this topic, except some pure academic areas such as philosophy and math, it is necessary to require the faculty to access practical work outside the academic world. In order to improve the colleges’ or universities’ instruction quality, we cannot use the identical attitudes toward different disciplines.---前面都挺好的，最后一句话加上来后，就不知道你到底是什么意思了！

Generally speaking, the faculty should keep pace with the real cases that happened in the society. There are three distinct advantages as follows:

Since practical actions are always more persuasive and vivid than the contents, for example, formulas and theories in the textbooks, the teachers who know lots about the practical world usually are more popular because they can bring real cases to the classes which may attract the students' interest easily. If the students have headed of or experienced these cases before, it is much better for them understanding what the books tell them. ---更生动

The faculty can also broaden their academic senses through the non-academic world which may possibly introduce new angles in analyzing the subjects or bring new questions which need to be solved. Take economics for example, almost every economic theory is from the real situation and data from the world. The practical work can also give evidence which can prove their findings or research results.---内容更充实

If the faculty works outside the academic world, they should probably know the development of the job environment. Since students usually needs instructions to know about the work placement of their major, they can benefit a lot from their teachers who may understand both their students’ capabilities and what kind of people the job markets need.--更前言！

Although as what described below, the faculty in the majority areas should work in the practical world to gain experience, there are still some faculty in certain areas cannot or do not need to focus on the works outside their academics.

In fact, some pure disciplines such like philosophy and math do not have relative practical areas to work for. If there are some workplaces in indirectly relative areas, there is also no need to join these non-academics areas. What they researched is usually used to help other subjects or people to understand or research further, or we can say these pure subjects are the foundation of the academic world. Their contribution should be from pure academic research, but not so-called practical work. ---这一段和上面一段可以合并！

For the faculty in the college or university, practical work should be utilized to help their academic performance. If they cannot make contributions or bring disadvantages to faculty's research, schools should not require them to work in practical world.

Sorry, 太累了，眼睛有点模糊了。没有非常仔细看。但是我觉得优点的那三点都挺好的，但是得充实，需要有论证过程，不能之说理，然后举例就了事---虽然我也会有这样的毛病。另外段落不要弄得太多，显得写得不深入的样子，其实你那及格优点都挺好的！--初次改你的文章，有不对的地方望包涵！

adam_spearsUID: 2109817

Issue50  
In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculty should be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach

As far as I am concerned about this topic, except some pure academic areas such as philosophy and math, it is necessary to require the faculty to access practical work outside the academic world. In order to improve the colleges’ or universities’ instruction quality, we cannot use the identical attitudes toward different disciplines.

Generally speaking, the faculty should keep pace with the real cases that happened in the society. There are three distinct advantages as follows:

Since practical actions are always more persuasive and vivid than the contents, for example, formulas and theories in the textbooks, the teachers who know lots about the practical world usually are more popular because they can bring real cases to the classes which may attract the students' interest easily. If the students have headed of or experienced these cases before, it is much better for them understandingto understand what the books tell them.

The faculty can also broaden their academic senses through the non-academic world which may possibly introduce new angles in analyzing the subjects or bring new questions which need to be solved. Take economics for example, almost every economic theory is from the real situation and data from the world. The practical work can also give evidence which can prove their findings or research results.

If the faculty works outside the academic world, they should probably know the development of the job environment. Since students usually needs instructions to know about the work placement of their major, they can benefit a lot from their teachers who may understand both their students’ capabilities and what kind of people the job markets need.

Although as what described belowabove, the faculty in the majority areas should work in the practical world to gain experience, there are still some faculty in certain areas cannot or do not need to focus on the works outside their academics.

In fact, some pure disciplines such like philosophy and math do not have relative practical areas to work for. If there are some workplaces in indirectly relative areas, there is also no need to join these non-academics areas.there be句型在这种正式的文章里最好不要用太多，改为Workplaces which are in indirectly relative areas are not significant to join while it doesn’t make much sense.可能会好一点  What they researched is usually used to help other subjects or people to understand or research further, or we can say these pure subjects are the foundation of the academic world. Their contribution should be from pure academic research, but not so-called practical work.

For the faculty in the college or university, practical work should be utilized to help their academic performance. If they cannot make contributions or bring disadvantages to faculty's research, schools should not require them to work in practical world.

我觉得这篇文章语言比较流畅了，所选的观点也比较全面，兼顾到了反面的情况，每段的TS也比较清楚，但句式还应该再赋予些变化，并且论据较少（当然也跟这篇题目不太好举论据有关），还有就是论证显得不够深入，基本只是一个论点，然后稍稍论证，就继续说下一个了，我觉得还应该向前跨一步。

拍得不好不要打我哦。。。

也希望大家狂拍我文章:lol

[ 本帖最后由 adam_spears 于 2006-7-22 17:15 编辑 ]

yxjessieUID: 194526

感谢两位的指教，看来我的缺点还是在于论据上不够充实和深入。迟点回批大家的文章。
smile站队让人感觉很温暖。大家一起加油！

teflonUID: 194397

探讨两个词语用法：
If the students have headed of or experienced these cases before, it is much better for them understandingto understand what the books tell them.
是headed of还是 heared of

In fact, some pure disciplines such like philosophy and math do not have relative practical areas to work for. If there are some workplaces in indirectly relative areas, there is also no need to join these non-academics areas.
such like 和such as哪个更适合

yxjessieUID: 194526

十分感谢teflon 指教。
第一个应该是heared of，是我写错了。
第二个我个人觉得都可以，不知道大家的意见？

geniuschenUID: 2131745

段落偏多
过多的观点会造成文章的观点混论
我觉得与其花时间去想那么多观点
不如致力于将一个观点解释清楚

枫晰UID: 2123661

lz的语言很流畅,观点也比较有新意,但是段落太多了,而且同意楼上所说的
应该将一个观点说的全面一点,可以正反论证一下,并且对例子做进一步说明:)

拍得不好请原谅哦

也希望大家狂拍我文章

yxjessieUID: 194526

上面两位的建议很受用，我也觉得段落多了些，构思时浪费了不少时间，这篇文章是没有限时写的。
只是我看北美的范文有的文章也是很多段的。不过还是要照顾时间的。
再次感谢大家的赐教。