Argument 38 [Shining Sep]作文组 第一次作业

fl03chjjUID: 2160826

TOPIC: ARGUMENT38 - The following memo appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.

"An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism."
WORDS: 493          TIME: 10:09-10:39 AM          DATE: 2006/08/14

According to the memo of the West Meria Public Health Council (WMPHC), Ichthaid should  adopt the eating custom of East Meria (EM), where fish consumption is very high. The memo suggests that by making this movement can Ichthaid greatly reduce absenteeism of their schools and workplaces because it is an innovative treatment to prevent colds. These unwarranted assumptions make the statement unvalid in three ways.

First, the author makes an assumption about the corelation between the consumption of fish and the frequency of occurrence of colds. The problem lies in a study, which provides little information about its sample size, the selection procedure and the exact proportion of those who eat fish in the study. It is possible that those who are investigated by the study belong to a group of people who value a lot about their health by taking exercise frequently. It is also possible that the people by whom this research based on are young with a strong immune system, therefore a large number of them are not likely to suffer from the infection of colds. Thus the uncertainty about the study provides no sound ground for this corelation.

Second, the author assumes what is good for the people in EM is also good for the people in Ichthaid. Perhaps the people in EM like eating fish just as a tradition. Or perhaps EM is a city abounds in fish as their major resource of food whereas in Ichthaid people are more prefer to eat vegetables, which is also good for the health. As for Ichthaid, the residents may not like eating fish for specific reasons or think that fish is expensive compared to vegetables. There is no evidence showing that the people in Ichthaid will likely to welcome the introduction of the fish. Therefore even if WMPHC suggests Ichthaid to consume more fish, the residents may have a natural repulsion of it, which makes it impossible to be popular in that area.

What is more, the mere reason that colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work cannot make it the only reason that is true for the abscentees. Who knows whether this is only a most frequently used excuse for absenteeism? Even if the residents accept the suggestion and really carry it out, there may still be other reasons for absenteeism like: "headache" or "hypothesia". If some people are determined to be absent, then there is no possible preventions for them to find an easy excuse.

The memo provides no solid corelation about the eating fish habit and the prevention of colds. And the comparison between EM and Ichthaid is little persuasive. To strengthen the suggestion, the author needs to provide further information about the study, showing the strong relationship between the habit and prevention of colds. Besides, it should make a good reason to indicate the absenteeism is really resulted from colds. Without these further improvements, the recommendation is not worth trying for the sake of convenience.

flycc28UID: 2164453

According to the memo of the West Meria Public Health Council (WMPHC), Ichthaid should  adopt the eating custom ?表达似乎有问题,直接说shoudl adopt Ichthaid就好了,别一开始就让ETS晕了^_^of East Meria (EM), where fish consumption is very high. The memo suggests that by making this movement can Ichthaid greatly reduce absenteeism of their schools and workplaces because it is an innovative treatment to prevent colds. These unwarranted assumptions make the statement unvalidinvalid in three ways.

First, the author makes an assumption about the corelation between the consumption of fish and the frequency of occurrence of colds. The problem lies in in or on?a study, which provides little information about its sample size, the selection procedure and the exact proportion of those who eat fish in the study. It is possible that those who are investigated by the study belong to a group of people who value a lot about their health by taking exercise frequently. It is also possible that the people by whom this research based on are young with a strong immune system, therefore a large number of them are not likely to suffer from the infection of colds. Thus the uncertainty about the study provides no sound ground for this corelation.

Second, the author assumes what is good for the people in EM is also good for the people in Ichthaid. Perhaps the people in EM like eating fish just as a tradition. Or perhaps EM is a city abounds in fish as their major resource of food whereas in Ichthaid people are more prefer to eat vegetables, which is also good for the health. As for Ichthaid, the residents may not like eating fish for specific reasons or think that fish is expensive compared to vegetables. There is no evidence showing that the people in Ichthaid will likely to welcome the introduction of the fish. Therefore even if WMPHC suggests Ichthaid to consume more fish, the residents may have a natural repulsion of it, which makes it impossible to be popular in that area.
*Ichthaid是nutritional supplement而非地名.这种错误怎么能出现了...

What is more, the mere reason用fact that colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work cannot make it the only reason that is true for the abscentees. Who knows whether this is only a most frequently used excuse for absenteeism? Even if the residents accept the suggestion and really carry it out, there may still be other reasons for absenteeism like: "headache" or "hypothesia". If some people are determined to be absent, then there is no possible preventions for them to find an easy excuse.感觉这段说得有些牵强,其实就是说感冒不一定是缺席得主要原因,就按太条理列出其他存在得原因就好了,这样看着有些没重点

In sum The memo provides no solid corelation aboutbetween the eating fish habit and the prevention of colds. And the comparison between EM and Ichthaid is little persuasive. To strengthen the suggestion, the author needs to provide further information about the study, showing the strong relationship between the habit and prevention of colds. Besides, it should make a good reason to indicate the absenteeism is really resulted from colds. Without these further improvements, the recommendation is not worth trying for the sake of convenience.

总结:最大的问题自己也发现了:)不过没关系以后读题注意点就是了.还有一些固定的句式表达要定下来,搭配要注意.
COME ON~