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钢琴宝宝UID: 2303982

Dawn of the new century witnesses the development of the tools of documentation, including the video camera. Whether it is of great importance in currently society and has become the most significant form of record? Though I concede that it provide compelling and vivid record of present life, hardly can it displace the significance of the written record.  

It is undeniable that the video camera, as an accurate and effective mean of recording contemporary life plays a vital role in individuals' life. For supporting examples, one needs look no further than the document record of a wedding. The atmosphere in the wedding can be entirely and accurately described in a series of shots, the hilarity of the bride and groom, or the happiness of their relatives and friends, from which they can retrospect the fantastic moment. Yet, the written report fails to convey the vivid atmosphere in the wedding. The video also can be used to record some disastrous events, which hardly can be record by human beings. A case in point is that some titanic catastrophe, the volcanic eruption, the seismic, the tsunami and the like. Individuals may be unable to go to those jeopardized place, while the video happened can act as the substitute. What is more, the video will accurately reflect the condition of the disaster, the harsh life people there, and thereby call for more donations all over the world. Accordingly, the video camera holds its distinctive characteristic and has distinguishing function when cope with some certain problems.      

However, it cannot substitute the written records as it is less complete and accurate when document some certain information. Consider the football game for example. As the video is limited in its angle and shot, it merely records some given scene in the playground, such as the shot of the shooting, or the enthusiastic activities of audiences. However, the concrete number of the audiences or some other information concerned which cannot be record in camera necessitates the assistance of the description. Besides, perspectives and conception and some other subjective items cannot be record by the video. Just imagine how to record ones’ psychologically distorted or affliction bred from onerous task, which merely can be spoken out and record in word. Hence, considering the unique function the written record brings, we can not substitute it with the video.

In addition, it is also hardly preserved than those descriptive records. The video records may be easily deteriorate since it usually preserved in the form of videocassette, magnetic disc or directly preserved in the computer. There records are so readily available for individuals that they neglect their characteristic. Magnetic will disappear coincident with the passing time; disc is so delicate that may be destroyed by only a tiny scrape; the computer is even more easily attacked by those internet viruses or perhaps the records are just deleted due to carelessness. For permanently record preserving the record of life in the society, individuals cannot abdicate the critical form of record—descriptive record.

In conclusion, the video camera indeed cast exceedingly brilliant influential to the current society can become an essential and crucial way for documenting the vivid life. Nevertheless, it is not sagacious to display the written record by the video camera since it holds its own unique function.  

[ 本帖最后由 钢琴宝宝 于 2008-1-30 13:14 编辑 ]

哈欠UID: 2283718

Dawn （the advent)of the new century witnesses the development of the tools of documentation, including the video camera. Whether it is(is it) of great importance in currently(current) society and has become the most significant form of record? Though I concede that it provide(s) compelling and vivid record of present life, hardly can it displace the significance of the written record.  

It is undeniable that the video camera, as an accurate and effective mean of recording contemporary life plays a vital role in individuals'(individual本身就是形容词吧) life. For supporting examples, one needs look no further than the document record of a wedding. The atmosphere in the wedding can be entirely and accurately described in a series of shots,（ the hilarity of the bride and groom, or（and) the happiness of their relatives and friends）（这里用个括号括起来会比较好吧，表解释说明）, from which they can retrospect the fantastic moment(the days ahead). Yet(In contrast), the written report fails to convey the vivid atmosphere in the wedding. The video also can be used to record some disastrous events, which hardly can be record by human beings. (你这段的主题句是记录个人生活，而后面说的大灾难又不是个人经历过的，似乎有点跟主题句不相关如Individuals may be unable to go to those jeopardized place）A case in point is that some titanic catastrophe, the volcanic eruption, the seismic, the tsunami and the like. Individuals may be unable to go to those jeopardized place, while the video happened can act as the substitute. What is more, the video will accurately reflect the condition of the disaster, the harsh life people there, and thereby call for more donations from all over the world. Accordingly, the video camera holds its distinctive characteristic and has distinguishing function when cope with some certain problems.      

However, it cannot substitute the written records as it is less complete and accurate when document some certain information. Consider the football game for example. As the video is limited in its angle and shot, it merely records some given scene in the playground, such as the shot of the shooting, (记录进球的瞬间的时候好象VIDEO CAMERA比用笔记录更好类）or the enthusiastic activities of audiences. However, the concrete number of the audiences or some other informations concerned which cannot be record in camera necessitates the assistance of the description. Besides, perspectives and conception and some other subjective items cannot be record by the video. Just imagine how to record ones’ psychologically distorted or affliction bred from onerous task, which merely can be spoken out and record in word. Hence, considering the unique function the written record brings, we can not substitute it with the video.

In addition, it is also hardly preserved than those descriptive records. The video records may be easily deteriorate since it usually preserved in the form of videocassette, magnetic disc or directly preserved in the computer. There records are so readily available for individuals that they neglect their characteristic. Magnetic will disappear coincident with the passing time; disc is so delicate that may be destroyed by only a tiny scrape; the computer is even more easily attacked by those internet viruses or perhaps the records are just deleted due to carelessness. For permanently record preserving the record of life in the society, individuals cannot abdicate the critical form of record—descriptive record.(在保存方面好象不太好论证，因为纸制的也容易丢失）

In conclusion, the video camera indeed cast exceedingly brilliant influential to the current society can become an essential and crucial way for documenting the vivid life. Nevertheless, it is not sagacious to display the written record by the video camera since it holds its own unique function.  

scorpoioUID: 2405243

Dawn of the new century witnesses the development of the tools of documentation, including the video camera. Whether it is of great importance in currently（current） society and has become the most significant form of record?(语法有点毛病，whether is it…and has it become?) Though I concede that it provide compelling and vivid record of present life, hardly can it displace the significance of the written record.  (本句把第一个it换成video,否则两个it指代不明)It is undeniable that the video camera, as an accurate and effective mean of recording contemporary life plays a vital role in individuals' life. For supporting examples, one needs look no further than the document record of a wedding. The atmosphere in the wedding can be entirely and accurately described in a series of shots, the hilarity of the bride and groom, or the happiness of their relatives and friends, from which they can retrospect the fantastic moment. Yet, the written report fails to convey the vivid atmosphere in the wedding. （例子用在这里很有说服力，收了）The video also can be used to record some disastrous events, which hardly can be record by human beings（written records）. A case in point（好，收之） is that some titanic catastrophe（titanic？巨大的,力大无比的）, the volcanic eruption, the seismic, the tsunami and the like. Individuals may be unable to go to those jeopardized place, while the video happened can（is able to） act as the substitute. What is more, the video will accurately reflect the condition of the disaster, the harsh life (of) people there, and thereby call for more donations all over the world. Accordingly, the video camera holds its distinctive characteristic and has distinguishing function when cope with some certain problems.       However, it cannot substitute the written records as it is less complete and accurate when document some certain information. Consider the football game for example (take…for example). As the video is limited in its angle and shot, it merely records some given scene in the playground, such as the shot of the shooting, or the enthusiastic activities of audiences. However, the concrete number of the audiences or some other information concerned which cannot be record in camera necessitates the assistance of the description. Besides, perspectives and (,) conception and some other subjective items cannot be recorded by the video. Just imagine how to record ones’ psychologically distorted or affliction bred from onerous task, which merely can be spoken out and record in word. Hence, considering the unique function the written record brings, we can not substitute it with the video.In addition, it is also hardly preserved than those(??) descriptive records. The video records may be easily deteriorate since it usually preserved in the form of videocassette, magnetic disc or directly preserved in the computer. There records are so readily available for individuals that they neglect their characteristic. Magnetic will disappear coincident with the passing time; disc is so delicate that may be destroyed by only a tiny scrape; the computer is even more easily attacked by those internet viruses or perhaps the records are just deleted due to carelessness. For permanently record preserving the record of life in the society, individuals cannot abdicate（退位、放弃（权利、职位等）） the critical form of record—descriptive record（video不是descriptive的吗？written record）.In conclusion, the video camera indeed cast exceedingly brilliant influential to the current society can become an essential and crucial way for documenting the vivid life. Nevertheless, it is not sagacious to display（replace） the written record by(with) the video camera since it holds its own unique function.  

我也是新手，所以我只从直觉上说一下。
这篇文章的结构是比较工整的。先说video可以真实精确描述，再说written records与video比有描述性上的优势，再说written records有保存的优势。最后总结，结构很清晰。

文章里面各种高级词汇abdicate、sagacious、tsunami等等，让我有了重啃红宝的冲动。。感觉读起来真的很费劲，而且你的文章里表达有不少看起来怪怪的地方，有一些地方感觉是硬往难词上凑，范文里面的满分作文并不是高级词汇堆砌的结果。建议用6级加托福核心词汇写文章，我觉得就够表达的了。

建议多看范文，重新找找感觉。加油！

这周咱俩对改，欢迎拍砖！

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=795749&extra=page%3D1

[ 本帖最后由 scorpoio 于 2008-1-30 16:07 编辑 ]