[i习作temp] Issue130 【7\8\9\10】第一次作业

tsayUID: 2492916

ISSUE130 –
"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."

   The speak 's claim includes two aspects : first, the destiny of society is determined by children's socialization .Secondly ,society fails to know how to raise children to help bring about a better society yet. as far as I am concerned ,the socialization is considerably important to the society and our better society has proved that the children have brought about a better society.
   Admittedly ,children 's socialization, which is defined here the communication with other peers or society, is important to the destiny of a society .The facts that how they interact with peers ,how they treat the people who are different from them ,and what ethnics and mores they have been formed have taken significant impact on their future life ,which inherently involves the society where they live. One ,for instance ,forms his or her own value and more in communication with peers, whose idea and behavior ,in turn ,would impact them. These idea and mores that they form would be the mainstream values in that society when the generation grow up .For example ,children of former soviet ,who experienced the second world war, had helped rapidly develop soviet’s economy and industry and build a super nation shortly after the war ,which largely are the result of the impact of war .From the childhood of generation ,these children were facing the horrible war and their individual personality ,value and ability had significantly contributed the soviet ‘s society of after war.
    On the other hand, harmful socialization might form the children’s anti-society or other improper psychological and the result is that the society will have to suffer this eventually .Look no further than the crime ,abuse of drugs of society ,which mostly stem from their harmful socialization in their childhood .Even worse ,in some Africa indigent country-Sierra Leone, Congo and Zambia,where children have to witness the bestial war anytime .those children ,during their childhood, usually are forced ,under gun and fires, on the idea of war ,genocide and revenge ,in which they even involve self .The result is that these nations inevitably suffer civil war all the time and that the society has been full of tears and sorrows .  
     Moreover ,consider certain prominent leaders ,who have contribute much to the world .Few has denied that the their contribution and behavior has nothing to do with their children’s experience in which they are appropriately socialized. One might argue that their profound contribution might stem from their convictions to success ,their appetite to knowledge and their will to overcome the obstacle. But Without socialization and communication with others, where can these beautiful thing spring from?
What 's important .If the  better society is considered as greater endurance with differing viewpoints and people who are different from ourselves ,greater admiration for individual right ,and greater cooperation across cultural and national boundaries .then we  really have experienced a great improvement and progress during the last decades ,the time of those ,who once were the children of our society .We are becoming more sensitive to ,and respectful of ,the rights of women ,various ethnic and racial groups ,homosexuals .For instance ,nations have tried to make efforts in cooperation to tackling public health and environment problems and through diverse research program today. In recent Sichuan’s  big earthquake ,all nations have contributed their help and support altogether .The children have creating a better society.
    In conclusion ,we would properly treat the children with their socialization ,to which our society has been contributed . One the other hand ,the children  have been making the society better through the education and beneficial socialization .  






[ 本帖最后由 tsay 于 2008-7-22 22:15 编辑 ]

sstonehuUID: 2379503

立论第一段讲I disagree both of the two claims.
但是从第二段Admittedly 开始到第三段“Without these proper and meaningful socialization ,how can they achieve those accomplishment ？”似乎都是在支持speaker的第一个观点，并没有对其提出反驳。是否第一段的观点提错了？ 你实际上是支持speaker的第一个观点，只反对他的第二个观点？

另外对第二个观点的批判部分 北美范文的痕迹有点重，可以考虑将某些句子换个说法。

还有一个小小的建议，发贴之后看一下分段的问题。这边似乎不能识别word中的制表符，所以需要自己把分段的缩进编辑好。

大家共同进步 ：）

warboyUID: 2444492

tsay  咱两的开头好像啊！

1001storyUID: 2516918

你的文章我看了，某篇不错 但是因为段落问题，我看的有点晕，
还有我对你SOCIALIZATION的定义有些置疑啊？？
你可以再查查资料:)