0910G 同主题写作第5期 Argument65 WDI小组 By brisk1111

brisk1111UID: 2571604

Argument65.The following appeared in a memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.


"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from. Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."



The conclusion of the argument is that in order to improve profits in all of our stores we should concentrate main on domestic cheeses and at the same time stop stocking imported cheese. To support the conclusion the arguer illustrates three testimony contained last year's best-selling situation, a magazine survey and an economic discipline. Insofar as I can see all the proofs the arguer mentioned above are unwarranted for several critical fallacies.

The arguer illustrates the fact that the five best-selling cheeses of at the newest store were domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin last years. Just though this fact I think it maybe too hasty to claim that the domestic cheese sells well in all our US stores. First, it maybe something different between the newest and old stores make domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin the best-selling cheese. Maybe in order to attract more customers they made a big bargain for this kind of cheese, or this kind of cheese is a new product, the manufactures make a wonderful advertisement so that cheddar cheeses sell well. If so, we can not say this situation will continual if we put all the cheese parallel. In addition, even if this kind of cheese does sell well, what about other domestic cheese? There is no evidence that other kinds of cheese also sell well. If just only one kind of domestic cheese sells well, I will say it is presumptuous for arguer to say that the consumers prefer domestic cheese.

In addition, the arguer unfairly assumes that a resent survey by cheeses of the Worlds magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Because I am not sure whether the survey is representative or not. What are the subscribers’ age, job, sex and so forth. Maybe, just the women who like make cheese themselves buy this kind of magazine. of course they like domestic cheese which they make it themselves. Or just some old people would spent time to read such magazines for their more free time. But what about the children who maybe the main consumers of cheeses and the young people who usually spend their leisure time on computer or fashion magazines? Moreover, what is the circulation of the magazine and what is the proportion of the feedback? There is no evidence that the sample is big enough to make sure this survey is convincing. So we need more evidences which mentioned above to make sure the survey does make some sense.

Granted that people does prefer to domestic cheeses, that does not mean the company should discontinue stocking imported cheese. I admit that limiting inventory does can reduce expenses, but the profits from the company sells imported cheese can not offset the expenses they spend on store of them? There is nothing about it. In addition, if we stop stocking imported cheese we may lose some patent consumers. For example if two friend one like domestic cheese but the other like imported one, I am afraid that they may go to other stores who own both kinds of cheeses, not the arguer's.

To sum up, the argument is not well reasoned as it stands. To bolster the conclusion the arguer should make a more convincing survey nationwide to make sure people does prefer domestic cheese, and make sure the profits from sell imported cheese can not compensate the expense spend on stocking them.

飘飘zlyUID: 2200552

The conclusion of the argument is that in order to improve profits in all of our stores we should concentrate main on domestic cheeses and at the same time stop stocking imported cheese. To support the conclusion the arguer illustrates three testimony contained last year's best-selling situation, a magazine survey and an economic discipline. Insofar as I can see all the proofs the arguer mentioned above are unwarranted for several critical fallacies.（个人觉得这段语气太强了。）

The arguer illustrates (换个point out 吧 ) the fact that the five best-selling cheeses of at the newest store were domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin last years. Just though this fact I think it maybe too hasty （hastily） to claim that the domestic cheese sells well in all our US stores. First, it maybe something different between the newest and old stores make domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin the best-selling cheese.(病句) Maybe in order to attract more customers they made a big bargain for this kind of cheese, or this kind of cheese is a new product, the manufactures make a wonderful advertisement so that cheddar cheeses sell well. If so, we can not say this situation will continual if we put all the cheese parallel. In addition, even if this kind of cheese does sell well, what about other domestic cheese? There is no evidence that other kinds of (加domestic )cheese also sell well. If just only one kind of domestic cheese sells well, I will say it is presumptuous for arguer to say that the consumers prefer domestic cheese.
（总体上这段论证的还是很充分的，你的有些表达我不知道是否准确。绿色标注）

In addition, the arguer unfairly assumes that a resent survey by cheeses of the Worlds magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Because I am not sure（最好还是不要用第一人称） whether the survey is representative or not. What are the subscribers’ age, job, sex and so forth. Maybe, just the women who like make cheese themselves buy this kind of magazine. of course they like domestic cheese which they make it themselves.（这些论证有点重复） Or just some old people would spent time to read such magazines for their more free time. But what about the children who maybe the main consumers of cheeses and the young people who usually spend their leisure time on computer or fashion magazines? Moreover, what is the circulation of the magazine and what is the proportion of the feedback? There is no evidence that the sample is big enough to make sure this survey is convincing. So we need more evidences which mentioned above to make sure the survey does make some sense.
(你的问句是表示一种可能，可以变换一下句式It is entriely possible that ......等。survey是作者用来说明他的结论的，不仅仅要说survey自身的缺陷，还应该进一步说明这个survey没有反映出domestic chesses should make profit.)



Granted that people does prefer to domestic cheeses, that does not mean the company should discontinue stocking imported cheese. I admit that limiting inventory does can reduce expenses, but the profits from the company sells imported cheese can not offset the expenses they spend on store of them? There is nothing about it. In addition, if we stop stocking imported cheese we may lose some patent consumers. For example if two friend one like domestic cheese but the other like imported one, （这种假设不具有客观性）I am afraid that they may go to other stores who own both kinds of cheeses, not the arguer's.

To sum up, the argument is not well reasoned as it stands. To bolster the conclusion the arguer should make a more convincing survey nationwide to make sure people does prefer domestic cheese, and make sure the profits from sell imported cheese can not compensate the expense spend on stocking them.

句式还应该要多变换的，有些句子要客观，最好不要出现I这样的第一人称。
觉得有时候论证的有点随意。