issue214 needle点评

saltsberryUID：156561

It can be traced back to the last century that among （不妥，during）several countries in the world, there came into being a new sort of education called "elite education" which project is carried by some schools,（意义不明） always some famous schools, their task is to choose some students who have been thought hold some special talents and abilities and begin training them at an early age so that they can eventually excel in their areas of ability. Whether this form of education will bring benefit to both society and these talents themselves have been debated for years.（在前一段的习作中，我也喜欢这样的开头，尽量把句子弄得复杂。现在发现自己其实没有很强的驾驭长句的能力。结果其实是让看官运里雾里，句子的真正意义也并不清晰，显得罗嗦）

To begin with, I have regret to say that this education is to some extent improper, or even cruel to the students who will be choose to take those special courses. Have educators ever consider the sense of the students? What should they do at this age if they are only ordinary children? What will they think of their childhood when they grow up? How will these talents feel those courses provide them? However, it seems that educators have not take these problems into consideration when they identified these children and begin training them. In fact, these unfathomed problems have become bombs, which will eventually crack （即使前面的bomb用的合适，这里也应该是explode）someday. In fact, some information has already confirmed（感觉不妥） what I dispute above. When these talents grow up, they always suffer from drawbacks, which those special educations leave them. They are prone to isolated（self-isolation）, and have difficulty in communicating with others. Moreover, their extremeness, selfish, arrogant all of these characteristics block them to be mature persons and finally become barriers for them to excel in theirs areas.（武断） Even some reports say that this students' suicide rate is much more higher than common people. So we should think over what these special education's real significance, whether it is bless or curse for our society.（临近考试，很多g友给我的意见是理清文章结构和思路，topic sentence和conclusion sentence应该分别点明中心思想，使文章看起来更清晰）

Not only these special education will cause some psychological problem of these children, further more, educator should consider that children may have no interesting in the realms they have special abilities and are not willing to make further study in these subjects.（好长的长句，其实效果不一定如你想象的那么好） One of my friends is a case in point. He was only eight years old when he was pitched on to enter a special class in a famous school in my hometown, for he has an outstanding talent in mathematics. Three years later, he graduated and studied in a college in math. Unluckily, math was not his favorite subject and his ultimate dream is to learn music and became a musician. All what the education give him is a waste of time and a terrible memory.（语气过重，说明early education is sometimes misleading就可以） From this case, it is obviously that choosing a major for a child so early is impractical since in that age child has no recognition of his/her plan of the future and has not build up one's philosophy, value ethics yet, so it is entirely possible that they will change mind in the future when they grow up.

After reading these, some people may argue that if these children are not begin training at an early age, their talents are likely to remain undeveloped. In fact, these worries are unnecessary. Gold will shine even if buried in mud. In the long river of history, we can see many brilliant individuals who have not get any special training or education at an early age but achieve great success though his/her own endeavor. For example, Edison, who is the most outstanding inventor in 19th century, did not got any special education and only got a three month formal education even worse, he was seem as an idiot from teacher's eyes. Whereas, via his own diligent and special talent in the field of invention, he made great contribution to the society and his name is deemed to be a symbol of an era.

In sum, although this issue will continue be discussed and haven’t got a final idea right now, what I assert is that these students should not be identified in such an early age. They need share a happy childhood just like their common companies and determine their destiny on their own.


论证不是很有说服力，但是你的提纲给人的感觉还不错
如何寻找恰当的例子可能比较重要
因为你选择的是比较独特的观点（compared to the majority here in gterhome）