小伙子作文

showgood07UID：2605959

While some ,holding this idea that seriously focus on something is significant claim that people should do one certain work during his or her career , i am convinced that practice more kinds of works before we decide which job to do contributes directly to our career when considering the nature of the work you like,the context of each vocation,and the foreground of the job you choice.   
     The main reason lies in the fact[感觉有些别扭] that interest is the focus of[on] our life and the source of impetus ,which efficiently make our job accomplished and occupy a meaningful feeling through the process .Anyone would agree that even though certain vocation which beyond my interest[这个地方为什么要用一个which？看了好久没看明白，如果是从句的话，那么后面的结构就不完整，如果只是指代的话，那逻辑又不对] ,i can finish it nicely ,efficiently .But what if it is a huge,complicate and sterile project ?or what if the project need uncanny impetus to be analyzed and involve some mental factors ?  Indisputably ,only when one has come though a event do we can really realize the nature of that . Then we can  know which[这里也用了一个which，但是用法不对。童鞋想表达的是“我们可以知道哪一个是适合我们的”] fit us and we can complete efficiently,there by putting us in a favorable position in our career .
[这一段论述有点乱，之前提到一个even though，按理来说，后面应该接的是一个与事实不同的结果，因为提到了“即使”，但是后来没有提到，变成了两个反问句，然后得到了结论，这样看起来不是很明白，另外，这一段跑题了，和主体没有多大的关系，如果说题目是提出一个现象，那么第一段就只是在解释这个现象的后果，有举例是说，即使某个稳定的工作超越了我们的兴趣，可当一个更艰难的工作，之类的。]

     An additional factor involves this recognition that there is no denying the fact that the past of things have a close affinity with its future . That is to say, .If we want to have a better outcome ,first we should do is to realize,analyse ,and even dissect its history.[这句话里面有几个谓语？] Things like we students study our national and world history in the school ,absorbing its element , experience, methods, skills--the list goes on . Then we can give deeply insight to it and utilize, complete nicely.In a word ,advances in control of its history greatly enhance our job opportunities and promotion opportunities.[跑得更远了]
      Leading further credence  to my point is that a good environment is better for us to do anything. Consider ,for example ,you are doing your work ,while the number of people who ever do the same work is undergoing a decline , what would you do?Or What 's in your mind?  It is really hard, not impossible ,for us to fulfill your work  well-off.Which is widely accepted .On the contrary ,the people who is doing that is  soaring , then a dramatic impetus occurs . Namely , whether one vocation have a good foreground  plays extremely important role in our job markets .
      Well , what i  has been discussed above essentially leads me to safely hold the conclusion that various kinds of job experience put us in a favorable position in our enterprises ,that is general accepted by people in growing numbers

1、        论述得很好，句式挺多的，词汇也不少，但有种感觉在刻意求新，这不是不好，但是要在能够驾驭的前提下，要能保证正确为第一。
2、        细节要注意，这个和我一样的毛病，单词拼写错误，搭配不对，这样虽然算不上什么大问题，但是在考试中，还是非常头疼的。
3、        不得不说，这篇文章最大的问题：跑题了。不知所云。尽管尽管有很多优点，但是跑题了，就像中国的作文一样，即便文字再漂亮，逻辑再完美，但是文不对题，都是空谈。

希望多多讨论，多多交流