【独立写作】 同题作文写作之【版主点评】

秋雨荆州UID：2903781

0201 Some people believe that people should follow their ambitious dreams and goals even they are not realistic, others believe that people should focus on achieving realistic goals.

作者：芥菜粽

Pursuing dreams and goals, the best reason that human beings live in the planet for, is supported by many people. However, should people follow ambitious dreams and goals even they are not realistic or to focus on achieving the realistic? It is a question. For me, I regard the two choices as an integrated one. That is, people can focus on both unrealistic and realistic ones.

Obviously, realistic goals are important. Most of the short-term aims are realistic and many can be achieved easily by working hard. Besides, people will not become too much disappointing about the outcomes that are not as good as they expected before. For example, students who want to set up new studying goals and plans will base their schemes on the former performance they did. It is similar for a company to formulate their working strategies according to what they have done before. Reasonable goals can stimulate people to struggle for them[Provide a clear picture for people to chase] and get progress during the process of pursuing.

Nevertheless, unrealistic goals such as extremely ambitious ones should also be encouraged under the premise of not desiring to achieve them quickly. What’s the criterion of those goals regarded as unrealistic? Ancient people never thought of overlooking the ground from an incredible height above which is ordinary now for those who travel from place to place by air. Daily lives today are all unrealistic for people who lived thousands of years ago. In this way, there is never an absolute criterion to distinguish realism and unrealism. What makes those unrealistic goals crucial is that they are often the sum of many realistic goals. These unreal ones can be achieved by generations, or by person who spend long time for it. They are usually the motivations that make us to promote ourselves and aim at doing better in the future. As we can see, the airplane is not the gain of only several years’ work and one scientific field. Small steps make big one. And the dream of achieving unrealistic goals makes the human society to step forward.

In conclusion, goals which seem unreal maybe not unreal, and those feature for realistic are still deserving our pursuit. The essential point is that one should have his dream which can be either unreal for the present or real, working hard for it, making advancements step by step. Life is not about the result. It is to enjoy the journey you have.

和ideal的习作一样，观点都很独特新颖。第二个论点说的挺好，如果能够编排的更加流畅更简洁一点就更好了~
也可以这么做，一分为二，第二个论点说unrealistic ones 事实上是由很多realistic ones构成的。比如什么，比如什么，比如什么。再开一个论点接着这段说一下unrealistic dreams是可以通过一代一代人的努力慢慢完成的，适合长期奋斗，并且有着推动人类进步的重大意义。最后总结可以说一下这两类的短期和长期效应，都是值得我们去追寻的。仅供参考

其中第二段有几个地方可以稍微推敲推敲，提一下我的意见~

秋雨荆州UID：2903781

芥菜粽 发表于 2013-2-2 22:00
谢谢前辈，前辈辛苦了！

加油啊！

秋雨荆州UID：2903781

topic： Do you agree or disagree: It is important to know about what is happening around the world, even if it doesn't affect your personal lives.

id：classgrass   


Bertrand Russell once said there are three passions that have governed his life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind. Although nowadays a sizable percentage of people claim that they would symphony with a dying squirrel in front of their gate more than those hungry African refugees, I still drove [改成被动语态？]by the passions Russell advocated. We should know what is happening in the[删去 in the] worldwide, even if it has nothing to do with our daily lives, because the hunger for knowledge and care to the suffering of poor people obliged us to be concerned with.

First, knowing what is happening around the world, especially in the undeveloped areas, by reading newspaper or watching television can help us better understanding the meaning of life[觉得主题和下面的拓展似乎有些偏差。下面的论述主要侧重得知这些消息之后我们就帮助他们，中间好像缺了什么，是不是加上“我们本以为平凡的日常生活是多么的宝贵幸福”，对比之下更能体会她们的艰苦，从而帮助他们……]. As an individual, we only had [现在时就行]limited experiences, but with the merits of modern communications media, we can acknowledge that there are countless child laborers in Indonesia, millions of citizens suffering from war in Iraq and billions of Africans who are in the edge of death with the threat of hunger and disease. We may have no family members or friends in these countries, but we can also help them with giving speech or financing them. Bored our horizon by caring for the disadvantage groups will make the world a better place.[这句似乎也有问题]

Besides, the news and political arguments can help us understand the civilization of humans and the spirits democracy deeply, which may have some beneficial [改成名词]in our own life. For example, I like to[删除] the sections about law in the newspaper, some cases about speech freedom with the detailed definition of the Constitutional Amendment taught me how important the criticism of people is valued[这句有语病。]. And when looking back into my life, I realized that I should not turn a deaf ear to the honest advice from my friends. In another word, news is my scholarly mentor and beneficial [印象中通常只用作表语]friend.

As for the latest discoveries in science and technology, we can also know the world deeply and become a versatile person by following the news. In my part time, I devoted a lot of time watching TED, which is short for technology, entertainment and design. Leaders in their own profession will deliver a speech of their findings and how can they be applied in our life in every episode. This is a bridge of theory and application of the modern technology and thoughts. And it enlarged my scope of knowledge and promoted my quality of life.

Knowing what is happening in different realms, cannot make us a fortune right now. But it enlightens us with subjects we [少了be]curious about, and in the same time, remind us to help others.

关于立论什么的基本没有问题了，但是在行文方面还是会有一些明显的语法问题。希望写完之后一定要认真纠一遍错，把这些问题记下来，尽量克制。如果能保证文章没有语病，拿good应该没有问题的。

秋雨荆州UID：2903781

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Although science and technology will continue to improve, the most significant improvement for the quality of people’s lives have already taken place.

作者：Tasha007

Recently, there has been a controversial debated by a lot of people about whether people’s living standard have changed时态不准确，建议改作将来时 even thougheven though后面应该加从句而不是名词短语 the increasing development of science and technology. I tend to think that the improvement of living standard of modern people have happened as the development of science and medical.

The primary cause is that modern people are more effective as the improvement of science technology and thus result in the altering of people’s daily lives. What is meant by this is that people is able to make use of tools increasing the productivity and efficiency today. For example, computer plays an important role in our life in terms of efficiency. Only when we type material concerning the ‘nuclear energy’ on Google, can we search any information about this term we desire. Given in the past, we had to go to library and bury me a couple of days to look for any resources. Obviously, the quality of our lives have already incur似乎用错了 with the development of computer. Also, the transportations which have great impact on people’s life should not be neglected. Public buses, private cars as well as the metros provide people with a great effective way on daily life and they could arrival destination in a short time. If without these science technology, we cannot imagine how our lives will become.

这段可以论证人类的生活水平因为电脑、交通的进步得到了很大的改变，并非常依赖这些；作者应该是想通过证明这两项技术的高度重要性，从而证明他们是改变人们生活的最重要进步？这么写当然也可以，但是证明这两项技术的重要性，证明它们非常非常重要这一点做得还不够，这段只能证明他们重要。给个自己不成熟的想法“因特网是改变人类生活最重要的技术进步，因为企业的贸易、人们的交往绝大部分依赖网络；甚至购物、阅读等方面，因特网基本上将成为最主流的媒介；所以离不开因特网，得证”

Another reason should be emphasized is the改为that people now are more longevity than in the past owing to the development of medical technology and thus making people are删去 healthier. It is certainly true that some diseases regarded as fatal diseases such as Cholera or smallpox in the past are now nearly inexistence. Although some diseases such as Cancer or AIDS cannot be easily gain access to overcome today, the medical technology help to extend patient’s lifespan through surgery and effective drugs. What’s more, public awareness of the importance of health is growing and thus leaving删去，thus后面用句子好了 people are more willing to do exercise and keep health diet. In this case, I firmly believe that the quality of people‘s life have improved greatly.

这段和上面一样的问题，确实证明了人们生活水平提高了，但是和总论点之间的联系还是不强

Taken改为taking，或者也可以用given the factors menstioned above这个短句 the factors mentioned above into consideration, I personally insist that both the two aspects listed in the question are important, but not decisive. Science technology and society will increasingly improve but our lives have greatly changed as the time files.   

题目不是特别好写，因为题目本身比较宏观，跟生活差距也相当大。感觉这个题目选择同意来议论比反对要难很多，说实话我也想不到好的论点来支持~建议再看看互改小组其他同学的文章啦~加油！

秋雨荆州UID：2903781

sorry cannot type Chinese, my PC broke down:L

秋雨荆州UID：2903781

我来啦，上周的版主点评完了~补上！

秋雨荆州UID：2903781

题目：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Although science and technology will continue to improve, the most significant improvement for the quality of people’s lives have already taken place

id：buyadeid

秋雨荆州UID：2903781

题目：Do you agree or disagree with the statement ？  the world is changing so quickly that people now are less happy or less satisfied than in the past ?
ID: 翼_yoyoyoyoy
附件：

秋雨荆州UID：2903781

题目：Many teachers assign homework to students every day. Do you think that daily homework is necessary for students? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.
ID: buyadeid
附件：

秋雨荆州UID：2903781

题目：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The best way to learn about a foreign country is to read the newspapersand magazines from that country.
ID: Enolate

秋雨荆州UID：2903781

题目：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide.
ID: 翼_yoyoyoyoy

秋雨荆州UID：2903781

题目：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: The best way to travel is in a group led by a tour guide.
ID: Irene1084

秋雨荆州UID：2903781

题目：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The best way to learn about a foreign country is to read the newspapersand magazines from that country.
ID: wanderer_2011

秋雨荆州UID：2903781

题目：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The best way to learn about a foreign country is to read the newspapersand magazines from that country.
作者：adrian小豆

秋雨荆州UID：2903781

题目Which kind of universities do you prefer, universities whose graduates can find good jobs or universities where there are famous professors?
ID 天薇凉