求各位看看我的study plan~~

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Dearvisa officer: （）这个要不要写成信的形式，其实并没有明确的说法。但是貌似没有visa officer这么一说，只有visa office，一般审查你的application的人叫“consul”。你可以说dear consul。
My name is XX. I graduate （过去时吧）fromXX University, majoring in Software Engineering. During（后面接的词感觉怪怪的） my undergraduatestudies, I have(上个during时间段应该是过去时吧，所以这个是不是要过去完成时呢？) developed great interest and also laid solid foundation in thefield of Computing Science.（interest不能用那么长时间形成吧，后面还行） My study plan is to pursue further study in thisarea in Canada. （最后一句完全和整个段落没有关系，而且这句话是废话。）

我想你应该是想在第一段介绍一下自己的背景，和为什么选择读这个硕士的原因。建议你列好提纲后再谢谢。这样整段结构完整，句子之间带有清晰的逻辑联系。





Why amaster degree in Canada
The decision is made after carefulconsideration.  (废话，可以说 I chose to go to Canada because。。。。) With almost two years’ work experience in the cross field ofNetworking and Database, I realize（完成时吧） that what I have（过去时） learned in my undergraduatestage is （was）rather basic and way far from enough for my career plan. （写点东西，比如举个例子为什么basic，而你master这个怎么就不advanced了。 Far from career plan 后面也解释一句，你的plan大体方向）A masterdegree can not only hone my knowledge but also make me more competitive in thesevere job market.

And I choose 过去时 Canada to purse my graduatestudy without hesitation. In my point of view, Canada has rich educationalresources and atmosphere（这个不能用rich修饰吧） for students to concentrate on the researches. Whenstudying and living in an English-speaking country, I can practice and improvemy English every day, every moment which fits my goal to work in aninternational company in China after graduation.（这个感觉你是读语言的，我感觉具体强调一下专业方面的优势能好些） Besides, studying in a foreigncountry can be a great experience for me to broaden my horizons. （无用的话，foreign一个词马上又把canada模糊了） And thetuition and living expense in Canada is fairly reasonable comparing to othercountries.

WhyComputing Science (CS) in Simon Fraser University (SFU)
The School of Computing Science in SFUis one of the best schools of this field in Canada. Its research focus,facilities and eminent faculty are absolutely ideal to help me meet my precisegoals. While many universities focus on the theories of CS, the School ofComputing Science in SFU provides a wide range of researches into InformationTechnology used in modern society, which means I can acquire practicalknowledge in my specific field. Furthermore, there are many famous professors,who I can talk with, ask for help and gain experience and advice from. I firmlybelieve that my graduate will bring me a deeper understanding and mastery ofComputing Science and enable me be closer to my long-term career path. 感觉不是很清晰，这方面我不懂，没法提意见。

Myoverall educational goal
I plan to get my master degree inComputing Science from SFU in 2 years. Through this program, I expect to beinstructed in advanced research techniques and methodologies, expose myself tothe cutting-edge technology in Computing Science, and develop my capacity forindependent research. I arrange my time to choose the courses as follows.  （这个挑几门重点的说吧，然后再具体说说你能学到得哪些）
Year 1:
CMPT 814-3 Algorithmic Graph Theory, CMPT 740-3 Database Systems,(They are the basis of Database and Datamining). CMPT 765-3 ComputerCommunication Networks, CMPT771-3 Internet Architecture and Protocols, (Relevant to Networking). CMPT 745-3 SoftwareEngineering, CMPT760-3 Operating Systems, (useful).
Year 2: CMPT 816-3 Theory of Communication Networks, CMPT842-3 Concurrency Control in Database Systems,
CMPT843-3 Database and Knowledge-Base Systems,
CMPT 896 M.Sc. Course Option ExtendedDocument

Superiorwith SFU degree （什么意思）and go back to China
My prospects in the Chinese labor marketwould be extraordinary after acquisition of the Master degree from SFU. As China’sburgeoningdevelopment,qualified people are in great demand. More and more international companiesmove their headquarters to my hometown, Shanghai, China. I believe with goodmastery of Information Technology, excellent English communication skills andmy former job experience, I can easily find a decent job in IT area in China. （太笼统，你应该分析下你专业在国内的优势）

And another important reason that Iexcept to go back to China after graduation is that my family, my friends are allin China. I am lucky enough that my parents are willing and have sufficientmoney to supply me to study abroad. Then that’s my turn to take good care ofthem. Happiness is not how much you（建议改成one，不要出现you） can earn, but how wonderful you can seeyour families and share feelings with each other.

To sum up, I am well motivated and wellprepared for my graduate study. I sincerely hope you can approve myapplication.


只是我个人的意见，还应该多问问别人。我建议你如果自己想不好怎么写的话还是找中介写吧。我感觉你的大学不错，成绩肯定也行，能不能过谁也说不准。但是可以肯定的是，和我读过别人的sp相比，这绝对不可能是一个合格的sp。

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4# gardenia324

现在不是找不找中介的问题了，是大家能不能提意见的问题，LZ的时间很紧迫。中介这种事不是对所有人都适用的，讨论也没用。