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Issue1、As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

TS:It is unjustifiable to assert 选词such a conclusion that people’s ability to think is surely to deteriorate as technology advances. There is no doubt that technology brings us so much convenience, which promotes the quality of life, saves many work we were supposed to do in the past. With such an efficient tool, a trend can be seen that many people are going to slack in their work or study, and distance themselves away from intellectual work which may actually sharp their mind and improve their problem-solving ability. However, the deterioration of thinking ability does not fit in every case as technology allows many people to think further and deeper rather than lead them to laziness.

such an efficient tool 指代不明

如果你的观点是对于一部分人命题成立 另一部分人不成立 那么你开头第一句的立场就和后面的意思不一致了  你第一句话给人的感觉是完全否定这个结论


ts1：People are born to seek for convenience, which is inherited from our ancestor in that they had to save as much energy as possible to survive. And technology is surely an excellent tool, by which people can save a lot of work. 互联网举例，人们可以收集资料，获取资源，查阅文献。懒惰天性和科技的便捷导致了一些人失去思考能力， 面对一些可以自己思考解决的问题选择上google找答案。如果他们维持这样的偷懒习惯，思考能力必然随之下降



ts2：On the other hand, technology as a tool is designed to free people from laborious work, not to replace the real thinking process. 计算机举例，一开始应用于军事，后来科学家应用其优秀的计算能力在许多领域做出了成果。天文领域，有许多新的天体由于技术的进步而被发现。科技使人能够探索未知的领域，并且帮助解决琐碎之事，使人能更好的分配精力。

ts3：Whether people’s ability deteriorate or not acutually vary from person to person. 科技的便捷迎合了懒人，所以他们的思考能力降低，同时那些想要获取更多知识的人，科技提供了更高的效率和更好的机会。

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原文
It is unjustifiable to assert such a conclusion that people’s ability to think is surely to deteriorate as technology advances. There is no doubt that technology brings us so much convenience, which promotes the quality of life, saves many work we were supposed to do in the past. With such an efficient tool, a trend can be seen that many people are going to slack in their work or study, and distance themselves away from intellectual work which may actually sharp their mind and improve their problem-solving ability. However, the deterioration of thinking ability does not fit in every case as technology allows many people to think further and deeper rather than lead them to laziness.

People are born to seek for convenience, which is inherited from our ancestor in that they had to save as much energy as possible to survive. And technology is surely an excellent tool, by which people can save a lot of work. Take internet for an example. People can do many things with the help of internet, such as gathering information, getting online resources, searching literature review and so forth. Combining with human nature and the convenience of technology, it is not surprising to see some people lose their ability to think. When faced with some problems, many people tend to search on google and take online solution as their own, despite that problems may not cost much mental work to work out. And if things continue this way, the ability to think will keep go down.

你的topic sentence扯得有点远  主题句应该明确的支持主旨句以及回应题目的核心问题 而People are born to seek for convenience, which is inherited from our ancestor in that they had to save as much energy as possible to survive完全没有提到ability to think

Internet是一个很复杂的系统 里面涉及很多东西 你选这个作为例子 就注定会写得东扯西拉 你这段的几句话几乎没什么关联   it is not surprising to see some people lose their ability to think比如这句话就没有结合前面的例子来讨论 这样的论述是完全没有说服力的  



On the other hand, technology as a tool is designed to free people from laborious work, not to replace the real thinking process. For instance, at the very beginning, computer is invented to solve the complicated calculation in military field, with aid of which the weapon had greatly developed. Since then, scientists have been able to use excellent calculate ability of computer to create many incredible models and give birth to numerous theories, which greatly fulfill our knowledge of things around us. Today, we are capable of analyze a huge amount of data, take far more factors into consideration so that precise decisions can be made. In the field of astronomy, people are able to observe much more celestial bodies with advanced technology, and many elevating discoveries have been found. As a matter of fact, technology enable people to freely explore many unknown field and make sure people can channel their mental energy into intellectual work and leave those trifles alone.  

注意这里的we非常模糊 你需要界定你讨论的群体
例子还不错  



Whether people’s ability deteriorate or not actually vary from person to person. Those who tend to sloth, technology happens to meet their needs and lead them to laziness. In this case, people’s ability to think is inevitably deteriorate. While those who craving for getting new knowledge and realizing novel ideas, technology is undoubtly a great tool to improve efficiency and offers more opportunities to do better work.

这段的观点应该在首段提出 这样一段写出来感觉很夹生
建议你看下我的1+3模型  



In the era of technology, the influence offered by technology could be either optimistic or negative. No one can deny that technology saves us plenty of time and relieves the pressure caused by trifling matters, and as a consequence, some people may fall into the habit of technology- dependency and lose the ability to think. However, there are still people who benefit a lot from its convenience. All in all, whether technology do good or bad actually hinge on people's choice.

ls8062464UID：3482034

修改了一下语言
自评：分段2计算机和天文两方面都偏科学了，而且天文举例的有些仓促，整个第二段倒是相对臃肿了；
对比起来分段3单薄了不少，但是感觉没太多话可以说，而且第三段在意思上和最末段没太大差别，有点不知道怎么改。或者可以再上升一个层面论述？