issue习作，马上就要考试了，真心急需，望能有好心人速批改，

painterxyUID：3519365

习作题目是：
109. Some people believe that scientific discoveries have given us a much better understanding of the world around us. Others believe that science has revealed to us that the world is infinitely more complex than we ever realized.
Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.
练笔不多，就快考试了，希望能得到指点，请狠批啊，真心感谢你的帮助！！:loveliness:
文章如下：
The both views above represent what the science has brought and is bringing up to us. It is undeniable that the constant scientific discoveries lead us to know more and more about our world around us in which we live every day. As knowing more, we simultaneously realized that how huge the world we haven’t explored is far beyond our conscience. That is the role of the science plays in the process we observing the world, which we can not just address any of its aspect.
On the one hand, the discoveries of science enable us to have more access or various perspectives to rethink an already formed regconition. If it was in the ancient Greek time when the mathematic was not developed enough, people could impossibly calculate that the sun actually is bigger than the earth, which led to a challenge to the geocentric opinion. To the contrast, the ancient people could only assume that the sun revolved around the earth for they only have the access of observation to this problem. If it was before the advent of telescope, people could only observe the planet by naked eyes. Nevertheless, by the telescope, people came to know that the dark areas like shadow they saw on the moon are actually moon craters.
In this sense, the scientific discoveries have given us a better understanding of the world. However, based on the above example, if there was no the development in the science, people would not have awared the world is more complex than they have realized.
On the other hand, however, it is also the science that nudge us to realize that what we have realized is quiet a small piece of cake.Our awareness to the world of us is unavoidable limited by the space and time. The scientific development , just like a cleaner, blocks away the obstacles. As a result, a wilder world is represented in front of our eyes. An approximate example will be no more than the discovery of the Americas at the end of the 15 century. Though with the financial aid from the king, we can envision that without the advanced achievements of navigation, it is impossible for them to surpass the geographical block of the ocean and finally had their feet on the American land. However, the unknown world is not generated by the scientific development, it naturally exists, but the science does reveal this fact to us.
More important, having realized this point, we may keep us from being complacency and accelerate our pace to exploring the unknown but fabulous world, for we all expect a better life.

painterxyUID：3519365

tesolchina 发表于 2014-10-17 15:28
https://www.evernote.com/shard/s144/sh/107cbb55-94e7-4a3a-8da7-433d21c77fb1/3ab734ca86ec00e0b3afff7c ...

首先非常感谢您。而且在我没有按照你那个思路去写作的时候还能够提供帮助。
首先，就全文来看，如果把语言表达问题改进的话，是不是在整体思路上还算可以？
然后就是几点具体的语言问题。
As knowing more
we observing the world，还有awared(这个把aware当动词用了）
unavoidable limited，的确是不够细心。我可以改正的。
对于f it was in the ancient Greek time when the mathematic was not developed enough,  people could impossibly calculate that the sun actually is bigger than the earth, which led to a challenge to the geocentric opinion.
您指出这里不应用条件从句。我是看过critical thinking这本书上有这样一句话
If you had been raised in India, you might be perfectly comfortable having your parents
choose your spouse for you.
一方面是想模仿一下，另外一方面，我这样写是想强调如果是在那些数学进步之前，人们就不可能计算出太阳比地球大。呵呵，我还是不明白我写的的句子，在哪里和我看得那句不一样。请具体说一下。
最后还有
The scientific development , just like a cleaner, blocks away the obstacles这句话的语法问题我自己也看不出啊？
呵呵，有时候自己写的句子就是有问题自己意识不到。
最后想问您，我的表达出了这些具体问题之外，是不是整体感觉都不流畅或者是什么问题？

painterxyUID：3519365

tesolchina 发表于 2014-10-18 13:00
我不知道你的英语水平大概是怎么样的，我的感觉是你可能平时作文写得并不多，尤其是阅读的比较少。因此，你 ...

嗯，谢谢您了。
平时确实阅读看得不多，写作练习的也少。

painterxyUID：3519365

tesolchina 发表于 2014-10-18 13:00
我不知道你的英语水平大概是怎么样的，我的感觉是你可能平时作文写得并不多，尤其是阅读的比较少。因此，你 ...

好吧，我这里再麻烦您一下。还有一篇文章请您看一看，是不是也是语言表达的问题很大？
题目是：
2. To understand the most important characteristics of a society, one must study its major cities.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.
文章：
Mentioning the major cities, there is a vivid picture in many people’s mind that our major cities are full of cars on the streets but in a shipshape order and with neon light at night people enjoy the delicious dinner with family members or enter a cinema to enjoy a wonderful film and so forth. To the contrast, other places like rural area, people are more likely to just work leisurely in the daytime on the farm or small companies and have homely activities at night. It seems that we can dig the most important characteristic of a society from the great prosperity of the major cities. However, are all these ostensibly prosperous scenery can represent the most important characteristic? In my view, what we can not deny is that the major cities indeed are highly developed with the most advanced ideas and a sum of talented people. But I contend that we should wait to rethink before we conclude this result.
As far as the economy is concerned, our major cities lie more on industry and service industry, that meant, could create more fortune than the single mode of agriculture in rural area. The biggest stock trading hall, the offices of big company and so on are in the major city. For the major cities own more fortune, people in the major cities have the strongest consuming power compared with other place. So the biggest shopping mall, the most fantastic cinema, the amusement park as well is in the major city.
Furthermore, as for the scientific and cultural field, the most successful people also gather in major cities. Because of the advanced equipments, the scientist can have a better condition to do the research. As there is more access for art, such as museums and galleries, the artists can have a better development space which provides them more excellent resources to learn from. Also, most of politicians work in major cities.
All these above are the results of the high concentration of resources in major city for the density of population is higher in major cities. But the major cities are still only a part of the whole society, sometimes even a very small part.
Nevertheless, if a certain area is most covered by the rural area and if the characteristic can not be presented in the most coverage area, it is unreasonable to regard it as the most important characteristic of a society.
Additionally，if we turn our observation to the past time, we will notice that though the capital of a country was so prosperous, the rest area which consisted actually the most coverage of a country was plain. This phenomenon was common in the past time for the mechanism of regulation resembled centralization. Therefore, the statement is not applicable for such circumstance yet the statement presents an absolute attitude with the word”must”.
In sum, due to the advanced development level of the major cities, it is true that most advanced characteristic of a society can be discovered in major cities. But to remember the most advanced, in a large sense, are not equivalent to the most important character.

painterxyUID：3519365

tesolchina 发表于 2014-10-18 17:47
2. To understand the most important characteristics of a society, one must study its major cities. ...

嗯嗯，很明白您的意思了，有道理
确实有所启发了，真的太感谢您了。