锤先森G330__issue习作集合贴

dingchenchenUID：3602968

锤先森G330 发表于 2015-7-15 20:29
13) Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's fie ...

你好
总体来说你的作文比较好，语言总体挺流畅，句型多变，文章结构也挺好，学习了~

下面是我看出来的一点小问题：
第二段
To illustrate, an economic major student might have to deal with lots of data during his or her research work, which is arduous if someone does it by him/herself.

which is arduous if someone does it by him/herself这句我感觉表达有点不清晰，自己用什么东西处理数据
如果写成……which is arduous if someone does it without advanced software that ……句子又好长啊。


第三段
Further, students can know hour world better if they can have courses outside their own major,
笔误
第四段
In addition, the reason why many students suggest they don’t have enough time to study is that they spend too much time on playing computer games or their mobile phones.

应该去掉on吧
spend in doing sth
spend on sth

dingchenchenUID：3602968

浅评如下：

对于题目中的假设我也有些疑惑，因为有的时候我觉得题目中的假设你能找出来的不止三个，然后，如何取舍？
题目中的data没有用完可以吗？
这个我也不太清楚。

最最严重，你的末段没有粘贴上来。。。。。。不会没有末段吧？

句子我看不出有什么问题，我觉得挺好。
有一点小瑕疵（我也不知道对不对哈）：
para 1
The author of the argument suggests that Monroe should have a jazz club which is profitable.
题目中是要要贷款建立一个俱乐部，不是建议Monroe city建立一个jazz club。这句有待商榷是不是。。。
我觉得这样要好一些：
The author of the argument applied for a small-business loan in order to build jazz club with the belief that the club would be profitable.