零散版友作文互改大贴

zadUID：2507560

TOPIC: ISSUE174 - "Laws should not be rigid or fixed. Instead, they should be flexible enough to take account of various circumstances, times, and places."
WORDS: 536                   DATE: 2009-4-13

With the explosive development of science, technology, laws play a more and more crucial role in our modern society. When it comes to the discussion about Laws' flexibility and stability, there are always a host of different opinions held by different individuals in diverse fields. Admittedly, laws should not be always rigid or fixed in our modern world full of changes. Moreover, they should be flexible enough to take account of various circumstances, times, and places. However, a certain measure of consistency, stability and predictability in our laws is required.

To begin with, laws should be flexible according to different circumstances and places. There are two main reasons that laws should be adaptable in different circumstances and places. First of all, Different places have different races, customs, and culture. So people in different places would have different opinions to same laws. For example, due to a large amount of Asian in California with a strong disapproval of the legalization of homosexual marriage, the homosexual marriage is still illegal in California while it is permitted in some other states. Second, Different places may have different economic conditions which require laws should be adjusted in light of it. For instance, the West is much poorer than the East in China. In Jiangsu, a east province in China, thieving more than two thousand Yuan should be condemned; while, in Yunnan, a west province, thieving only more than 500 Yuan should be condemned too. Consequently, this case vividly tells us that laws should be flexible according to different economical conditions.

In addition, laws also need to be amended according to different time, especially considering current rapid changes and progress in our society. On the one hand, old laws are not applicable to current situation. Due to rapid development of software industry all over the world, nowadays a large number of software products are selling in the markets. However, since the Intellectual Property Law in China is out of date, there is a large amount of pirate software in market. If the authority don't adjust the law, the pirate software certainly have a negative impact on the software industry. On the other hand, new crimes come out. Along with the popularity of the Internet, some new cyber crimes come out, such as the attack from hackers and production of viruses. To take on the challenge, the Chinese criminal law was amended again which is first amended in 1978. In the latest amendment, the criminal law has been added in legal provision about cyber crimes. Therefore, the amendment of laws is needed along with the change of time.

However, we must admit that a certain measure of consistency, stability and predictability should be taken into account in our laws. Undue uncertainty in any one of these areas would surely have negative effects. The economic development and the individual's well-being can only be ensured within a stable social order, which depends basically on a stable legal system.

In sum, from what have been discussed above, we may safely draw a conclusion that laws should be flexible enough to take account of various circumstances, times, and places. At the same time, the amendment of laws should adopt a prudent policy to ensure the social stability.

zadUID：2507560

262# fiscal

"There is evidence that consumers are becoming more and more interestedin growing their own vegetables. A national survey conducted last monthindicated that many consumers were dissatisfied with the quality offresh vegetables available in supermarkets. And locally, the gardeningmagazine Great Gardens has sold out at the Village News stand threemonths in a row. Thus, we at Green Thumb Gardening Center can increaseour profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetable seeds westock for gardeners this coming spring."
字数：446         用时：0:35：00        日期：2009-4-15



In this memo,the owner of the Green Thumb Gardening Center suggestedthat the company should expanding (expand) the variety of vegetable seeds theystock for gardeners by mentioning a national survey----many consumersexpressed dissatisfaction with the quality of vegetables in thesupermarkets and the increasing sales of a gardening magazine.To methese reasons is not strong enough to convince me that the companyshould do as the owner said.

In the first place,the assumption is based on a dubious survey.Theindication of the  national survey is not necessarily suitable for thissuburban town as mentioned in the memo.The owner falsily (falsely) assumed thatthe national survey can represent the same situation of vegetablequalities as in this specific area.There are chances that in thissuburban town,adjacent to framlands (farmlands) and eco-agriculturalinstitutions,vegetables are supplied with delicate care and cultivatedwith organic fertilizer,which may improve the freshness of thevegetables.So it is inappropriate for the owner to regard this surveyas his support material (his material to support his conclusion).

Even if local people in this town are indeed dissatisfied with thevegetable supplied in the supermarkets,the fact that the gardeningmagazine Great Garden has sold out three months in a row doesn’t meanthat these people (are) buying Great Garden to grow their own vegetables.Themagazine may contain many gardening-related informations (information) and techniquesand people,however,may use this as a guidance for them to grow (cultivate) lily orlilac at their own yard.People who have the ambition to invest in theflower retailing business can also understand news and latest trendfrom the magazine.Great Gardening,from the name we can tell it containsknowledges about gardening,not just in the field of vegetablecultivation.So buyers may not intend to grow their own vegetables,andIi(I) am certain that the owner can not use such a growth in magazineselling as to expand his or her seeds variation.

In the third place,the owner does not condsider the possible cost ofthe proposed action.Expanding the variaty of vegetable seeds mayrequire large sums of money and it may pose threat to the security ofthe cash flow for the company.Transportation costs and the investmenton importing seeds can not be overlooked----it would be a grave mistakeonce inappropriately manipulated.

For (From) the three aspects mentioned above,I am not convinced that thecompnay (company) should listen to the owner’s suggestion that they should havemore kinds of seeds for consumers to choose from.Since the differencebetween a whole nation and a specific area is not clear,we can not getto a hasty conclusion.I also need more information on the reason whythe Great Gardening sold so well in the last three months and on thepotential cost if seeds variation are to be multipled.

以后提交作文的时候请先在word下把错字改好，这些错字本不该我们来改。
文章属于完全无模版型，这种类型我不知道是否会得到考官认可。不过你要加强如何是你的观点更明确和直接的表达出来，另外是逻辑要连贯。总结也要在层次上注意安排。

zadUID：2507560

262# fiscal

占位262

RolinWuUID：2625938

谢谢批改！！！！:)

zadUID：2507560

242# zad

64求改:)

zadUID：2507560

254# RolinWu 非常感谢你的指点，我觉得都比较到位有用。

zadUID：2507560

252# wuyaocosy

不客气，互相帮助嘛，你的语言确实不错，加油！

fiscalUID：2628568

忘了发自己的了  不好意思  第一次发帖  

题目：ARGUMENT14 - The following appeared in a memo from the owner of Green Thumb Gardening Center, a small business serving a suburban town.

"There is evidence that consumers are becoming more and more interested in growing their own vegetables. A national survey conducted last month indicated that many consumers were dissatisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables available in supermarkets. And locally, the gardening magazine Great Gardens has sold out at the Village News stand three months in a row. Thus, we at Green Thumb Gardening Center can increase our profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetable seeds we stock for gardeners this coming spring."
字数：446         用时：0:35：00        日期：2009-4-15



In this memo,the owner of the Green Thumb Gardening Center suggested that the company should expanding the variety of vegetable seeds they stock for gardeners by mentioning a national survey----many consumers expressed dissatisfaction with the quality of vegetables in the supermarkets and the increasing sales of a gardening magazine.To me these reasons is not strong enough to convince me that the company should do as the owner said.
In the first place,the assumption is based on a dubious survey.The indication of the  national survey is not necessarily suitable for this suburban town as mentioned in the memo.The owner falsily assumed that the national survey can represent the same situation of vegetable qualities as in this specific area.There are chances that in this suburban town,adjacent to framlands and eco-agricultural institutions,vegetables are supplied with delicate care and cultivated with organic fertilizer,which may improve the freshness of the vegetables.So it is inappropriate for the owner to regard this survey as his support material.
Even if local people in this town are indeed dissatisfied with the vegetable supplied in the supermarkets,the fact that the gardening magazine Great Garden has sold out three months in a row doesn’t mean that these people buying Great Garden to grow their own vegetables.The magazine may contain many gardening-related informations and techniques and people,however,may use this as a guidance for them to grow lily or lilac at their own yard.People who have the ambition to invest in the flower retailing business can also understand news and latest trend from the magazine.Great Gardening,from the name we can tell it contains knowledges about gardening,not just in the field of vegetable cultivation.So buyers may not intend to grow their own vegetables,and Ii am certain that the owner can not use such a growth in magazine selling as to expand his or her seeds variation.
In the third place,the owner does not condsider the possible cost of the proposed action.Expanding the variaty of vegetable seeds may require large sums of money and it may pose threat to the security of the cash flow for the company.Transportation costs and the investment on importing seeds can not be overlooked----it would be a grave mistake once inappropriately manipulated.
For the three aspects mentioned above,I am not convinced that the compnay should listen to the owner’s suggestion that they should have more kinds of seeds for consumers to choose from.Since the difference between a whole nation and a specific area is not clear,we can not get to a hasty conclusion.I also need more information on the reason why the Great Gardening sold so well in the last three months and on the potential cost if seeds variation are to be multipled.
这是我的第一篇作文，我下礼拜二就考了，希望狠狠地批。。。

fiscalUID：2628568

TOPIC: ISSUE17 - "There are two types of laws: just and unjust. Every individual in a society has a responsibility to obey just laws and, even more importantly, to disobey and resist unjust laws."
WORDS: 489          TIME: 00:45:00          DATE: 2009-4-5 21:31:42


Do people in society have the responsibility to obey just laws and disobey unjust laws? I fundamentally agree the speaker's assertion that every individual in a society should obey just laws. However, on compelling argument begs the question that which standard, then, should we use to judge which law is just and which one is not. Thus, if everyone follow their own diversity judgment and disobey the so-called unjust laws in their opinion would run a high risk of hurting others and even breaking the peaceful in our world.（这个地方要和第四段应和，改成jeopardize the democracy of the whole nation也许会更好。）

To begin with, the argument raises a problem about how to identify just and unjust. In my observation, the judgment might be different due to diversity（diverse）circumstances. For the reason that（the reason that去掉更简洁） people live（living） in various places, period of time （这里改成and different ages,去掉period之前的逗号）have different background involving education experience, religion, culture, custom and so forth, （hence）it is entirely possible for them to judge according to different view points. （这里改动了句子的结构，貌似顺当了点）One apt illustration in this point involves the viewpoint to miscarriage in different areas. While in some nations, this behavior is considered as just in law, certain other countries see it as another way of murder result from it is totally inhuman end an innocent life. Hence, the examples above underscore that under different background, the judgment of law might be diversity.（under different background放在最后读起来更好，不会和underscore重复）

Moreover, when it comes to individual level, different people also maintain various ways to judge the justifiable of law. However, if every one in society follows their own opinions to choose which is just or not, therefore disobeying and fighting for the unjust law in their mind, it will undoubtedly lead to serious problems（serious problems是个cliche，尽量少用的说…改成grave problems）. For example, large amount of traffic accidents would occur, if some ones see traffic law as an unjust law, therefore do not tend to obey it. Or consider some of scientists see human cloning is just thus insist on researching it, would not only diminish human value but also would arouse a huge number of immoral and unethical problems. If all the people disobey the laws they see （regard as，不重复）unjust, more people will been （be）hurt.

Finally, undue emphasis on obeying so-called just law and unjust law would lead to lack of democracy. No one would dispute that, in generally speaking, government is the finally decision maker on which law is just and which one is not. And it is obviously that government officials would prefer the laws that support their power, while suppress those kinds of laws that might threat their authority no matter whether these laws are right or wrong. History is replete（repleted） with these kinds of instances, some laws such as the right for women to vote, the equal social status of color people, even the democratic social constitution are all considered to be unjust long ago. Therefore, purely obeying just laws and disobeying unjust laws might also run a high risk of losing democracy.（这段没啥）

In sum, although I agree with the notion that individuals in society should obey just law. In the meantime, undue paying attention to obey just laws or resisting unjust law will result in serious result due to the identification and judgment of law is too vague and diverse.

一起加油！！

fiscalUID：2628568

占改issue17~~

wuyaocosyUID：2576923

issue 51  Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student


Controversy concerned about how courses designed for each student arose at the birth of education. The speaker claims that courses will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed based on different needs and interest of students. Though sometimes teacher-oriented education is essential, student-oriented courses that fit each people are crucial for their further development.

Education aims to foster talents. （这是这段的主旨句吗？好像下文不是围绕这个论点展开的，建议删去，直接让下面这句点明主旨）Since everyone born different, student-oriented education is needed for it concerns more about their interest. It’s widely believed that individual interests generate curiosity, which weigh much in process of education, is the main activation of study. Consequently, when students received education that respect and defer on their interest, they are absorbed more and willing to search further. At the same time, possibilities that they gain a better development rise（这句没太看懂）. （这个举例显得有点突兀） Confucius, the great philosophy and educator in ancient China, accentuated the importance of individual needs and interest and said:” Education should be designed based on individual talents.” This illustrates the point that it’s crucial in education process to ration the resources based on different needs and interests of each student for effectiveness.

Unfortunately, traditional teacher-oriented courses are not able to offer what students really need. Rigid process of imparting knowledge assumed by teachers eliminates diversity which is important in education. As a result, many potential students are neglected. To demonstrate the point obviously, here is an example that is very convincing. （感觉同上，有点突兀）Edison, （the）greatest inventor of the history ever(太绝对导致不客观，最好少用这么绝对的最高级), was claimed inept in study when he was in elementary school. Fortunately through the courses specifically designed by his mother could he become fascinated by science and devoted all his life in it. Education is such a complicated process because of the diversity of students （its diversity）. Eliciting potential recognized or not by students is crucial part of study. In conclusion, specified courses fit the learners. They can receive a better learning experience which is benefit for their whole life.

However, sometimes teacher-oriented education is significant in case of chaos in the process. Student-oriented education is unavailable if the reliance on individual desire is extreme. If the design of courses fails to evaluate the importance on some basic subjects, it can not be seen as a qualified education. What’s more, a common criterion is needed when universities judge which students to accept. For example, every student is asked to study math in basic education process for it is relevant to daily life. Their mathematic ability also offers campus criteria when making a decision whether the student is accepted or not. In all, excessive dependence on individual interest is unnecessary, or even harmful to the whole education process. Teacher-oriented courses are indispensable under some circumstances. (这段没问题)

Students gain better development if they receive education that designed individually for them and aims to elicit their potential. They gain a more overall development when some teacher-oriented courses are also including. However, since diversity is one of human nature, individual interest and need should be more accentuated in practice to provide students a better experience in study. All in all, education effects if it’s more closely match student needs.

看了很多作文你的语言是最个性的，很有棱角，挺好。但还是建议措辞稍微婉转点，别显得太突兀，个人意见哈，欢迎交流

wuyaocosyUID：2576923

不好意思256楼写错了，占得是255楼

wuyaocosyUID：2576923

TOPIC: ISSUE17 - "There are two types of laws: just and unjust. Every individual in a society has a responsibility to obey just laws and, even more importantly, to disobey and resist unjust laws."
WORDS: 489          TIME: 00:45:00          DATE: 2009-4-5 21:31:42

Do people in society have the responsibility to obey just laws and disobey unjust laws? I fundamentally agree the speaker's assertion that every individual in a society should obey just laws. However, on compelling argument begs the question that which standard, then, should we use to judge which law is just and which one is not. Thus, if everyone follow their own diversity judgment and disobey the so-called unjust laws in their opinion would run a high risk of hurting others and even breaking the peaceful in our world.

To begin with, the argument raises a problem about how to identify just and unjust. In my observation, the judgment might be different due to diversity circumstances. For the reason that people live in various places, period of time have different background involving education experience, religion, culture, custom and so forth, it is entirely possible for them to judge according to different view points. One apt illustration in this point involves the viewpoint to miscarriage in different areas. While in some nations, this behavior is considered as just in law, certain other countries see it as another way of murder result from it is totally inhuman end an innocent life. Hence, the examples above underscore that under different background, the judgment of law might be diversity.

Moreover, when it comes to individual level, different people also maintain various ways to judge the justifiable of law. However, if every one in society follows their own opinions to choose which is just or not, therefore disobeying and fighting for the unjust law in their mind, it will undoubtedly lead to serious problems. For example, large amount of traffic accidents would occur, if some ones see traffic law as an unjust law, therefore do not tend to obey it. Or consider some of scientists see human cloning is just thus insist on researching it, would not only diminish human value but also would arouse a huge number of immoral and unethical problems. If all the people disobey the laws they see unjust, more people will been hurt.

Finally, undue emphasis on obeying so-called just law and unjust law would lead to lack of democracy. No one would dispute that, in generally speaking, government is the finally decision maker on which law is just and which one is not. And it is obviously that government officials would prefer the laws that support their power, while suppress those kinds of laws that might threat their authority no matter whether these laws are right or wrong. History is replete with these kinds of instances, some laws such as the right for women to vote, the equal social status of color people, even the democratic social constitution are all considered to be unjust long ago. Therefore, purely obeying just laws and disobeying unjust laws might also run a high risk of losing democracy.

In sum, although I agree with the notion that individuals in society should obey just law. In the meantime, undue paying attention to obey just laws or resisting unjust law will result in serious result due to the identification and judgment of law is too vague and diverse.

wuyaocosyUID：2576923

占楼 225

RolinWuUID：2625938

好吧，我又来了~
上次的issue多谢大家的帮助~这是我改完后的结果，请大家帮忙看看咯~
issue 51  Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student


Controversy concerned about how courses designed for each student arose at the birth of education. The speaker claims that courses will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed based on different needs and interest of students. Though sometimes teacher-oriented education is essential, student-oriented courses that fit each people are crucial for their further development.

Education aims to foster talents. Since everyone born different, student-oriented education is needed for it concerns more about their interest. It’s widely believed that individual interests generate curiosity, which weigh much in process of education, is the main activation of study. Consequently, when students received education that respect and defer on their interest, they are absorbed more and willing to search further. At the same time, possibilities that they gain a better development rise. Confucius, the great philosophy and educator in ancient China, accentuated the importance of individual needs and interest and said:” Education should be designed based on individual talents.” This illustrates the point that it’s crucial in education process to ration the resources based on different needs and interests of each student for effectiveness.

Unfortunately, traditional teacher-oriented courses are not able to offer what students really need. Rigid process of imparting knowledge assumed by teachers eliminates diversity which is important in education. As a result, many potential students are neglected. To demonstrate the point obviously, here is an example that is very convincing. Edison, greatest inventor of the history ever, was claimed inept in study when he was in elementary school. Fortunately through the courses specifically designed by his mother could he become fascinated by science and devoted all his life in it. Education is such a complicated process because of the diversity of students. Eliciting potential recognized or not by students is crucial part of study. In conclusion, specified courses fit the learners. They can receive a better learning experience which is benefit for their whole life.

However, sometimes teacher-oriented education is significant in case of chaos in the process. Student-oriented education is unavailable if the reliance on individual desire is extreme. If the design of courses fails to evaluate the importance on some basic subjects, it can not be seen as a qualified education. What’s more, a common criterion is needed when universities judge which students to accept. For example, every student is asked to study math in basic education process for it is relevant to daily life. Their mathematic ability also offers campus criteria when making a decision whether the student is accepted or not. In all, excessive dependence on individual interest is unnecessary, or even harmful to the whole education process. Teacher-oriented courses are indispensable under some circumstances.

Students gain better development if they receive education that designed individually for them and aims to elicit their potential. They gain a more overall development when some teacher-oriented courses are also including. However, since diversity is one of human nature, individual interest and need should be more accentuated in practice to provide students a better experience in study. All in all, education effects if it’s more closely match student needs.