零散版友作文互改大贴

starain62UID：2621240

占位改178楼

hunter101020UID：2591908

又是一篇限时 没写完。。。。
221 The chief benefit of the study of history is to break down the illusion that people in one period of time are significantly different from people who lived at any other time in history.

Superfacially ,in this issue ,the author seems to conclude one benefit of study history ----- telling the difference between people from different period .However ,in my view there is potential meaning which account for unchanged character of human beings within this assertion and I generally agree with this .
First and foremost ,apparently, people from different period contains lots of differences with each other ,no matter in physical or mental level .For people are social animals and are well --- affected by their surroundings .With the time changes, circumstance definitely cause many effect on human beings.From physical level ,according to the history books ,the dressing and customs are well changed .Such as the trends of cloth at presents are quite different from those several decades ago ;and the language people speaks also changed ,the ancient English which used hundreds years ago are quite different .In China the ancient language even become a subjects which lots of historain research on it .From mental level ,the ethics and moral standards in past time are apparently not adopted in modern time no matter in any country .The traditional view that man are superior to woman are regarded as an important social rules hundreds years ago but becomes  a prejudize and insult in nowadays .So clearly the condition of modern people are quite different from any other history.
But when we come into profound level in history ,we can find that though there are so many differences mentioned above ,the deep nature and regularity of people are still quite firm and steadily unchanged. Especially with the ever increasing pace of social changes ,it becomes more and more difficult to break out this illusion. In one hand ,social value and tradition of one country are not built up in short time but rather than a long period .In order to fit for their surroundings and get their self identificatioon, those theories and morals wont changed a lot during the time past. Such as in China ,the most important day for every people  is spring festival .In that day ,every family member will get together to enjoy the happiness and love from their family  ;Christmas Day in Western countries also have the same meaning. From another aspects, the regularity of social developments are always unchanged which can be concluded as "dynamic unchange". Such as every evolution of social structure and enterprise ,from superfacial  level ,indeed the role of social people are quite changed .But by research history ,Karl Max clearly figure out the potential regularity which push the development of mankind ------- productivity of labors .Although social changes ,the relationship between people can only be concluded by two types ---- capital owner and labor .From this we can see that study history can make us observing our social trends and surroundings more profound and dialectic.
In addition ,general conclusion that the differences of  people in other period is an illusion is unwarranted .After all according to what we mentioned above, the surroundings changes are directly relevant to our ordinary living and really happen. Study the history of changes can not only tell us the direction of future but also do us favor in preventing the same type problems from occur again. Such as the artistic trends classicism was replace by modernism ,although the latter one was fully successful and much admiring ,it is not fit for the modern taste of people. History tell  us that any kind of art must face the new time.
In sum ,study history indeed provide lot of inspiration in telling the potential same points of people in different time and offer us a more profound way in recognizing social changes .And at the same time we should not ignore the other benefits in study history .

hunter101020UID：2591908

176# leslin
很有道理 但算不上狂批么。。。。
开个玩笑 在文章角度上有什么好的建议没？
242."Societies should try to save every plant and animal species, regardless of the expense to humans in effort, time, and financial well-being."
Word: 511
time: 42min
According to the speaker’s view, all species in the world should be totally protected even this action will takes a great many efforts. In my opinions, itis imprudent or(and) partial to assert the position. While I suppose that it is surely a must for us to protect species on earth, but we should recognize the order to preserve.(开头简洁我很赞同)
Indeed, protecting species around the world is necessary. As we all know, many species in the world hold medicinal, ecological and commercial value to both our human beings and the entire world. As for medicinal value, plants and animals are responsible for a variety of useful medications. In fact, about forty percent of all prescriptions written today are composed from the natural compounds of different species. The Pacific yew, for example, a substance in its bark taxol was recently identified as one of the most promising treatments for ovarian and breast cancer. （例子偏了应该说没有这些动物我们会失去什么）In the sight of ecology, plant and animal species are the foundation of healthy ecosystems. Humans depend on ecosystems such as coastal estuaries, prairie grasslands, and ancient forests to purify their air, clean their water, and supply them with food. The northern spotted owl, listed as threatened in 1990, is an indicator of the declining health of the ancient forests of the Pacific Northwest. Finally, species on earth also play an important role in commercial sphere, various wild species are commercially raised, directly contributing to local and regional economies. Commercial and recreational salmon fishing in the Pacific Northwest provides 60000 jobs and 1 billion dollars annually in personal income, and is the center of Pacific Northwest Native American culture.（论证生物多样的重要性说的有点多
这样感觉会头重脚轻 简单的道理 开头第一个词是indeed暗示转折 那重点肯定在转折之后）
However, what I discussed above is just an ideal perspective（我感觉ideal用的不对前面没有说我们一定要保护所有物种unfortunately。。。。） . In fact, we don’t own the abilities to protect all species and we don’t need to protect all species around the world. It is impractical and ineffective. First of all, some species are still in prosper and there are no obvious threats to them, so it is meddlesome for us to protect them such as wheat and corn. Human beings depend upon about 20 species plants including these two to provide 90 percent of the world’s food. We are so relied on them that we will not that foolish to put them into a dangerous situation.（主观的论断尽量不要出现在议论文中） Secondly, according to statistics, there are more than 5 millions to 1 billion species worldwide. It can be imagined how large a project it will be if we put our human beings’ efforts in preserving them. Apparently, it is impossible to protect them all. What we can do now is only to protect those who are in danger of extinction, which calls for decision of order on our protecting list. We need to distinguish the sequence of priority. Thus we can make a useful and effective projects for all livings on the planet.
我查了下 这篇文章的中文翻译是社会应该保护所有的濒危动植物物种 不管要花费多大的人力 物理财力和时间 这个样子的话 这篇文章本身就有问题了 其次文章中间只有两段 观点不够全面 最后还应该有个保护与不保护pk的段落 这一步我觉得是最重要的 语言层次上都不错
In summary, the speaker’s will to protect species is irrefutable. But there exists some petty defects in his measures. Just wishing can not lead to a satisfying result. Only combining good hopes and proper ways can we reach a relative perfect consequence.

leslinUID：2571497

According to this issue ,it seems to be reasonable for everyone that taking[感觉to take好一点] any means to achieve a goal [which] is right and necessary ,simply because the goal is worthy .However, [after] closely scrutiny of this assertion I generally disagree this assertion[前面用过this assertion了，换一个吧：the speaker's view] for its ignorance of many other aspects.

First and foremost ,we should realize that whether a goal is worthy or not depending on the angle of every single[删] individual which is different from each other .The generalization of every goal is worthy or not makes an illogical fault. It is easily understandable that the idea of suffering the risk of caught by police to steal lots of cash is quite worthy for a thief ,but wont’ even happen in an cultivated people's mind .In social level ,religious may be quite important for one country ,but to the country like China which do not have tradition of believes ,it might not be so much worthy .So generalization of all kinds of worthwhile things is wrong in nature.
感觉这一段楼主是想说动机是针对个人而言的。那么建议楼主本段的Topic Sentence不要用那么长的句子，简洁就好，长句子留到后面吧，要不然一开始看就很累诶^_^

However ,the conclusion seems to be reasonable that if one goal is close to the high value and ethics standards of one country ,it is trustworthy to take any efforts to attain the destination. But this conclusion still neglect[neglects] what the effect and other relevance of those efforts(比如什么？最好加上以充实小主题句，不需要太详细，有大方面就好) [that] will bring us. From the individuals level ,as the spirit and economical condition of one person is limited ,many efforts should be confined within a limited state. Such as for nearly every people it may be great for every one to purchase the career of presidents. But in practical condition only tiny few of those people is fit for this goal. If all of them take whatever efforts to purchase ,it will definitely come to be counterproductive. And in social level ,every country also have their own condition, blindly chasing the huge benefits will probably take too much costs in economy politic or resources which beyond one country's bearing. An vivid example is the Cold War between US and Soviet Union two countries take too much efforts on competition to become the first powerful country[only empire] and ignore the importance of gradually development ,finally this goal do harm to both countries and left them lots of weapon and waste which are useless in peace time[period].
追寻目标的副作用，好想法

Finally ,I have to admit that there are some urgent cases which related to the prosper safety and harmony of one country or even the mankind .In such cases it is indeed necessary to take what ever means to find out the solution or achieve the goal .Such the critical juncture in ww2, in order to cease the war immediately American drop two nuclear bomb in Japan .On the moral level of mankind ,this behavior is brutal , but it indeed prevent more innocent people dead[from dying] during the tragic battle; And another vivid example in nowadays is the colon technique which aim to cure patients at first ,but when an insane scientist announcing his decision to adopt it on the human body ,it is definitively necessary to make whatever efforts to stop this plan.[感觉后一个例子好像有点不搭边，第一个是有相反性的（残忍——必须），那么后一个呢，感觉不太明显]

In sum ,not[no] matter a goal is worthy for an individual or one[a] whole country ,the means taken by them should be proper and take[taken] full consideration of current condition and further effect it will bring us .Blindly coming to the conclusion that any effort is justifiable only if this goal is worthy or beneficial is too dangerous and may prove to counterproductive and opposite to the original will.

总的来说，楼主的思路还是很清晰的，先狂批，再安抚一下。
但是可以感觉出楼主在刻意整长句，段里面几乎没有短句，建议楼主长短搭配，比如：长短长，这样的交错使用会好一点。
还有有些例子建议楼主再说得清楚一点。
就这些喽，加油啊！！！

leslinUID：2571497

242."Societies should try to save every plant and animal species, regardless of the expense to humans in effort, time, and financial well-being."

Word: 511
time: 42min

According to the speaker’s view, all species in the world should be totally protected even this action will takes a great many efforts. In my opinions, it is imprudent or partial to assert the position. While I suppose that it is surely a must for us to protect species on earth, but we should recognize the order to preserve.

Indeed, protecting species around the world is necessary. As we all know, many species in the world hold medicinal, ecological and commercial value to both our human beings and the entire world. As for medicinal value, plants and animals are responsible for a variety of useful medications. In fact, about forty percent of all prescriptions written today are composed from the natural compounds of different species. The Pacific yew, for example, a substance in its bark taxol was recently identified as one of the most promising treatments for ovarian and breast cancer. In the sight of ecology, plant and animal species are the foundation of healthy ecosystems. Humans depend on ecosystems such as coastal estuaries, prairie grasslands, and ancient forests to purify their air, clean their water, and supply them with food. The northern spotted owl, listed as threatened in 1990, is an indicator of the declining health of the ancient forests of the Pacific Northwest. Finally, species on earth also play an important role in commercial sphere, various wild species are commercially raised, directly contributing to local and regional economies. Commercial and recreational salmon fishing in the Pacific Northwest provides 60000 jobs and 1 billion dollars annually in personal income, and is the center of Pacific Northwest Native American culture.

However, what I discussed above is just an ideal perspective. In fact, we don’t own the abilities to protect all species and we don’t need to protect all species around the world. It is impractical and ineffective. First of all, some species are still in prosper and there are no obvious threats to them, so it is meddlesome for us to protect them such as wheat and corn. Human beings depend upon about 20 species plants including these two to provide 90 percent of the world’s food. We are so relied on them that we will not that foolish to put them into a dangerous situation. Secondly, according to statistics, there are more than 5 millions to 1 billion species worldwide. It can be imagined how large a project it will be if we put our human beings’ efforts in preserving them. Apparently, it is impossible to protect them all. What we can do now is only to protect those who are in danger of extinction, which calls for decision of order on our protecting list. We need to distinguish the sequence of priority. Thus we can make a useful and effective projects for all livings on the planet.

In summary, the speaker’s will to protect species is irrefutable. But there exists some petty defects in his measures. Just wishing can not lead to a satisfying result. Only combining good hopes and proper ways can we reach a relative perfect consequence.

leslinUID：2571497

占位改#171 Issue212

qianyierUID：2561886

170# stillwave
真是不好意思，应该是我改的，我的错~~
不过，已经半夜挑灯，给你改了，希望改得不好的地方，不要介意，可以再找我交流

hunter101020UID：2591908

160# qianyier
221、The chief benefit of the study of history is to break down the illusion that people in one period of time are significantly different from people who lived at any other time in history. 研究历史主要的好处就是消除了人们这样的错觉：一个时代的人与以前任何一个时代的人有显著的不同。
We study history to explore our predecessors or ancestors’ lives and to guide our new lives. Whether people in one time differ from those at any other time in history is a controversial question. I deem that it is not the human nature that has changed but the circumstances that people face have altered in different times. And the merits of studying history do not limit to break down the illusion that people in different eras differ apparently.  

Admittedly, with the development of history, situations change enormously. Human society has evolved from slash-and-burn cultivation to an era of computers. The surviving conditions have been more and more complex, together with the changes, the way of life become totally different. About 30 years ago, telephone was not prevalent in China and people usually kept writing letters to get in touch with each other. Nowadays, letters are rare even in remote regions. It seems that relative sentiment or friendships with people in a long distance have been weakened. Consequently, the illusion that people in one time are obviously different from people who lived in any other time come out. (根据英文表述的习惯ts主要在段首 这样比较清晰明了)

Nevertheless, human nature lasts similar whatever the period of time is. Thousands of years have passed since the origin of human beings, but the desires for essential living security do not change, for instance, sufficient food, safe shelter and warm clothes. Besides, people, whenever they are living in, all have the eager for love and sex, and need to interact with others. Therefore, as having referred in the former paragraph, the decrease in letters cannot indicate that the contact between friends or relatives is weakened too. Maybe people keep in touch more frequently and immediately through telephones and internet, which can strengthen the sentiment. Although many new countries sprang out, the pursuit for peace and stability did not change among people on the earth.

The problems people have to face become more complex now so that people today may be more anxious than those in any other time in history in psychological aspect（从complex到anxious是两个意思 有两个逻辑 要断句）. In the agricultural era, people had to overcome the extreme climate, that maybe draught in planting season or too drown in harvest season, or to fight against the invasion of wild animals. In a new technological era when we have created various machines to help us to produce abundant products, however, we cannot avoid the atmosphere contamination or water pollution that may endanger our lives.（这个例子没有说服力 污染就一定比对付天灾猛兽侵袭更complex 这只是问题的角度不同吧） What is even worse, the invention of nuclear weapon threats the safety of many nations（强调下never happen before）. Even we are proud of convenience brought by automobiles when traveling, we have to concede that we are relying more and more on power resources or maybe the import of oil as energy. Can we still be so comfort when the resources are exhausted/depleted one day? （这些问题一定比过去的问题更棘手吗？如果是 要说明 因为这是本段的ts）
（这一段是在叙述现实情况 但是有一点不足是与上文联系不够紧密 从时代的变迁情况不同 到人类的本性没变 是对比 但到这里关系就不是很紧密了 感觉是另起炉灶）
Although the circumstances have changed a lot, （前后句有转折关系吗 环境变了 历史就没意义？）the study of history cannot stop for it is of great value to modern society. History tells modern people a lot more than just how to differ the differences. History is a mirror of today and we can learn experience in dissimilar realms. Take politics as an example. When researching Chinese history, we can learn that once the basic living standard could not be guaranteed, people must revolt to the authority and dynasty changed.（这里的例子要具体 有说服力） Although we are stepping into democratic society today,（还是这里有转折关系吗？） the social welfare is of the same importance as in history. According to history, the leader in power ought to put the people’s interest at first when making policy（这算是一个论点了）. Another example is that in ancient time, we learn that human and nature should keep in harmony so we must keep our nature harmonious and lead the sustainable way of developing这又是一个论点rather than例子.
我是第一次注意到这道题 感觉很有写头 其实这道题正说应该是 研究历史告诉我们 历史并不像表面看到的那样 其实不同时代的人们是有相同点的 我想题眼就在于“变与不变” 而说历史的其他作用应该是in addition
再说这篇文章 首先语言论述上很不错 比较有条理 虽然有细节不是很好 有语病 但大体水平不错 行文逻辑比较松散 中间四段没有明确关系 感觉是为了字数说字数其次切入点上有些偏题 除了第一段讲述人们错觉出现的原因和第二段本性不变以外 三四两端扯到环境变化和历史意义上去了 全然不管“人”这个概念 而且即便是说人们不变的地方光以人性一个方面讲太过狭窄论述的东西有点commonsense
总的来说语言 段内结构没啥太大问题 但全文逻辑不好 有些偏题 下笔前应该多思考思考
In sum, whenever the period of time is, human nature is similar, while the surviving environments have transformed and many new questions come into mind. Anyway, the study of history benefits people to adjust to new circumstances and provide implications to solve new problems rather than merely tells us that people in history are similar with people in one time.

hunter101020UID：2591908

170# stillwave
改好了在楼上
又是篇限时
题目：ISSUE212 - "If a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable."
字数：572
用时：00:45:00
日期：2009/4/3 15:56:29

According to this issue ,it seems to be reasonable for everyone that taking any means to achieve a goal is right and necessary ,simply because the goal is worthy .However, closely scrutiny of this assertion I generally disagree this assertion for its ignorance of many other aspects.

First and foremost ,we should realize thatwhether a goal is worthy or notdepending on the angle of every single individual which is different from each other .The generalization of every goal is worthy or not makes an illogical fault. It is easily understandable that the idea ofsuffering the risk of caught by police to steal lots of cash is quite worthy for a thief ,but wont’ even happen in an cultivated people's mind .In social level ,religious may be quite important for one country ,but to the country like China which do not have tradition of believes ,it might not be so much worthy .So generalization of all kinds of worthwhile things is wrong in nature.

However ,the conclusion seems to be reasonable that if one goal is close to the high value and ethics standards of one country ,it is trustworthy to take any efforts to attain the destination. But this conclusion still neglect what the effect and other relevance of those efforts will bring us. From the individuals level ,as the spirit and economical condition of one person is limited ,many efforts should be confined within a limited state. Such as for nearly every people it may be great for every one to purchase the career of presidents. But in practical condition only tiny few of those people is fit for this goal. If all of them take whatever efforts to purchase ,it will definitely come to be counterproductive. And in social level ,every country also have their own condition, blindly chasing the huge benefits will probably take too much costs in economy politic or resources which beyond one country's bearing. An vivid example is the Cold War between US and Soviet Union two countries take too much efforts on competition to become the first powerful country and ignore
the importance of gradually development ,finally this goal do harm to both countries and left them lots of weapon and waste which are useless in peace time.

Finally ,I have to admit that there are some urgent cases which related to the prosper safety and harmony of one country or even the mankind .In such cases it is indeed necessary to take what ever means to find out the solution or achieve the goal .Such the critical juncture inww2, in order to cease the war immediately American drop two nuclear bomb in Japan .On the moral level of mankind ,this behavior is brutal , but it indeed prevent more innocent people dead during the tragic battle; And another vivid example in nowadays is the colon technique which aim to cure patients at first ,but when an insane scientist announcing his decision to adopt it on the human body ,it is definitively necessary to make whatever efforts to stop this plan.

In sum ,not matter a goal is worthy for an individual or one whole country ,the means taken by them should be proper and take full consideration of current condition and further effect it will bring us .Blindly coming to the conclusion that any effort is justifiable only if this goal is worthy or beneficial is too dangerous and may prove to counterproductive and
opposite to the original will.

stillwaveUID：2104055

咋还没人改我的呢？

hunter101020UID：2591908

第一次限时 手忙脚乱的。。。。。 题目也没记住。。。。。
Will the media coverage eventually ruined famous few reputation? According to  this issue ,it seems to be reasonable that people's reputation can not afford the intensive scrutiny of media .However, in my view ,I largely disagree this assertion for its ignorance of comprehensive view

First and foremost, it is undeniable that every people are human beings who will make mistakes and have weak points.Media shows the scandal and corrupt aspects of many people who are often under the high lights .Indeed the reputation of these people who used to be considered as heros of public are ruined .Huang yu xi ,"the most famous scientist " in Korea drew enormous popularity and fame during his career ship of scientist .But in 2004 ,one newspaper public house in Korea reveal his forfeit and adulteration in research and papers .This scandal greatly stubborn the whole society and this crack was put into prison for criminal.
  
But this does not mean no body's reputation will survive under the scrutiny of meadia .Public have tolerances to those poeple who often reveals on the TV to make mistake or have weak points or even scandals  in an objective view that those famous people contain lots of merits and outstanding virtuosity or ability which can bring public benefits .Such as the Bill Clinton though suffer sexal scandal during the last period of his president careership ,people still admired him and admit his achievements  of  pushing american economy into bloom and purchasing national wide  cooperation to help developing countries.

And we should also realize that the function of  media is to objectively spread  information , effectively guide the view of publics and pass the right and high standard culture and values to the larger society.So, technically, media never ruined anyone's reputation or make heros diminished as the issue said ,but rather than offer a comprehensive way for us to create hero which without any blinde adoration.Just as what we mentioned above and many other scandals of presidents and chair man during history,media reveal their faults and ill worth points to make us see them more objectively.Moreover ,the development of media serve as a plat form of communication and transmit information can also facilitate us to show our talents which is to say ,offer every common people to opportunity to become hero. One example is the popular phenomenon which more and more huge selection activities in media programme, every people actively join in competition and get an opportunity to show his or her talents .And during this many talent people who are always lack the chance to show himself gain the fame which he or she deserve .Thus media actually produce hero rather that eliminate them.

In sum , media actually provide us more way to regard our hero objectively in order to prevent us from being blind adoration of hero . And for the development of media , more people get opportunities to show their talents and gain their own reputation in certain aspects. Thus, the invention of media actually help creating hero rather than eliminate them.

hunter101020UID：2591908

占位166
issue 48
Looking through the history of human being development, every step of our technological advancements and social changes are record by historians as guidance to off-springs. From the invetion of wheel to the discovery of electricity. From the innovation in digital world to the propose of the structure of DNA. When we looked back such significant events which brought benefits to every corner of our daily life. In most of case, people only could remeber some famous scientists or political leader. While the mass groups of populaces were rarely mentioned.(第一段缺乏中心仅仅是对现实的阐述 不知道这样的开头 适合不适合议论文)

It is universually acknowledged that studying history can provide us numrous lessons about the businesses we deal with every day. To great extent, history serve as a motivating force for individual development这句可以作为主题 上句可以当作举例. Analyzing the history of one's nation may utimately risen the patriotism and the passion to devote contribution to his or her country. Remebering the nagetive effect of wars in the past could help us avaid repetting the same mistake.(从中心句提出观点 再到论述 再到举例 要有条理)

On the superfacial view(从表边上看是转折用语 后面要跟重点), it really seems (to be)that the individuals such as the inventors, founders, or leaders who scratch the road map of human developments.（有语病）When we mentioned the American civil war, Abramham Lincoln could be easily remebered for his contribution to lead the union break the unfair laws ,won the independant war and emancipated the black people.  In the realm of scientific reserch, the Nobel prize owners will be forever recorded in the human history because their famous theories or discoveries which exerted vital influence in technology progress. The name of Albert Einstein, Tomas Adison, Wotson and click are widespread to all of the world.（对于名人的作用可以论述下再举例）

Every nation might have its own hero, who once played a significant role to change the histories of its country. The example to this point involved American George Washington, South African Mandela and Chinese Chinaman Mao, those who receive great reverence from their populace. In the business world, Bill Gates, the founder of Mircosoft corperation was considered as the role model on the morden concept of success, because he epedite the development of PC industry and push people into the wonderful information age. All the hot figures did do tremedous work to impetus the progress of our society. However, we definitely cannot ingore the power of great pubilc people.（这个也是在论述名人作用不是么？）
要有转折连词Without the support of populace, the famous few could hardly succeeded in their feilds. Needlss to say exerting influence on the history. 为什么？要论述下 光举例在这里没有说服力many of world maricles,like Great wall, Pymides were constructed by groups of people. The American civil war would never succeeded if the black people did not help the union. Without the endeavor of numerous ancenstor to explore the aknowledge and experience, the breakthough in scientific research will never come ture.
优点就不说了
文章有些松散 缺乏有效的递进和论述结构 段落中心太小
伟人的功用仅在商业有所表现？ 伟人的作用 scratch the road map of human developments 和Every nation might have its own hero, who once played a significant role to change the histories of its country.有什么太大区别？ 一定要拉开层次 推荐你看范文的论述和角度


In sum, even if the famous few help the paly a vital role in helping our society improved in every aspects. But the support of groups of people is the main force to change histories and exert forever influence.

stillwaveUID：2104055

by Hunter
Scholars and researchers should not be concerned with whether their work makes a contribution to the larger society. It is more important that they pursue their individual interests ,however unusual or idiosyncratic those interests may seem.

Which one is more important to researchers ,contribution or their own interests? According to this issue, it seems to be reasonable to pursue their own interests .However closely scrutiny of this assertion I partly disagree the author’s opinion while in some cases we should be circumspect .

First and foremost, individual interests has indeed played a vital role in the process of research which provide researchers constant impetus. As taking the deep state and abstract projects, many researchers have to work alone and cannot well communicate with other people in their professions. Such as pure mathematics or philosophy, those subjects are totally confined within the state of professor’s mind. In this case, interests can push scholars going on working willing and overcome the feeling of loneliness.The famous chemist ---Nobel who contributes his whole life to the research of safe explosion is an vivid example .Moreover, interest can often provide scientists with imagination and inspiration to help them break through bottleneck and difficulties, (then) and get larger(greater) achievements. (The famous architect Ghodi who draw enormous popularity of Spainists was also very interested  with ancient myths and legend传说 。The great ideas and details of his famous building Sent jiazu church and Mila apartment are(were) original from the characters such as dragons , weird fish and so on, those ancient myths provide lots of typical materials to godi  )例子不知是否合适 Thus , holding interests in the process of research is very crucial.
个人觉得例子Nobel的例子挺贴切，其他的不太合适，这里可以用爱因斯坦发现相对论，爱迪生的不放弃,他们都是因为有兴趣。
However we should also realize that research are not an 去掉individual affairs which only relevant to scientists themselves, it also influence social development and stable even（stability of ） our safety which should be taken seriously consideration and scrutiny .Only  by the standard of individual interests to determining (determine)the destiny of research is very presumptuous and fatuous. In some extreme cases some scholars with bad moral standards and ill worth values may even lead their researches to be disasters to our society .In order to prove this we need look no further than the invention of colon techniques which aims to recreate new organs for curing people .While with an insane scientist announcing his insane resolution to adopt this techniques into human’s body ,this research brought tremendous shock and threaten to the whole world for his badly challenge to our traditional moral standards.
句法很正确，可是觉得有些句子太长，不太顺畅。
3Finally, research works are the exploration of unknown world which contains many ideas and factors beyond the common people’s imagination .Some ideas may be unusual and idiosyncratic but contains potential benefits ,in that case scientists should  trace their own way to purchase the destination; but if the research work may bring potential damage or disaster to the society ,it should be forbidden just as what we mentioned above.Moreover some idea prove to be beneficial but requiring huge amount of costs.In that case the researcher should also well consider the economical condition. If it will cost a lot and may influence the broad development of research progress ,scholars should turn to those projects which bring benefits in short term and wait for an proper time for the latter one.
这里最好举一些能make contribution to the pulic 的例子，如data base of gene project.和scientist也该有社会责任感。
In sum, research work is an critical juncture in social development which should concern many factors. It is indeed proper and necessary to take individual interests into consideration, but what kinds of effect and how these effect will be brought to the larger society is also very crucial. Every researchers should purchase devote into their work not only from individual perspective but also from social one.
思路清晰，有些例子有一点儿牵强，总之，值得学习。

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贴上我的第二篇练习，我16号考，打算四月份一天练一篇，大家觉得能有提高吗？？
TOPIC: ISSUE48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."
WORDS: 485          TIME: 00:45:00          DATE: 2009-4-2 10:01:03
Looking through the history of human being development, every step of our technological advancements and social changes are record by historians as guidance to off-springs.From the invetion of wheel to the discovery of electricity. From the innovation in digital world to the propose of the structure of DNA. When we looked back such significant events which brought benefits to every corner of our daily life. In most of case, people only could remeber some famous scientists or political leader. While the mass groups of populaces were rarely mentioned.

It is universually aknowledged that studying history can provide us numrous lessons about the businesses we deal with every day. To great extent, history serve as a motivating force for individual development. Analyzing the history of one's nation may utimately risen the patriotism and the passion to devote contribution to his or her country. Remebering the nagetive effect of wars in the past could help us avaid repetting the same mistake.

On the superfacial view, it really seems that the individuals such as the inventors, founders, or leaders who scratch the road map of human developments. When we mentioned the American civil war, Abramham Lincoln could be easily remebered for his contribution to lead the union break the unfair laws ,won the independant war and emancipated the black people.  In the realm of scientific reserch, the Nobel prize ownners will be forever recorded in the human history because their famous theories or discoveries which exerted vital influence in technology progress. The name of Albert Einstein, Tomas Adison, Wotson and click are widespread to all of the world.

Every nation might have its own hero, who once played a significant role to change the histories of its country. The example to this point involved American George Washington, South African Mandela and Chinese Chinaman Mao, those who receive great reverence from their populace. In the business world, Bill Gates, the founder of Mircosoft corperation was considered as the role model on the morden concept of success, because he epedite the development of PC industry and push people into the wonderful information age. All the hot figures did do tremedous work to impetus the progress of our society. However, we definitely cannot ingore the power of great pubilc people.

Without the support of populace, the famous few could hardly succeeded in their feilds. Needlss to say exerting influence on the history. many of world maricles,like Great wall, Pymides were constructed by groups of people. The American civil war would never succeeded if the black people did not help the union. Without the endeavor of numerous ancenstor to explore the aknowledge and experience, the breakthough in scientific research will never come ture.

In sum, even if the famous few help the paly a vital role in helping our society improved in every aspects. But the support of groups of people is the main force to change histories and exert forever influence.

TOPIC: ARGUMENT19 - The following appeared in a letter from the manager of a rock band named Double Rice.
"One year ago, tickets for Double Rice's concerts in stadiums around the country took, on average, at least 24 hours to sell out, if they sold out at all. But the band has been enjoying a surge in nationwide popularity among 14 to 25 year olds, and the 30,000 tickets for a recent concert in Megalopolis sold out in 12 minutes. Clearly the ticket sales in Megalopolis are a result both of the band's increased popularity and of the advertising campaign run in Megalopolis by the Ad Lib advertising agency. Thus, in order to ensure that the band's success in Megalopolis is repeated across the country, the band should hire Ad Lib to duplicate the Megalopolis ad campaign on a nationwide scale."
WORDS: 361          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2009-4-2 10:01:03
The author claimed that the band should hire Ad Lib to duplicate the megalopolis ad campaign all over the country to ensure the band's success in Megalopolis. The reason the support this claim is that recently the band was quite popular among 14 to 25 years olds and the tickets were immediately sold out compared before. The argument appears to be sound, however, careful examination of the supporting evidences reveals several facets which may be overlooked.

The precondition of the conclusion is advertising campaign did help the band to succeed. But there is no specific information to show it.  The author fail to discribe any plans about their advertisment, how did they procede it? by which mean they attract audiences? and what the response from the public. It is entirely possible that the success in Megalopolis was only due to the popularity of band. Perhaps there are more youngster who are among 14 to 25 year olds in this place,  or perhaps the local people ocassionally are  more fond of this band.
Similarily, the author also failed to consider the total number of the tickets in Megalopolis. If the total number of tickets this time was far less than one year ago, it is naturly sold out faster. Beside,  the another important thing is wether the band are really enjoying the nationwide popularity. without any stastic data to confirm it, I simple can not take the prediction seriously.
Further more, it is difficult to just copy the success in one area to the other or to the all nation. If the public like the Couble Rice band depend on many factors, such as the population age, their vocation, the percentage of youngster. Without any analysis on the nationwide market, only repying on the  advertising campaign could hardly ensure the success on nationwide scale.
In sum, the author is too hasty to draw the conclusion only based on one phenomena in one area. To make a reasonable suggestion, he should futher reserch the national polularity of this band, the attitude from public towards the advertising campaign and how to arrange the whole process of the concert differently according to the specific conditons.

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235 by qianyier

TOPIC: ISSUE235 - "Most people are taught that loyalty is a virtue. But loyalty-whether to one's friends, to one's school or place of employment, or to any institution-is all too often a destructive rather than a positive force."
WORDS: 435          TIME: 00:45:00          DATE: 2009-4-1 16:45:41

Whether loyalty is a virtue may be a controversial question(个人觉得issue好一点儿). The speaker claims that loyalty is almost a destructive but not a positive force. However, I think loyalty is essential for one to survive in society even though sometimes extreme loyalty may cause passive(negative) consequences.

To begin with, loyalty, which means being faithful to someone or organization, is a virtue that we can never abandon. For individuals, we like to make friends with persons（those） who are loyal and honest.  No one, no matter how genteel or tolerant they are, can bear a friend who is friendly and telling the truth in front of him or her but does something badly when he or she leaves. When the company employers are interviewing the applicants, they usually pay much attention to the (cadidates') morality, which includes loyalty. Because commercial information in a company is required to be confidential, unmoral staff may undermine the base (reputation)of a company. Loyalty is the basic condition for a corporation to develop stably and healthily. Even if there is (only) one staff who are(was) not loyal to the company and sell(sold) the secret documents to the(their) competitors, the closing for this company is not far away. As a result, immorality may not only lead some people can not gain real friendship, but also make him or her unemployed. Without such virtue, liars are here and there in society. We can not trust anyone except ourselves. How terrible it is to imagine that!
论点明确，例子恰当，可以延伸些Loyalty of army 对国家安全的作用。
Second, loyalty is so important in moral system that it can also bring about belongingness for someone.  As for myself, being loyal to my hometown, which means that I will recommend the people or scenery wherever I am, makes me feel like I am a part of some place. When I confront depression in my life, I often feel much better when I recall my hometown. Another example is that many people are loyal to the former school, which can also be called the sentiment for mother school.
这段个人感觉不太切题，可以发掘一下loyalty 的深层含义，如不忠诚会被隔离，信任感一旦破坏，很难修复等。

Nevertheless, extremely loyal to some people or places may conduce severe results. There is no more appropriate example than Hitler and his followers.  The Nazi, who followed the cruel policy of Hitler, were quite radical in ethnical issue. They were committed to Hitler and kill many Jews. It is not deniable that they had committed huge crimes in history. Hitler and the followers were finally defeated by justice.  Another instance can be drawn from the experience of China. Although Chairman Mao, with many other Communist Party members and Democratic people, led Chinese people to liberation,but he made wrong decisions in the construction of new China in the 1950s to 1970s. At that time, loyalty to such leaders may jeopardize the development of a nation.
从反面说过犹不及，不要盲目忠诚，很好。
To sum up, loyalty is crucial virtual(virtue) for people to acquire social resources, such as making friends and finding jobs. Meanwhile, we feel we belong to some place when we are faithful to it. Loyalty strengthens our sentimental emotions. Sometimes, as we can see from our history, being loyal to autarchic leaders or autarchy system can ruin a person's value and force him or her to do stupid things. Above all, we need loyalty with wise choices rather than blindly following others.
概括到位，表明自己的观点。
结构和观点都很清晰，如果行文和句式在流畅些就更好了。