adj的作文贴

adj-remyUID：2974851

3,21,独立

蝶澈UID：2789619

不好意思，因为你的占座贴上一直米有链接，所以今天才看到

dreamhunter111UID：2611324

20# adj-remy
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?



Movies and televisions should always show audience good people being rewarded and bad people being
punished

Nowadays, numerous movies, especially American movies choose to promote that people whom[应该用who，还是你用他做reward的宾语？] are good people should be rewarded, and bad people must go to the hell. In this case, some people hold that [they agree with this opinion]:有点重复 [one of the most important factors by people to watch movies and televisions is that they want to relax]变一下句式，呵呵relaxing is one of the most important factor for peole to watch movies and televisions. However, other people, like me, prefer to choose movies and televisions should promote practical and realistic好像语法有点小问题哦,[prefer movies and televisions which are practical and realistic]. and I have [there are] several reasons to support my viewpoint.

First and foremost, actually, it is not all audiences can recognize这里用这个词不太恰当 good and evil easily[differentiate good from evil], especially children. if [If]movies and televisions always show these type of programs[programs of this kind], they will make children to confuse[children are easily confused]. For example, 《Transformers》, a movie of typical heroism, its main idea is showing that Autobots will always win, will always rewarded by human. The Megatron will always lose and remain forever infamous[unnoticed]. However, the real world is not always like 《Transformers》[that],. sometimes citizens cannot distinguish between good people and bad people. Therefore, if movies and televisions always show the programs of heroism[英雄主义的电影跟题目所说的“因果报应”有一定的区别吧，哈哈，至少我是这样理解的，英雄主义未必都是说善有善报，恶有恶报], audiences will gradual increase the difficulty of distinction.[不太懂,O(∩_∩)O]
我觉得你的例子可以讲得更深入一些，
The first above example is only an illustration that there is a deeper theory underlying this problem which is that？ in real world,[你可以长短句交错着用，我觉得你驾驭长句的能力还是有点欠缺，先从短句开始吧…别介意啊，要么是你用得很高深，要么是你用长句的能力还有点欠缺，至少这句话我是一头雾水….] good people are not always have a home to return?比喻？？ and bad people also have not always go to the hell. Consequently,[这个词用得不错！！] after【with】
movie and television’s promotions, audiences will be easy to mislead[are easily misled], but actually both situations should leave the door open比喻？？. For instance, Jesus, although he was utmost to
？support that everyone should [be]kind for【to】 others. However, because of the sacerdos' pressure, Jesus had to be used the
[suffer]crucifixion. As a result, in real world, not all good people can have good ending.
这个例子……我觉得神话故事不太好，也许阅卷者不是基督徒….
On the contrary, sometimes movies and televisions use the skill which is advocating good people and bad people in different ways also have some advantages, like producers can earn more money than saying narrative the realistic. However, a close inspection of the argument would reveal how flimsy it is: that behavior can only benefit for producers but not audiences.

In conclusion, no matter some people still hold that because of the relaxation, people do not care about the promotion of movies and televisions, I still maintain my opinion:[这是你想论证一种观点，不是说我保持一种什么观点，我觉得这就有点像吵架说不过人家，就说“反正我认为是这样的”的一样] after that promotion【我从头就开始怀疑这个单词到底是用来表达一种什么意思】, people will confuse about good people and bad people's ending, therefore, televisions and movies should not always show this type of programs

有点接受不了？？呵呵，没关系，慢慢来，我觉得你这篇作文逻辑不够严密，长句用得多也用得不好，表达得不是很清楚。别介意啊，还是那句话，要么是你的英语水平很高，我读不懂，要么是你的表达还不是很到位，还需要努力，先从简单的句式写起，尽量写短句，等能熟练的使用短句了再用长句。长短句交错进行，这样文章有节奏感，读起来很上口……谢谢你替我改得作文，很细致….好好加油啊…….

adj-remyUID：2974851

囧了。。。又写错题目了，我写成今天的作业了，麻烦同组的组员了，不好意思

adj-remyUID：2974851

16# adj-remy

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
People who go outside are more successful and happier than people who stay in villages

Nowadays, numerous people have nostal ...
mpromanus 发表于 2011-4-1 18:06

谢谢您的修改，的确写的好辍啊，我会尽力弥补我的不足， thx

mpromanusUID：2565872

16# adj-remy

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
People who go outside are more successful and happier than people who stay in villages

Nowadays, numerous people have nostalgias because they have already hanged ('hanged' specifically means someone is dead by hanging. The past tense of the 'hang' in 'hang out' should be 'hung'.) out to for a long time and they have not any chance to stay in their hometowns. (Now this is some weird logic. 'Hang out' doesn't say anything about having to leave your hometown. In fact a 'hang out' is usually near where you live or study or work. You go out to a nice cafe just next to your house with some friends on a Saturday - that's called 'hanging out'. You seem to want to express 'stayed away (from their hometowns)' but somehow, somehow, you thought 'hang out' is the expression to use - probably because 'hang out' loosely translates to 外出 in Chinese, which loosely translates back to 'leave', which is very different from 'hang out'...) In this case, some people hold that one of the standards for the successful people is whether they are busy or not (I don't see the relationship between this sentence and the previous one. What does 'nostalgia' have to do with people having this standard of successful people?) Therefore, they think that going outside are is happier and successful than staying in the countryside. However, other people, like me, prefer choosing to stay in villages, and I have several reasons to support my viewpoint. (The question is about whether you agree with the topic. It's not about where you prefer to stay. You don't have to 'prefer' to agree with anything.)


First and foremost, if people stay in villages, they will produce (This means 'make'. You can't 'produce' a sense. You 'develop' a sense.) the sense of belonging. For example, Adriano, : he is a world-famous footballer all over the world. When he was successful in Inter Milan, he had to choose came (You choose something, or choose to do something. There is no 'choose do' something.) back to the village (Which village? There are thousands of villages in the world and which one you're referring to by 'the'? If you use 'the', the noun must be SPECIFIC, for example, 'the cat I saw yesterday', or 'I have a book. The book is here.'). Because he maintained that after he became famous, only having the strangers and speculators surrounding him but not people how the kindness and honesty has (This not even a proper sentence. What are you trying to say?) . A lot of reporters always traced and agents induced him (Yeah, so? What does this piece of information try to illustrate? I think you're trying to give examples of 'stranges and speculators...not people of kindness and honesty', but there is no obvious connection showing what you're trying to do. Simply speaking, you're just writing one sentence after another. You're not making a COHESIVE argument.). Although he had already been successful in Italy, he still had strong homesickness, he wanted to seclude himself in a village: the village could give the serene and clean environment to him. Consequently, no matter people become successful or not, if they always go outside and live in a strange environment, they cannot feel happier and belonging than staying in villages. (Good. This is indeed how paragraph conclustions should be written.)


The first above example above is only an illustration that there is a deeper theory underlying this problem which is that people will have family happiness if they stay in villages (But why is this a 'problem'?). Compared with it (What?), if they go outside all the time, their family members will both worry and be apprehensible (This means 'understandable'. Do you mean 'apprehensive'? They happen to be siblings with different extended meanings.). For instance, there are a lot of millionaires who prefer to stay in villages with their children after they retire, because they hold that after they become successful, the material living cannot be gratified (Things 'gratify' people. People 'gratify' their desires. People are 'gratified' by things.Things don't 'get gratified to' people - just like you can't say 'this meal is not satisfied to me'.) to them, they need the a spiritual living to compensate for their families who was miss? the chance to stay together before. So, choosing a secluded and serene village to them is definitely better than going outside. (Right, but that doesn't say anything about whether they must be less successful or happier than people who are still out there. You conclusion is essentially comparing 'villages' with 'the outside', not 'people who go outside' with 'people who stay in villages'. Again, this falls through from your opening paragraph - 'other people, like me, PREFER to stay in villages..' - which, in your mide, molds the question into something remotely relevant but different.)


On the contrast (You mean, 'contrary'?), sometimes people who go outside have also some advantages, like they can broaden their kens. However, a close inspection of this argument would reveal how flimsy it is: to broaden the horizon is only be happy to the juvenile, but not all types of people (I'm sure Sir David Attenborough would think otherwise..). Consequently, I am sure my above examples can conquer all opponents (You sure? Your second argument is not even arguing the right question.. Don't be so absolute when dealing with opponents.).

In conclusion, although some people still hold that if some people always are busy to hang out, they must be successful and happy, I still support my opinion: to producing the sense of belonging, we should choose to stay in villages. To compensate for family, we should also stay in villages. (There it goes again. The question is not even asking you where everyone should choose to stay.


Think about this:


甲: Do you agree that married people are happier than unmarried people?


乙: Some people might think so, but I prefer marriage, once you marry you'll know it's happy, many good people choose to marry because it is happier, single life is good too but marriage is still so much better, so of course everyone should be married!


This is basically what your essay looks like to an examiner.)




总结：

词汇 - 很多大词你明显是不会用的。。要么查字典弄明白这个词应该怎么用（不只是知道意思），要么不要用，换个你能用对的词。

语法 - 问题不大，但是有很明显的一不知道要怎么表达某个想法就连语法也不管导致不知所云的倾向。。

逻辑 - 基本上就是你最后回答的问题和问题问的根本就不是一回事儿。。=.= 请注意扣题。。

sun3mayUID：2574771

3.29独立~
改好了~

adj-remyUID：2974851

3,29独立

CoryanUID：2993557

28号的独立写作~~
不好意思改的晚了= =！错了。。。。

ferrywinGTIUID：2980899

3.28 独立－改

adj-remyUID：2974851

3,28独立

sEven_zhUID：3007258

不好意思，昨天去医院了所以晚了，这事24号作业的修改

wuhy08UID：2671269

恩。。。

伶女UID：2797207

3.25 revised

adj-remyUID：2974851

3,26独立