issue94 按照大家的要求格式贴的,不知道比上次有提高没有？

sophywUID: 203712

这篇是精心改正过的，包括语法，论证深度等问题，不知道改正过的东西水平怎么样，希望得到大家的批评指正。

写成了通才和专才的东东，不要拿ETS6分的作文和我比哦，明显不在同一水平线上啊！
总字数606

bow先了

Topic:
Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's field of study because acquiring knowledge of various academic disciplines is the best way to become truly educated.

Outline
1.        开头
2.        题目的定义,给所有的学生以本学科以外的课程意味着培养通才,而这个社会需要通才和专才的结合
3.        通才在这个社会中必不可少
4.        专才在这个社会中也是很重要的
5.        结尾

Body
The speaker asserts that since acquiring knowledge of various academic disciplines is the best way for the students to be truly educated, universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student’s field of study. As far as I concerned, it is not a wise way to require all the students in universities to take a variety of courses outside the student’s field of study.

What is the definition of truly educated? Different persons hold different attitudes, and as it is for me, not only does truly educated mean that education must make the society
harmonious, thrive and flourish, but it does also mean that the people having different predispositions should be educated in diverse ways. Too emphasizing on that all students should be educated in only one field of disciplines should turn them to experts. On the contrary, narrowly stressing on that a diversity of disciplines should be imparted to every student should make him or her generalist. While our society’s stability, harmony and development could neither without experts nor generalists, they are just like two sides of a coin.

Generalist plays a vital role in the flourish of our society, to some extent, in the complement of one project. A fitting example of which is no success of a rocket’s launch mission is without a generalist’s effort. Rocket is comprised of various parts, such as engine, electronic instruments and high quality materials. Dynamics, electronics, chemistry and many other disciplines are covered in the period of building it. If no generalist is involved in this huge project, it could not image that different parts of the rockets could be geared and welted properly to make every part exerting an indispensable role. Without the generalist, every part of the rocket will be apart at random and ironical, specialist in different disciplines will assemble the rocket in different ways and maybe when it comes to rocket, different shapes of it will be emerged in one’s brain. Generalist is like a soul of a poem and without it, the poem will be like an inventory.

In addition, to flourish the society, the expert is inevitably taken into account. The society without experts will cause an unimaginable consequence. Taking a rocket as an example again, experts play a considerable role in accomplishing the rocket project even though the fundamentality of generalist could not be ignored. One of the rocket’s parts, engine, is a fitting example. More experts take part in designing it, more professional they are, more robust of engine is, in turn, the stability and precision of the rocket will be ensured. How can one image that a generalist could make an engine as robust and stable as an expert? Just like is it plausible that a spacecraft could see a very small island from the space? Does the strategist could serve as a solider in the war? We could not ignore the necessity of the experts just as we could not ignore the importance of solider in the war and the island in the world.

So as I see it, no longer can the society have the generalist, without specialist could meet today’s demands and it is the same as the opposite. Universities should not only concentrate on the generalist cultivating, not considering the experts’ role in the society. Further more, in the university decision in which how to educate students, the students’ penchant is also an important aspect. Based on the reasons listed above, universities should not require “every” student to take a variety of courses outside the student’s field of study, it will eliminate the individuality of the society and harmful.

sophywUID: 203712

up,大家帮帮忙啊,否则欧都没有热情继续写下去了 :)

fhxyweiUID: 157384

这篇是精心改正过的，包括语法，论证深度等问题，不知道改正过的东西水平怎么样，希望得到大家的批评指正。

写成了通才和专才的东东，不要拿ETS6分的作文和我比哦，明显不在同一水平线上啊！
总字数606

bow先了

Topic:
Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's field of study because acquiring knowledge of various academic disciplines is the best way to become truly educated.

Outline
1.        开头
2.        题目的定义,给所有的学生以本学科以外的课程意味着培养通才,而这个社会需要通才和专才的结合
3.        通才在这个社会中必不可少
4.        专才在这个社会中也是很重要的
5.        结尾
[3，4两个论点就有显著的跑题倾向，这篇issue主要不是要你论述通才和专才的重要性，按照你的思路，你应当论述专修和多修的优缺点，而能够培养出通才只是你赞成should多修的一个价值评判标准而已，说白了，你就讲了一个观点：因为taking a variety of courses outside the student's field of study 有助于培养通才，所以我赞成“should do it”!

你应该还要挖掘一下譬如 taking a variety of courses outside the student's field of study 就是 the best way吗？ 什么才算“truly educated”?培养通才就算吗？ 多修和“truly educated”有多大必然的联系？即使有很大联系，有必要require all students 吗?]
好，下面看一下你的正文



Body
The speaker asserts that since acquiring knowledge of various academic disciplines is the best way for the students to be truly educated, universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student’s field of study. As far as I concerned, it is not a wise way to require all the students in universities to take a variety of courses outside the student’s field of study.[开篇就提出你自己的观点：反对要求所有学生修专业以外多种课程，观点鲜明，没问题，接着看你下面的论证]
What is the definition of truly educated[truly educated并不是名词，形容词有时候可以之直接做名词，但这个好像很少见，改为true education]? Different persons hold different attitudes, and as it is for me, not only does truly educated mean that education must make the society
harmonious, thrive[这个也是一个动词] and flourish, but it does also mean that the people having different predispositions[这个单词究竟是什么意思？建议你仔细推敲一下，性格,脾气是disposition] should be educated in diverse ways. Too emphasizing[too much emphasis] on that all students should be educated in only one field of disciplines should turn them to experts.[这句话有点别扭, 要我写肯定精简一下：Too much emphasis oon focusing into their own field would turn them into experts] On the contrary, narrowly stressing [直接用名词就行了The only stress]on that a diversity of disciplines should be imparted to every student should make[是某人变成，用make不太好吧？] him or her generalist. While our society’s stability, harmony and development could neither without[without 是一个adv, not a verb] experts nor generalists[其实一个简单的句子就解决问题，while our society's stability, harmony and development need both experts and generalists, 还有while 用这这里是什么意思], they are just like two sides of a coin.

Generalist plays a vital role in the flourish of our society, to some extent, in the complement of one project. A fitting example of which is no success of a rocket’s launch mission is without a generalist’s effort. Rocket is comprised of various parts, such as engine, electronic instruments and high quality materials. Dynamics, electronics, chemistry and many other disciplines are covered in the period of building it. If no generalist is involved in this huge project, it could not image that different parts of the rockets could be geared and welted properly to make every part exerting an indispensable role. Without the generalist, every part of the rocket will be apart at random and ironical, specialist in different disciplines will assemble the rocket in different ways and maybe when it comes to rocket, different shapes of it will be emerged in one’s brain. Generalist is like a soul of a poem and without it, the poem will be like an inventory.

In addition, to flourish the society, the expert is inevitably taken into account. The society without experts will cause an unimaginable consequence. Taking a rocket as an example again, experts play a considerable role in accomplishing the rocket project even though the fundamentality of generalist could not be ignored. One of the rocket’s parts, engine, is a fitting example. More experts take part in designing it, more professional they are, more robust of engine is, in turn, the stability and precision of the rocket will be ensured. How can one image that a generalist could make an engine as robust and stable as an expert? Just like is it plausible that a spacecraft could see a very small island from the space? Does the strategist could serve as a solider in the war? We could not ignore the necessity of the experts just as we could not ignore the importance of solider in the war and the island in the world.[这两段严重跑题，论述好多通才还专才的东西，虽然有些关系，但是没有真正回应题目]

So as I see it, no longer can the society have the generalist, without specialist could meet today’s demands and it is the same as the opposite. Universities should not only concentrate on the generalist cultivating, not considering the experts’ role in the society. Further more, in the university decision in which how to educate students, the students’ penchant is also an important aspect. Based on the reasons listed above, universities should not require “every” student to take a variety of courses outside the student’s field of study, it will eliminate the individuality of the society and harmful

好多语法问题还得慢慢给你改，今天就看到这里

[ Last edited by fhxywei on 2005-5-4 at 14:38 ]

sophywUID: 203712

说实话,不太同意楼上的观点,跑题的观点
这是一个should类型的题目,讨论的是好处还是坏处
1.教育要求"每一个"学生学习自己专业以外的东西,当然培养出来的是通才
2.相反,如果只钻研本学科的内容,得到的东西自然是专才

我觉得在第二段的时候就阐述了这个观点,说明了两者的必然联系,下面顺着写下去并没有觉得有跑题的嫌疑,至于到底是不是off-topic,我觉得还有待讨论

另外,感觉楼上的帮我改正很多语法的问题,我想这是我的一个最大的问题,看来最近要集中精力投入了,呵呵,

多谢批改,学到了很多

你也是刚准备gre吗?

fhxyweiUID: 157384

说实话,不太同意楼上的观点,跑题的观点
这是一个should类型的题目,讨论的是好处还是坏处
1.教育要求"每一个"学生学习自己专业以外的东西,当然培养出来的是通才
2.相反,如果只钻研本学科的内容,得到的东西自然是专才

我觉得在第二段的时候就阐述了这个观点,说明了两者的必然联系,下面顺着写下去并没有觉得有跑题的嫌疑,至于到底是不是off-topic,我觉得还有待讨论

另外,感觉楼上的帮我改正很多语法的问题,我想这是我的一个最大的问题,看来最近要集中精力投入了,呵呵,

多谢批改,学到了很多


1，首先你的第二段的论证我是同意的

2，再看看你第一段的观点和后面的论证： As far as I concerned, it is not a wise way to require all the students in universities to take a variety of courses outside the student’s field of study.
明显是反对take a variety of courses

而你接着在第三段重墨写通才的重要性，而通才按照你的说法，正好需要take a varity of coures, 和你的总观点自相矛盾 这是第一个我所谓的''off the track'

3，第三段写专才的重要性，这个总算和你的开篇观点有点一致，我觉得如何把中间的这个“桥梁”讲清楚很重要：“不把大量时间投入到 courses outide the one's field才能有助于成为一个专才“， 而不是不直接地论述专才的优势和重要性。因为就正如你说的这是一个''should'题目，但是题目要讨论的是“should” or not should "take a variety of courses outside",而不是should or not should 培养专才。

我觉得你思维可能是这样子的：你在第2段先讲结果或者影响，students should be educated in only one field of disciplines should turn them to experts, 然后 再在第4段阐述原因：那是因为expert有很重要。 跳跃得太快了，没有和taking courses 联系起来，所以我觉得有些“off topic”


我是一个喜欢争论的人，可能有些意见有点偏激，敬请谅解！

我7.28号考作文，祝大家一起成功！

sophywUID: 203712

明白楼上的观点了,这么看来,好像是有点off-topic

可能应该在开头说明require every student是不对的,而应改有一部分通才,有一部分专才,而且个人兴趣也很重要

如果在开头重点阐述every student的问题,强调两个都很重要,而并非要求"每一个学生都怎么样", 这样在下面的展开中就不会显得有些off-topic,楼上的观点那??

争论才可以进步嘛,这不就是issue1的题目马? 我是同意的,呵呵! :)

fhxyweiUID: 157384

是啊，个人兴趣也可以成为判断should or not should take a variety of courses outside 的标准之一啊

如果你分成把学生分成两部分讨论的话，是完全可以的，因为社会上需要两种人才，所以什么什么…… 这样的话确实不会太跑题

那你的破题点就是不赞成他的“require every student”了，所以观点在某种意义上说应当是中和立场，因为不是彻底的否定。

sophywUID: 203712

同意楼上的观点,我想这才是讨论的关键

chengenhuiUID: 200271

首先，感谢楼主看我的issue
下面是我对你这片文章的看法：

我觉得的这片文章的重点就是 what is truly education？楼主对此的定义在第二段中为“不同的人应该受到不同的教育”，然后引申为通才和专才的培养。
在第二段发表一下自己对题目中关键词的定义，这点十分值得我学习:)。
但是  take a variety of courses outside 一定可以培养出通才么 ？
我觉得题目是要我们讨论教育方法的问题，而非如何培养人才的问题。

我比较同意搂住后来的观点，破题点应该在"require every student"上；
还有就是是不是“best way”；因为显然教育应该因人而异，没有一种方法对everybody 是bestway

以上是我个人观点，仅供参考。

sophywUID: 203712

那是否可以就"every student", 比如学校要求"every student"都学习专业以外的东西,实际上就是培养全部的学生通才,了解各方面的问题 (我的这个观点对吗? 因为题干并没有说学习本专业以外的力度以及深度, 所以很可能就导致了通才的培养)

但是,我们的社会需要通才, 也需要专才,这就是我为什么后面会引出这样的写法,

实际上对于通才和专才的讨论, 也就说明了学校是不是应该让他"所有的"学生都学习本专业以外的东西,因为这个社会需要两者平衡, 而并非只需要通才, "每一个"学生都参与本专业以外的学习.

我想我的破题点是"every student", 没有考虑到" best way",不知道我这样想是否是跑题, 个人觉得这样的逻辑推理没有错, 但是是否应该就题目进行这样的推理呢? 还是只就表面的意思,教育的方法??或者是否可以这么深入一步??