argument4 (sally)

yangxingUID: 2112368

ARGUMENT
4. “Of the two leading real estate firms in our town--Adams Realty and Fitch Realty--Adams is clearly superior. Adams has 40 real estate agents. In contrast, Fitch has 25, many of whom work only part-time. Moreover, Adams’ revenue last year was twice as high as that of Fitch, and included home sales that averaged $168,000, compared to Fitch’s $144,000. Homes listed with Adams sell faster as well: ten years ago, I listed my home with Fitch and it took more than four months to sell; last year, when I sold another home, I listed it with Adams, and it took only one month. Thus, if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price, you should use Adams.”

1.房地产公司好不好，并不是由人数来决定的，不是由是不是兼职来决定的.作者试图让我们相信，两个公司的人的素质，工作能力都是相同的。并且作者想要告诉我们全职的工作人员一定比兼职的要好。全职是不是比兼职好是由每个人的卖房子的能力决定的，兼职的可能更珍惜他们的机会，所以作者的假设是不成立的。
2.错误比较：收入是两倍，可能花销是两倍；平均房价更不能说明什么，可能F公司卖的房子都是小房子或是质量不好的房子但同等情况下，比A公司卖的房子价钱高。可能本身房子的价值就高，卖的当然高。
3.十年前的事情对此案在的预测不具有说服力，用十年前的事和去年相比很可笑，是你钱可能经济不景气，人民生活水平还不高，买不起房子的人多；而去年吗房子的人多了自然就买了。时间不一样，地点不一样，卖的房子品质质量也不一样。通货膨胀都没有考虑进去。此处对比根本不具可比性，

The arguer concludes that if you chose the Adams, your home will be sold quickly. To suppose the conclusion, the arguer cites several evidences: (1) the workers of Adams is more than F's; (2) the income of Adams is two times than F's. And even cites a seemingly convincing sample that the house which is listed to Adams is sold more quickly than another one to F. From the evidences, the arguer try to persuade us to convince the estate firm is bather than F. However, we could easily find some ridiculous flaws in the argument, which is well-presented but well-reasoned.

For one thing, the arguer cites that the workers of the estate firms of Adams are more than F's. We could see some ridiculous weaknesses from the witness. Firstly, we can not know how many workers should a estate firm needed. We could draw a hypothesis that a regularly estate firm need 1000 workers, then the workers of the two firms are less than a regular one and we can not distinguish any differences between the two firms. Secondly, in addition, even if the evidence is credible, we could see the evidence which claims the firm of Adams is better than F is based on that workers of the two companies have the same abilities and we could see it is imposable obviously. Finally, the arguer tries to convince us that the full-time worker is better than par-time worker. Maybe the part-time workers are more desiring than the full-time ones and they work hard than the full0time ones, so we can not conclude that the part-time ones is inefficient. Be sorting of more details, we can not draw any conclusion from the more workers and the part-time workers better than the opposite ones.

For another, the home sales of the Adams are two times than F's contains the other one evidence of the arguer. Whereas, we can not know whether the expense of the firm of Adams is more than income of the firm, if not, the assumption is unconvincing. In addition, the average sales of the Adams are more than F's. We could draw a assumption that the house which is listed to the firm of Adams is a well-quality, larger, well-equipments and have a comfortable environment, whereas, the firm of F has the opposite ones. We could see the differences of income between the two companies are normal. The income and average price of the company can not support the conclusion and unconvinced to us.

To the end, the arguer cites that a house which is listed to the firm of F ten years ago and be sold out in more than four months and the other one which is listed to the firm of Adams is taken only one month the last year. We can see when the house is should out, in the different of the time, the place, the quality and the different buyers. There are so many unstable factor which is lead the evidence is obviously unconvincing.

Overall, for strengthen the evidences, the arguer should provide more convincing and specific witness and cite a more homogeneously example. Without more details, the arguer's conclusion is unstable and unconvincing to us.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-12-17 at 23:37 ]

maylUID: 2162549

argument 4 (sally)

ARGUMENT
4. “Of the two leading real estate firms in our town--Adams Realty and Fitch Realty--Adams is clearly superior. Adams has 40 real estate agents. In contrast, Fitch has 25, many of whom work only part-time. Moreover, Adams’ revenue last year was twice as high as that of Fitch, and included home sales that averaged $168,000, compared to Fitch’s $144,000. Homes listed with Adams sell faster as well: ten years ago, I listed my home with Fitch and it took more than four months to sell; last year, when I sold another home, I listed it with Adams, and it took only one month. Thus, if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price, you should use Adams.”

1.房地产公司好不好，并不是由人数来决定的，不是由是不是兼职来决定的.作者试图让我们相信，两个公司的人的素质，工作能力都是相同的。并且作者想要告诉我们全职的工作人员一定比兼职的要好。全职是不是比兼职好是由每个人的卖房子的能力决定的，兼职的可能更珍惜他们的机会，所以作者的假设是不成立的。
2.错误比较：收入是两倍，可能花销是两倍；平均房价更不能说明什么，可能F公司卖的房子都是小房子或是质量不好的房子但同等情况下，比A公司卖的房子价钱高。可能本身房子的价值就高，卖的当然高。
3.十年前的事情对此案在的预测不具有说服力，用十年前的事和去年相比很可笑，是你钱可能经济不景气，人民生活水平还不高，买不起房子的人多；而去年吗房子的人多了自然就买了。时间不一样，地点不一样，卖的房子品质质量也不一样。通货膨胀都没有考虑进去。此处对比根本不具可比性，

The arguer concludes that if you chose the Adams, your home will be sold quickly. To suppose [support] the conclusion, the arguer cites several evidences: (1) the workers of Adams is more than F's; (2) the income of Adams is two times than F's. [(3)]And even cites a seemingly convincing sample that the house which is listed to Adams is sold more quickly than another one to F. From the evidences, the arguer try to persuade us to convince the estate firm is bather[什么意思better] than F. However, we could easily find some ridiculous flaws in the argument, which is well-presented but [是不是not] well-reasoned.

For one thing, the arguer cites that the workers of the estate firms of Adams are more than F's. We could see some ridiculous weaknesses from the witness. Firstly, we can not know how many workers should a [an] estate firm needed. We could draw a hypothesis that a regularly estate firm need 1000 workers, then the workers of the two firms are less than a regular one and we can not distinguish any differences between the two firms. Secondly, in addition,[两个短语有点重复] even if the evidence is credible, we could see the evidence which claims the firm of Adams is better than F is based on that workers of the two companies have the same abilities and we could see it is imposable obviously.[太绕了，建议断开] Finally, the arguer tries to convince us that the full-time worker is better than par-time worker. Maybe the part-time workers are more desiring than the full-time ones and they work hard than the full－time ones, so we can not conclude that the part-time ones is inefficient. Be [是不是想写Without] sorting of more details, we can not draw any conclusion from the more workers and the part-time workers better than the opposite ones.

For another, the home sales of the Adams are two times than F's contains the other one evidence of the arguer. Whereas, we can not know whether the expense of the firm of Adams is more than income of the firm, if not, the assumption is unconvincing. In addition, the average sales of the Adams are more than F's. We could draw a assumption that the house which is listed to the firm of Adams is a well-quality, larger, well-equipments and have a comfortable environment, whereas, the firm of F has the opposite ones. We could see the differences of income between the two companies are normal. The income and average price of the company can not support the conclusion and unconvinced to us.[最好能指明利润和收入的区别]

To the end, the arguer cites that a house which is listed to the firm of F ten years ago and be sold out in more than four months and the other one which is listed to the firm of Adams is taken only one month the last year. We can see when the house is should [sold] out, in the different of the time, the place, the quality and the different buyers. There are so many unstable factor which is lead the evidence is obviously unconvincing.

Overall, for [to] strengthen the evidences, the arguer should provide more convincing and specific witness and cite a more homogeneously example. Without more details, the arguer's conclusion is unstable and unconvincing to us.
[逻辑错误找的挺好
连接词用的出神入化，各个段落的套用，强
语言有待加强，有中词不达意的感觉。]

BerlinbearUID: 207694

文章逻辑严密，语言进步很大。
不过仍有一些语法方面的小错误，比如比较级的形式，定冠词的使用等，写完文章后可以做一下检查。~~
加油~~

安婧UID: 2156480

The arguer concludes that if you chose the Adams, your home will be sold quickly. To suppose the conclusion, the arguer cites several evidences: (1) the workers of Adams is more than F's;缩写不能在文中直接出现，应该是Fitch(F)这样的 (2) the income of Adams is two times为什么不用twice? than F's. And even cites a seemingly convincing sample that the house which is listed to Adams is sold more quickly than another one to F.感觉话没说完 From the evidences, the arguer try to persuade us to convince the estate firm is batherbetter than F. However, we could easily find some ridiculous flaws in the argument, which is well-presented but well-reasoned.

For one thing, the arguer cites that the workers of the estate firms of Adams are more than F's. We could see some ridiculous weaknesses from the witness. Firstly, we can not know how many workers should a estate firm needed.觉得这句不是很通。要么说，从文中我们不能知道……；要么说，我们不知道…… We could draw a hypothesis that a regularly estate firm need 1000 workers, then the workers of the two firms are less than a regular one and we can not distinguish any differences between the two firms. Secondly, in addition, even if the evidence is credible, we could see the evidence which claims the firm of Adams is better than F is based on that workers of the two companies have the same abilities and we could see it is imposableimpossible? obviously. Finally, the arguer tries to convince us that the full-time worker is better than par-time worker. Maybe the part-time workers are more desiring than the full-time ones and they work hard than the full0time ones, so we can not conclude that the part-time ones is单数？复数？ inefficient. Be sorting of more details, we can not draw any conclusion from the more workers and the part-time workers better than the opposite ones.

For another似乎从那个帖子上看到another是第三点，或者是我记错了，是other是第三点？找那个帖子找不到了。希望大家讨论一下。安婧的词汇和语法都很不好的说, the home sales of the Adams are two times同上 than F's contains the other one evidence of the arguer. Whereas, we can not know whether the expense of the firm of Adams is more than income of the firm, if not, the assumption is unconvincing. In addition, the average sales of the Adams are more than F's. We could draw a assumption that the house which is listed to the firm of Adams is a well-quality, larger, well-equipments and have a comfortable environment, whereas, the firm of F has the opposite 这个词用的好好！学习！ones. We could see the differences of income between the two companies are normal. The income and average price of the company can not support the conclusion and unconvinced to us.

To the end, the arguer cites that a house which is listed to the firm of F ten years ago and be sold out in more than four months and the other one which is listed to the firm of Adams is taken only one month the last year. We can see when the house is should out, in the different of the time, the place, the quality觉得place和quality两处也要加上different来修饰，这样可以使这句话读起来更有韵律，同时也强调了different and the different buyers. There are so many unstable factor复数！ which is似乎也是复数 lead the evidence is obviously unconvincing.

Overall, for strengthen the evidences, the arguer should provide more convincing and specific witness and cite a more homogeneously example. Without more details, the arguer's conclusion is unstable and unconvincing to us.

yangxing的作文写的比我的好多了！尤其是逻辑性。跟你的逻辑一比，我的那些小逻辑简直太幼稚了。就像是一个幼儿园的宝宝在分析国际形势。晕哦！以后一定要多多练习，多看别人的优秀习作，汲取其中的精华，让自己也小牛一下。努力！
再表扬一下，yangxing你的作文根本不像你说的那样。加油！

sallyxinduUID: 2131253

ARGUMENT
4. “Of the two leading real estate firms in our town--Adams Realty and Fitch Realty--Adams is clearly superior. Adams has 40 real estate agents. In contrast, Fitch has 25, many of whom work only part-time. Moreover, Adams’ revenue last year was twice as high as that of Fitch, and included home sales that averaged $168,000, compared to Fitch’s $144,000. Homes listed with Adams sell faster as well: ten years ago, I listed my home with Fitch and it took more than four months to sell; last year, when I sold another home, I listed it with Adams, and it took only one month. Thus, if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price, you should use Adams.”

1.房地产公司好不好，并不是由人数来决定的，不是由是不是兼职来决定的.作者试图让我们相信，两个公司的人的素质，工作能力都是相同的。并且作者想要告诉我们全职的工作人员一定比兼职的要好。全职是不是比兼职好是由每个人的卖房子的能力决定的，兼职的可能更珍惜他们的机会，所以作者的假设是不成立的。
除了珍惜机会外，还可强调兼职自身的能力本来就很强等等。2.错误比较：收入是两倍，可能花销是两倍；平均房价更不能说明什么，可能F公司卖的房子都是小房子或是质量不好的房子但同等情况下，比A公司卖的房子价钱高。可能本身房子的价值就高，卖的当然高。
3.十年前的事情对此案在的预测不具有说服力，用十年前的事和去年相比很可笑，是你钱可能经济不景气，人民生活水平还不高，买不起房子的人多；而去年吗房子的人多了自然就买了。时间不一样，地点不一样，卖的房子品质质量也不一样。通货膨胀都没有考虑进去。此处对比根本不具可比性，
不错的驳斥点．

The arguer concludes that if you chose the Adams, your home will be sold quickly. To suppose the conclusion, the arguer cites several evidences注意，evidence是不可数的哈: (1) the workers of Adams is more than F's; 这个表达有点中式了，是数量多，不是工人本身多，呵呵(2) the income of Adams is two times than that of F's. And 主语呢？even cites a seemingly convincing sample that the house which is listed to Adams is sold more quickly than another one to F. From the evidences, the arguer try to persuade us to convince the estate firm is bather than F. However, we could easily find some ridiculous flaws in the argument, which is well-presented butnot  well-reasoned.

For one thing, the arguer cites that the workers of the estate firms of Adams are more than F's. We could see some ridiculous weaknesses from the witness. Firstly, we can not know how many workers should a estate firm needed. We could draw a hypothesis that a regularly estate firm need 1000 workers, then the workers of the two firms are less than a regular one and we can not distinguish any differences between the two firms.可以再表达地道一点，比如，neither of the two firms qualify for the standard Secondly, in addition, 重复even if the evidence is credible, we could see the evidence which claims the firm of Adams is better than F is based on that workers of the two companies have the same abilities and we could see it is imposable obviously. Finally, the arguer tries to convince us that the full-time worker is better than par-time worker. Maybe the part-time workers are more desiring than the full-time ones and they work hard than the full0time ones, so we can not conclude that the part-time ones is inefficient. Be sorting of more details, we can not draw any conclusion from the more workers and the part-time workers better than the opposite ones.这句觉得可以在修改下。不太明白．如果在better than前加who are好象要好点。

For another thing, the home sales of the Adams are two times than F's contains the other one evidence of the arguer. Whereas, we can not know whether the expense of the firm of Adams is more than income of the firm, if not, the assumption is unconvincing. In addition, the average sales of the Adams are more than F's. We could draw a assumption that the house which is listed to the firm of Adams is a well-quality, larger, well-equipments and have a comfortable environment, whereas, the firm of F has the opposite ones. We could see the differences of income between the two companies are normal. The income and average price of the company can not support the conclusion and unconvinced to us.
这段楼上的改得查不多了，不再看了哈，呵呵

To in applies better here than to the end, the arguer cites that a house which is listed to the firm of F ten years ago and be sold out in more than four months and the other one which is listed to the firm of Adams is taken only one month the last year. We can see when the house is should out, in the different of the time, the place, the quality and the different buyers. There are so many unstable factor which is lead the evidence is obviously unconvincing. 单复数问题
Overall, for 改为to strengthen the evidences, the arguer should provide more convincing and specific witness觉得这个词不是很好 and cite a more homogeneously example. Without more details, the arguer's conclusion is unstable and unconvincing to us.
最后一段可以再润色．摸版痕迹有点重

yangxing，进步很大啊，好快了，看了这篇看你第１２次写的感觉真的很棒，呵呵，看的出来用词是经过了考虑的，语法错误也明显少了很多。逻辑上的连贯很好，但注意有些短语要确定用法．小问题再继续注意争取完全克服。用彩色化出来的就是不对的，你自己再修改下，时间太晚了，没看特别仔细。你修改完了我会在看看。现在想睡觉了。５５