Argument237 非常感谢！第一篇练习（第三段正文处理有点不好），望大家指正！

tcaactUID：186901

Argument237
The following appeared as part of an article in a local Beauville newspaper.
'According to a government report, last year the city of Dillton reduced its corporate tax rate by 15 percent; at the same time, it began offering relocation grants and favorable rates on city utilities to any company that would relocate to Dillton. Within 18 months, two manufacturing companies moved to Dillton, where they employ a total of 300 people. Therefore, the fastest way for Beauville to stimulate economic development and hence reduce unemployment is to provide tax incentives and other financial inducements that encourage private companies to relocate here.'
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In this argument, the arguer concludes that Beauville should stimulate economic development and hence reduce unemployment by providing tax incentive and other financial inducements that encourage private companies to relocate in this city .To support the recommendation, the arguer cites the fact that two manufacturing companies moved to Dillton and employed a total of 300 people within 18 months after Dillton began reducing its corporate tax rate by 15 percent. However, a critical analysis reveals the recommendation suffers from several fallacies and therefore is unconvincing.

First of all, the arguer implies that this economic success dues to the policy Dillton made the 18 months ago. Though there does exist a connection in terms of time between the two events, the evidence itself could prove nothing more than this correlation and that is all . Perhaps those two manufacturing companies had decided to move to Dillton before this tax-change being proposed, because of its perfect performance of transportation and ample employment, in so far the tax rate was just beyond their concerns. If this possibility is true, the arguer’s conclusion depending on the mere fact about two manufacturing companies' relocation is dubious.

Similarly, the argument simply equates the two cities, and therefore makes a hastily generalization. Even if the reduction of tax rate does stimulate the two companies to come to Dillon , there is no guarantee that these similar economic incitements might also be effective in Beauville. It is entirely possible that the tax rate existing in Beauwille is very low and the financial inducements provided by the government is sufficient, but there are other obstacles that prevent such companies from choosing Beauwille as the ideal location. In this case, without eliminate these existing problems with the economic health, financial inducements alone might do nothing to achieve the goal the arguer wish to accomplish.

Additionally, even though the two cities are relevant similar in terms of the issue the argument concerns, the recommendation suffers from another flaw concerning the causal relationship the arguer assumes. The arguer implies that the relocation might improve the economy and therefore reduce the unemployment here. However, that is not necessarily the case. Perhaps, the poor conditions of economy in Beauwile dues to other respects coming from high crime rates, poor transportation etc. . If this is the case, the policy recommended by the arguer would do nothing to its economic improvements.

In sum, the argument relies on a series of unconvincing assumption and therefore is unconvincing. To strengthen the recommendation, the arguer should provide adequate information to prove these two cities are relevantly similar in all terms of the issue the argument concerns. In addition, to better evaluate the effectiveness of the economic inducements , we need more specific information about the economic conditions in Dillon , especially the obstacles existing there.

mythztUID：162409

------正文------
In this argument, the arguer concludes that Beauville should stimulate economic development and hence reduce unemployment by providing tax incentive and other financial inducements that encourage private companies to relocate in this city .To support the recommendation, the arguer cites the fact that two manufacturing companies moved to Dillton and employed a total of 300 people within 18 months after Dillton began reducing its corporate tax rate by 15 percent. However, a critical analysis reveals (that)the recommendation suffers from several fallacies and therefore is unconvincing.(开头段restate时细节可以不用过于详细，可能个人习惯不同吧！)

First of all, the arguer implies that this economic success dues to(is due to) the policy Dillton made the(the 可删去) 18 months ago. Though there does exist a connection in terms of time between the two events, the evidence itself could prove nothing more than this correlation and that is all (and后啥意思？). Perhaps those two manufacturing companies had decided to move to Dillton before this tax-change being proposed, because of its perfect performance of transportation and ample employment(这里想说的是充足的劳动力吧？改为labor force可能好点), in so far the tax rate was just beyond their concerns. If this possibility is true, the arguer’s conclusion depending on the mere fact about two manufacturing companies' relocation is dubious.

Similarly(这个词用在这感觉有点怪，会让人误以为还在说同样一个错误，不知我理解由没有偏差？), the argument simply equates the two cities, and therefore makes a hastily generalization(false analogy). Even if the reduction of tax rate does stimulate the two companies to come to Dillon , there is no guarantee that these similar economic incitements might also be effective in Beauville. It is entirely possible that the tax rate existing in Beauwille is very low and the financial inducements provided by the government is sufficient, but there are other obstacles(最好具体举个例子什么的) that prevent such companies from choosing Beauwille as the ideal location. In this case, without eliminate(eliminating) these existing problems with the economic health, financial inducements alone might do nothing to achieve the goal (which)the arguer wish to accomplish.

Additionally, even though the two cities are relevant similar(两个形容词？) in terms of the issue the argument concerns, the recommendation suffers from another flaw concerning the causal relationship the arguer assumes. The arguer implies that the relocation might improve the economy and therefore reduce the unemployment here. However, that is not necessarily the case. Perhaps, the poor conditions of economy in Beauwile dues to(is resulted from) other respects coming from high crime rates, poor transportation etc. . If this is the case, the policy recommended by the arguer would do nothing to(have no effect on) its economic improvements.
(这段似乎是在论证这个recommendation的充分性，而非因果关系)
In sum, the argument relies on a series of unconvincing assumption and therefore is unconvincing(后半句和开头段的相同？). To strengthen the recommendation, the arguer should provide adequate information to prove these two cities are relevantly similar in all terms of the issue the argument concerns. In addition, to better evaluate the effectiveness of the economic inducements , we need more specific information about the economic conditions in Dillon , especially the obstacles existing there.
第一篇能达到这个水平很不错的说！楼主再把相应的逻辑错误及其攻击套路熟练掌握，前途一片光明。欢迎交流！

tcaactUID：186901

非常感谢！：）

fengboallanUID：157405

tcaact第一篇作文写成这样已经很不错了：mythzt改的也很棒，细节上我也说不出什么了
有几个问题：
1 像mythzt说的，开头，不能原文照搬argument。不用再重复原题了，
2 整篇文章467个字，接近ISSUE你能打完么？A的时间30分钟，不知道你的速度怎么样
3 写作环境是什么样的，我不知道，但是非常不建议这样：
一遍看着范文和模版，一便开着金山词霸慢慢悠悠的写。
如果你是第一篇A，在没有过多的evidence的情况下，我武断地说，不是限时的作品吧。
下次一定关了所有材料在写作。不一定正确阿
4你的模版和句子是《GRE/GMAT写作技巧和范文80篇》的例文的模版和句子。
那个作者MARK Alan的句子是很好的。不过，建议，在考A之前要总结出自己的一套模版，把别人的改一改。
5 对于，模版的句子，必须要背诵。否则，上了考上什么都想不起来了。只记得：it is possible that      perhaps。呵呵


小小建议，A的难度不大。最大的功夫要放在A的题目阅读上。把题库的243道都看熟了。把你的模版句子都背熟了，练习10篇就可以了。
good luck！

DriverEntryUID：143979

恩，写的还不错。问题前面2位也说了些。

我觉得开头是可以写的简短点，不是不能照搬题目，(楼主页没有完全照般)，而是说开头写的短，可以给后面写正文多留下些时间。实际上就是抢时间了。

另外不知道有无限时，是否是在类似考试的环境下写的。如果这些都做到了，那么按这个思路练下去就好了 。

GOOD LUCK

鬼谷子UID：159645

1.开头过于模板化，即使是restate也不能原文照搬的，用自己的话来说，然后多说一点为什么反对。

2.B1的TS没有说到重点，论述部分其实就说出了一个可能，其他的内容罗嗦。

3.B2的TS，同mythzt意见，是false analogy的问题。论述还是同样的问题，反例太少，又只有一个，而且没攻击到重点。

4.B3的内容是作者的前提，要驳斥的话最好放在B2前面，因为你B2驳斥的是结论。注意逻辑顺序。