样题:
医院的数据把那些玩滑轮造成事故的人去急诊室的数据当作保护设备的需要。在一个小组里,在路边或停车场发生意外的人75%都是因为没有穿戴保护设备(头盔,护膝等)或者任何反光材质(光源附带,在黑暗中会发光的护腕)。很明显,这些数据解释了通过发明一个高质量的保护车轮和反光的设备,轮滑的人会大量的减少受伤的可能。
策略
这个题目引用了一个特定的医院的数据来支持一个笼统的结论即发现明一个高质量的保护车轮和反光的设备会减少那些轮滑的人受伤的可能。
为了发展你的阐述,你应该问你自己这个医院的数据是否真的支持了这个观点。你需要问自己一下几个问题:
·轮滑的人在事故之后去急诊室的有多少比例?
·那些在轮滑事故后去急诊室的人是否能代表整个轮滑的总体?
·有没有轮滑事故后选择不去急诊室的人?
·那些去急诊室的是不是都是受的严重的?
·那些戴着保护设备也受伤的25%的人受的伤是不是跟那些75%不戴保护设备的人一样严重?
·街道和停车场对轮滑者来说是不是本身就是一个危险的场所?
·那些中等质量的保护设备在减少轮滑事故受伤严重性上是不是同高等质量的一样有效?
·除了保护措施,存不存在别的原因同样会导致轮滑受伤,例如天气,可见性,轮滑的技术?
考虑下以上可能的答案,将会帮助你确定你的猜想,寻找到可替代的解释和缺点,使你能够得以发展一篇自己的评价。
范文和评价
范文—6分
The notion that protective gear reduces the injuries suffered in accidentsseems at first glance to be an obvious conclusion. After all, it is the intent of these products toeither provent accidents from occuring in the first place or to reduce theinjuries suffered by the wearer should an accident occur. However, the conclusion that investing in high quality protective gear greatly reducesthe risk of being severely injured in an accident may mask other (andpotentially more significant) causes of injuries and may inspire people to overinvest financially and psychologically in protective gear. First of all, as mentioned in the argument, there are two distinct kindsof gear - preventative gear (such as light reflecting material) and protectivegear (such as helmets). Preventative gear is intended to warn others, presumably for the most part motorists, of the presence of theroller skater. It works only if the "other" is aresponsible and caring individual who will afford the skater the necessaryspace and attention.
Protective gear is intended to reduce the effect of any accident, whetherit is caused by an other, the skater or some force of nature. Protective geardoes little, if anything, to prevent accidents but is presumed to reduce theinjuries that occur in an accident. The statistics on injuries suffered byskaters would be more interesting if the skaters were grouped into thosewearing no gear at all, those wearing protective gear only,those wearingpreventative gear only and those wearing both. These statistics could provideskaters with a clearer understanding of which kinds of gear are morebeneficial. The argument above is weakened by the fact that it does not take into accountthe inherent differences between skaters who wear gear and those who do not. Ifis at least likely that those who wear gear may be generally more responsibleand/or safety conscious individuals. The skaters who wear gear may be less likelyto cause accidents through careless or dangerous behavior. It may, in fact, betheir natural caution and repsonsibility that keeps them out of the emergencyroom rather than the gear itself. Also, the statistic above is based entirelyon those who are skating in streets and parking lots which are relativelydangerous places to skate in the first place. People who are generally moresafety conscious (and therefore more likely to wear gear) may choose to skatein safer areas such as parks or back yards. The statistic also goes not differentiate between severity of injuries.The conclusion that safety gear prevents severe injuries suggests that it is presumed that people come tothe emergency room only with severe injuries. This is certainly not the case. Also, given that skatingis a recreational activity that may be primarily engaged in during evenings andweekends (when doctors' offices are closed), skater with less severe injuriesmay be especially likely to come to the emergency room for treatment. Finally, there is absolutely no evidence provided that high quality (andpresumably more expensive) gear is any more beneficial than other kinds ofgear. For example, a simple white t-shirt may provide the same preventativebenefit as a higher quality, more expensive, shirt designed only for skating.Before skaters are encouraged to invest heavily in gear, a more completeunderstanding of the benefit provided by individual pieces of gear would behelpful. The argument for safety gear based on emergency room statistics could provideimportant information and potentially saves lives. Before conclusions about theamount and kinds of investments that should be made in gear are reached,however, a more complete understanding of the benefits are needed. After all, afalse confidence in ineffective gear could be just as dangerous as no gear atall. 评价: 这篇优秀的文章阐述了作者有深度的分析技巧。开头段提及的“运用题目易错的推理容易导致人们过多的将钱和精力关注到保护设备”是紧随着全面检验题目的错误。特别是读者表达了反对题目的几个要点: ·保护和避免设备是两个概念 ·那些戴着安全设备的轮滑者本身就会很少受伤,因为他们本身就是非常小心翼翼的。 ·数据不能由受伤的严重程度所能区分的 ·设备不需要高质量的才能有效 这篇文章非常流畅并且逻辑上非常有组织,每个观点都被完全和有力的阐述。除此之外,写作也非常连贯,而且无误。句式多样且复杂并且表述有感染性和精确。 总的来说,这篇文章是评分准则中的6分的范文,如果考生没有那么雄辩,或仅给出几个理由来反驳这个题目,也是能拿到6分的。 Essay Response – Score 5 The argument presented is limited but useful. It indicates a possiblerelationship between a high percentage of accidents and a lack of protectiveequipment. The statistics cited compel a further investigation of the usefulnessof protective gear in preventing or mitigating roller-skating related injuries.However, the conclusion that protective gear and reflective equipment would"greatly reduce.risk of being severely injured" is premature. Data islacking with reference to the total population of skaters and the relative levelsof experience, skill and physical coordination of that population. It is entirelypossible that further research would indicate that most serious injury isaverted by the skater's ability to react quickly and skillfully in emergencysituations. Another area of investigation necessary before conclusions can be reachedis identification of the types of injuries that occur and the various causes ofthose injuries. The article fails to identify the most prevalent types ofroller-skating related injuries. It also fails to correlate the absence ofprotective gear and reflective equipment to those injuries. For example, if themajority of injuries are skin abrasions and closed-head injuries, then a casecan be made for the usefulness of protective clothing mentioned. Likewise, ifinjuries are caused by collision with vehicles (e.g. bicycles, cars) orpedestrians, then light-reflective equipment might mitigate the occurences.However, if the primary types of injuries are soft-tissue injuries such as tornligaments and muscles, back injuries and the like, then a greater case could bemade for training and experience as preventative measures. 评价: 这篇强有力的回复正确无误的论述了ARGU,推断出“关系是可能的”,但是它的结论是“不成熟的”。它提出了3个主要问题,如果回答了,将会中伤题目的逻辑性: ·总体的轮滑是什么样的特征? ·保护设备在保护轮滑着免于受伤起到了什么作用? ·伤害都包括哪些,并且原因是什么? 这个作者从考虑可能支持或削弱题目的回答阐述了每个问题。这篇文章没有像6分的文章那样分析或阐述了争议处。但是它有条理的组织和强大的语言能力和足够程度的阐述还是值得5分的。 Although the argument stated above discusses the importance of safetyequipment as significant part of avoiding injury, the statistics quoted are vague and inconclusive. Simplybecause 75 percent of the peopleinvolved in roller-skating accidents are notwearing the stated equipment does not automatically implicatethe lack ofequipment as the cause of injury. The term "accidents" may imply agreat variety of injuries. The types of injuries one could incur by not wearing the types of equipmentstated above are minor head injuries; skin abrasions or possibly bone fractureof a select few areas such as knees, elbows, hands, etc. (which are in factmost vulnerable to this sport); and/or injuries due to practising the sportduring low light times of the day. During any physically demanding activity orsport people are subjected to a wide variety of injuries which cannot beavoided with protective clothing or light-reflective materials. These injuries includeinner trauma (e.g., heart-attack); exhaustion; strained muscles, ligaments, ortendons; etc. Perhaps the numbers and percentages of people injured duringroller-skating, even without protective equipment, would decrease greatly ifpeople participating in the sport had proper training, good physical health,warmup properly before beginning (stretching), as well as take other measuresto prevent possible injury, such as common-sense, by refraining from performingthe activity after proper lighting has ceased and knowing your personallimitations as an individual and athlete. The statistics used in the abovereasoning are lacking in proper direction considering their assertions andtherefore must be further examined and modified so that proper conclusions canbe reached. 评价: 这篇文章专注于文章模糊的数据,这篇文章定义了没有逻辑的推理呢呢是来自于题目中的数据的错误使用。 ·没有用保护设备并不一样会导致受伤 ·受伤程度可能很小 ·那些伤害可能是来自于别的原因,如在晚上轮滑,没有经过必要的训练和热身或者没有认清个人的身体极限 这个作者专注了文章的缺点,它的观点非常清楚也衔接的很好。但是回答还缺乏连接词。阐述也是刚刚好。 对语言的掌握很好,这个作者同时掌握了控制和表述并且掌握了一定的文法。总的来说,尽管4分的作文缺少了可以得到5分的全面阐述。 Essay Response – Score 3 The argument is well presented and supported, but not completely wellreasoned. It is clear and concisely written. The content is logically andsmoothly presented. Statistics cited are used to develop support fortherecommendation, that roller skaters who invest in protective gear andreflective equipment can reduce their risk of severe, accidental injuries.Examples of the types of protective equipment are described for thereader.Unfortunately, the author of the argement fails to note that merely bypurchasing gear and reflective equipment that the skater will be protected.This is, of course, fallacious if the skater fails to use the equipment, oruses it incorrectly or inappropriately. It is also an unnecessary assumptionthat a skater need purchase high-quality gear for the same degree ofeffectiveness to be achieved. The argument could be improved by taking theseissues into consideration, and making recommendations for education and safety awareness to skaters. 评价: 这篇些的不错但是很有局限性的文章的前半部分仅仅描述了题目,第二部分定义了2个猜想: ·那些买了保护设备的人会使用 ·高质量的保护设备更有效 这些观点足够包含一些推理,因此得到了3分。但是,每个分析点都阐述的不够透彻,因为无法得到4分。 Essay Response – Score 2 To reduce the accidents from roller skating we should consider about itcauses and effects concurrently tofind the best solution. Basically theroller-skating players are children, they had less experiences to protect themselvesfrom any kind of dangerous. Therefore, it should be a responsible of adult totake care them. Adult should recommend their child to wear any protective clothing, setthe rules and look after them while they are playing. In the past roller-skating is limited in the skate yard but when it becamepopular people normally play it on the street way) Therefore the number ofaccidents from roller-skating is increased. The skate manufacturer should havea responsibility in producing a protective clothing. They should promote andsell them together with skates. The government or state should set theregulation of playing skate on the street way like they did with the bicycle. To prevent this kind of accident is the best solution but it needs acoorperation among us to have a conscious mind to beware and realize itsdangerous. 评价: 这篇错误很多的文章,建议成人和轮滑制造商要保证孩子们穿戴保护设备,而不是去做分析评价。基本的来说,这个作者是完全同意题目的。 这篇文章表现了一些严重和频繁的句子结构和语言使用的错误。错误(词语选择,动词时态,主谓一致,连接词等)不计其数,并且干扰了它想表达的意思。 这篇文章有2分,是因为它语言错误很多,并且无法表达一个评价。 Essay Response – Score 1 the protective equipment do help to reduce the risk of being severylyinjuryed in an accident since there are75% Of those who had accidents instreets or parking lots were not wearing any protectivel clothing. suchashemlets, kenn pads, etc. or any light-reflecting materials such as clip-onlights, glow-in-the-dark wristpads ets. if they do have protective eqipmentthat only a quarter accident may happen, also that can greatly reduce their riskofbeing severyly injuryed in an accident, that can save some lives and a lot ofenergy and money for the treatment. the protective equipment do help to reducethe risk of being severyly injuryed inan accident since there are 75% Of thosewho had accidents in streets or parking lots were not wearing any protectivelclothing. such as hemlets, kenn pads, etc. or any light-reflecting materialssuch as clip-on lights,glow-in-the-dark wrist pads ets. if they do haveprotective eqipment that only a quarter accident may happen, also that cangreatly reduce their risk ofbeing severyly injuryed in an accident, that cansave some lives and a lot of energy and money for the treatment. the protectiveequipment do help to reduce the risk of being severyly injuryed in an accidentsince there are 75% Of those who had accidents in streets or parking lots werenot wearing any protectivel clothing. such as hemlets, kenn pads, etc. or anylightreflecting materials such as clip-on lights, glow-in-the-dark wrist padsets. if they do have protective eqipment that only a quarter accident mayhappen, also that can greatly reduce their risk ofbeing severyly injuryed in anaccident, that can save some lives and a lot of energy and money for thetreatment. 评价: 这个基本上论述不足的文章没有逻辑性的认同了题目,没有证据显示作者能够理解或分析这个题目,继而,一些语言还抄袭了题目。这个两句话的文章重复了至少两遍。语言和用法也同样有问题。很少的字词是新添加的,通过组合题目的字词导致了不连贯。总的来说,这文章符合了1分的评分标准。 模拟考试 ISSUE 你有45分钟的时间可以安排和书写你的文章,从而表达你对选择的题目的见解。任何对其他题目的回答都只会拿到0分。你必须从两个题目中选一个。每个题目会被简短的引用出来来表明或暗示一个公众话题。你可以自由选择同意或拒绝或完善题目,只要你的观点能同你所选择的题目相关。用你的阅读领域,精力或观察到的和学习领域的推理和例子来支持你的观点。 在你做选择之前,仔细的阅读题目。之后选择你可以有效合理的回答的题目。GRE的考官是大学教授,他们会阅读你的作文并就综合质量评定,分数基于: ·考虑到了题目的复杂性和暗示性 ·组织阐述和表达出了你的观点 ·用相关的推理和例子支持了你的观点 ·掌握了基本的英语写作要素 你可能像要花几分钟时间思考你选的那个题目并且在书写前计划如何些。确定你的观点全面阐述并能够连贯的组织起来,记得留几分钟通读你的文章,并做有必要的修改。 ISSUE题目 就一下其中一个题目表达你的观点,也能够相关的推理和例子来支持你的观点 题目一:科技的产品的发展和使用为人们创造了现代文明的同时也带来了孤独感。 题目二:我们日益衰退的环境将同时为人类带来无政治家,无哲学家和战争。环境问题是全球性问题且部分国界。因此,人类面对的做以整体为目标的选择携手并进或者作为个体并迎来同样的悲剧。 ARGU 你有30分钟的时间可以用来安排和书写一个短文形式的ARGU。任何与题目不相关的ARGU都会拿到0分。 分析题目的推理线索。一定要尽可能的考虑在思考下面潜藏的有疑议的假设。如果引用了例子,要看它如何支持了结论。 你可以讨论什么样类型的证据可以支持或反对题目,哪个改变之后会使得题目更有逻辑性,哪些额外的信息可以让你更好的评价这个结论。记住你不是被要求去表达这个主题的个人观点。 GRE的评分者是大学教师,他们会阅读你的文章,并根据总体质量来评定,基于以下你做的怎么样: ·确定和分析题目中重要的特征 ·组织阐述表达你对题目的评价 ·用相关的推理和例子来支持你的论述 ·控制标准写作英语的元素 在提笔前,你需要几分钟来评价题目并计划你的文章。确定你完整的阐述了你的观点,并连续的进行了组织,记住要留几分钟通读下你写的并做适当的改动。
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