【GRE作文互助组】moland的作业帖---argument习作贴

tsaoyu991UID: 3207249

7月31日 更新ARGUMENT 3望狠批！
MOLAND君在此立志，到9G
每天一A一I攻克作文！

tsaoyu991UID: 3207249

7月31日
3) The following appeared as a letter to the editor from a Central Plaza store owner.
Over the past two years, the number of shoppers in Central Plaza has been steadily decreasing while the popularity of skateboarding has increased dramatically. Many Central Plaza store owners believe that the decrease in their business is due to the number of skateboard users in the plaza. There has also been a dramatic increase in the amount of litter and vandalism throughout the plaza. Thus, we recommend that the city prohibit skateboarding in Central Plaza. If skateboarding is prohibited here, we predict that business in Central Plaza will return to its previously high levels.
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.


思路：
1.到底是滑板人数上生导致购物人数下降，还是导致购物人数下降导致滑板人数上升，作者没有指明可能是人数下降而又环境好导致滑板人数增加。
2.滑板人数增加，总量增加到如何。如果原来是基数小那么即使经过dramatic increase现在的总数也不会有多大的提升。
3.垃圾和涂鸦是谁弄的，如果不是滑滑板的人做的那么就不能将责任归咎与他们而驱逐他们
4.滑滑板的人本身是商场的潜在客户，将它们驱逐会对商场有不利影响。


In this assertion that the skateboard users' lead to the decrease of the shoppers in Central Plaza, the author make many mistakes when he evaluate the phenomena and he misunderstand the real reason for the depletion of shoppers.  

The assertion did not clearly state relationship between the reason and the consequence that the decrease of shoppers in Central Plaza is result from the increase of skateboarding player. Skateboard player tend to find a place with board place and convenient transportation and they gathered at Central Plaza just because people there is rare. And a plaza with adequate space is suitable for playing skateboard. This assertion provides no evidence that this alternative explanation is impossible and the author defines the relationship between the increase and decrease abruptly.

Besides, what is so called dramatically increase of skateboard player in Central Plaza? The amount of player in Central Plaza may double and even triple than before while the absolutely number is much fewer than the customer in Central Plaza. So the influence of skateboarder may be aggrandized by the vague statement that provides no specific data for to evaluate the real situation.

There are many possible reasons for the depletion of amount of shoppers in Central Plaza that author haven’t considered. What the economy situation during past two years is. If the public is suffering a finical crisis it is common that shoppers will definite shop less. We are also expecting the average change of shoppers in the other store. And for sale itself custom are primarily concerned about the price and quality of the product.  There may some new established shopping center with better quality and cheaper price that robbing the market share that Central Plaza used to own. Many explanations for the depletion of shoppers in Central Plaza remain to be exam.

The author alludes that skateboarders is responsible for the litter and vandalism while nobody who made it on earth. The dramatic increase in the amount of litter and vandalism throughout the plaza may just a coincident with these players. Prohibit the skateboard players would not make the environment of Central Plaza better than before.

Moreover, skateboard is popular sport for the youth. And many people gather here to play and watch can bring more fans to Central Plaza, all these people are potential custom for Central Plaza. Prohibit them from playing skateboard at Central Plaza would turn out to be a disaster to the stores.

In order to have previously high levels shoppers, Central Plaza should do a survey to know the real reason for the lose shoppers rather than enforce this policy with errors. The best way to earn more profit is try to improve the service quality and provide better commodity.

454words in 40minutes by moland

xianyejiayuUID: 2803531

7.31

tsaoyu991UID: 3207249

八月一日，坚持坚持。
一天一篇有点HOLD不住，谢谢楼上修改！

ChenaixxxxUID: 2780043

我怎么木有找到你新的Argu？:O

tsaoyu991UID: 3207249

Chenaixxxx 发表于 2012-8-4 22:33
我怎么木有找到你新的Argu？

就在你楼上的附件里

tsaoyu991UID: 3207249

八月四日 argue

ChenaixxxxUID: 2780043

批改的argu~
By Yang（Chenaixxxx）

问号200080UID: 3358179

批完啦  不好意思迟了~

tsaoyu991UID: 3207249

Chenaixxxx 发表于 2012-8-5 19:47
批改的argu~
By Yang（Chenaixxxx）

看了你的修改觉得很不错，第三段是我表述上的问题：我想要论述的是多出来的车子不是租的而是本来就有而因为其他季节不适合骑所以就放在家里的这种意思。估计给文章带来了一些困扰:$

ChenaixxxxUID: 2780043

tsaoyu991 发表于 2012-8-5 23:52
看了你的修改觉得很不错，第三段是我表述上的问题：我想要论述的是多出来的车子不是租的而是本来就有而因 ...

哦哦，那就对了，哈~加油！一起努力！

xiesisiminervaUID: 2997765

revised

tsaoyu991UID: 3207249

八月六日 Argument 17

清心_巧UID: 3199712

Argument 17.doc (17.5 KB, 下载次数: 2)

2012-8-8 01:11:29 上传

下载次数: 2

ChenaixxxxUID: 2780043

8.6 argu批改~
不好意思我这么晚才交~
我的issue在这里~辛苦咯
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... p;page=1&extra=