08的作文修改小铺子

fancywwUID：2583671

08MM好，fancy又来求教了。这个题目想了很久，没有想出直接支持的论点，所以分领域写了。不知这么写如何。请多指教。


Do you agree or disagree the following statement？
Successful people take new things and take risks rather than the thing that they've done well

We often like to ask successful people about their secrets and knacks. However, we tend to ignore the simple answer that success is the old ABC - ability, breaks, and courage. So in my opinion, successful people, with their extraordinary courage and insight, gain their ability and prospering career by taking new things and risks. We can find the truth in different areas of human society.

In scientific and technological realm, great inventions and progress always come from scientists’ continuously trying new things. Without such spirit and endeavors, our society would cease to advance. For example, in the days when Darwinism was prevailing, Mendel, an ordinary monk, sought to figure out something “unchanged” while his peer scientists were interested in “change”. In other scientists’ eyes, Mendel was risking wasting his time and run in the opposite direction. However, if he had not tried new approaches and thought out of the box, he could never lay the foundation of genetics. Such examples can be also found in the Wright brothers, Edison, Bill Gates, and so on. In a word, only in constantly tying new things and taking risks can scientists succeed in their careers, as well as pave a future for human beings.

In business realm, taking news things or risks can ensure businessmen or companies stand out of mediocre crowds. Facing fierce competitions, businessmen need be different and creative from other producers to make money. A good example is Amazon.com. Before Amazon most books were sold in a bookshop, and there was a limited space to store those books and a limited radius of potential customers. As a result, no bookstore or company can stand out from this business. However, Amazon took a brand new method— to store their books in large warehouses and sell them on the Internet. So the problems of space and limitation are solved, and this creative idea gave Amazon advantage and made them a success in an already competitive market. In brief, innovation and adventure can bring unexpected success in business field.

In political realm, successful politics are never content with the exiting achievement and often searching for reform. Staying in a comfort zone sometimes can be the biggest danger. The case of Barrack Obama’s successful election of American president serves as a great example. When America was in the midst of crisis, Obama’s call for reform wined the favor of American people, and his bold and swift actions scattered people’s doubts and reaffirmed people’s faith. Obama’s success demonstrates that a great politics should be equipped with the courage and insight to take something new, even if such things may be adventures sometimes.

In conclusion, from the examples and reasons above, I strongly agree that successful people seldom rest on their vested accomplishment and stand still. Only in pursuing for new things and areas lies the motivation and opportunities for success.

joyceliuUID：2477232

62 what do you appreciate most in a friend?

In resent years, there is a general controversy over the issue that what characteristic of friend is most important to you. Due to the different individual background, the candidate qualities are ranging from intelligent, humorous to reliable. Personally, I believe that reliability is as essential as, if not more essential than, other traits. And I will provide concrete evidences to demonstrate my point of view.

First and foremost, there is no denying that a reliable friend is be loyalty to you all the time, which is the basic rule in keeping our friendship. As is known to all, loyalty which means always telling the truth is one of the vital virtues of human being. To be a true friend, one should firstly meet this standard. Suppose that your friend is the owner of a computer store. When you wanna to purchase one laptop from him, the intelligent friend perhaps would advise you the one which he can get the most profit, while a loyal friend would absolutely suggest you to buy a PC which can best meet your work requirement. Accordingly, it is obvious that choosing a reliable friend is a wise and reasonable decision.

In the second place, the friend who is dependable is also very helpful to us. Since this kind of friend will surely stand beside you whenever difficulty attacks. Take me as an illustration, I have such a reliable friend Joyce, who hold a close friendship with me for almost ten years. I still remember the special times when I got into trouble, it is her who never give up encouraging me, bring me strength as well as confidence, and ultimately help me get out of the difficult periods. This is just as one old saying goes: a friend in need is a friend indeed.

Admittedly, we never ignore the advantages other good friends brought to us. For instance, a intelligent friend will teach us how to think efficiently, how to deal with complicated situations. When we are frustrated or desperate, a humorous friend will remove our negative emotions by making us laugh. Nevertheless, what credible friend give us carry more weight.

Although, it is true that good friend should be intelligent and with a sense of humor, taking into account of the discussion above, we may safely reach the conclusion that the person who we can rely on is actually the true friend of us.

joyceliuUID：2477232

what do you want most in a freind--someone who is intelligent, or someone who has a sense of humor, or someone who is reliable? which one of htese characteristics is most important to you?

joyceliuUID：2477232

不好意思啊， 底下那个是完整的题目。麻烦改改吧， 谢谢

无敌小番茄UID：2684290

314# jiang08
最后一段我实在是想不出来了 就写例子，我按照08 说的改改
十分感谢
又写了一篇 谢谢再帮看看了

由于字体的原因 放在下层楼了

无敌小番茄UID：2684290

To solve the problems present and future is it necessary to understand the past

"Those who do not know the past could repeat the same mistakes in the past." It is an old cloche. However, I disagree with it. I can not seen any evidence to support that study the past can solve the present problems. Because everything can change like people and people's demands.

People definitely can change. We can not assume that one will continue to hate another because they have had hated each other for a long time. Look at Chinese and Japanese people. They have had hated each other for many years. In resent years, when China experienced an earthquake, Japan sent aids. When Japan faced an earthquake, China sent aids too. Now the two countries are cooperating and looking forward to improving relationships. No doubt if they just looked the past this humble and polite cooperation can not happen. But people can change.

Weather can change too. Farmers wanted to plant some certain crops which have always grown well in their field. In case of a long time drought, these crops died though they worked well for many years. They need new type of plants which could adapt the changed-weather. If they just depended on the past weather informations, they may loss their farm. .

People's demand can change as well. My father, for example, would be satisfied with a box of candy at his birthday. With the rapid development of national economy, our living standard has changed a lot. We will be not looking forward to a box of candy for our birthday. Maybe a mobile computer can meet my demand. In order to follow the modern life, people should change their old minds, and keep learning fashion and new things to catch up the modern step.

From what have discussed above, we can make a conclusion that understanding the past can not help us to solve present problems, so we should pay more attention on the present day. It is the present conditions that determine the future not the past.

jiang08UID：2391146

谢谢jiang08

Should the government invest more money on the access to internet, or public transportation?

The access to internet and an advanced public transportation are both important factors for the development of a society. Because of them, people could better communicate with each other. But when facing a budget constraint, a government still may have to make the hard decision of which one deserves more investment. The opinions of this issue are varied. Personally, I think the government should focus primarily on developing the access to internet. Though improved conditions of public transportation could facilitate people to do things better, the access to internet may bring about a revolutionary change to people.

The first major superiority of internet is that it could help people make full use of the resources all over the world. The public transportation systems usually are separate and limited within the scope of a city, whereas the internet could promise you a whole world. A human being with an access to internet can hold the same amount of information stored in a big library, his capacity to solve problems may be multiplied at once. For instance, now when a scientist or engineer encounters difficul-ties in the work, he or she could search the internet for answers or visit some professional websites run by foreigners. No longer limited by the talents and equipments available in local labs or companies, people could conduct the researches and productions（搭配不当，produce） more efficiently. Also, business men could utilize the internet to collect and distribute more information, so as to promote their goods to other countries and look for cheaper raw materials around the earth. This is beneficial for the prosper-ity of countries in an era of economic globalization and booming foreign trades. 提到了internet和transportation在同一领域的优劣，很好^^

Another significant advantage of internet is that it is not only a means to develop（boost） economy, but an efficient method to educate people. The World Wide Web is called by many “a university without wall”. It teaches us an abundance of knowledge and thus effectively expands our horizons. My country is in a process of transformation, numerous old institutions need to be reformed,（分号） numerous stereotypes need to be got rid of, so the changes in people’s ideas is（are） critical （important多余）. The internet not only shows us in a vividly and detailed way what the other parts of the world are, what kinds of thoughts and views other people hold, but also provides us with a cheap and convenient way to exchange ideas with people around the earth. Hence it has a vital role to perform in the evolution of public opinions. It is no wonder that our younger generations are relatively more open minded, since they are more exposed to the internet. In contrast, public transportation could contribute little for this significant ideological mission.

To sum up, the access to internet is more essential than public transportation because it could contribute more in the economic development as well as illuminate people’s mind. It deserves more investment.
perception 发表于 2009-8-28 10:23

你的作文很好很好了，没什么可以改的了。保持手不要生疏就好，考试没问题啦。加油

jiang08UID：2391146

谢谢批改。我觉得这篇文章很棘手。都不知道如何树立观点。果然还是写跑题了。
请问楼主从什么观点写这篇文章比较好呢？
lxriris 发表于 2009-8-28 19:02

倒没觉得你写跑题了。只是题目关键词是education，和knowledge略有区别，前者是系统的。
至于你说树立观点，我上一条回复里写了，从个体到集体这样可能容易些

jiang08UID：2391146

08MM好，fancy又来求教了。这个题目想了很久，没有想出直接支持的论点，所以分领域写了。不知这么写如何。请多指教。这题份领域写是个办法，不然很容易写得太抽象。

Do you agree or disagree the following statement？
Successful people take new things and take risks rather than the thing that they've done well

We often like to ask successful people about their secrets and knacks. However, we tend to ignore the simple answer that success is the old ABC - ability, breaks, and courage. So in my opinion, successful people, with their extraordinary courage and insight, gain their ability and prospering career by taking new things and risks. We can find the truth in different areas of human society.

In （缺the）scientific and technological realm, great inventions and progress always come from scientists’ continuously（形容词） trying（try in） new things. Without such spirit and endeavors, our society would cease to advance. For example, in the days when Darwinism was prevailing, Mendel, an ordinary monk, sought to figure out something “unchanged” while his peer scientists were interested in “change”.（这个变和不变指的是什么？没怎么看懂） In other scientists’ eyes, Mendel was risking wasting his time and run in the opposite direction. However, if he had not tried new approaches and thought out of the box, he could never lay the foundation of genetics. Such examples can be also found in the Wright brothers, Edison, Bill Gates, and so on. In a word, only in constantly tying new things and taking risks can scientists succeed in their careers, as well as pave a future for human beings.

In business realm, taking news things or risks can ensure businessmen or companies stand out of mediocre crowds. Facing fierce competitions, businessmen need be different and creative from other producers（creative from这个搭配不合适了;be creative and different from other producers） to make money. A good example is Amazon.com. Before Amazon 缺逗号 most books were sold in a bookshop, and there was a limited space to store those books and a limited radius of potential customers. As a result, no bookstore or company can stand out from this business. However, Amazon took a brand new method— to store their books in large warehouses and sell them on the Internet. So the problems of space and limitation are solved, and this creative idea gave Amazon advantage and made them a success in an already competitive market. In brief, innovation and adventure can bring unexpected success in business field.

In political realm, successful politics are never content with the exiting achievement and often searching for reform. Staying in a comfort zone sometimes can be the biggest danger. The case of Barrack Obama’s successful election of American president serves as a great example. When America was in the midst of crisis, Obama’s call for reform wined the favor of American people, and his bold and swift actions scattered people’s doubts and reaffirmed people’s faith. Obama’s success demonstrates that a great politics（politician?） should be equipped with the courage and insight to take something new, even if such things may be adventures（adventurous） sometimes.

In conclusion, from the examples and reasons above, I strongly agree that successful people seldom rest on their vested accomplishment and stand still. Only in pursuing for new things and areas lies the motivation and opportunities for success.
fancyww 发表于 2009-8-28 21:01

jiang08UID：2391146

62 what do you appreciate most in a friend?

In resent years, there is a general controversy over the issue that what characteristic of friend is most important to you (不要用you，用people之类的泛指). Due to the different individual background, the candidate qualities are ranging（range很少用进行时） from intelligent, humorous to reliable. Personally, I believe that reliability is as essential as, if not more essential than, other traits. And I will provide concrete evidences to demonstrate my point of view.

First and foremost, there is no denying that a reliable friend is be（连续两个动词） loyalty to you all the time, which is the basic rule in keeping our（前面是you，这儿又our，注意人称一致） friendship. As is known to all, loyalty 缺逗号 which means always telling the truth 缺逗号 is one of the vital virtues of human being. To be a true friend, one should firstly meet this standard. 这2句多余了，前面已经写过忠诚对朋友很重要 Suppose that your friend is the owner of a computer store. When you wanna to purchase one laptop from him, the intelligent friend perhaps would advise you the one which he can get the most profit, while a loyal friend would absolutely suggest you to buy a PC which can best meet your work requirement. Accordingly, it is obvious that choosing a reliable friend is a wise and reasonable decision.

In the second place, the friend who is dependable is also very helpful to us. Since this kind of friend will surely stand beside you whenever difficulty attacks（arises）. Take me as an illustration, I have such a reliable friend Joyce, who hold（单数，用has been holding更好） a close friendship with me for almost ten years. I still remember the special times when I got into trouble, it is her who never give up encouraging me, bring me strength as well as confidence, and ultimately help me get out of the difficult periods. This is just as one old saying goes: a friend in need is a friend indeed. 看似在写例子，但是具体你into what trouble，how she helped you，一点都没写。另外这段还在说loyalty么？还是说dependable?

Admittedly, we never ignore the advantages other good friends brought to us. For instance, a（an） intelligent friend will teach us how to think efficiently, how to deal with complicated situations. When we are frustrated or desperate, a humorous friend will remove（rid） our negative emotions by making us laugh. Nevertheless, what credible friend（复数，或give单数） give us carry（单数） more weight.

Although, it is true that good friend should be intelligent and with a sense of humor, taking into account of the discussion above, we may safely reach the conclusion that the person who we can rely on is actually the true friend of us.
joyceliu 发表于 2009-8-28 22:20

关于几个品质有点点混淆，论点是说loyalty最重要么？

jiang08UID：2391146

To solve the problems present and future is it necessary to understand the past

"Those who do not know the past could repeat the same mistakes in the past（future？）." It is an old cloche（cliche？这个词其实有贬义，根据你后面的语气，这里用saying之类的更好）. However, I disagree with it. I can not seen any evidence to support that study the past can solve the present problems. Because everything can change like people and people's demands.

People definitely can change. We can not assume that one will continue to hate another because they have had hated each other for a long time.（这句话有偏颇，而这里说的个人和后面举例的国家/政体，也有区别，建议删了） Look at Chinese and Japanese people. They have had hated each other for many years. In resent（recent） years, when China experienced an earthquake, Japan sent aids. When Japan faced an earthquake, China sent aids too. Now the two countries are cooperating and looking forward to improving relationships. No doubt if they just（only） looked （at）the past this humble and polite cooperation can not happen. But people can change.注意题目的措辞 “is it necessary to understand the past？”而你的结论建立在“just（only） looked （at）the past ”之上，两者有区别。个人观点，正是对历史问题有一定理解，才会更珍惜目前的关系，努力去营造和谐未来。后面2段同理，对题目的理解有偏差，不对论证部分点评了。

Weather can change too. Farmers wanted to plant some certain crops which have always grown well in their field. In case of a long time drought, these crops died though they worked well for many years. They need new type of plants which could adapt（缺to） the changed-（changing）weather. If they just depended on the past weather informations（不可数）, they may loss（lose） their farm. .

People's demand can change as well. My father, for example, would be satisfied with a box of candy at his birthday. With the rapid development of national economy, our living standard has changed a lot. We will be not looking forward to a box of candy for our birthday. Maybe a mobile computer（laptop） can meet my demand. In order to follow the modern life, people should change their old minds, and keep learning fashion and new things to catch up （缺with） the modern step.

From what have discussed above, we can make a conclusion that understanding the past can not help us to solve present problems, so we should pay more attention on the present day. It is the present conditions that determine the future 缺逗号 not the past.
无敌小番茄 发表于 2009-8-29 00:13

这篇审题有些问题，不再说了。另外直接从三个方面来写事物会变化有待商榷，至少要在开头说说，在各个领域都需要关注新的发展（suppose it's still your point）。
看了你的2篇 有个普遍的问题，就是关于句子之间的起承转合。你的很多句子都是单独存在的，和前后文的衔接太过生硬（就是没有衔接……），导致语气很僵。比如吧，开头："Those who do not know the past could repeat the same mistakes in the future." It is an old saying. However, I disagree with it. I can not seen any evidence to support that study the past can solve the present problems. Because everything can change like people and people's demands. 如果我重新写你的这段话：There is the old saying that "those XXXX future". However, I can not agree with it, for there's no evidence to support such claim, since everything is flexible and subject to change.

fancywwUID：2583671

jiang08 发表于 2009-8-29 03:12

谢谢批改，“change”是指在达尔文进化论风靡的时代科学家都关注与寻找生物进化、变异的证据，“unchang”是指门德尔关注生物进化中不变的东西，即遗传基因。这么指代可能有点抽象了。

lliisaJudyUID：2679260

如此难得的机会  正好昨天写了一篇  不过。。望LZ见谅了啊
topic 69“If you could study a subject that you have never had the opportunity to study, what would you choose? Explain your choice, using specific reasons and details ”

There are so many subjects that I wanted to take while I have a student but I never had the opportunity to. The most, I wish I would have taken a course in medical science. Most likely, one day I will follow my desire and enroll probably in this field.

Why pursue a medical science program? Firstly, I am curious about how medicine help to heal the disease. Though I am a student majoring in chemistry, those reactions between molecules and our body are so marvellous to me. For instance, once I broke my leg and thedoctor said that it is not advisable to do an operation. He just gave me some pills and ask me to keep lying. After two month, I am totally healed. It is so unimaginable that the pills are melted in the stomach but it could act on the bones. What are the effective ingredients? How do those scientists know where to extract the medicine?

Secondly, though the medicine has saved numerous people, it also brings about negative effect. In the news, it is easy to find that some medicine are prohibited because of the toxic ingredient in it. To make us shudder, before the news, perhaps the medicine is one of the popular medicine among us. The factory cheated consumers in order to gain more profit. If I could learn medical science, I will try my best to prevent the medicine with negative effect being used to our patients.

Finally, there are still many disease we cannot deal with. As a citizen on the earth, I am ambitious to contribute to the medical science. Maybe I cannot resolve the problem, but I hope that I could learn more about it and help to inform people of  the common sense about medical. Just as a medical worker, I could tell them that how to prevent some disease, how to take the medicine correctly and how to control the condition.

Overall, a medical science program would be quite beneficial form my personal and academic development. I know that by studying this field not only I  would improve my life, but also I will be able to contribute to our society. This is why I would choose to study medical science.

谢谢楼主了！谢谢！

joyceliuUID：2477232

325# jiang08 谢谢楼主啦，想问一下我这钟正正负的论证结构是不是说服力不太强啊？我主要是说reliability 的， 第一点是说他能带来loyalty

joyceliuUID：2477232

62 what do you appreciate most in a friend?

In resent years, there is a general controversy over the issue that what characteristic of friend is most important to you. 指出选择多样性Due to the different individual background, the candidate qualities are ranging from intelligent, humorous to reliable. 点明个人观点Personally, I believe that reliability is as essential as, if not more essential than, other traits. And I will provide concrete evidences to demonstrate my point of view.

First and foremost, there is no denying that a reliable friend means be loyalty to you all the time, which is the basic rule in keeping a friendship. As is known to all, only when the person can always tell the truth, can he become dependable to you. To be a true friend, one should firstly meet this standard. 假设举例Suppose that your friend is the owner of a computer store. When you wanna to purchase one laptop from him, the intelligent friend perhaps would advise you the one which he can get the most profit, while a loyal friend would absolutely suggest you to buy a PC which can best meet your work requirement. Accordingly, it is obvious that choosing a reliable friend is a wise and reasonable decision.

In the second place, the friend who is dependable can also become very helpful to us. Since this kind of friend will surely stand beside you whenever difficulty attacks. Take me as an illustration, I have such a reliable friend Joyce, who have been holding a close friendship with me for almost ten years. When I did not have enough confidence to take part in the oral English competition, it is her who never gave up encouraging me, bring me strength as well as hopes, and ultimately make me stand out from so many competitors. This is just as one old saying goes: a friend in need is a friend indeed.

Last but not least, without reliability, even if your friend is both intelligent and humor, he can not become a real friend for you. When you are wealthy or powerful, he will certainly accompanied with you, while once you get into trouble, this so called friend will keep away from you as soon as possible. Some will even betray you for their own profit. Actually, there are numerous such examples in our real lives.  

To sum up, it is true that good friend should be intelligent and with a sense of humor. However,  taking into account of the discussion above, we may safely reach the conclusion that the most indispensable trait is absolutely reliability.
还是那篇， 自己又改了一遍， 再帮忙看一下吧