4月批改活动

KssandraUID：2766998

tesolchina 发表于 2015-4-13 03:40
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1795787-1-1.html 还是老G套路 都没有认真读题目要求

我假定这一楼是回复我发在43楼的argument 1的。。。

谢谢您的回复，您的意思是说要把还需要evidence放在每一段的主旨句吗？我按照这个思路修改了一下，把每段的最后一句话提到了前面，如果您能有空再看一下Argument1_v2就太好了。

谢谢！

KssandraUID：2766998

tesolchina 发表于 2015-4-13 03:51
整体结构不错 有分情况讨论 前两个例子勉强可以接受 第三个不太合适 建议你看下我写的 http://bbs.gter.n ...

谢谢您的回复，学习了！我的思路一开始不太对，改过之后似乎好一些，但是对比您发的范文还是和题意有点偏差。打算后面把这个题目再写一遍。

tesolchinaUID：2191404

Kssandra 发表于 2015-4-13 10:32
我假定这一楼是回复我发在43楼的argument 1的。。。

谢谢您的回复，您的意思是说要把还需要evidence ...

老G是要你找argument的漏洞 新G是问你需要什么证据才能决定argument是否成立 也就是说 并不能一开始就说argument不对 而应该指出要收集各方面证据来评估这个argument 你写的基本还是老G的套路 所以需要调整

KssandraUID：2766998

tesolchina 发表于 2015-4-13 11:49
老G是要你找argument的漏洞 新G是问你需要什么证据才能决定argument是否成立 也就是说 并不能一开始就说a ...

了解了，非常感谢！

KssandraUID：2766998

附件中是今天完成的Issue 2，这个题乍看起来觉得不是很好写，就尝试了一下。这次试着把构思的时间也放在30分钟内，最后超时了6分钟才写完，写完后又修改了一些地方。语法和拼写错误比刚开始练习的时候要少一些。

谢谢大家的意见建议！




修改了开头段和中间第三段，老师如果有空的话希望能再帮忙看一眼，谢谢！

tesolchinaUID：2191404

Kssandra 发表于 2015-4-14 10:43
附件中是今天完成的Issue 2，这个题乍看起来觉得不是很好写，就尝试了一下。这次试着把构思的时间也放在30分 ...

值得肯定的是 你在开头段提出的观点 在中间各段分别作了回应和详细讨论 使得整篇的结构很呼应  （中间第三段的点前面没有提到，所以还没有完全做到1+3）

但是你在讨论的时候没有提出什么具体的charactersitics 可能在段落中部提了一些 但是主题句中没有明确提出
总的来说 你的行文还比较流畅 可能中间第三段的内容需要重新考虑一下 和前面的内容整合得不够好  

  

sokillerUID：3446082

Issue 58 Learning is primarily a matter of personal discipline; students cannot be motivated by school or college alone.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

题目属于是否同意命题及不同情况下是否正确

值得肯定的是你在尝试分类讨论，每个中间段集中写某一类学生，这样结构会比较好
但是你在审题的时候出现了很严重的失误  题目说的是学生能不能被motivate  你写成了应不应该被motivate这两个之间由很大的差别  

而你所说的技校学生很穷这个点也是站不住脚的  带有很大的地方色彩  
我觉得你还是可以按不同学校来分 或许可以分作 中小学、大学和研究生  
你需要考虑motivate的具体形式 比如中小学通常通过考试来motivate   
关于personal discipline你也可以考虑讨论一下 这到底是与生俱来的 还是可以后天培养的 或者会收到环境因素的影响  



TS:

In my opinion, whether or not students should be motivated by educational institution as learning is a matter of personal discipline is mainly depended on what kind of those educational institution they attend. For students learning in vocational school, it is unnecessary for school to do anything for encouraging students in learning, as the students have already known their professional orientation before enrollment. On the other hand, I agree that college and secondary school have to stimulate students in learning, since the colorful college life is capable of distracting students and many secondary students only know vague concept of significance of learning.

ts1:

For the students who enroll in vocational school after graduated from senior school, they do not need incentive from school for learning. Rather, they treat learning as personal discipline firmly and require specific courses and practices related their future occupation. Two reasons relate to that situation. One is that some of those students are fighting against poverty; their families are poor and the practical path to change this condition is to learn a skill useful in society in short time in order to find job in future. The another one is that some of students have neither financial problem in family or interest in further academic research. Hence, they prefer to choose studying in vocational school, as the course in there are not complex and can ensure students would have chance to get working opportunity after graduation.

举例中国很多职业技术学校的学生很多人因为家里贫穷，不得不放弃去大学学习机会，并希望通过快速的掌握一门特定的热门的职业技术，以便找到好的工作，改善家里的贫穷状况。

ts2
For the college students, financial problem and less interest in academy are not existed, however they actually need incentive from college for learning. That because college life differs from school life that students experienced in the past, and thence makes students obsessed in new life. Compared with strict life in senior school, students in college obtain less regulation from parents and their teachers, and more free time to do anything they expected. Based on that, although personal discipline is still working, it has little effect on learning. If college do not motivate students periodically, students could hardly concentrate on learning and finish school properly by themselves as they are distracted by many kinds of recreational activities in college life.

这里可以用身边同学例子，同学A在高中的时候，由于受到老师和家长严格的督促和管理，学习成绩非常优异，并顺利的进入到了名牌大学，到了大学，由于缺乏外界的督促和刺激，学生A不再专心于学习，反而沉迷于网络游戏。


ts3
For the secondary students, though learning is a part of personal discipline, individual performance in study can be impaired because of insufficient understanding of what is the meaning of learning and thence losing impetus of learning. But lacking adequate awareness of meaning of learning is understandable, since the students are not mature enough in intelligence. Under this circumstance, incentive provided by school become important. Incentive can act as guild leading students get an explicit meaning of learning by translating complex term of meaning into plain words. According to that, the animation of learning could be improved and well performance in study would be acquired.


这里用外甥上学的例子，尽管年龄很小，但是，来自老师的激励让他对于学习的意义有充分的认识，并因此确立了未来的学习方向，明白了只有不断的努力学习才能最终实现目标。

写了issue 58的提纲，麻烦王老师给看一下。

其实觉得还可以深挖，但是，感觉文章会变得非常复杂，容易把自己写乱。

tesolchinaUID：2191404

sokiller 发表于 2015-4-14 21:01
Issue 58 Learning is primarily a matter of personal discipline; students cannot be motivated by scho ...

已点评

sokillerUID：3446082

tesolchina 发表于 2015-4-14 22:31
已点评

收到 再改 3Q

KssandraUID：2766998

Issue 3觉得题目比较温和，只写了提纲，留到后面有时间再写全文。


Issue 4有点可怕，考虑了很长时间才开始计时动笔，写的过程中也是边写边改，最后超过了十多分钟才写完。写完后也觉得不知所云，修改了不少。


Argument 2在规定时间内写完了，并且还修改了前一半。语法和拼写错误并不多，希望后面能提高速度，写完之后能来得及通读修改一遍。


今天一次发了比较多，谢谢老师！

风要幸福哦UID：3583102

4月25号一战
因为是在职，复习时间有限，花在作文上的精力很少，这是第二次写，请老师帮忙修改
多谢~~

风要幸福哦UID：3583102

刚才附件没添加上去。。

tesolchinaUID：2191404

Kssandra 发表于 2015-4-15 10:34
Issue 3觉得题目比较温和，只写了提纲，留到后面有时间再写全文。

Every individual has different talents, and with education we know that we are good about and not that good about. 你的主题句竟然没有回应题目  完全没有提应不应该dissuade  
Education is an investment; student are discouraged when forced to things they are good at and may even give up pursuing things they are good at after failures.
不懂你这句话在说什么   


It also enables the society to use the time and education resource on the most worthy things.
这里的it指的是什么？  

你写的句子我都看不懂 汗  

tesolchinaUID：2191404

Kssandra 发表于 2015-4-15 10:34
Issue 3觉得题目比较温和，只写了提纲，留到后面有时间再写全文。

scandal 这篇行文还不错
  
但是对于题干中  because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could. 似乎回应得不够  

而且你还是面临一个自圆其说的问题 中间第三段 感觉就是推翻了前两段的观点

你还是在写正正反的模式  未能分情况讨论