[推荐]Naiba369 AW修改提高法 1《庖奶解狗》【真是案例版】

naiba369UID：131655

这是一个同学写的argument，他的问题也是大家基本都曾遇到的。（没遇到的，自己也可以给自己事先提个醒）。针对argument，采用【庖奶解狗】法，自我感觉还不错，基本可以将他的混乱的逻辑思路理出个头绪来。也是一种对自己逻辑思维的训练吧．关键是对这种“方法”很能理清自己纷繁复杂的思路。大家可以试试，不过比较耗时间，如实说:(

这里要提醒大家的是：一定不要轻视augument，这个到后面你就明白了，特别是那些思维上问题不大的同学（issue至少有思想）要特别注意！！！


这是原文，链接找不到了。

题目Argument 232
The following appeared in a memo from the sales manager of Eco-Power, a company that manufactures tools and home appliances.
"Many popular radio and television commercials use memorable tunes and song lyrics to call attention to the products being advertised. Indeed, a recent study of high school students showed that 85 percent could easily recognize the tunes used to advertise leading soft drinks and fast-food restaurants. Despite our company's extensive advertising in magazines during the past year, sales of our home appliances declined. Therefore, to boost company profits, we should now switch to advertisements featuring a distinctive song."

正文
In this argument, the arguer asserts that the company should switch to advertisements featuring a distinctive song to boost company profits. He/she imputes the declined sales to the fact that they only make advertisement in magazines and provides the study that shows the high school students mostly could easily recognize the tunes used to advertise leading soft drinks and fast-food restaurants. With a careful examination, we can quickly find several fallacies in this argument.

First of all, the arguer makes a wrong analogy between the soft drinks or fast-food and the home appliances. Home appliances are bought-once products while fast-food and soft drinks makes repeated buying. Therefore the song can be much helpful to maintain their frequent consumers, otherwise, no one will repeat buying home appliances at least in short times. If this really happens, the quality of products of this company is problematic. Another reason should be realized is that home appliances cost more than soft drinks and fast-foods, therefore consumers take more consideration before they choose products from one company.

Secondly, the arguer overlooks the difference of the buyers of the home appliances and the fast-food. It is obviously that the latter are largely housewives or other adults who can not remember the advertising tunes and lyrics as easily as the high school students. So the distinctive song would not be more attractive for them. The young people always pursue the fashion novelties and are fond of exciting music. On the contrast, as the group that regards the substantial function mostly, the housewives will choose the products of the best quality and the good fame. Thus the company should put more attention on their manufacturing process to raise their sales and profits.

The last but not the least, the arguer does not provide any evidence to show that the declination of the products sales is related to their advertisements. The decrease of the sales, undoubtedly, should be attributed to several factors, such as the depression of the whole economy or the deterioration of their product’s quality. And the cost of advertisements on TV or radio would probably be much higher that it on the magazines, which may lead to the profits declination. So the company should make more careful surveys and analysis to find the real crux, not to change their advertisements in haste.

To sum up, the evidence cited in the argument is vague and not convincing, as discussed above, thus does not lead strong support to the conclusion that the arguer maintains. To make it logically acceptable, the author should have to demonstrate that the declined sale of the home appliances is because of their advertisement. Additionally, whether it will be more beneficial if the company choose the songs as their advertising should be thought over. Only with more convincing evidence could this argument become a more valid one instead of just a cursory conclusion.

naiba369UID：131655

颜色说明一下
1。红色，表示“错误”
2。洋红，表示“用法欠妥当”
3。蓝色，是我的批注
4。绿色，表示“很精彩的文字”

缩写说明：
1。用P（part）1表示 句子的第几部分。


题目Argument 232
The following appeared in a memo from the sales manager of Eco-Power, a company that manufactures tools and home appliances.
"Many popular radio and television commercials use memorable tunes and song lyrics to call attention to the products being advertised. Indeed, a recent study of high school students showed that 85 percent could easily recognize the tunes used to advertise leading soft drinks and fast-food restaurants. Despite our company's extensive advertising in magazines during the past year, sales of our home appliances declined. Therefore, to boost company profits, we should now switch to advertisements featuring a distinctive song."

题目拆分分析

前提（因）
1。.Many popular radio and television commercials use memorable tunes and song lyrics to call attention to the products being advertised.

2。Indeed, a recent study of high school students showed that 85 percent could easily recognize the tunes used to advertise leading soft drinks and fast-food restaurants.

3。Despite our company's extensive advertising in magazines during the past year, sales of our home appliances declined.

结论（果）

to boost company profits, we should now switch to advertisements featuring a distinctive song."

正文：

In this argument, the arguer asserts that the company should switch 建议还一个词，比如: change等等。 to advertisements featuring a distinctive song to boost company profits. He/she The arguer imputes the declined sales to the fact that they only make advertisement in magazines and provides the study that shows the high school students mostly could easily recognize the tunes used to advertise leading soft drinks and fast-food restaurants.这句话太长了。建议你拆开。我的该法是：The arguer imputes the declined sales to the fact that they only advertised in magazines. To advocate this assertion, the arguer provides a study on high school students. With a careful examination, we can quickly find several fallacies in this argument.

小结：开始写argu的时候基本都是这样子。用模板。将原题目拆开，再有机组合。倘若要往高级阶段发展。你就必须要有“thesis（主题）” 的意识，最好直接指出，这篇argument犯了什么逻辑错误。

这里给你复习一下常见的推理/逻辑错误的中英文表达法：1。强词夺理（begging the question）2。无关问题（red herring）3。推不出来（non sequitur）4.虚假困境（either-or）5.一面之词(stacked evidence) 6。在次之后，因此之故（post hoc）7.仓促概括（hasty generalization）8.人身攻击（ad hominem）9.偷还概念（inconsistent connection and extension）10.道德连坐（guilt by association）11.搭斜坡（slippery slope）12.转移话题（extension）13。制造虚假需求（create false needs）14.利用从众心理（bandwagon appeal）15.待定假设（problematic assumption）


First of all, the arguer makes a wrong analogy between the soft drinks or fast-food and the home appliances.很好的趋势。一下击中前提1的要害。指明它是一个错误类比（横向的）赞一个！ Home appliances are bought-once products while fast-food and soft drinks makes repeated buying. 不够严密。只能说home appliance买的机会没有fast-food 和soft drinks那么多罢了.我的改法：Generally speaking, one may buy home appliances just several times while consume numerous fast-food and soft drinks. Therefore the song 有点指代不清的感觉。改为：the songs specialized for food and drinks can be much helpful to maintain 感觉不是很好的那种词。但我也没什么好词。:p their frequent consumers, otherwise, no one will repeat buying home appliances at least in short times. 这个推断有点站不住脚。你只能正着从条件推出结果。但是反着却不一定能推出来。因为顾客的“忠诚度”不完全是由于那些动人的歌曲（这招在初级阶段还算有用，但过了几次后，当顾客记住了这个品牌后，这就不是最关键的因素了。而像质量、服务、样式。。。将会成为更关键的因素）If this really happens, the quality of products of this company is problematic.看！你在这里就提到了。可见你的思维够了，关键还是表述的问题。仅仅从行文上看，给人的感觉就是你思维不够严密 Another reason should be realized is that home appliances cost more than soft drinks and fast-foods, therefore consumers take more consideration before they choose products from one company. 你比较爱用“therefore”.这里可以尝试着用”because“，不至于句式表达的太单调。还是要强调”意识1“―――替换雷同词。我的改法：Moreover, because home appliances cost more than soft drinks and fast-foods, so consumers may take more consideration before the purchase.从这个句子还暴露另一个问题就是，”不要凑字！！！“，这个句子的products from one company.很有凑字的嫌疑。

小结：这个论据的犯的毛病抓的很准！要继续发扬这种写法和感觉。但整个body很单薄（你的老问题了！！！）。究其原因还是你不会展开。下面给你具体的、针对性的分析，嘿嘿，这招是我新想出来的，起名叫”庖奶解狗”法，嘿嘿（augument是“阿狗”，issue是“阿鼠” 谐音了。）什么时候来个“庖奶解鼠”法，嘿嘿，正在构思估计更繁琐！！！巨耗时！！！最有成效！！！……6分的备考策略！！呵呵。

首先。把这段一共5个句子。下面具体针对性分析。（后面用S(sentences)1表示第一句）

1。First of all, the arguer makes a wrong analogy between the soft drinks or fast-food and the home appliances. 你先一针见血的提出了次论据犯了错误的横向类比。到这很好。5分的起评分。嘿嘿。看你下面是如何衔接的。

2。Home appliances are bought-once products while fast-food and soft drinks makes repeated buying. 这是你的第一个切入点是：家居用品只买一次，而吃喝要买很多。但思维的逻辑连贯性不够。S1后面最好来这么一句：They are two types of products.  Home appliances are durable, they may used for a long time. While fast-food and soft drinks are both daily consumptions.然后继续举例，深入都行。比如我习惯像下面这样写,将抽象问题具体化。就是俗称的“抬杠“嘿嘿：one may buy only one piece of home appliance with the comparison of 60 hamburgers in a same month.我然后继续：Thus, we can not take the same sales promotion advertisement for such two different kinds of products.这样一来，即使不用凑字，也很饱满了。而对比你的寥寥数字，是不是更好呢？ 这还是你的一个问题！―――不会展开，该详细的时候没有深入下去


3。Therefore the song can be much helpful to maintain their frequent consumers, otherwise, no one will repeat buying home appliances at least in short times.抛开上面我的分析，继续看你的表述，对比一下看看问题在哪。S2只说明了它们2者的使用频率不同。你没有分析。来到S3。直接就therefore了，是不是思维不连续吧。别以为这是什么好的，这不是思维跳跃的地方！ 这样看问题就很明显了。S1才说了“这哥们俩不像“到了S2就蹦出来个“因此，他们真的不像！”是不是很突兀（基本是这个意思）。然后在看你的otherwise后面的。又是很“跳跃”你说no one will repeat buying home appliances at least in short times.但这能从Therefore the song can be much helpful to maintain their frequent consumers直接得来吗。嘿嘿，你这个逻辑还跳的大了，把我绕进去了。你自己最明白。用中文给我描述一下，谢谢

4。If this really happens, the quality of products of this company is problematic.S3的跳跃还没完，你又开始跳了。嘿嘿，quduan的“三级” 具体看你的：S4你先说 If this really happens （用P（part）1表示）然后讲：the quality of products of this company is problematic。那么S1P1中的this指的是什么，这首先是各个问题，因为你的跳跃过于频繁（嘿嘿，就如毛片不能多看一样。嘿嘿）这里必然“指代不清” 我猜你的这个this指的是S3P2,即：no one will repeat buying home appliances at least in short times 那么和S4P2，即the quality of products of this company is problematic中间又出现了一个逻辑错误。“段时间里没有人买家居用品”不能推出“其家居产品的质量有问题”。因为本身家居用品就是一种“非经常消耗品”。怕怕，改你的文章本身就是一篇具有“三级”“扭转”逻辑错误的argument，呵呵哈，开玩笑了

5。Another reason should be realized is that home appliances cost more than soft drinks and fast-foods, therefore consumers take more consideration before they choose products from one company. S5提出第二个切入点：基于价格因素，人们买家居用品较吃喝更谨慎。你没说出的话是：“因此它们两者不同”，这个还是要说的，在这里才是适合凑字的地方。然后就没下文了。你的又一个毛病―――“该深入敌后的时候却戛然而止！” 怪不得BODY很单薄呢！把这个再展开这个body基本才能叫厚实(仅从字数上来看)。如果我写（嘿嘿，MR梁的口气），我就这样写: Another reason should be realized is that home appliances cost more than soft drinks and fast-foods. So consumers will take more consideration before their purchase. On the contrast, people will never waste any more second to think about whether they will buy a 1USD hamburg or not. Certainly, the advertisements will be quite different on those two kinds of products.

给你留个作业，2天内交：就按照我这种“庖奶解狗”法把你后面的2个body，自己拆开好好分析一下呢。自己不动手是不行的！！！ 别嫌形式繁琐，这就是学习！！！

再把我改写过的B1整合起来，你再对照一下有什么区别：

First of all, the arguer makes a wrong analogy between the soft drinks or fast-food and the home appliances. Home appliances are bought-once products while fast-food and soft drinks makes repeated buying They are two types of products. Home appliances （改为：The former ）are durable; they may used for a long time. While fast-food and soft drinks（改为：the latter） are both daily consumptions. One may buy only one piece of home appliance with the comparison of 60 hamburgers in a same month. Thus, we can not take the same sales promotion advertisement for such two different kinds of products. Another reason should be realized is that home appliances cost more than soft drinks and fast-foods. So consumers will take more consideration before their purchase. On the contrast, people will never waste any more second to think about whether they will buy a 1USD hamburg or not. Certainly, the advertisements will be quite different on those two products.


至少字数多了，跳跃少了，可能话是“车轱辘，碾来碾去”，但这就是western critical thinking (这是我目前的对critical thinking的理解，这样推理方式也许就是为什么西方哲学研究的方式总是“细微化”，是“非物即我”的过分简单“二元化”（笛卡儿首创）他们是一步一步的，总想层层剖开。而中国的传统哲学（《易经》，《道德经》，……）习惯从整体考虑（天地人神，太和，……，）这个问题以后有机会再展开说，这几天在复习西方哲学史，并开始对照思考中国传统哲学与前者的差异。中医和西医就是这种两种不同哲学思维模式下的具体体现。嘿嘿。说的远了)



Secondly, the arguer overlooks the difference of the buyers of the home appliances and the fast-food.批驳的前提2但可惜的是不是从最直接的角度，比如说到study本能的反应是：1。这个是谁做的？2。怎么做的？有代表性吗？3。数据是如何处理的？4。权威性如何？可信度怎样？5。学生能代表消费主题吗？（你选择了最后一个角度，嘿嘿，很难得，不过还是要先跳最重要的说，不要舍本逐末，给自己招麻烦！而对于“消费主体”你也回应的不好！又挑了一个很怪的角度！中文玩多了！不难的，不怪的，哥们咱不弄？） It is obviously that the latter are largely housewives or other adults who can not remember the advertising tunes and lyrics as easily as the high school students. So the distinctive song would not be more attractive for them. The young people always pursue the fashion novelties and are fond of exciting music. On the contrast, as the group that regards the substantial function mostly, the housewives will choose the products of the best quality and the good fame. Thus the company should put more attention on their manufacturing process to raise their sales and profits.

小结：建议安重要性的先后次序顺序来组织逻辑

The last but not the least, the arguer does not provide any evidence to show that the declination of the products sales is related to their advertisements. The decrease of the sales, undoubtedly, should be attributed to several factors, such as the depression of the whole economy or the deterioration of their product’s quality. And the cost of advertisements on TV or radio would probably be much higher that it on the magazines, which may lead to the profits declination. So the company should make more careful surveys and analysis to find the real crux, not to change their advertisements in haste.

【庖奶解狗】法：

The last but not the least, the arguer does not provide any evidence to show that the declination of the products sales is related to their advertisements.直接说。 company's extensive advertising in magazines during the past year而导致 sales of our home appliances declined.这种假设是错误的，比你那种很隐讳的说，他们没有什么直接关联要更“一针见血”的多！ 我的改法：The last but not the least, the arguer make a unproved hypothesis that—the more investment on advertisement, the more declination of products sales will be.


The decrease of the sales, undoubtedly, should be attributed to several factors, such as the depression of the whole economy or the deterioration of their product’s quality.这种举例论证的方法很好，但还不够深入。记得ETS范文里面是如何举例的吗？很具体的7～8个一句话例子。我的改法： The decrease of the sales, undoubtedly, should be attributed to several factors. Is it concerned with the depression of the whole economy situation?  Is it related with low quality of the new products? Are the prices of those raw materials always rising? Are the style of the products are out fashioned?...

And the cost of advertisements on TV or radio would probably be much higher that it on the magazines, which may lead to the profits declination.

So the company should make more careful surveys and analysis to find the real crux, not to change their advertisements in haste.恰恰把关于survey的东西丢了。来再复习一遍：1。这个是谁做的？2。怎么做的？有代表性吗？3。数据是如何处理的？4。权威性如何？可信度怎样？


To sum up, the evidence cited in the argument is vague and not convincing, as discussed above, thus does not lead strong support to the conclusion that the arguer maintains. To make it logically acceptable, the author should have todemonstrate that the declined sale of the home appliances is because of their advertisement很好的苗头，逐渐有感觉了，嘿嘿，哥们的真是水平这才有所表现。。。小宇宙。。。爆发呀。。。:p. Additionally, whether it will be more beneficial if the company choose the songs as their advertising should be thought over. Only with more convincing evidence could this argument become a more valid one instead of just a cursory conclusion.

总结：
加油了！其实很不错的。建议你把我给你修改过的这篇文章中提到的问题好好再自己思考一下。最好是重写一遍。至少脑子里要过一遍。有你要干的活儿了

恩，加油呢！（改了4个多小时）

thinking in GTUID：195028

期待……

so猫UID：148633

1。强词夺理（begging the question）2。无关问题（red herring）3。推不出来（non sequitur）4.虚假困境（either-or）5.一面之词(stacked evidence) 6。在次之后，因此之故（post hoc）7.仓促概括（hasty generalization）8.人身攻击（ad hominem）9.偷还概念（inconsistent connection and extension）10.道德连坐（guilt by association）11.搭斜坡（slippery slope）12.转移话题（extension）13。制造虚假需求（create false needs）14.利用从众心理（bandwagon appeal）15.待定假设（problematic assumption）


偶稀饭这个
谢谢naiba

naiba369UID：131655

最初由 so猫 发布
[B]1。强词夺理（begging the question）2。无关问题（red herring）3。推不出来（non sequitur）4.虚假困境（either-or）5.一面之词(stacked evidence) 6。在次之后，因此之?.

以下省略...... [/B]

喜欢就好:D

davidjackyUID：135962

谢谢，学习中，

chinhoiUID：173262

搬个板凳，慢慢学习
随便说句啊，图例里面的那个绿色很舒服
可是修改的那个绿色有点亮了，整段看着有点点刺眼……

naiba369UID：131655

最初由 chinhoi 发布
[B]搬个板凳，慢慢学习
随便说句啊，图例里面的那个绿色很舒服
可是修改的那个绿色有点亮了，整段看着有点点刺眼…… [/B]

好，这就改

so猫UID：148633

naiba 去看看我的issue154吧 在我签名档里有连接~

naiba369UID：131655

最初由 so猫 发布
[B]naiba 去看看我的issue154吧 在我签名档里有连接~ [/B]

猫，我这周可真是没休息呀。

平均每天睡3～4个小时

原本想着今天好好玩呢

结果写着来感觉了

嘿嘿

这周的澡还没洗呢

后面定给你改

什么时候呢

是签名档那个时间吗

punkerzmUID：195528

最近时间比较紧，机子上在装LINUX和新版MATLAB，所以连作文都不能怎么写了，抓紧时间把你说的几点大概改了一遍，觉得对B1你的评价确实非常的有道理，可惜我写的时候没有注意到，由此我得出的一点就是要老老实实的论证自己的观点，尽量把论点说清楚

但是后面的改动就不是很多，对B2，我真的觉得从购买人的性质来分是比较客观的，因为我也没有理由证明调查究竟在其他方面究竟是否合理，但是可以像B1一样根据常识判断消费者的身份不同所以广告的效果也不会一样，这可能是我对题目理解的问题。

B3按照你的指点也改了一些，我总觉得其实可说的很多，但要统统展开时间不允许而且主次也不会特别分明，所以总是先把开始想到的写上，希望我自己以后能在构思上更准确一些

以后咱还会再接再厉的


In this argument, the arguer asserts that the company should change to advertisements featuring a distinctive song to boost company profits. The arguer imputes the declined sales to the fact that they only make advertisement in magazines. In order to prove this point, he/she provides the study that shows the high school students mostly could easily recognize the tunes used to advertise leading soft drinks and fast-food restaurants. With a careful examination, we can quickly find several fallacies in this argument.

First of all, the arguer makes a wrong analogy between the soft drinks or fast-food and the home appliances. Home appliance is quite different from the soft drinks and fast-food. The former is durable and could be used for a long time, while the latter are daily consumptions. One may buy a boiler with the comparison of sixty hamburgers in a same month. Thus, the consumers, generally speaking, do not purchase the latter as frequently as the former. Another reason should be realized is that home appliances cost more than soft drinks and fast-foods, therefore consumers will take more consideration before they choose products from one company. On the contrast, people rarely waste a lot of time to think about whether they should buy a hamburger or not. In this case, because of the different attributes, the same advertising method for these two products will have dissimilar effects.     

Secondly, the arguer overlooks the difference of the buyers of the home appliances and the fast-food. It is obviously that the latter are largely housewives or other adults who can not remember the advertising tunes and lyrics as easily as the high school students. So the distinctive song would not be more attractive for them. The young people always pursue the fashion novelties and are fond of exciting music. On the contrast, as the group that regards the substantial function mostly, the housewives will choose the products of the best quality and the good fame. Thus the company should put more attention on their manufacturing process to raise their sales and profits.

The last but not the least, the arguer makes a unproved hypothesis that the lack of effective advertisement leads to the declination of the products sales. The decrease of the sales, undoubtedly, should be attributed to several factors. Is it concerned with the depression of the whole economy situation? Is it related with low quality of the new products? Are the prices of those raw materials always rising? Is the style of the products out fashioned? And the cost of advertisements on TV or radio would probably be much higher that it on the magazines, which may lead to the profits declination. So the company should make more careful surveys and analysis to find the real crux, not to change their advertisements in haste.

To sum up, the evidence cited in the argument is vague and not convincing, as discussed above, thus does not lead strong support to the conclusion that the arguer maintains. To make it logically acceptable, the author should have to demonstrate that the declined sale of the home appliances is because of their advertisement. Additionally, whether it will be more beneficial if the company choose the songs as their advertising should be thought over. Only with more convincing evidence could this argument become a more valid one instead of just a cursory conclusion.

xavierokUID：135921

俺学习学习，非常好啊
谢谢！

lzzUID：117263

支持naiba  支持 :)

poohUID：146994

支持这种有创意的学习方法！

2611UID：196959

有收获，多谢~~