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丽莎
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2012-10-10 10:16:57 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由丽莎于 2015-8-7 22:24 编辑

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xiaotaozi0518
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沙发

发表于 2012-10-10 20:10:40 |只看该作者

学习了我注意到LZ在举例子的时候自己的和别人的都有例举结尾有suggestion 整体结构是2-1 句式长短结合

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丽莎
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板凳

发表于 2012-10-11 13:41:13 |只看该作者

xiaotaozi0518 发表于 2012-10-10 20:10
学习了我注意到LZ在举例子的时候自己的和别人的都有例举结尾有suggestion 整体结构是2-1 句式长短结合

其实，这些例子都是瞎编的，但每次发现说身边的例子时候，而不是名人，就会字数猛增。于是写了500+

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mpromanus
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地板

发表于 2012-10-14 20:38:41 |只看该作者

Do you agree or disagree with the statement: Compared with people who live in cities, people who live in rural areas can take better care of families.

Nowadays, the most unreachable in the modern world is the tendency of supporting families with rapture (1. you usually would use 'rapture' as in the phrase 'to be in raptures', not to do things 'with rapture'; 2. 'rapture' means 'intense delight/enthusiasm', to the degree of almost as if on a drug – it's a very intense word, with a degree of suddenness implied. It does NOT mean the same thing as 'enthusiasm' or 'happiness'; 3. I don't understand why supporting families with enthusiasm would be 'unreachable'..), which is argued in the statement that individuals in various regions pay attention to their family members in different degrees. Personally speaking, I welcome this issue on a subjective view incontrovertibly (Repetition with 'subjective'. Plus, I still don't know what your exact stand is – do you agree, or disagree with the statement at all? Being subjective doesn't mean you have no stand on the statement – if you think the statement is true in some scenarios and not true in others, then you're not agreeing with the statement. That has no interference with being subjective and all. A clear stand is particularly important for you because your writing is, in fact, more cumbersome than average..). There are three conspicuous aspects about the statement.

First and foremost, the people living in the countryside are able to spend much more leisure time with their relatives, undoubtedly. No extra work, no comparison with the wealthy, the only affair should farmers concern is their families except several acres of land (You are making several assumptions here: 1. wealthy people don't live in the countryside; 2. only farmers live in the countryside; 3. the amount of a farmer's work on 'several acres of land' is not 'extra', compared to the amount of work that people living the city do..and none of this is necessarily true.). John Shelton, my closed uncle (There's only 'close relative', not a 'closeD uncle'..), is one of the typical examples. Uncle John lives in the small village of South China (1. I would not expect a farmer in rural South China to have an English name..it'll be better if you invent a Chinese name for him because what exactly his Chinese name is doesn't matter, but if a farmer in rural China has an English name then that's quite odd; 2. there are many small villageS in South China, which one is your 'THE small village'? THE is a definite article, which means there's one single, specific small village you're talking about.), and he cultures the farm land to support the whole family. My uncle invariably tells me that he works hard and the yield cannot be controlled by human beings. Thus, he concentrates more on the study of his son and checks the son's homework from time to time. Besides, he may do some housework in his spare time, just like cooking, washing dishes, making bed. What factor strengthens the relationship of my uncle's family, I believe, is dwelling in the rural. (I don't see why this should be the factor: all these things that your uncle does that can be seen as 'strengthens the relationship', I don't see why they can only be done by dwelling in the rural area. A person living in the city CAN have time to check his son's homework. He CAN do housework in his spare time. He CAN do all these as long as he chose to – as your uncle has chosen to. You've even said that your uncle 'works hard', so I can't even reason that your uncle has all this spare time because his workload is lighter than an average city-dweller..)

In addition, the relaxing atmosphere enables the folks to be easygoing with families. I can figure out no better illustration than the instance of my own visit to the countryside. Last year, my father, mother and I went to Lai Xi, one of the small rural areas in China, and we lived there for a month. Beyond my wildest imagination, the time there passed without any laborious but full of rapture. And my father and I went to the farm for planting some crops occasionally, which facilitated the better relationship between us considerably. The fresh air, fragment scent, singing birds captured all the eyes from us (This means more like that they literally took your eyes away..). During this period, my family made no quarrel which is quite rare. Strongly, this may prove the statement that people living in countryside taking great after families.(Hold that thought. Do you think your family is happy together for a month because you were VACATIONING IN THE COUNTRYSIDE or because you were simply VACATIONING? Is the countryside the sole cause of your family's happiness, or is that and that you went there with the intention to relax and enjoy yourselves and no intention to do any 'boring' work associated with the city at all? Is this really the same as 'living' permanently in the countryside? Think about it.)

On the contrary, the heavy pressure in the competitive city is markedly ('markedly' what?). From born to now (This is like, such a direct translation from Chinese..), I have lived in the city for twenty years, which makes me have a little quality to judge the true life there. The chances that my father’s work is overnight is high, and I am even quite accustomed to it. He has no time but to deal with the countless troubles in his job, though he spends the spare time with me. As for me, I do not have much time as well due to the large burden of preparing for the TOEFL tests, let alone worrying about my family. (This is interesting because this reasoning has exactly the same problem as your very first one: none of these time-consuming things must be done only if you live in the city..think about this: if your family lives the countryside, your father can choose to do a busy job because it pays well or whatever reason, and you will still need to prepare for TOEFL all the same, yes? So the fact that you live in the city has NO bearing whatsoever on the fact that your father's job is busy and you're busy..In a nutshell, your family doesn't have time to look after each other because you're busy, NOT because you live the city..Why would you have a strong association that living the city == busy and living the countryside == relaxed, I don't know.) That is not a great choice for me and my father. Nevertheless, we cannot escape the arrangement.

In a nutshell, balancing the merits and the demerits of both sides, every one can figure out that the folks living in the country own the time and energy to spend with relatives. Furthermore, I think the pace that in the city should be slowed down sometimes, just like living in the rural, to take more care of families. (As been said, I don't see how you can arrive at this conclusion. You've basically described city-living as busy and countryside-living as relaxed, but you didn't PROVE that they indeed are. What you've been trying to say is: 'because the city is busy and the countryside is relaxed, people living in the countryside has more time to take care of their families', but the 'because' part of this reasoning is not a valid assumption to start with, and you didn't manage to persuade me that this is a reasonable assumption.)

总结：

语法用词神马的比较好，但是论述上说，你说了半天其实都是在一个调子上转：‘城市里节奏快时间不够啊！乡下很轻松时间很多啊！所以住乡下可以好好照顾家庭啊！’然后你就去描述城市里的生活怎么时间不够怎么节奏太快，乡下的生活怎么轻松写意。。但是问题是，你描述的那些怎么时间不够怎么轻松写意的表现，其实跟你住在城里还是乡下根本无关。。尤其比如你说我要准备托福啊我时间不够啊我跟我爹没时间一起玩啊，那你难道住在城里要准备托福，住在乡下就不用准备托福了么！= = 所说你所描述的忙啊还是轻松啊，其实并没有限定只能出现在住在城里或者住在乡下时候的，论述就变成想当然而。你当然可以写住在城里很忙住在乡下很轻松，但是要注意下具体的描述，确定你所说城里很忙的那些东西你可以说住在乡下不必要做这些东西所以乡下比较轻松，或者反之。。

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