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[作文] 【独立写作】westfalia作业贴 [复制链接]

westfalia
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2012-10-16 12:08:07 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 westfalia 于 2013-1-18 04:11 编辑

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1450941-1-2.html
1.16日作文题目

1.16~17
Do you agree or disagree following statement? Students are more interested in politics than before. (politics)
这应该就是一个比较的话题了不是说难写，应该是说多了更多的对比句式，过去怎么样现在怎么样所以我的论点是这样。就当练习对比句吧。-

1.like surfing internet ;not politics,like all entertainment news not just politics
2.more freedom;like to find their own style to live a life ,such as travel around the world or collect postcards
3.politics are now more easily to take part in and out. ...?....ioi

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秋雨荆州
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沙发

发表于 2012-10-18 23:20:40 |只看该作者

加油~

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westfalia
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板凳

发表于 2012-10-19 23:55:23 |只看该作者

秋雨荆州发表于 2012-10-18 23:20
加油~

一直有一个问题插一句话··版主到底是GG还是MM啊
这点有不同的人跟我说不同的啊。。大家都很好奇哎╮(╯▽╰)╭

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秋雨荆州
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地板

发表于 2012-10-20 01:04:31 |只看该作者

westfalia 发表于 2012-10-19 23:55
一直有一个问题插一句话··版主到底是GG还是MM啊
这点有不同的人跟我说不同的啊。。大家都很好奇哎╮( ...

男:lol

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westfalia
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发表于 2012-10-20 04:22:08 |只看该作者

10.19日独立作文【这篇斗胆请romanus兄台修改了】【个人认为作文题目属于简单类型的了不过自己做起来还是比较棘手想半天原因。。】
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television has destroyed communication among friends and family. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Nowadays，media such as internet and television has becoming a very significant part in one’s life.Individuals especially those employees who don't have adequate time for entertainments usually choose watching TV rather than having a chat with their relatives.With occupying time, alienating friends and makes less topics on
,television has becoming a barrier that balks individuals against their social relationship.

First and foremost,television changes individuals' life that they prefer spending more time on television programs than getting together with their family and friends.Instead of an activity that doing together, watching television alone let friendship and family bonds undermined more quickly.Watching plays with concentration. the individuals usually don't want to be disturbed.At the same time ,talks surrounded by individuals(想表述他们之间的谈话) were minimized.Entertainments catches individual's time which communications should take.(娱乐占用了本应是交流的时间)

The second, television makes individuals alienate friends and parents involuntary. Like Hiking and shopping, all these kinds of activities can strengthen individual's relationship, but now they are replaced by watching television mostly.Earlier, individuals can cook and share cooking experiences with family in the kitchen,but television makes them lazier and don't want to spend time on exchange information with older people. Everybody can watch their own television without the communication with someone else's. Without interaction, television makes individuals happier as much as lonelier.

Last but not the least,television programs makes individuals have less topics when they are trying to communicate with each other.What television tells cannot be moved out to the real world,so individuals will find they have nothing to say to their relations since they don't know what happens now around him,but what happens now around the TV program.

In generally,televisions destroy communications.But if a man have strict discipline,and can distinguish realities from unrealities ,then the television should not be a problem.For most individuals,television is still harmful to communication with family and friends.

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mpromanus
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6楼

发表于 2012-10-21 01:27:54 |只看该作者

westfalia 发表于 2012-10-20 04:22
10.19日独立作文【这篇斗胆请romanus兄台修改了】【个人认为作文题目属于简单类型的了不过自己做起来还 ...

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television has destroyed communication among friends and family. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Nowadays，media such as the internet and television has become a very significant part in one’s life. Individuals, especially those employees who don't have adequate time for entertainments usually choose watching TV rather than having a chat with their relatives.(This is specifically about 'those employees who don't have adequate time for entertainments'. Generally, you don't have such specific points in the introduction – you're not going into detailed argument yet. If you put this information in the introduction, then your essay will be expected to talk about 'those employees' – which I don't think you meant to do.) With occupying time (What does this phrase mean? 'occupying' is a progressive form, not a noun. The use of progressive be-ing forms as nouns, eg. reading, are in fact not a generalizable rule.), alienating friends and makes (This 'makes' is in 3rd person singular present tense, but 'occupying' and 'alienating' are progressive participles. They do not agree with each other. Please go revise your verb tenses and agreement rules – make sure you know when to use what form of the verb.) fewer topics on, television has becoming (This is the second time you make this mistake, and in the same paragraph. has/have + perfect participle, not progressive be-ing.) a barrier that balks individuals against their social relationship.

First and foremost, television changes individuals' life that they prefer spending more time on television programs than getting together with their family and friends. Instead of an activity that doing together (This reads '..an activity that [the activity] doing together'. It should be either 'an activity that is done together', in which case the subject is kept constant, OR 'an activity that THEY do together'. In any case, the form 'do-ing' definitely is wrong. You seem to have a tendency to use a progressive –ing form to mean anything.), watching television alone lets friendship and family bonds be undermined (Again, either you 'undermine' something, or you let something 'BE undermined'. Apparently you don't handle verb forms very well – this is going to undermine your essay completely if not corrected.) more quickly. Watching plays with concentration, the individuals usually don't want to be disturbed. At the same time, talks surrounded by individuals (You mean, 'conversations between individuals'..) were minimized. Entertainments catches individual's time which communications should take. (What you're trying to say is more likely 'entertainment has taken up the time used for communications', but I'd just throw a 'entertainment has outplaced/ousted communication'. Good, accurate use of verbs can make your sentences more powerful and precise – non-native students tend to stick with a few familiar verbs, esp. omnipotent, vague ones like 'make', 'have', and put everything else they want to say in very long noun phrases. This makes their essays long-winded and inefficient.)

The second, television makes individuals alienate friends and parents involuntary (What do you mean by 'involuntary' parents? You have to be 'involuntary' about something, not just 'involuntary'.). Like Hiking and shopping, all these kinds of activities can strengthen individual's relationship, (If you say 'like.., all these kinds..' then your 'all these kinds of activities' do NOT include hiking and shopping. What you want to say, on the other hand, is 'Certain kinds of activities, like hiking and shopping, can..') but now they are replaced by watching television mostly. Earlier, individuals can cook and share cooking experiences with the family in the kitchen, but television makes them lazier and don't want to spend time on exchanging information with older people (Why particularly 'older people'? Do you mean TV watching only makes people unwilling to talk with older people?? What about my mum who doesn't want to talk to me when she watches her Korean drama?). Everybody can watch his/her own television without the communication with someone else's (If you keep the 's, this means 'everybody can watch his own TV without communication with someone else's TV..' = =). Without interaction, television makes individuals happier (I don’t see where you discussed this in this paragraph.) as much as lonelier.

Last but not the least, television programs makes individuals have less topics when they are trying to communicate with each other. What television tells cannot be moved out to the real world, so individuals will find they have nothing to say to their relations since they don't know what happens now around him, but what happens now around the TV program. (But you don't have to always talk about what happens now around you. Do you mean if you don't talk about what happens around you then you have nothing else to say? That means you can't say things like 'Toby wants to become a millionaire in 10 years!' or 'Our parents' neighbor's cat ate his neighbor's dog yesterday'. ^ ^ Think about it.)

In generally, televisions destroys communications.('communications' can mean anything from monkey calls to telepathy. You can't just drop 'among friends and family'. If you are doing this to avoid repetitiveness, try to rephrase.) But if a man have strict discipline, and can distinguish realities from unrealities, (I won't go into the whole philosophical preach about what 'reality' actually means, but you can't just assume television only has 'unrealities' and only outside television there's 'reality'..) then the television should not be a problem. For most individuals, the television is still harmful to communication with family and friends.

总结：

你最大的问题是动词用得很不好，不是说你意思用不对，而是形式错，时态啊分词啊这些语法。。尤其在句子比较复杂或者词汇比较生疏的地方，感觉几乎是不管时态不管形式随机来。。你的词汇量，特别是动词的词汇量，本来总体就不算大的感觉，所以请认真保证你至少能把你会的词汇都用对。论述上头两个点还好，第三个点就牵强 – 看电视就会不知道自己身边发生什么就会跟家人无话可说 – 难道说你家人只跟你谈身边发生的事情么别的完全不说么！（如果真有那样的家人，那这不是电视的问题这是家人的问题。。= =）顶多也只能说跟他们的共同话题变少了神马的。。所以措辞要稍微注意下。

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westfalia
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7楼

发表于 2012-10-21 19:18:41 |只看该作者

mpromanus 发表于 2012-10-21 01:27
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television has destroyed communication amon ...

感谢romanus牛。。
仔细看了一下
应该会有一些具体问题想发消息问你·~嘿嘿
多谢多谢

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westfalia
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发表于 2013-1-16 02:17:19 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 westfalia 于 2013-1-16 03:46 编辑

1.15
It is important to make sure that others know about your strengths and accomplishments; if you are not so,you will be never successful in life. (social life) -------------------

1.not you tell,  just they find you
2.too many fame makes one not free
3.in one's own place in peace and calm, one can easier go to success
4.can lead to a dramatic life ,bring vanity. which is not necessary. needless

Nowadays, an increasing individuals eager for their success in normal life, such as being a millionarie, a powerful businessman or a government leader. Many of them endorse that to ensure their success, one must show his strengths and accomplishments to others while others don't agree with it. In my opinion, it is not necessary to make sure that others know all the strengths and accomplishments that individual have got. It is because individuals don't need overmuch complishments in his progress which can become a bondage, and if everyone knew what he has done,  it is harder for individuals to have inner peace,which can be closer to success. What's more, an fair fame can bring individuals vanity while an ill fame brings individuals an upset mood.

It is advocated that individuals conceal their strengths and accomplishments because much of the prouds and admires will bound them. When others knows the strengths and accomplishments, the admire will drown and let one lost his original heart. A large amount of individuals fear to have failure after they become famous, and that is, of course not a right way to success. For example, in my primary school there used to have lots of talent children. But when they were an adult many years later, most of them have became a normal citizen not an sicientist. Almost every of them showed their talents in the primary school, and then after a while, they were forgotted by mass because they have fear and don't want to take new steps to success. Individuals can be easier to success without a bondage, and be gave too many compliments can entice such a bondage.

Secondly, the place where individuals can unearth his inner depths is obviously not easy to built while individuals let everyone knows every accomplishments and strengths, but only when individuals find that what they truly want can they be close to success. If an individual makes sure that all others knew about the strengths and accomplishments he had, it is harder for him to live in circumstances where he could feel tranquil. For example, Newton, Carl G. Jung and Nikola Tesla didn't show their accomplishments to gain applause, and they were all enjoy their loneliness. After all they are all successful.So it is not important to make sure everyone knows individual's work.

Last but not the least, the let-know is not important because the compliments what others gave may bring individuals vanity, and vanity is not necessary for individuals' success; the criticism may bring individuals sadness,and sadness is also not fit for individuals' success.

Above all, I endorse that it is not necessary and also not important to let others know individuals' information such as accomplishments and strengths which can hinder individuals to succcess through bounding individuals' acts, disturbing individuals' self-awareness and making them arrogant or inferiority.

写了很长时间了。。感觉自己是混沌鸟语法  错误单词很多啊
TT 貌似还偏题了是写是否重要写成了是否应该最后不知道在写神马

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/thread-849454-1-1.html

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