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themaxme
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2012-11-22 16:18:19 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The world is changing fast, people are less happy. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. (Society)

Granted, it is a world full of change: new research pops up everyday; hi-tech products renew the market. Yes, it seems that changes have taken up your daily life and dazzle your eyes. However, it is unfair to blame the unhappiness for these constant changes.

To begin with, it is change that enhances the quality of our life and that enjoy a whole new world. Think about how technology largely reshapes our life. This is best illustrated by industrial revolution. The invention of aircraft has enabled us to travel the world within day time, with which the beautiful scenery all over the world present in front of us. Another innovation is the evolution of power-electricity, which lights the night as bright as daytime, prevents us from sinking into utter darkness. In a word, all the astonishing revolution of human technology has boost the efficiency of life, and thus provide the a higher chance to enjoy a better life.

Moreover, in my point of view, happiness comes from within, rather than the exterior factors. Admittedly, modern individuals face various temptation and stress, such as drug addiction, working pressure and the list goes on and on. However, this can not be the excuse for your unhappiness. The point is that how you see the world reflects on yourself. My English teacher Stacy is a case in point. When she was at her forties, she learned that she had lung cancer .All of a sudden, it seemed to her the world collapsed. However, what really strikes her was that she did not want the rest of her time to be a gloomy self-pitying loser, instead she fought back to be a happy winner. What sounds more incredible is that she finally overcome the disease , and gain her life back. Hence, happiness belongs to yourself whatever happens.

From what I have been discussed , I believe that even though change prevails in modern society , a man can be happy regardless of external world.

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秋雨荆州
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沙发

发表于 2012-11-27 16:37:15 |只看该作者

抢个沙发坐坐;P

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themaxme
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板凳

发表于 2012-11-27 20:28:22 |只看该作者

讨厌。。。。。。我以为你给我改了咩。。。空欢喜一场。。。。

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秋雨荆州
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地板

发表于 2012-11-27 20:32:11 |只看该作者

我这水平不来事啊;P

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mpromanus
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5楼

发表于 2012-11-29 11:44:37 |只看该作者

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The world is changing fast, people are less happy. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Granted, it ('it' is a 3rd person pronoun. Such a pronoun needs a pre-established reference – in other words, your reader need to know what 'it' is before you can start using 'it'. If you just start saying 'it' out of the blue like this, I won't know what 'it' means at all. Even in Chinese you say 这this是一个充满变化的世界，not 它是一个充满变化的世界 if you haven't yet specified what 它 is..) is a world full of changes: new research pops up everyday; hi-tech products renew the market. Yes, it seems that changes have taken up your daily life and dazzled your eyes ('dazzle' by itself is perfectly fine. You don't say 'dazzle <someone's> eyes' as if translating from 闪瞎了我的眼睛..Either 'your eyes will dazzle', or 'dazzle <someone's> vision', or just 'dazzle'.). However, it is unfair to blame the unhappiness ('unhappiness' is already abstract and generic, so you don't need to use 'the' again. If you say 'the' unhappiness, you need to specify whose or what kind of unhappiness you're trying to pick out with 'the'.) on these constant changes.

To begin with, it is change that enhances the quality of our lives and that enjoys a whole new world. (This reads '..it is change that enjoys a whole new world'. What do you mean by 'change enjoys a whole new world'? Doesn't make much sense.) Think about how technology largely reshapes our life. This is best illustrated by the industrial revolution. The invention of the aircraft (THE industrial revolution refers to the particular one that started in England in the middle of the 18th century. The invention of the aircraft was not part of that revolution. What you actually meant to say seems to be the more generic idea of 'industrial revolutions'.) has enabled us to travel the world within day time (This actually means you are travelling the world only during the day, i.e. only when the sun is up. It's kind of an awkward expression because I can't quite think of why you would want to only travel during daytime.), during which the beautiful sceneries all over the world present themselves in front of us (You can only say people 'present', without an object phrase, where 'present' means 'to give a presentation'. If the subject is not a person, 'present' must have an object.). Another innovation is the evolution of power-electricity, which lights the night as brightly as daytime, preventing (Or '..and prevents us..'. You can't use just a comma to connect two independent sentences.) us from sinking into utter darkness. In a word, all the astonishing revolutions of human technology has boosted the efficiency of life, and thus provides the a higher chance to enjoy a better life. (But people not are necessarily happier just because their lives are now better – your reasoning about changes enabling better lives does NOT support that people are now happier because of changes..unless you specifically say, 'a better life means a happier life'. Your reasoning is only partial because you didn't really think about how the keywords in this paragraph connect to the keywords in the question, i.e. what you might call 点题..)

Moreover, in my point of view, happiness comes from within, rather than the exterior factors. Admittedly, modern individuals face various temptations and stress, such as drug addiction, working pressure and the list goes on and on. However, this cannot be the excuse for your unhappiness. The point is that how you see the world reflects on yourself. (I'm not sure whether you mean '..how you see the world and reflect on yourself', or '..how, as you see it, the world reflects on yourself'.) My English teacher Stacy is a case in point. When she was in her forties, she learned that she had lung cancer .All of a sudden, it seemed to her the world collapsed. However, what really strikes her was that she did not want the rest of her time to be a gloomy self-pitying loser (This actually reads '..she did not want her time to be a loser'.), instead she fought back to be a happy winner. What sounds more incredible is that she finally overcome the disease, and gain her life back. Hence, happiness belongs to yourself whatever happens. .(But what you said has nothing apparent to do with the actual question, which is, 'the world is changing fast, and this is implied to be the cause of people becoming less happy'. The only relevance this paragraph had was 'happiness'. Remember that you're arguing about a complete sentence, not just on one or two major keywords. It's very easy to lose your original question if you only think about categories like 'family', 'society' or 'education'. You have to have in your mind what exactly the sentence that you're trying to support or counter is.)

From what I have been discussing, I believe that even though change prevails in the modern society , a man can be happy regardless of the external world.

总结：

第一个分论点虽然没有点题不过其实还好，至少还有议论change的例子，第二个分论点就直接偏到只有关联happiness这一点上。。议论文要讨论的不是‘家庭’‘社会’‘教育’这种很宽泛的话题，而是一句很具体的范围很明确的statement和你对这句statement的看法，所以请注意不要只顾着捡一个关键字到盘子里哈。。

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