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[报名] “【独立写作】grace黄作业贴 [复制链接]

grace黄
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2013-2-4 16:21:10 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

今天刚写的作文，好久没有写过了。。。

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grace黄
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沙发

发表于 2013-2-4 16:26:44 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 grace黄于 2013-2-8 16:31 编辑

第一篇啊~求拍
第二篇啊~真心科学类不是我擅长，不知道在写什么
第三篇啦~还是写得好慢。。。下次我要提速啊

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秋雨荆州	+ 10	赞一个!加油~

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秋雨荆州
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板凳

发表于 2013-2-4 20:31:13 |只看该作者

欢迎加入写作互改啦~加油哦~

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grace黄
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地板

发表于 2013-2-5 08:16:35 |只看该作者

秋雨荆州发表于 2013-2-4 20:31
欢迎加入写作互改啦~加油哦~

谢谢，新手一只。。。请多指教

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lyq0930 UID：3397665 lyq0930 当前离线最后登录 2016-3-16 在线时间 64 小时寄托币 95 声望 93 注册时间 2012-11-16 阅读权限 5 帖子 27 精华 0 积分 192 UID 3397665 禁止发言声望 93 寄托币 95 注册时间 2012-11-16 精华 0 帖子 27 关注TA 加好友标签发消息	5楼发表于 2013-2-5 20:04:49 \|只看该作者提示: 作者被禁止或删除内容自动屏蔽

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grace黄
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6楼

发表于 2013-2-5 22:54:49 |只看该作者

lyq0930 发表于 2013-2-5 20:04
我看了你的文章后，觉得正如你所说的，用第一人称I会更好一点。也是我水平的原因，觉得用we来写，内容有点空 ...

我已经修改过了，还有一些不确定的地方，想请教一下你，能给我一些意见吗？谢谢，实在是麻烦你了
希望你也能尽快修改过你的作文，然后我们再交流啊~

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mpromanus
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8楼

发表于 2013-2-8 07:57:48 |只看该作者

grace黄发表于 2013-2-4 08:26
第一篇啊~求拍
第二篇啊~真心科学类不是我擅长，不知道在写什么

All scientific discoveries should be shared among all scientists all around the world; the government and businesses should not keep any discoveries in secret.

Some people argue that it's necessary for scientists to share their discoveries with all scientists around the world while others object to such an opinion by mentioning the property laws ('property' on its own often refers to real estate assets – houses, land, that kind of thing – the 'property' that you discuss here is a special kind called 'intellectual property'.) that prevents others from using someone's discovery without limits.(But this is not the same as keeping discoveries secret. These laws only prevent people from using the discoveries of other people. They do not concern whether the discoveries themselves are secret or not. In other words, whether intellectual property laws should be abided with has nothing to do with whether governments and businesses should keep discoveries as their secrets.) However, as far as I am concerned, I stand on the side of the former one.

First of all, all the discoveries are the fruits of many people's hard work. No one can make any breakthrough without anyone's help. As Newton said, he had the ability to find the principles of gravity because he stood on the shoulders of giants. When talking about the discoveries, scientists always owe their success to many people, such as their mentors, families and other scientists. Despite of modesty (I don't quite get why this phrase is here at all. What does 'modesty' have to do with the discussion?), scientists are indeed benefit from their support. (So? How does this support your point? Why must people not keep their discoveries to themselves, just because other people helped them? There's no universal law dictating this must be case but you seem to assume such a moralistic position.)

Besides, if all scientific discoveries are shared by the universe (The universe doesn't share anything because it doesn't need to.), the science will develop rapidly. Since many scientists' discoveries are established on the basis of others' former contributions, we can conclude that discoveries can stimulate new ones. If all discoveries are informed to all scientists, they are likely to make more discoveries in the future because they can get more ideas from them. Thus the science is bound to take on a new look.(Again, so? Why is this will to push science forward more important than the need of protecting some other interests in keeping discoveries secret? Simply because it is more noble to aim at scientific progress than at other things? Who stipulates thus? Think about it. You can't base your argument on unpronounced moral standards alone, assuming everyone's values and priorities would agree with yours. At the very least, you need to articulate where your argument is coming from: 'I think scientific progress is more important than other interests, so..')

What's more, our life will be totally different. As the discoveries spread quickly, more discoveries will be applied to practice. Not only will our economy thrive, but also we can enjoy a high-technology life which may be beyond our wildest dreams. (You're assuming all these discoveries are good technology that will be useful to improving your life. That’s not necessarily true.) Some people may point out that the scientists who found the discoveries cannot can the money they deserve (Again, you're having this assumption that if you make your discoveries public, you'll not get as much money as you would by keeping them secret. It's not necessarily always true.), which may frustrate them as well as the science. In my opinion, before the government and business spread the discoveries, they have to buy the scientists' property of the discoveries. In addition, they should get an award if their discoveries actually make great contributions to the prosperity of the human development.

In a word, in order to develop the science rapidly and make our lives more comfortable, it is necessary to share the discoveries throughout the world.

总结：

语法用词神马的都不错，对付托福是绝对够用，论述也算过得去。。但是如果以我的标准看，是各种想当然。。基本上全篇就是围绕着‘被别人帮就要帮别人而且伟大的科学飞速进步是第一要务高科技造福人类所以我们要坚决执行公开所有成果的基本路线不动摇’这个调调。。但是你在所以前面的这些原因，严格说来都是道德上的想当然，不是放之宇宙皆准的事实，你在文章里直接就把它们当做绝对的真实来用，这是很无力且容易被反驳的。最起码你要说一句类似‘我认为科学成就普及可以造成科技的高速发展，有价值的科技发展多了就造福人类’这类能解释你的论述前提的话，然后再接着论，而不是上来就‘科学成就普及了人类就吃嘛嘛香了！’这么简单粗暴理想化的一句。。

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