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本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-5-14 22:00 编辑
123. The best way for a society to prepare its young people for leadership in government, industry, or other fields is by instilling in them a sense of cooperation, not competition.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.
抄题抄题
老师好,看了老师上次的评论我觉得既然分类被老师否认了我想思路也基本得重新来了,其实上次的分类自己也觉得不好,没发现老师写了这篇范文那。。。汗。。。下面是我推倒重来的提纲:
不断的改提纲也难为你了 你什么时候考啊 是一战还是二战?
TS:
As far as I am concerned, I would argue that whether teaching young people a sense of cooperation is the best way to make them prepared for leadership in government, industry or other fields depends on the major of different students. On the one hand, for students whose major are politics, administration and so on, it’s maybe the best way to get them prepared for becoming a leadership by instilling a sense of cooperation. On the other hand, for students that major in engineering, teaching them how to competition seems to be indispensable for them. Finally, for students who study medical or science, maybe learning more knowledge is the most helpful way to get them prepared for becoming the leadership.
[实在不好再想一个折中方面,这里干脆跳出来,另起一个观点,写另外一种可能性算了,文章中标绿的地方是我用来反驳异议的,不知这样行不行]
我觉得这里的major改为profession就ok了 或者说是future professions
你的主旨句也有三个层次 不错 最后一点我觉得有偏题的风险 毕竟题目说的是竞争与合作 你提到知识的积累 我觉得有点悬
TS1:
To begin with, for students who study politics and administration in college, instilling in them the sense of cooperation seems to be the best way for them to become the leadership in their future life. 作为学习政治,管理类的学生,在以后的职业生涯中和人打交道基本充斥着他们的工作。显然,在这期间合作不可避免,学会合作将会给他们的工作带来极大的便利。比如【这里我觉得可以yy一个调查研究来增加说服力】一项针对学习管理,政治类学生的调查显示那些懂得合作艺术(who well hand the skills of cooperation)的人将比那些合作能力需要提升的人更有可能升职。
TS2:
Further, for students whose major are science and engineering, learning how to compete with competitors seems to be more helpful for them in their future. With the development of science and technology nowadays, the competence, especially in the fields such as manufactory industry or IT industry, becoming increasingly fierce. And people who have less ability to compete with others will be dropped out, not to mention being leadership in their field. 例子:在中国的很多手机公司,例如中兴,华为等,很多年轻人将宿舍安在办公室,夜以继日地加班,因为他们知道如果他们不努力工作的话他们很快就会丢掉饭碗,更别提leadership了。而这些理工科的学生在大学期间通过很多文科学生没有experiment和research已经有了一定的cooperation技巧,因此对他们来说竞争更重要。
这两段你在写的时候要注意不能忽略了leadership这个点 在不同的领域leadership意味着什么是不一样的
感觉你还没有很合适的例子 比如为什么在企业管理中成为leader 合作很重要呢
TS3:
Finally, for students who study science and medical, knowing more knowledge seems to add more weight on the possibility of being the leadership. 一些科学领域,虽然合作竞争都很重要,但是比如数学,物理学和医学,那些能成为领军人物的精英无一例外都是拥有广泛知识面的大牛。比如物理学界的Newton不仅是一位物理学家,也是一位哲学家,数学家;还有获得2014年诺贝尔医学奖的John O'Keefe不仅只懂医学而且还有广泛的化学知识。In such fields, the more knowledge you have, the more aspects you can see the problems you meet, and the more possibility you can become a leader in your field.
我觉得你的框架已经出来了 但是具体立论的时候紧扣题目关键词还做得不够 再就是缺少合适的例子
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