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2# emily_feifei
TOPIC: ISSUE212 - "If a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable."
WORDS: 587
From our very deeply inside, it is human nature (中间家加点性格词汇来说明前面的inside)that imposes us to fight for the goals and pursue our dreams. Some are successful, but more fade together with their dreams. Not surprisingly, few have obtained their achievements through certain dark deals, but the real respectable way to acquire the goal should never go against the values upon which human society relies on.
是不是可以把respectable way去掉?因为我可以反驳说我不考虑这个,只要worthy就好。the value也太模糊了。
不过这些都是小细节了。
Admittedly, we have an intensive desire to better our life and thus we set a lot of goals. But before working hard for our targets, people should assess(没有限定词,所以评价标准很模糊,最好有一个概括后面得形容词来修饰) their goals in the first place, no matter which are so fascinating or not. Are they against the social moral and ethics? Or would they damage others' interests that are protected by the laws? Only by asking ourselves these questions could we be able to avoid being misled by our complex desires and emotions: love, joy, sorrow, hatred, jealousy, lust, and so forth. Take this financial crisis for instance(虽然我不懂金融危机,但是都归咎到wall street?). Driven by greed, managers from the Wall Street have taken advantages of the loopholes of laws(学得不要太快了点啊) and regulations: unlike the “deserving” rich entrepreneurs who set up Microsoft or Google, the “undeserving” traders or brokers just shuffled money around the system to nobody’s profits but their own. Little wonders that they have played too much and gone across the line. Together with their pelf, an economic crisis is sweeping over almost every country from all over the world. On no account could we justify their disreputable dealings. Just as Barack Obama, the President of the United States said:"We could not afford to have a prosperous Wall Street while the main streets are suffering." Indeed, homes have been lost, jobs shed, and business shuttered. These brokers, no matter how wealthy or cozy life they are living now, could hardly be condoned by the mass people for they have hurt them so deeply..
这一段说理和我写的思路是一样的,但是论证和说理大大超过我的豆腐干啊。例子和解释结合的很好,条理也没丢。
On the contrary, when one is to pursue for truth, virtue, and beauty, he or she should spare no efforts to attain it. Think of the financial crisis once again. In face of the economy marsh, all the entangling people and the nations should get rid of their discords and cooperate together in order to weather this storm. Picking ourselves up, dusting ourselves off, no matter how difficult the road unfolds before us, we should never let our unyielding hope and persistent work vanish. (文采太好了,不过呼唤式的语句要谨慎,据说不讨好)Furthermore, sometimes the pursuit of good requires sacrifice. To fight for the peace, countless people lost their lives in the War World II. Being seemingly ugly, war can be justifiable, when it is for the long-run development of human beings and fighting against the zealots of anti-humanity.
个人认为本题目的复杂性在于讨论种种不好的手段是否可以被接受,所以明显的正当的方法可以一笔带过。
Nevertheless, even though the goal is just, one should not choose an unjust way to get to it.是不是和第一主段重复了? What is meant by this is(chinglish?) that the way to the destination should not interfere with others’ virtuous goals. The lessons of Japan could best exemplify such statement. Natural resources being scarce, this country concentrated on strengthening its military power which could serve it to conquer other nations and harry their resources. Undoubtedly, the mean action undermined the interests of other nations; Japan, on the wrong side of the history, consequently was defeated by all the pacifists, which deserved all the punishments.
Taking into account what has been discussed above before setting out to fight for our goals, we should first make sure that we are aiming to a rightful destination. Based on that, trying hard thought a decent and fair way is what we should always persist.
语言基本定型了,再差也不会差到哪里去了,就是逻辑很飘忽,个人认为这个题目的逻辑不清晰。 |
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