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[我干脆试着给你重写,当一回超级编辑。]
Many people blame on technology of[哪来的of?看看blame的用法吧。] worsening the world by enduring problems such as wars, poverty, and pollution, while ignoring what they've been enjoying in everyday life, say, a computer or medicine to cure diseases[怎么能放在第一段?删之!]Although I admit that problems never leave us even for one minute[这句让步没什么意义。]; however, technology doesn't give birth to those problems but human do. Moreover, to maneuver[“操纵”?莫非有什么阴谋诡计?] technology in a wise way, it can benefit us; to be afraid of it, we check ourselves to move forward.
[太多的转折。我以前也是这样:好像唯恐被人误解一般翻来覆去地辩解,但实际上没有几句说到点子上。]
[Many people blame on technology that the world is worse off with enduring problems such as wars, poverty and polltution, while ignoring the benefit by technology that they are enjoyijng in everyday life. In fact, it is we human beings, other than technology, that gave birth and still sustain those problems. If afraid to employ technology, we will check our progress in dealing with the problems.]
Wars, the most terrible and last[?] thing we want, have deluded us too long.[不是个合适的topic sentence。] In another word[word表示话语时必须是复数。], some people think it is technology that should be responsible for the great losses that wars impose on human. Reckless[Improper!] people even criticized those scientists who contributed to the research on atomic energy. In their disappointment and fears that technology is a monster that would one day destroy us,[主语在哪里?] while they forget that technology is just a tool, a servant, invented by us and implemented by us; and if it has done something wrong, it is human that should be to blame.[这句话很关键,但所处的位置不好,前后的关联太差。] Why turn angry at the scapegoat, technology?[太口语化] The illusion on wars has cheated us and confused us, so that it takes the place of facts, then how could we progress if we go on coax ourselves?[分析说理不足。] If someone thinks that to stop the advancement of technology is enough, that idea seems too childish and naive. It is time to wake up and have a retrospect on ourselves.
[大杂烩,一团乱麻。显然你远在理清头绪之前就匆忙动“笔”了。]
[Wars, the most horrible thing which we want least, is a good case in point. Some people believe that it is technology that should be responsible for the massive losses and deaths in wars. And a few even hate the scientists who contributed to exploring and exploiting atomic energy that gave birth to atom bomb, the most powerful weapon human have ever created, which can destroy the entire Earth.
However, technology is just a tool and servant, created and employed by ourselves. If anything goes wrong with technology, it is human that should be responsible. Techonology is just a scapegoat in the illusion that coaxes us about problems like wars. As a result, some people firmly hold the childish and naive belief that discontinuing or even reversing the advancement of technology would settle all the problems that actually stem from human nature.]
Actually, we,[-comma] human can render technology work for us, which has made modern world today. To go on with[->Turning back to] the example of atomic energy. After we have seen how powerful the atomic energy[+is], for a better use of such power, many nuclear power stations are[have been] built to provide electric power[Too many "power"s!->electricity]. The advantage of such energy enables us to save lots of natural resources as well as satisfy[+our] needs at a low cost. From the nuclear bomb to the nuclear power station, it is nearly the same technology, but with huge difference in the result[单数?]. How come?[口语] The answer is that we are the commanders and it is eventually up to human that[错误。有两种改法,你原来想要写的是哪一种?] decide how to use technology. When it comes to progress in medical technology, everyone is a beneficiary[不准确]. Born before the age of Pasteur, one could be knocked down[???] to death even with a common wound exposed to the air, not to mention once[不对吧] catching vaccinia. Thanks to the advancement of medicine, most diseases cannot[->can no longer] threaten people's lives and[典型的不必要的and连接。前后的关系紧密到了需要合为一句的地步吗?] even some cancers can also be cured with special treatment[Really?]. Thus, to use[->if we use] technology in a positive way, it can be a good servant.
[Actually, we human can and should render technology to work for the good of us, which has propelled the world to the position where it is now. Turning back to the example of atomic energy. After the explosions of two nuclear bombs in Japan, people realized the ultimate result of using this weapon will be mutual destruction, and hence returned to the original purpose of this energy--peaceful use for power. Today, many nuclear power stations have been and still are being built, which save us lots of natural resources and relevant costs. The bomb and the station essentially stemmed from the same technology but differ distinctly in effects. Why? We are the master of technology and thus it is up to us to decide how to use it, either constructively or otherwise.
医药的例子纯属多余,删之。]
Moreover, those pessimists that turn a blind eye to the benefit technology brought to us, not only indulge themselves in illusion, but also hamper the further development of technology. For instance, every time there is a space exploration of the outer space, there are always groups of people that fiercely protest or demonstrate against[多余。] the exploration. They just fear that the movement will enrage deities or bring forth some disasters.[怎么又突然和迷信扯上关系了?] If every member of a society has adopted the same opinion like them, no technology research or attempts could have been carried out, needless of saying[->to say] any progress. Would anyone like to live in such a word just in order to feel 'safe'? Absolutely no. Even those detractors would not choose to live in any of the less technological ages that have preceded ours.
[Moreover, the Luddites blind to the benefit that technology has brought us hamper the further development of technology and thus that of the whole society. For instance, every time an outer space exploration is put on shedule, there are always groups of people that fiercely protest it. 下面的不改了,基本上没有价值,只有最后一句似乎还有些意思。]
To recapitulate my point[从哪儿学来的?], only[没理由如此强调。] we break through the erroneous conception that technology spawns problems that can we realize the responsibility of any misconducts, if ever[这么多让步?] related to technology, should be accounted for us, and this is the premise for us to better use technology and make it a powerful engine to gear towards a brighter future.[超长的超常句……逻辑关系一片混乱,虽然有些地方写的蛮好。] To fear technology only results in stagnation[话没说完。].
[To sum up, any misconduct related to echnology is actually on our own account. Only by acknowledging this fact can our sciety progress with the engine called technology fueled by constructive employment.]
[对于这篇文章的内容我不再多谈,毕竟各人有各自的观点。总的来说写得比较乱。而且奇怪的有,些地方文笔出彩,另一些却超级简陋。对于人类为何misuse technology只字为提,实在成问题。] |
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