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[i习作temp] 欢迎拍文作文修改小组7月4日作业-issue235&argu6 [复制链接]

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发表于 2010-7-4 21:25:13 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
题目:ISSUE235 - "Most people are taught that loyalty is a virtue. But loyalty-whether to one's friends, to one's school or place of employment, or to any institution-is all too often a destructive rather than a positive force."
字数:490 用时:01:45:00
日期:2010/7/3 10:32:07


I strongly object to the writer's point of view. Loyalty, as a common virtue of human beings, should play a positive rather than negative role in our lives. This can be greatly demonstrated in our lives about friends, companies and nations.

First of all, loyalty is so essential for each person as to maintain a favorable relationship with his or her friends. One loyal to friends should be the person who must keep his or her promises to friends, help them sincerely when in need and never betray them. By doing these things, the mutual trust between the two can be established firmly, and thus a good relationship. Furthermore, a loyal person also needs to bravely point out friends' mistakes and help they correct them. While such direct behaviors may often harm the self-esteem of friends and seem to impair a good relationship, it is actually favorable for the progress of friends and thus a good relationship in the long run.

Loyalty is also necessary for both the survival and advancement of organizations, like companies or schools. First of all, loyalty requires each member of an organization to strictly adhere to its roles and requirements. Through following these rules, they can help the organization greatly fulfill its interests and make advance. Let's say, employers working in a shoe factory are supposed to work for 10 hours one day. This surely creates more shoes than without these roles being followed. And the more shoes created one day, the more benefits the factory will earn. This example greatly demonstrates the favorable aspects of loyalty to an organization. While such loyalty seems to limit one's personal choices or freedom, the advancement of organization will, in turn, bring many benefits for the members, such as a rise of salaries and a increase of machines for entertainment.

Furthermore, each person is supposed to be firmly loyal to their countries. By virtue of a unanimous loyalty, it is easy for nation to gather much strength and power to maintain its position and to fight against invaders. One typical example is that in the winter of 1712, when in face of France intruders guided by Napoleon Bonaparte, Russian government use the national loyalty to stimulate all soldiers and citizens to collectively defeat the French intruders. It is hard to imagine what the result was if Russia was a country in which people do not care about national interests and often betray their country. Truly, undue loyalty to any leader or nation may grow into frenzy at idols or aggressive strategies and finally lead to very terrible outcomes. Consider, for instance, the undue loyalty of German soldiers and citizens to Hitler and their country. They initialed many wars and cause of a lot of deaths of citizens.

All in all, while loyalty does have a little negative influence on friends, organizations and nations, it is more likely to have a positive role on them.




ARGUMENT6 - The following was written as a part of an application for a small business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.

"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, our proposed club, the C Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's jazz festival last summer, several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment. It is clear that the C Note cannot help but make money."
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The writer asserts that C Note will make money, for the reason that C Note would have the local market all to itself, and that the typical jazz fan would spend much money on jazz club. However, with unsupported premise and weak evidence is this argument far from convincing.

To begin with, would the C Note have the local market all to itself? The writer confidently believes so base on the fact that the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away. However, it is as possible that there are some other kinds of clubs in Monore that play jazz music. It is also possible that other jazz clubs are planning to open in Monore during the same period of time. In short, it is unjust to take the view that C Note would have the local market all to itself.

Would jazz fans spend much money on jazz club? Obviously the writer thinks so on the basis of a nationwide study involves jazz fans. However, how many jazz fans were investigated in that survey? After all, the smaller the quantity of the survey is, the less convincing its result will be. Besides, a nationwide survey may not be properly applied into the city of Monroe.

Even if a jazz fan indeed spends almost $1,000 per yuan on jazz entertainment, it does not follow that they would go to jazz club. In my observation, jazz fans often tend to listen jazz music by radio or CD player. In this sense, they are more likely to spend money on buying radios, CD players or CDs. In these respects, it is unfair to claim that jazz fans would spend much money on jazz club.

Even assuming that jazz fans would spend much money on jazz club, is this club certain to reap large profits? If this club were to run a very poor management, costs too much for opening this club, or had problems in advertising, they would make very few money or even lose money as a result. In consideration of these respects, it is unreasonable to take the view that C Note will make money.

In the final analysis, the writer has not convinced me that C Note will make money. To make a strong statement, he needs to prove that C Note would have the local market all to itself, and that the typical jazz fan spends much money per year on jazz club.

劳驾修改下,祝天天心情愉快:)
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