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[i习作temp] issue10 又来微笑地接受大家的砖头了 [复制链接]

mack1983
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楼主

发表于 2004-11-21 15:49:01 |只看该作者

issue10 又来微笑地接受大家的砖头了

题目

8-10. "Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive, because it is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated."

文章
Do major cities need sufficient financial support to develop? Many people, including me, support this idea. But when someone tells it is because they are the breeding ground and sanctuaries of cultural traditions that money should be invested in, I don’t think it reveals the reason for the fully financial support of major cities.

On the one hand, t is well received that major cities should benefit more from financial investments. Firstly, Most major cities have the born advantage of location, some of them are the hinge of communication and transportation, while others boarder on rivers, seas or Oceans. Therefore, they possess the priority of economy developments. Investing money in cities like these would give us more financial return comparing with that we allocate money to some remote and undeveloped areas--- maybe officials who decide which one will have the financial support, the New York City or a small town in the Rocky Mountains would confirm my viewpoint. Secondly, major cities such as Beijing and Washington are the brain of their countries, so important the role they play in national political life that we can not neglect their requirement of financial support. Suppose that one day Uncle Sam stop to subsidize Washington, what would be the result? Senators would be late for conference deciding the destiny of the country as the road is damaged but could not be repaired without sufficient money; President breaks his leg when walking down the street owing to the same reason mentioned above, and could not work normally for two weeks; no spokesmen would ever stand in front of White House to make a speech, because so shabby the building would be that nobody wants it to be broadcast all over the country, even the world. Maybe it is an extreme example, but the terrible result of we not subsidizing enough money in cities like these should not be neglect by anybody.

One the other hand, though we all agree that the major city should receive enough financial support, that preserving and promoting the cultural traditions might not be taken as the reason. The major cities are sometimes the tomb of cultural traditions and multicultural stew pots rather than a shelter (sanctuary) of them. Major cities, especially those enjoying transportation facilities, are the first to feel the impact internationalization and economy market brought about. When societies have become net profit chaser, most traditions, which are generally believed out of date and over-conservative, are pulled down and substituted by skyscrapers and highways, as well as KFCs and GMs. The only remains of this broad jeopardy might be some ancient structures, on the seeming purpose of preserving the traditions or protection for historical researches, but actually hollowing out the tourists' purses and gathering money for the government to build more modern edifices. Because of these, maintaining the traditions by investing money in these cities would be nothing but swallowed by sheer economy interests.

In sum, many reasons reveal that major cities should receive sufficient financial support, while at the same time the reasons should not embrace anything about cultural preserving and generating. In fact, the more we invest money in major cities, the more economical political interests they would return, and the rapider pace of the distinction of traditions would be.

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一朵盛开的牛粪
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沙发

发表于 2004-11-22 23:53:58 |只看该作者

太晚了，明天在仔细看看

生命是一种太好的东西，好到你无论选择什么方式度过都象是一种浪费

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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lakeqian
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板凳

发表于 2004-11-23 00:07:54 |只看该作者

benefit more from financial investments和什么比？
hinge of communication ？hub?
born advantage ？inherent?
Therefore, they possess the priority of economy developments.大城市的重要性可以从很多方面论述。
Investing money in cities like these would give us more financial return comparing with that we allocate money to some remote and undeveloped areas？你的First中先说大城市有重要性，后来又说投资大城市回报率高。那么First的是什么呢？

Secondly, major cities such as Beijing and Washington are the brain of their countries。brain=hinge(hub)与第一点重复吧？

有的地方似乎过于详细。

especially those enjoying transportation facilities, are the first to feel the impact internationalization ？？
我觉得现代化全球化导致文化趋同。transportation facilities不是一个重要的点吧。

你写得比较长。。。好像论述比较详细。。。但是并不一定好。看看专才通才6分文章。每段少抓一点论证且段多也许好。

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一朵盛开的牛粪
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地板

发表于 2004-11-23 09:47:14 |只看该作者

Do major cities need sufficient financial support to develop? Many people, including me, support this idea. But when someone tells it is because they are the breeding ground and sanctuaries of cultural traditions that money should be invested in, I don’t think it reveals the reason for the fully financial support of major cities.

On the one hand, it is well received that major cities should benefit more from financial investments. Firstly, Most major cities have the born advantage of location, some of them(两句话要连接一下)are the hinge of communication and transportation, while others border on rivers, seas or Oceans. Therefore, they possess the priority of economy developments. Investing money in cities like these would give us more financial return comparing with that we allocate money to some remote and undeveloped areas--- maybe officials who decide which one will have the financial support, the New York City or a small town in the Rocky Mountains would confirm my viewpoint. Secondly,（这个第二点是不是和第一点一样都要说明主题句it is well received that major cities should benefit more from financial investments但是你好像转到别的方面了，可以从其他角度谈为什么在大城市投资有益，例如人才，技术。下面这点可以另起一段来说明财政投入维护城市形象） major cities such as Beijing and Washington are the brain of their countries, so important the role they play in national political life that we can not neglect their requirement of financial support. Suppose that one day Uncle Sam stop to subsidize Washington, what would be the result? Senators would be late for conference deciding the destiny of the country as the road is damaged but could not be repaired without sufficient money; President breaks his leg when walking down the street owing to the same reason mentioned above, and could not work normally for two weeks; no spokesmen would ever stand in front of White House to make a speech, because so shabby the building would be that nobody wants it to be broadcast all over the country, even the world. Maybe it is an extreme example, but the terrible result of we not subsidizing enough money in cities like these should not be neglect by anybody.

One the other hand, though we all agree that the major city should receive enough financial support, that（不用吧） preserving and promoting the cultural traditions might not be taken as the reason. （这个主题句有点问题，和第一段你总的观点一致。但我觉得你的另一方面，还是直接说财政会导致文化破坏比较好一些）The major cities are sometimes the tomb of cultural traditions and multicultural stew pots rather than a shelter (sanctuary) of them. Major cities, especially those enjoying transportation facilities, are the first to feel the impact internationalization and economy market brought about. When societies have become net profit chaser, most traditions, which are generally believed out of date and over-conservative, are pulled down and substituted by skyscrapers and highways, as well as KFCs and GMs. The only remains of this broad jeopardy might be some ancient structures, on the seeming purpose of preserving the traditions or protection for historical researches, but actually hollowing out the tourists' purses and gathering money for the government to build more modern edifices. Because of these, maintaining the traditions by investing money in these cities would be nothing （绝对了）but swallowed by sheer economy interests.（我想传统还是得以发展的，但是过分的经济化全球化导致自身文化的流失）

In sum, many reasons reveal that major cities should receive sufficient financial support, while at the same time the reasons should not embrace anything about cultural preserving and generating. In fact, the more we invest money in major cities, the more economical political（这点还可以深入些说的，比如北京申奥啊，你的那个例子可爱是比较可爱，但是罗嗦了点） interests they would return, and the rapider pace of the distinction（不懂这个词） of traditions would be.
总体还是谈得切题，但是这次在运用你的惯用写法时，层面好像不是那么清晰哦。对于说财政对于大城市的利益时，仅仅提出了交通的便利好像没太切合大城市啊，北京就是内陆城市，它的交通便捷也不是原本就固有的啊。北京本身就是这个论题的一个典型，但是由于财政的投入不当，可能是一些文化和传统偏离流失。

生命是一种太好的东西，好到你无论选择什么方式度过都象是一种浪费

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一朵盛开的牛粪
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5楼

发表于 2004-11-23 09:49:31 |只看该作者

题目的原因有一定道理但是不是绝对原因，从这个角度说是不是比较好，你觉得呢，呵呵，讨论讨论。

生命是一种太好的东西，好到你无论选择什么方式度过都象是一种浪费

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mack1983
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6楼

发表于 2004-11-23 10:49:15 |只看该作者

恩，谢谢，改完再贴

cliffrunner-p@hotmail.com或者qq: 34004559
申请热能动力方向，希望多交流

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eustacia
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7楼

发表于 2004-12-13 16:32:57 |只看该作者

Do major cities need sufficient financial support to develop? Many people, including me, support this idea. But when someone tells it is because they are the breeding ground and sanctuaries of cultural traditions that money should be invested in, I don’t think it reveals the reason for the fully financial support of major cities后面这句话是不是再修改一下？念起来有点不爽。赞你的开头方式，读过之后就能让人明白你接下去要写的东西了。

On the one hand, it is well received that major cities should benefit more from financial investments. Firstly, Most major cities have the born advantage of location, some of them are the hinge of communication and transportation, while others boarder on rivers, seas or Oceans.前后两句的因果关系有点牵强Terefore, they possess the priority of economy developments. Investing money in cities like these would give us more financial return comparing with that we allocate money to some remote and undeveloped areas--- maybe officials who decide which one will have the financial support, the New York City or a small town in the Rocky Mountains would confirm my viewpoint. Secondly, major cities such as Beijing and Washington are the brain of their countries, so important the role they play in national political life that we can not neglect their requirement of financial support. Suppose that one day Uncle Sam stop to subsidize Washington, what would be the result? Senators would be late for conference deciding the destiny of the country as the road is damaged but could not be repaired without sufficient money; President breaks his leg when walking down the street owing to the same reason mentioned above, and could not work normally for two weeks; no spokesmen would ever stand in front of White House to make a speech, because so shabby the building would be that nobody wants it to be broadcast all over the country, even the world. Maybe it is an extreme example,这些例子的确极端了点，个人认为对你的论证支持不大，建议再换个例子but the terrible result of we not subsidizing enough money in cities like these should not be neglect by anybody.

Oneonthe other hand, though we all agree that the major city should receive enough financial support, that去掉that preserving and promoting the cultural traditions might not be taken as the reason. The major cities are sometimes the tomb of 加个distinctcultural traditions and multicultural stew pots rather than a shelter (sanctuary) of them. Major cities, especially those enjoying transportation facilities, are the first to feel the impact internationalization and economy market brought about. When societies have become net profit chaser, most traditions, which are generally believed out of date and over-conservative, are pulled down and substituted by skyscrapers and highways, as well as KFCs and GMs. The only remains of this broad jeopardy might be some ancient structures, on the seeming purpose of preserving the traditions or protection for historical researches, but actually hollowing out the tourists' purses and gathering money for the government to build more modern edifices. Because of these, maintaining the traditions by investing money in these cities would be nothing but swallowed by sheer economy interests.

In sum, many reasons reveal that major cities should receive sufficient financial support, while at the same time the reasons should not embrace anything about cultural preserving and generating. In fact, the more we invest money in major cities, the more economical political interests they would return, and the rapider pace of the distinction of traditions would be.
呵呵，我有点饿了，所以没帮你细看

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