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[i习作temp] issue38 第一篇issue,希望大家多改改 [复制链接]

zjuyang
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2004-12-3 21:49:04 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

In the age of television, reading books is not as important as it once was. People can learn as much by watching television as they can by reading books.

The speaker asserts that people can learn as much by watching television as they can by reading books in this age of television, and therefore that reading books is not as important as it once was. In my view, I concede that in some respects television sets, including a video, can be a more efficient and effective means of learning. In most respects, however, books have their inherent advantages when it comes to learning.

Admittedly, television holds certain advantages over books in acquiring some types of knowledge. For most people, television plays a more important part in their leisure time. After a whole day work, people usually choose to sit down and turn on the television to get the political, economic, social, cultural information all over the world to meet their need for both relaxation and studying. For another supporting example, when a socialist want to present a more accurate and vivid detail about how the society has developed over the past years, not books but the television can provide moving imagery and dynamic experiences which serve to make the others better views.

However, the speaker overlooks several respects in which books are inherently superior to television as a medium in learning. Watching television or a video is no indication that any significant learning is taking place. From the very beginning of people’s learning process, even in kindergarten, books are the main resource for us to acquire knowledge. To great extent that people are naturally inclined to appeal to books as the most important means of studying, while televisions are used for the purpose of entertainment in most cases.

The speaker also ignores the comparatively passive nature of television and video that can render them ineffective in the learning progress. Also books are far more portable and much smaller in volume than the television set, thus making it possible for everyone to take them everywhere. Moreover, books do not depend on electricity, or access to air wave or cable connection, all of which decrease the opportunity for us to use televisions as tools in learning.

The final argument that books give people more time to think over a lot of details and even allow people to take notes wherever it is necessary. On the contrary, televisions only provide temporary image which will probably be forgotten afterwards. Moreover, because televisions programs are often filtered to meet the need of most audience in order to maximize the profit, they cannot provide a comprehensive and objective opinions which might mislead us.

In sum, televisions are more efficient than books as a means of keep up with the currents affairs and can provide moving imagery in studying. However, books facilitate learning in some ways that televisions cannot do. In final analysis, televisions and books are the two most important ways in which they can complement each other and should be used side by side in order to keep us informed and give us more perspective and insightful information about the knowledge around us.

第一次写issue，竟然用了近2个小时。另外打字速度也很慢，不知道大家有什么好的建议？

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mack1983
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沙发

发表于 2004-12-3 23:33:26 |只看该作者

感觉有点像在写argument，没仔细看
明天接着来

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zjuyang
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板凳

发表于 2004-12-4 09:02:29 |只看该作者

可能是先练了argument的缘故，希望得到大家的指正。

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mack1983
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地板

发表于 2004-12-4 11:20:52 |只看该作者

In the age of television, reading books is not as important as it once was. People can learn as much by watching television as they can by reading books.

The speaker asserts that people can learn as much by watching television as they can by reading books in this age of television, and therefore that reading books is not as important as it once was(典型的argument开头). In my view, I concede that in some respects television sets, including a video（没读懂）, can be a more efficient and effective means of learning. In most respects, however, books have their inherent advantages when it comes to learning.

Admittedly, television holds certain advantages over books in acquiring some types of knowledge. For most people, television plays a more important part in their leisure time. After a whole day work, people usually choose to sit down and turn on the television to get the political, economic, social, cultural information all over the world to meet their need for both relaxation and studying. For another supporting example, when a socialist want to present a more accurate and vivid detail about how the society has developed over the past years, not books but the television can provide moving imagery and dynamic experiences which serve to make the others better views.（第二个例子好像同TV的学习功能差的有点远了，要是从观众的角度来说就好了。）

However, the speaker overlooks several respects in which books are inherently superior to television as a medium in learning. Watching television or a video is no indication that any significant learning is taking place（为什么？按照你的上一段的论据，得不出这个答案，按照你的下面的论据，只有到了最后一句才让人知道你的解释―――是不是里的太远了？）. From the very beginning of people’s learning process, even in kindergarten, books are the main resource for us to acquire knowledge. To great extent that people are naturally inclined to appeal to books as the most important means of studying, while televisions are used for the purpose of entertainment in most cases.
这段的分论点不是很清晰，是不是想论证televisions are used for the purpose of entertainment in most cases？为什么不一开头就明确提出来？还有，那个幼儿园的例子好像对论证没有什么贡献。

The speaker also ignores the comparatively passive nature of television and video that can render them ineffective in the learning progress. Also books are far more portable and much smaller in volume than the television set, thus making it possible for everyone to take them everywhere. Moreover, books do not depend on electricity, or access to air wave or cable connection, all of which decrease the opportunity for us to use televisions as tools in learning.

The final argument that books give people more time to think over a lot of details and even allow people to take notes wherever it is necessary（这句话没有谓语，that后面都是在解释argument是什么）. On the contrary, televisions only provide temporary image which will probably be forgotten afterwards. Moreover, because televisions programs are often filtered to meet the need of most audience in order to maximize the profit, they cannot provide comprehensive and objective opinions which might mislead us（难道说客观的，可以理解的观念是在误导我们？）.
观点很好，但不足的是没有很好的展开。像你说的书本比TV的好的地方有三点，但几乎没点都是一句话带过，其实举几个例子就好了。
In sum, televisions are more efficient than books as a means of keep up with the currents affairs and can provide moving imagery in studying. However, books facilitate learning in some ways that televisions cannot do. In final analysis, televisions and books are the two most important ways in which they can complement each other and should be used side by side in order to keep us informed and give us more perspective and insightful information about the knowledge around us.

仔细看了，还是觉得在写argument 
语言不错，赞！段落间的层次不是太强，不是让人一下就明白在写什么。

个人意见，仅供参考，欢迎讨论

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5楼

发表于 2004-12-4 12:57:23 |只看该作者

非常感谢mack1983的意见和鼓励！
第一句用这样的写法主要是看了一些北美范文，用了其中的先重述作者观点的写法，确实看上去像argument。
issue应该还是注重逻辑的论证，而不是追求语言的优美，所以我觉得我的问题还很大。希望你在这方面给我些建议。

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6楼

发表于 2004-12-9 22:29:28 |只看该作者

In the age of television, reading books is not as important as it once was. People can learn as much by watching television as they can by reading books.

The speaker asserts that people can learn as much by watching television as they can by reading books in this age of television, and therefore that reading books is not as important as it once was.这一部分可以去掉，不过留着也没太大关系。 In my view, I concede that in some respects television sets, including a video can be a more efficient and effective means把s去掉 of learning. In most respects, however, books have their inherent这个词用得好 advantages when it comes to learning. 典型的北美范文式开头，我也常用这种方法，呵呵。

Admittedly, television holds certain advantages over books in acquiring some types of knowledge. For most people, television plays a more important part in their leisure time这句话作为分论点应当把你要表达的观点写得再准确一点：按照你后面论据的意思，人们是因为劳累才倾向于选择电视作为闲暇时的学习手段，而你这句话没有明确说明电视被用于学习，而只点明了leisure time，所以会让人误以为你要论述电视的娱乐功能. After a whole day work, people usually用be tended/apt/more likely to可能会比usually好一点 choose to sit down and turn on the television to get the political, economic, social, cultural information all over the world to meet their need for both relaxation and studying. For another supporting example, when a socialist want wants to present a more感觉你很喜欢用a more…这样的结构,注意避免非关键词的重复哦 accurate and vivid detail about how the society has developed over the past years, not books but the television can provide moving imagery个人观点，还是觉得moving image更顺一点 and dynamic experiences which serve to make the others better views.

However, the speaker overlooks several respects in which books are inherently superior to television as a medium in learningmedium in learning用得很漂亮. Watching television or a video is改为reveals no indication that any significant learning is taking place. From the very beginning of people’s learning process, even in kindergarten, books are the main resource for us to acquire knowledge. To great extent that people are naturally inclined to appeal to books as the most important means of studying, while televisions are used for the purpose of entertainment in most cases.这段论证的不够充分

The speaker also ignores the comparatively passive nature of television and video that can render them ineffective in the learning progress. Also books are far more portable and much smaller in volume than that of the television set, thusmaking 的形式主语需不需要说明一下？ making it possible for everyone to take them everywhere. Moreover, books do not depend on electricity, or access to air wave or cable connection, all of which decrease the opportunity for us to use televisions as tools in learning.

The final argument that books give people more time to think over a lot of details and even allow people to take notes wherever it is necessary. On the contrary, televisions only provide temporary image which will probably be forgotten afterwards. Moreover, because televisions去掉s programs are often filtered to meet the need加上s of most audience in order to maximize the profit, they cannot provide a去掉a comprehensive and objective opinions which might mislead改为do good to之类的，因为这个which指的是comprehensive and objective opinions us.

In sum, televisions are more efficient than books as a means of keep up with the currents affairs and can provide moving imagery in studying. However, books facilitate learning in some ways that televisions cannot do. In the final analysis, televisions and books are the two most important ways in which they can complement each other and should be used side by side in order to keep us informed and give us more perspective and insightful information about the knowledge around us.题目并没有要你论证我们should do this or should do that,而是要我们说名is it the fact or not,所以这句话也没有必要写，不过写上去也无所谓，毕竟这是放在最后作为补充与拓展

[color= =#CC3399]惭愧啊，我的第一篇作文真是太@$@$#$#了。你一开始就对issue的结构把握到位了，值得我向你好好学习！！（今天才帮你看作文，真是不好意思…）

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