[a习作temp] argument4 大家互砸 [复制链接]

zhoulin00001
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楼主

发表于 2005-2-28 17:01:20 |只看该作者

argument4 大家互砸

------题目------
The following appeared in a newspaper article published in the country of Corpora.
'Twenty years ago, one half of all citizens in Corpora met the standards for adequate physical fitness as then defined by the national advisory board on physical fitness. Today, the board says that only one quarter of all citizens are adequately fit and suggests that spending too much time using computers may be the reason. But since overall fitness levels are highest in regions of Corpora where levels of computer ownership are also highest, it is clear that using computers has not made citizens less physically fit. Instead, as shown by this year's unusually low expenditures on fitness-related products and services, the recent decline in the economy is most likely the cause, and fitness levels will improve when the economy does.'
------正文------
In this argument the arguer claims that the recent decline in the economy is the most likely cause of the low expenditures on fitness-related products and services in Corpora, and fitness levels will improve when the economy does. At first glace, this argument is very specific and convincing. A careful examination of it, however, would reveal how groundless it is.

Firstly, the mere fact that the region of Corpora where levels of computer ownership are highest own the highest overall fitness levels is insufficient to conclude that spending excessive time using computer cause can not cause the drop of the healthy levels. Admittedly, people in regions of Corpora own much more computers, but the high ownership of computer does not mean the long using time. It is quit possible that the residents in regions of Corpora are in high economic standards, they buy computer just as one kind of various household appliances, so they might not use computer so much time. At the same time, although people in other places do not own so many computers, they may use computer in their works so long time and it is the long using time cause their low healthy levels. Grant that people in the regions of Corpora have the highest using time, it is equally possible that the fitness levels there used to be very high, although the long time use of computer make their decrease, theirs are still the highest in the country.

Besides, spending little money on fitness-related products and service does not necessarily result in the decrease of fitness levels. Common sense tells us doing sport and eating healthy food are the two main way to keep fit. But lots of sports like jogging and healthy food do not cost too much and we need not spend too much money on them. Even if decrease of money spent on the fitness-related products and service cause the low healthy standards, it is no reason to say that the decline in the economy cause the decrease. People might be very busy and have to time to doing sports, then decrease the fitness levels.

To sum up, this argument is not well reasoning and lack credibility because the evidence cited in the analysis does not lead strong support to what the arguer maintains. To make the argument more convincing, the arguer would provide more evidence to prove that the long time use of computer does not do harm to our health and the decline of economy cause the decrease in the expenditure on the fitness-related products, then cause the drop of healthy standards.

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alinazh
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沙发

发表于 2005-3-3 13:13:33 |只看该作者

占下了。改完了发上来。

3月8日鼎均，日子一天天逼近，紧张！！一下是我发上来的文章连接，请大侠们多加指点，我必回报！！
我的最新连接：
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/showthread.php?s=&threadid=250805
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/showthread.php?s=&threadid=250807

https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/showthread.php?s=&threadid=250630
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/showthread.php?s=&threadid=250629
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/showthread.php?s=&threadid=250304
https://bbs.gter.net/bbs/showthread.php?s=&threadid=250305

大家一起来共勉！！

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alinazh
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板凳

发表于 2005-3-4 12:01:10 |只看该作者

久等了！！网速太慢，一直上不来！！

------题目------
The following appeared in a newspaper article published in the country of Corpora.
'Twenty years ago, one half of all citizens in Corpora met the standards for adequate physical fitness as then defined by the national advisory board on physical fitness. Today, the board says that only one quarter of all citizens are adequately fit and suggests that spending too much time using computers may be the reason. But since overall fitness levels are highest in regions of Corpora where levels of computer ownership are also highest, it is clear that using computers has not made citizens less physically fit. Instead, as shown by this year's unusually low expenditures on fitness-related products and services, the recent decline in the economy is most likely the cause, and fitness levels will improve when the economy does.'
------正文------
In this argument the arguer claims that the recent decline in the economy is the most likely cause of the low expenditures on fitness-related products and services in Corpora, and fitness levels will improve when the economy does. At first glace, this argument is very specific and convincing. A careful examination of it, however, would reveal how groundless it is.

Firstly, the mere fact that the region of Corpora where levels of computer ownership are highest own the highest overall fitness levels is insufficient to conclude that spending excessive time using computer cause（去掉这个cause） can not cause the drop of the healthy levels. Admittedly, people in regions of Corpora own much more computers, but the high ownership of computer does not mean the long using time. It is quit(quite ) possible that the residents in regions of Corpora are in high economic standards, they buy computer just as one kind of various household appliances, so they might not use computer so much time. At the same time, although people in other places do not own so many computers, they may use computer in their works so long time and it is the long using time cause their low healthy levels. Grant（granted） that people in the regions of Corpora have the highest using time, it is equally possible that the fitness levels there used to be very high, although the long time use of computer make their decrease, theirs are still the highest in the country.最好再加一个总结句，这样比较完整。

Besides, spending little money on fitness-related products and service does not necessarily result in the decrease of fitness levels. Common sense tells us doing sport and eating healthy food are the two main way to keep fit. But lots of sports like jogging and healthy food do not cost too much and we need not spend too much money on them. Even if decrease of money spent on the fitness-related products and service cause the low healthy standards, it is no reason to say that the decline in the economy cause the decrease. People might be very busy and have to time to doing sports, then decrease the fitness levels.

To sum up, this argument is not well reasoning and lack credibility because the evidence cited in the analysis does not lead strong support to what the arguer maintains. To make the argument more convincing, the arguer would provide more evidence to prove that the long time use of computer does not do harm to our health and the decline of economy cause the decrease in the expenditure on the fitness-related products, then cause the drop of healthy standards.
逻辑没什么问题，语言也不错，就是我觉得每段都应该有个结尾句。

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flyingwind
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地板

发表于 2005-3-4 15:07:19 |只看该作者

第1个body有大问题
第2个body句子写的很弱
In this argument the arguer claims that the recent decline in the economy is the most likely cause of the low expenditures on fitness-related products and services in Corpora, and fitness levels will improve when the economy does. 这句转述的不错At first glace,都喜欢用这样的话啊 this argument is very specific and convincing. A careful examination of it, however, would reveal how groundless it is.

Firstly, the mere fact that the region of Corpora where levels of computer ownership are highest own the highest overall fitness levels is insufficient to conclude that spending excessive time using computer cause can not cause the drop of the healthy levels. Admittedly, people in regions of Corpora own much more computers, but the high ownership of computer does not mean the long using time. It is quit possible that the residents in regions of Corpora are in high economic standards, they buy computer just as one kind of various household appliances家用电器？只是做摆设？, so they might not use computer so much time. At the same time, although people in other placesof C do not own so many computers, they may use computer in their works so long time and it is the long using time cause their low healthy levels. Grant that people in the regions of Corpora have the highest using time, it is equally possible that the fitness levels there used to be very high, although the long time use of computer make their decrease, theirs are still the highest in the country.
似乎你对argument题目里面这个句子But since overall fitness levels are highest in regions of Corpora where levels of computer ownership are also highest没有理解好，所以文中批驳的时候，对象模糊混乱。这个里面只有一个C国，这句里面的人是“C国电脑拥有量多的地区的人”
body2里你批驳混乱了，比如“ Grant that people in the regions of Corpora have the highest using time” 这里的“in the regions of Corpora”让人以为是C国全体人呢！

Besides, spending little money on fitness-related products and service does not necessarily result in the decrease of fitness levels. Common sense tells us doing sport and eating healthy food are the two main way to keep fit. But lots of sports like jogging这个jogging好！ and healthy food这个healthy food不好把！common sense tells me this is 很贵地！ do not cost too much and we need not spend too much money on them. Even if decrease of money spent on the fitness-related products and service cause the low healthy standards, it is no reason？irrational to say that the decline in the economy cause the decrease. People might be very busy and have to timetime是vt还是vi？你再查一下？ to doing sports, then decrease the fitness levels.

To sum up, this argument is not well reasoning and lackand连接的不舒服 credibility because the evidence cited in the analysis does not leadlend strong support to what the arguer maintains. To make the argument more convincing, the arguer would provide more evidence to prove that the long time use of computer does not do harm to our health and the decline of economy cause the decrease in the expenditure on the fitness-related products, then cause the drop of healthy standards.

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